Posts by dervheid

HP clocks up 24-hour laptop battery life

My laptop battery lasts for five days...

or more.

With the laptop switched off, of course.

It has to be switched on, you say?

Oh, bugger.

...like this claim...

IBM, PGP fill Bletchley Park's rattling tin

What you have to remember...

is that Bletchley Park is associated with <whisper> The War (don't mention the war) </whisper>.

The PC Brigade would rather have anything associated with <whisper> The War </whisper> cleansed from the (PC approved) History Books (along with the blanket bombing of cities like Dresden, and all the other 'nasty' things that happened). Their delicate little sensibilities can't handle the fact that all these 'nasty' little things happened, on both sides, and they forget the price that was paid so that they could enjoy the 'freedoms' we currently do (until the NuLabourian Utopia is fully implimented, another reason Bletchley gets no Gov't support, as it represents the struggle for these freedoms we now take for granted and are allowing to be eroded at an ever increasing rate).

Disgraceful?

Certainly.

Surprising?

Not.

Google launching its own navy?

Their building their own...

Evil Lair, probably connected to those cables they are/were laying in the pacific. This'll be the hub of the Googlian Pacific Empire.

Digital divide looms again over superfast broadband for all

@ The Government should lay it down.

No.

We'd like it to function reasonably efficiently.

You don't involve Government in anything like that.

Though I suspect this will eventually get 'Quangoed', wherein less than 10% of the final 'costs' will actually have been spent on the system.

Chrome-fed Googasm bares tech pundit futility

@ Ian Ferguson

"If I could get Chrome on my iPhone, I think I would ejaculate every time I turned it on."

Doesn't the i(t's so much more than a)Phone already have chrome.

Round the screen.

Or were you too busy messing yourself already to notice?

Still laughing my head off...

as I type this.

Hope to god someone's given Ted his blood pressure medication after that (well put) rant.

if not, he can have some of mine.

This is what we want!

Contender for FOTY, I say.

Prototype orbital seaplane in Texan blimp-base blast

Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives!?

Please, can someone in 'merka reassure me that you DO NOT have the aforementioned agency.

If this agency DOES, however, exist, then That Explains Everything!

"Earth orbit is indeed a lot closer than you might think."

and a lot further away than you realise, Mr Akkerman.

BTW, does anyone else see the resemblance of the 'spacecraft' in the picture to a very large phallus? And is that a zero-g orgy going on in there?

Or is it just me?

NZ in 'Old Bo***ck Road' balls-up

Someone's due...

a bollocking then!

Segway shock army to invade Department of Transport

If they're illegal...

then hopefully the Boys in Blue will be there to nick all these goits.

Or will they all be too busy investigating the BT/Phorm thingumy?

Or just standing around, scratching their arses.

China plans spacewalk by end of the month

If the 'merkins...

don't get their collective fingers out, then by the time they do get back to the moon, they'll need landing permission from the Chinese, and the "big oval gold sticker on it" won't say "MADE IN CHINA", it'll say "Property Of The Peoples Republic of China"

Orange can't find BlackBerry maps

They have previous...

for making things 'vanish' without explanation.

Had an Orange email account for years, linked to phone. They USED to have a free text facility on the email portal, but it 'vanished' some time back, leaving a similar gap on the web pages where the links used to be.

All without explanation, despite numerous requests for 'clarification'.

7-year-old faces M&S Inquisition

"a gold mine for lawyers "

Sums it all up, really!

History shaped Google's Trojan Horse

@ Neil Hoskins

LOL.!

No, really loud, people staring like I'm possessed.

Comment of the year contender there!

Nice perspective.

Makes a 'Good Idea' look, more than a little, less attractive.

Different Demon.

Same(ish) Hell.

Hi-tech cops lose their website

"Donate the site back to SOCA"?

You mean SELL, rather than donate, don't you?

Or is El Reg going all philanthropic on us?

UK's top boffin: Renewables targets were 'a mistake'

Politicians make mistakes?

Well, fuck me, who'd have guessed! And as usual, it's the rest of us that'll be picking up the tab for this cock-up.

And as for;

"We don't have to pay for wind power - it just comes to us naturally,"

I'd suggest that Ms.McCaffrey should perhaps consider changing her diet / psychotherapist.

Or does she still believe in faeries too?

Phone phishers hop on filesharing legal threats bandwagon

Just remember to pass any phishing attempt details...

onto the National High Tech Crime Unit.

Now, how do you contact them again?

Oh dear...

Phorm: Our business is fine, honest

Pressure to be maintained..

Unfortunately, the mag "WebUser" carries an artice on Phorm.

I say unfortunately, as it casts a 'rose tinted' view (IMHO) of what exactly the Phorm tech will (or more importantly COULD) deliver.

The line "examines a surfer's complete browsing history, cataloguing which sites they visit and how often, and detailing how long they spend on a site and which links they click on. From this information, ISP's can build a profile of each unique user, without discovering their identity."

Whilst this is true, the article fails to illuminate the next (logical) step, wherein the ISP, or Government Agency, equipped with this data, and the ISP's subscriber/IP database, wouldn't take too long to associate browsing habits with IDENTITIES.

This, I believe, is the nub of the whole argument.

Google restores Chrome's shine

Oh..kay...

now all they need to do is remove it from ALL their other 'services'

(from Googlemail)

"11. Content licence from you

11.1 You retain copyright and any other rights you already hold in Content which you submit, post or display on or through, the Services. By submitting, posting or displaying the content you give Google a perpetual, irrevocable, worldwide, royalty-free, and non-exclusive licence to reproduce, adapt, modify, translate, publish, publicly perform, publicly display and distribute any Content which you submit, post or display on or through, the Services. This licence is for the sole purpose of enabling Google to display, distribute and promote the Services and may be revoked for certain Services as defined in the Additional Terms of those Services.

11.2 You agree that this licence includes a right for Google to make such Content available to other companies, organisations or individuals with whom Google has relationships for the provision of syndicated services, and to use such Content in connection with the provision of those services.

11.3 You understand that Google, in performing the required technical steps to provide the Services to our users, may (a) transmit or distribute your Content over various public networks and in various media; and (b) make such changes to your Content as are necessary to conform and adapt that Content to the technical requirements of connecting networks, devices, services or media. You agree that this licence shall permit Google to take these actions.

11.4 You confirm and warrant to Google that you have all the rights, power and authority necessary to grant the above licence."

Deja Vu, anyone?

Homeland Security backs deportation with Wikipedia

The trouble with wikipedia...

is it relies on the honesty and integrity of those compiling or editing it to achieve any degree of accuracy.

However, people with a vested interest in distorting the *facts* have ample opportunity to do so. Without, it would appear, too many checks (if any) being done.

Wikipedia WAS a good idea, in principle.

But now, only a fool would take the information therein as 'accurate' without cross checking against at least two or three other sources.

And it should NEVER be allowed to be cited as a 'reference' in any court of law.

Burned by Chrome - Fire put out

Oh..kay...

now all they need to do is remove the same clauses from all the EULA of all their other 'services' which DO contain this wording (from Googlemail)

"11. Content licence from you

11.1 You retain copyright and any other rights you already hold in Content which you submit, post or display on or through, the Services. By submitting, posting or displaying the content you give Google a perpetual, irrevocable, worldwide, royalty-free, and non-exclusive licence to reproduce, adapt, modify, translate, publish, publicly perform, publicly display and distribute any Content which you submit, post or display on or through, the Services. This licence is for the sole purpose of enabling Google to display, distribute and promote the Services and may be revoked for certain Services as defined in the Additional Terms of those Services.

11.2 You agree that this licence includes a right for Google to make such Content available to other companies, organisations or individuals with whom Google has relationships for the provision of syndicated services, and to use such Content in connection with the provision of those services.

11.3 You understand that Google, in performing the required technical steps to provide the Services to our users, may (a) transmit or distribute your Content over various public networks and in various media; and (b) make such changes to your Content as are necessary to conform and adapt that Content to the technical requirements of connecting networks, devices, services or media. You agree that this licence shall permit Google to take these actions.

11.4 You confirm and warrant to Google that you have all the rights, power and authority necessary to grant the above licence."

Deja Vu, anyone!

They can shove their 'chrome'

up the orifice that the sun shineth not.

Chancing fucking bastards.

Methinks they have gone TOO far this time.

I WAS going to give this a try, but having read the EULA, they can get stuffed.

Gits.

Time to 'De-Google'.

Chinese boffins crack invisible-shed window problem

Ah, the joys of theoretical physics.

Personally, I prefer the joys of sex, but maybe that's just me.

And my missus.

And, well, obviously....

Big demand for pay by phone tech, claims Nokia

"success of its UK NFC trial"

That wouldn't have *anything* to do with the 'free money' given to the guinea pigs, would it?

No.

Of course not.

How cynically foolish of me to think that anyone's opinion could be swayed by a nice shiny new phone, and some 'credit' to spend.

Does anyone have a breakdown of the spending profiles of the guinea pigs (without any personally identifiable data, of course!) to see just what proportion (if any!) was spent on BOOZE?

Google's comic capers: what they really meant to say

"Excellent"

Type your comment here — plain text only, no HTML

Google cedes Belgium to Germany

Way...

too much time on his hands!

Way to much.

Frikkin anorak.

Boffins produce aerobatic copycat-copter pilotware

"You'll need...

Flash installed and your net admins will need to agree you should be watching YouTube at work."

Well, that'll explain why I can never see the vids on El Reg. Who'd have thought, eh.

<sarcasm/>

Sony Ericsson Walkman W980 music phone

Message to Sony Ericsson

If you're *really* serious about a 'music-phone', then you need to ditch the shitty edge connector and get with the (3.5mm) program.

Oh, and a 'proper' mini USB 'B' connector for the data.

Got that.

Good.

Aussie Customs in presentational-aid crackdown

Mother Hubbard's naked lasers...

That'd be "bear frickin' lasers" madam!

No-one wants to see YOUR naked pointers!

Ms Hiltons, however...

Bob Debus?

There's a name built for comedy!

Bob.

Short for Robert.

You can see why he doesn't use the other colloquial.

It might reveal how his forefathers came to be in Oz!

(Allegedly)

Then he'd be the target for all those nasty, nasty laser pointer thingies.

Owner alleges iPhone 3G became red hot

The "hottest phone" around...

Must have been the hotline!

Best hot foot it back to his reseller.

Arrest made over data-stuffed eBay laptop hard drive

"progress has been disappointing"?

non existent more like.

Nice to see Inspector Knacker taking an interest, although I suspect it's more to do with the hardware than the data.

Prosecutions for these little data 'indiscretions' are now long overdue.

Sony coughs to third-gen PSP power problem

@Mark

And I'll bet there's just as many people with 'problems' with a PSP.

Brighter screen = shorter battery life?

Meh, big deal.

Vodafone says termination rate clampdown would hit the poor

"survey of 9,000 mobile phone users...

showed significant resistance to the notion of paying to receiving calls"

One could presume that out of the 9000, approximately 8999 told Vodabone to go f**k themselves on that idea.

Allegedly.

Bet against the bubble - how to head off a subprime crisis

"Zero Sum Game"

Oh yeh. And it almost always plays out thus:

Winners = Them

Losers = Us

Government data protection standards are protected data

Data 'Sanitisation' Standard.

In five easy steps

1) Don appropriate PPE.

2) Remove hard drive(s) from PC/laptop being disposed of.

3) Remove casing of said drives.

4) Reduce drive platters to 5mm fragments using 1kg hammer.

5) Install new, clean replacement drive into equipment for disposal by sale, if required.

Customs raids tech trade show

Armed customs officers...

at trade shows?

On the off chance that there 'might' be a patent infringement (a civil matter, surely, even in Germany)?

Heavy handed or what.

All this 'patent' malarky is getting well out of hand.

El Reg slips into women's-fit tees

"women's-fit tees"

in the IT world?

Puh-fuckin'-lease!

'World's largest TV' sports super HD resolution

very clever, but...

I'd be much more impressed if they managed to get that sort of resolution into a 'normal' (sub 48") screen, at a 'reasonable' price.

"we were forced to sit some way back from the screen"

Just how far back exactly? 30'? 40'? More?

Great for exhibitions and the like then, but not your average livingroom.

Likes 'em big! (Allegedly)

IE8 beta 2 locks down some XP lovers

Dontcha...

just love these fuckers!

Erotic artist urges spanking for Jacqui Smith

Call it what you will...

it's censorship.

We have enough already.

This must be stopped, here and now, or it WILL spread further, on the back of the dailymailtard's cries of "Won't somebody think of the children!" and "If you've nothing to hide, you've nothing to fear!"

Bollocks.

Portsmouth Historic Dockyard: Further poster outrage

F**king...

Brilliant.

GooTube cheers online gay porn ruling

The "blinkered media outfits"...

just don't get it, do they.

It's FREE ADVERTISING, you bunch of fecking retards!

McAfee SiteAdvisor sued over 'spyware' tag

"set a precedent once and for all. We can only hope..."

that it's the RIGHT precedence! Otherwise it's a Crapware Charter.

Now Hollywood is chasing UK downloaders

Just eagerly waiting...

for one of these POS letters to arrive.

We have NEVER used any torrent, of any kind, and have never downloaded anything counter to "copyright". (No, I'm not a feckin saint, just not interested in being a 'freetard')

I plan to cite demanding money with menaces, for threatening to take court action over a non-existent event unless I cough up.

This is 'legitimised' extortion, and must be stopped.

Ofcom considers termination charges

@"in an alternative universe "

ditto on that.

If they go this route now it really IS going to look like sheer greed on the part of the providers.

This is a big NO!

Larry Ellison gets huge pay rise

"What else can you give California's richest man?"

Herpes?

Leprosy?

Coming soon: Facebook - The Movie!

On reflection...

the best answer for this would be:

BOFH - The Movie (18)

Any suggestions for lead and for the PFY...

"I honestly don't know how this works."

Shouldn't "how" actually read "why" in this case.

Facebook - The Movie?

No.

Just NO!

Dabs.com courier goes titsup

"declined to comment on their fate beyond that"

Eh...

Bagged, I'd imagine.