* Posts by Nigel Brown

233 publicly visible posts • joined 29 Jul 2006


Between you, EE and the lamppost ... this UK cell network is knackered

Nigel Brown

Just today??

Anything other than 4G is pretty dire every day.

Dangerous Android banking bot leak signals new malware wave

Nigel Brown

And possibly keeping away from less than salubrious websites.......

Facebook tells Viz to f**k right off

Nigel Brown

These so-called "standards" of Zucks

seem to depend very much on which side of the bed the particular censor monkey got out of.

In this Facebook and Google-owned world, it's time to rethink privacy

Nigel Brown

" I need to buy a TV, but can't find anything but smart, so I'm not buying period"

How about buying the tv but NOT connecting it to the net?

US rapper slams Earth is Round conspiracy in Twitter marathon

Nigel Brown


Anyone else hearing his name pronounced by Rowan Atkinson?

Facebook Messenger: All your numbers are belong to us

Nigel Brown

Not me Zuck.

Don't have and wont have the mobile app - I use the mobile browser.

Don't have, don't want, don't need and wont have the messenger app. Why do I need that when I have WhatsApp and old fashioned text messaging available? The world doesn't start and stop with Facebook.

Friends Reunited to shut down. What do you mean, 'is it still going?'

Nigel Brown

Still chuckling

that it was sold to the owners of The Beano.

Stephen Hawking reckons he's cracked the black hole paradox

Nigel Brown

So what is it?

It's an orange swirly thing in space.

Foetuses offered vaginal music streaming service

Nigel Brown


...the mum to be would need a licence from the PRS due this being classed as a broadcast.

Obama: What will solve America's gun problem? What could it be? *snaps fingers* Technology!

Nigel Brown

Clearly a film buff

Did the Prez get his technological idea from watching Skyfall?

How to solve a Rubik's Cube in five seconds

Nigel Brown

Or you could

just go out and get a girlfriend.....

Facebook conjures up a trap for the unwary: scanning your camera for your friends

Nigel Brown

Simple solution

Use a browser, not the app.

Bacon can kill: Official

Nigel Brown

The biggest danger

is to my mental health from reading all the garbage that these organisations pump out.

I'm not going to stop eating bacon, but I sure as heck am going to stop listening to 'experts'.

Rights groups: Darn you Facebook with your 'government names'

Nigel Brown

Can i just point out one thing?

My real name isn't Nigel Brown. How simple was that?

Mastercard facial recog-ware will unlock your money using SELFIES

Nigel Brown

Checks article date for April 1st date tag....

Nope, not a joke.

Stop the world, I want to get off.

Costa Coffee Club members wake up and smell the data breach

Nigel Brown

Re: Not that bothered

Ask the 1.4 billion Facebook users, of whom probably 1.3 billion give accurate details.

Google wants Marvin the Paranoid Android's personality in the cloud

Nigel Brown

Well, if you call it a robot.

It's more like an electronic sulking machine.

Ford: Our latest car gizmo will CHOKE OFF your FUEL if you're speeding

Nigel Brown

Re: My wife's car has automatic headlights.


Sidelights are in the main useless, being like a glow-worm in a jam jar on a lot of cars. There is no excuse for not using dipped headlights if you want to be seen. Things have moved on, you don't 'save the battery' by using sidelights instead of headlights!

Hello? Police? Yes, I'm a car and my idiot driver's crashed me

Nigel Brown

How severe does the 'crash' need to be..

...before the system alerts the blues & twos brigades? Pretty sure they'll be less than impressed if they're called out to every minor shunt or bollard bump.

My self-driving cars may lead to human driver ban, says Tesla's Musk

Nigel Brown

This just in


Nigel Brown

Re: Not a problem solved

Self drive is a solution looking for a problem.

Nigel Brown

Re: Am I the only one...

What happens when it encounters something that it hasn't been programmed to recognise and avoid? Hopefully it will default to 'get-the-hell-out-of-the-way' mode, but given the number of patches that software requires to 'fix' all the undocumented features , that's not a given.

Nigel Brown

Am I the only one...

I am deeply, deeply uneasy about this. I know driving standards are pretty poor, but I still don't trust a 'puter to do it instead of a human.

Facebook unveils P2P moola-to-mates payment feature

Nigel Brown

If any of my friends need money..

..they can bloody well come and ask me to my face!

Shove off, ugly folk, says site for people who love themselves

Nigel Brown

What was it they used to say?

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder?

Nokia boss smashes net neutrality activists

Nigel Brown

Not *really* sure

that I want an internet connected car doing the driving for me.

"Before I apply the brakes, please watch this safety video. Video can be skipped in 5 seconds....."

Porn on Blogger – Google takes stiff action

Nigel Brown

The job is rated at £125 a week

Not a lot but it's all I can afford to pay.

ATTENTION SETI scientists! It's TOO LATE: ALIENS will ATTACK in 2049

Nigel Brown

Mostly harmless

Apart from those who despise everyone but themselves.

UN negotiations menaced by topless women. Or not

Nigel Brown


What's wrong with the much more palatable crème fraiche?

Car? Check. Driver? Nope. OK, let's go, says British govt

Nigel Brown

Welcome to Johnnycabs

Douglas Quaid: Where am I?

Johnnycab: You're in a Johnnycab.

Douglas Quaid: I mean, what am I doing here?

Johnnycab: I'm sorry. Would you please rephrase the question?

Douglas Quaid: How did I get in this taxi?

Johnnycab: The door opened. You got in.

[Johnnycab rolls his eyes]

Post-pub nosh neckfiller: 1.5 MILLION SCOVILLE masala omelette

Nigel Brown

Only half the story

What about the following morning, shall we tactfully call it the 'exit plan'?

Quantum computing is so powerful it takes two years to understand what happened

Nigel Brown

So what is it? *

I'm afraid you lost me halfway through the opening sentence!

*It's a big swirly orange thing in space!


Nigel Brown

AI doesn't worry me..

...it's Natural Stupidity that will be the downfall of the human race.

Online tat bazaar eBay collapses in UK

Nigel Brown

El Reg hacks need to actually *look* at the modern fleabay

Most sellers now are businesses, the sellers of 'second hand crap' have faded into a minority, driven out by scamming buyers, the lack of ability to leave negative feedback about a bad buyer, and the decision to charge the seller a %age of the postal charges.

Apple Watch will CONQUER smartwatch world – analysts

Nigel Brown

I have a perfectly functional watch

I also have a smartphone with a large screen. At my age I need bigger screens not ruddy smaller.

Google extends app refund window to two hours

Nigel Brown


I only ever opt for the free apps anyway. If there's a feature I want that's only in the paid for version then I usually seek out another freebie that gives me that feature. Guess I'm just ludicrously tight, or is it too many years of freetarderyness© :)

eBay, Facebook, Tumblr ALL go TITSUP in me-too MULTI-FAIL

Nigel Brown

Can someone please explain to a non techy bod like me

What exactly is involved in server maintenance? Oil and filters and re-gap the plugs?

CNN 'tech analyst' on NAKED CELEBS: WHO IS this mystery '4chan' PERSON?

Nigel Brown

What does CNN stand for?

I'm guessing it's Cartoon Network (something)

Video of US journalist 'beheading' pulled from social media

Nigel Brown

Nice 180 degree turn from Facebook

They used to leave these things up, trot out some corporate guff about right to know, public awareness etc. Perhaps now they are starting to listen to their outraged products they'll start to respond about requests to take down the child and animal abuse pages, videos, etc.

Microsoft: Just what the world needs – a $25 Nokia dumbphone

Nigel Brown

Re: Motorcyclists have a perfect use for this phone.

Bugger, missed that bit. :(

Nigel Brown

Motorcyclists have a perfect use for this phone.

Squirreled away under the seat, on silent, you have a perfect tracker should your expensive motorcycle be stolen. People have been touting this idea for some time, using an old forgotten phone from the back of the drawer.

Robot cars to hit Blighty in 2015

Nigel Brown

I have had an epiphany.

I used to shudder at the thought of these things beetling about unattended, but then I realised that at last, German car manufacturers will be able to ensure that their indicators do actually get used.

Too rich for an iPhone 6? How about a gold-plated Brikk?

Nigel Brown

An awful lot of money to play Candy Crush.....

Facebook: Want to stay in touch? Then it's Messenger or NOTHING

Nigel Brown

I junked the app months ago.

Just using the web browser now. If they remove that option then hell, I can always wait until I get home to find out my friends highest score on the latest faddy game, or see a photo of their lunch......

HP settles suit with popstar Chubby Checker over todger tester app

Nigel Brown

Well I *was*..

...going to question if there really is a market for this app, but then I remembered about all the fart generator apps and decided not to ask.

Klingon and Maori roar into 'mutt's nuts' dictionary

Nigel Brown

In Korea it translates as

Hors d'ouvres or dumplings :)

Surprise! Google chairman blasts EU's privacy ruling

Nigel Brown

Other search engines are available....

...as my local BBC radio station keeps telling us.

Selfies are so 2013. Get ready for DRONIES – the next hipster-cam-gasm

Nigel Brown

Re: What do I think of it?

I really wish I could upvote this more than once.

Candy Crush King sees IPO go sour as stock price heads south

Nigel Brown

Re: Send in the clones

That game is on mobile devices already.

Nigel Brown

Send in the clones

Am I correct in assuming that all their games are a rip off of Bejewelled, just with different graphics?