Posts by dervheid

Feds cuff blogger for Guns N' Roses leak

It's just a shame...

that the guitar god that is Slash is forever associated wit G&R.

At least they weren't all talentless.

MS beefs up WinXP Pro's anti-piracy nagware

Oooh, let's see how we can alienate people even more.

I know!

I know!

<Yes Kochis>

Let's make WGA an even bigger pain in the ass Bill.

Oh Joy.

More bloat.

British boffins perfect process to make any item '100% waterproof'

@ fifi

"are none of you able to browse further than the pages of el Reg?"

Nope!

Stupid Question.

100% waterproof...

That'd be the "Wellington Boot" then!

McCain: Keep Shuttle flying, don't trust Russia

That's right...

lets all poke the 'Bear' with pointy sticks!

It's all well and good for you 'merkins to take a cold war stance, but for us poor fuckers in Europe, the return of a 'Cold War' will result in it being literally very cold, when the Russians shut down the gas supplies.

Sure, there are faults on all sides.

But IMHO, the last thing the world needs is another four years of Republicanism in the US. Unfortunately, I think it's what we're going to get, as there ain't enough White 'merkins ready to put a Black guy in the White House.

Portsmouth punts naval boy-on-boy to innocent kiddies

Once again, the Royal Navy are...

coming up from the rear.

Avast (one) there!

Election watchdog makes ID card U-turn

Fraudulent voting can be reduced to zero...

by the simple, expedient method of the abolition of democracy, and the removal of the need for elections.

It's what the NuLabourians want in the long run.

Isn't it?

Apple slapped for dodgy ads

All they'll do...

is put a tiny little text banner at the bottom of the screen, reading something like this;

"Actual web browsing experience may not replicate pages fully due to web page incompatibility beyond the control of Apple / O2"

Or something similar.

Because it's not their fault, is it.

Allegedly.

(Legal Stuff. This is a personal opinion, not intended to cast any aspersions on any technical or other aspects of any Apple or O2 product or service)

Electoral officers oppose edited register

Common Sense spreading like a plague?

The Nulabourian hierarchy must be quaking in their (designer) boots (and Saville Row suits).

Wind turbines put bats under (low) pressure

Nooclear (fission) might be viable?

WTF are you ranting about, you moron.

Nuclear Fission generation is what we currently have.

Therefore I presume that you are terminally confused, and were *thinking* about Nuclear FUSION (like the reactions that power the Sun)

Stick to something at your own level. Paris Hilton jokes, perhaps.

US utilities plot remote switch off

They can stick this...

where the sun shineth not!

I'LL decide how warm / cool I want my house. NO-ONE else.

When I say "I", I do, of course, mean She Who Must Be Obeyed. (No, not you, Sarah Bee!)

Thumb/under!

Council clamps down on 'man on the street'

Almost as bad...

as a recent in office announcement, informing us of the appointment of a new "Handy Person". (Yes, it is a bloke!)

Pass the PC sick bag please.

Tories want data loss prosecutions

@ dear Ms. Smith

Sorry, you've only confused the poor woman further.

I don't believe that she fully understands the terms 'downloaded' or 'secure'.

Allegedly.

Beeb to resurrect Reggie Perrin

Hippopotamus!

Whoopee cushion!

Reader comments bigger legal risk than forums

Oh! Sues you sir!

Looks like it could be open season for the legal fraternity then. Allegedly!

Must remember to be more careful when commenting.

Allegedly.

W***ers! (Allegedly)

Pockets being emptied by the lawyers (Allegedly)

Dancing Baby v. Universal: Baby wins!

Great Decision.

It's about time that the bully boy corporations were put in their place.

Aussie school trials use of gadgets in exams

I always thought...

that exams were there to establish the level of understanding and knowledge that any individual had acquired of the subject matter. Therefore, said individual should, prior to the exam, already have sufficient knowledge and understanding of the subject and be able to recall it.

It's called learning.

Because the world at large doesn't provide universal 24/7 access to *the information superhighway* and you have to be able to use the grey matter for something more advanced than the input mechanism to your favourite search engine.

Just because you can assemble sufficient relevant information in an organised way, it doesn't prove that you know what said information means, or what to do with it.

Suicide squirrel knocks out Swiss TV

@Steve Skipper

Not necessarily. Think you'll find that getting across 2 phases is quite enough.

Ready to eat!

You'd think the Swiss would be able to come up with a more convenient way to cook a squirrel.

"So how many squirrels would it need to take out Switzerland?"

By the looks of things, little more than half a dozen.

probably about the same number as would be required here.

Actually, you'd probably need less.

Next NuLabourian Anti-Terrorism Brainwave - Anti Suicide Squirrel Extermination Squad

aka

ASSES!

Winehouse jibe wins Fringe's funniest gag

Chris

Will.

Short for William?

Like Bill, and (as we called him when we were kids) Billy?

Believe it or not, I never actually new that 'Will' was his 'professional' name, as it were. He's always just been Billy or Bill to me. Even when we served our apprenticeships together at what used to be the ICI. Did see him gig with a band prior to the Cocteaus, "All this and More". (what were they thinking!)

Ah, the hazy late 70's/early 80's.

On a more topical note...

A certain Mr Gadd, ex 70's pop star, has been required to sign 'the Register' upon his triumphant return to Blighty.

Cue a joke-fest, surely.

Sarah, you must've known...

that ANY reference to the 'talent' that Mrs Fielder-Civil once possessed would result in a barrage of flaming cow-pats.

Unfortunately, the only 'talent' she currently exhibits is that of being a drink/drug/publicity ravaged shadow of her former self. Her apparent inability to perform (ie the recent Bond Theme fiasco) serves only to fuel the flames.

As for the 'famous friend' angle, I went to school with Robin Guthrie (and Bill Heggie) of the Cocteau Twins (bit before your time, I suspect). Still see Bill around occasionally, but Guthrie was, and (living in the states) still is I suspect, a self indulgent wanker. I do hope he's managed to replace the old army greatcoat he used to wear to school, and to college, as it stank of cat's piss.

"galactically-talented"

You CANNOT be talking about Whinehouse, really.

Unless I missed the <sarcasm>.

As for the self harm, I suppose that carrying that rats nest about on top of her head must qualify.

She may have been talented to start out with, but any scrap of that seems to have been buried under the over indulgence in her own publicity.

NASA test rocket explodes

Nasa Rocket Debris.

I believe there's a substantial section dedicated to this on eBay.

Occasionally also listed under "souvenirs"

UK White iPhone 3G availability boosted

Black/white

who really cares!

Card fraud-fearing Brit tourists carry cash

Cost of ...

Airline Tickets £240

Travellers Cheques £10.

Foreign Exchange £25

Not being scammed by some devious bastard...Priceless

For everything else there's M***ercard.

Or any other card.

Bush makes last-minute grab for civil liberties

Once again, authorities in the 'Land of the Free'...

make the Stasi and KGB of the cold war era look like a bunch of friggin amateurs!

NT, love your 'bread and circuses' take on the internet.

If only it weren't so true.

Nokia admits major Series 40 security problems

6 Comments?

there's NO WAY that you've only had 6 comments on this story.

I know this to be a fact, as I posted to this yesterday, and so far...

Now, this has to be one of the biggest potential mobile security issues in a very long time!

100 million affected handsets. 6 comments?

Icon!

Lag log leaks - Home Office contractor loses entire prison population

I've heard it reported...

that Plod is 'investigating' this.

Strange. I don't recall Inspector Knacker being called in over any of the other cases.

Is this due to it being the apparent fault of a 'consultant' this time round?

NASA's Ares V may crush Kennedy crawlerway

Is this the same crawlerway...

that the Apollo Saturn 5's were rolled out on?

Damn, that's one heavy MF of a rocket then.

Sounds like it needs to go on a diet then (but not a 'crash diet'!) like many things 'merkin!

Lords call for variable VAT to cut landfill

@ Mo.

stop being a Kiss-ass.

You'll only inflate the lassie's ego (even more)

Mood swings?

Aggressive, sarcastic then patronising.

Nothing like PMT at all then!

And no, actually, the decorators are not in.

But I suspect they may be soon!

I speak as a married man. I have the experience and scars, both kinds, to back up this prediction!

Low Energy Lightbulbs...

Overall, about as 'green' an idea as bio-fuels.

That said, the 'Upper House' does actually appear to be looking at addressing the cause, rather than this governments pathetic attempts to try and treat the symptoms.

"Pay as you Dispose" is just another stick to beat us with, in line with "Pay as you Drive" road pricing.

And as we already have "Pay as you Drink/Wash/Piss/Crap"

Coming soon:

"Pay as you Breathe"

"Pay as you Vote"

No, wait, wasn't that one tried already?

Still, wouldn't stop NuLabour trying it again, would it.

Fujitsu intros 5.6in bonsai laptop... with Vista

Vista aside,..

looks good, decent spec.

One Question;

PRICE?

Copyright lawyers accuse 25,000 UK videogame filesharers

"Courts ban plain English".

Dear Fragula

The courts in this sceptred isle have NEVER used plain English.

Why, I hear you ask?

Simple.

If they did use plain English, then even the most simple-minded man in the street would have sufficient grasp of the legal processes and terminologies and the need for expensive solicitors, barristers et al would be removed almost entirely, and their well paid, cushy little niche would only be open to the few required in the most complex of cases!

Vested interest my friend.

Watchdog hits 070 swindlers with big fine

070 is just a rip-off anyway.

Terminate this 'service' immediately.

UK.gov loses 29 million personal records

the government "can't be trusted to protect people's personal details".

No.

This should simply have been;

the government can't be trusted.

Period

Fart-lighting youth in petrol can mishap

"Chestnuts roasting...

on an open fire"...

Or

"Flash!.....Ah aaaaah!"

Downing Street rejects 'Clarkson for PM' petition

1p per gallon...

and Bugatti Veyron's for all!

But the sad git still hates diesel!

UK MoD tries to resell surplus Eurofighters to India, Japan

Surplus Typhoons!..

get 'em while there 'ot!

At this price I'm cuttin' me own throat too!

(Copyright CMOT Dibbler / T.Pratchett)

Old timers rattle zimmers at 'Elderly Persons' sign

Just a storm...

in chamberpot.

Clearly Ms. McLennan has way too much free time on her hands, and should, as pointed out, be concentrating on something important to the 'elderly', rather than trying to grab a few cheap, middle-page column inches, as this is just not headline news.

The robot at the border: UK bets big on face scanning

Security is not the reasoning here...

Tracking Joe Public is. Another trial piece in the NuLabourian Utopia jigsaw.

"Papers please, Citizen"

UK.gov to spend hundreds of millions on snooping silo

Eggs...

Basket.

No further questions!

NASA to brief on manned spaceship 'concerns'

Did someone stop to think and forget to start again?

That'd most likely be Regan.

Or Bush Snr.

Or Dubya.

Mind you, Clinton did seem to be 'distracted' occasionally too!

The real problem...

is that (manned) space exploration is inherently dangerous. (basically strap humans onto/into a large container of explosive chemicals with a nozzle at the other end and ignite). People have been / do get / will continue to be killed at some stage in the process. It will NEVER be 100% safe. There will, however, always be a sufficient number of brave / foolhardy souls willing to volunteer for the privilege. The risks can only be minimised so far. This is how man got to the moon the last time round. It's most likely the approach the Chinese have (no shortage of volunteers there, I'll bet), and is the reason that the next time the USA gets a man landed on the moon, he'll need landing permission from the Chinese Lunar Authorities.

Bit the bullet.

Take the risks

Make the progression.

Teachers give toilet CCTV top marks

less than reasonable, parents of the alleged bully?

Surely you don't mean the

"My little Billy/Sally would NEVER do anything like that!" brigade.

Or the

"Oo the fuck do you fink you are, cummin roun ere accusin my Kyle/Kylie of doin summat like that? Now fuck off you nonce before I get the dog to take a bite outa your fuckin arse!" brigade.

And we wonder why the little darlings have no fear of / respect for 'authority'? can't think where they get it from.

Goldfish customers sent wrong bills

It's a well known fact...

that the Goldfish is a creature of extremely limited brain function, and piss-poor memory.

Minor errors of this nature must be expected when conducting complicated financial arrangements with a Goldfish. You can't expect it to remember everything, can you.

Microsoft Silverlight: 10 reasons to love it, 10 reasons to hate it

And the award for...

most acronyms used in a single article goes to...

Road Pricing 2.0 is two years away

Time for a national strike for two days, lets show 'em who is in charge

And just what percentage of the populace do you really think will do that.

This is why Thatcher was so intent on getting as many people as possible onto the 'property ladder'. Once the vast majority of the prols have succumbed to the message that you're nothing unless you own your own home (and are mortgaged to the hilt) then the fear of loosing *their* home will help to keep the prols in line.