Pmsl
Nuff said.
Posts by xyz
586 posts • joined 7 Dec 2007
UK.gov dangles £100m for service slingers for back office 'transformation' that'll kill off bespoke systems
Huge if true... Trump explodes as he learns open source could erode China tech ban
US govt can talk about the end of lockdown, but Silicon Valley says 'as long as it takes' – and Twitter says 'WFH forever'
Wednesday 13th May 2020 07:52 GMT
My girlfriend...
Has a company (>100 employees) and now having invested in the kit needed, most work from home, have a bonus scheme to keep them chipper and sales are huge (all online). They are going to bin the big office and buy more warehouse space. No one wants to go back to the old way of working. COVID won't be "over" anytime soon, so we may as well embrace this massive social change. Anyway, BJ will keep peddling COVID so everyone forgets the Brexit until it's too late.
Florida man might just stick it to HP for injecting sneaky DRM update into his printers that rejected non-HP ink
Starship bloopers: Watch Elon Musk's Mars ferry prototype explode on the pad during liquid nitrogen test
Aww, a cute mini-moon is orbiting Earth right now. But like all good things, it too will abandon us at some point
Thursday 27th February 2020 12:52 GMT
Hold on a mo...
This thing has been parked up for 3 years and nobody noticed a 3m (approx) wide POS wafting about. I thought NASA was constantly tracking everything bigger than a small shit. And you would've thought Donald's Space Farce would have given it a poke. Obviously everyone has been in "don't mention aliens" mode up to now.
If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now: Brexit tea towel says it'll just be the gigabit broadband
Call us immediately if your child uses Kali Linux, squawks West Mids Police
Huawei to the danger zone: Now Uncle Sam slaps it with 16 charges of racketeering, fraud, money laundering, theft of robot arm and source code
Judge Vulcan-nerve pinches JEDI deal after Amazon forks out $42m to pause Microsoft's military machinations
Boris celebrates taking back control of Brexit Britain's immigration – with unlimited immigration program
NASA is Boeing to get to the bottom of that Starliner snafu... plus SpaceX preps to blow up a Falcon 9
Huawei's first Google-free phone stripped and searched: Repair not too painful... once you're in
Friday 15th November 2019 12:35 GMT
The battery!
I bought a pay as you go y6 2019 a couple of weeks ago because it was dirt cheap and the stand out thing is the battery. If the one in this phone is anywhere as good as the one in my phone, you'll be amazed. All day usage and it drops by 20%. It is serious energy storage and as I live off grid under solar i really appreciate it. I also feel a bit subversive having a phone made by people Google et al hate.
Pushing Verify in Brexit plans more about saving troubled project
Monday 16th September 2019 09:03 GMT
Call me a cynic but....
The one thing that will get brexiteers frothing at the mouth more than not getting their brexit is having to give their "number" to some "petty functionary" so just raise the prospect, get them diverted and slip through a not really brexit whilst they're not looking. Bit of a Johnson moonwalk (which is going backwards whilst looking like you're going forward).
Microsoft throws lifeline to .NET orphans in the brave new Core world
Tuesday 11th June 2019 09:13 GMT
I expect down votes...
So, after about 19 years of pissing me off, MS has finally realised that all that pseudo web-ishy (AKA that cludgy overweiight client server mentality) crap (I'm thinking as examples ASP.NET Ajax, silverlight and UI controls) they'd been peddling to keep "legacy" VB developers in the loop (instead of shot) is being chucked in the bin and someone indoors has finally realised that the client side is divorced/different from the server side. If Entity "the next version will be better" Framework can be quietly gassed on a darkened night, my life would be complete.
Google relents slightly in ad-blocker crackdown – for paid-up enterprise Chrome users, everyone else not so much
Phew... Oi, was that you, Curiosity? Euro Mars sat inhaled mega methane blast, boffins baffled
What made a super high-tech home in Victorian England? Hydroelectric witchery, for starters
Thanks to UK peers, coming to a laptop near you in 2019: Age checks for online smut
Thursday 13th December 2018 11:48 GMT
Re: Inevitably
>I wonder if women are the larger audience for mainstream gay relationship films eg Brokeback Mountain
.... never having seen the film (bloke), I understand that 2 blokes who haven't washed, changed underwear or used bog paper for months suddenly decide to stick their ***** up each other's ***** ( in a caring and nurturing way obviously)....Can't see that appealing to women unless to comment on how much the place needed a good polishing (not French).
No, you haven't gone deaf – the Large Hadron Collider has been wound down for more upgrades
Visual Studio 2017 15.9 is here! Fire up your Windows on Arm laptops. All four of you
Saturday 17th November 2018 08:48 GMT
Xamarin.Android build performance improvement
Thank god for that... 6GB memory use and compiling like it's 1999. However, I'm still at the therapist recovering from trying to get VS2017's many and varied Xamarin related avenues to work together without installing "the kitchen sink" so I might hold off updating for a bit, if I actually get a choice to hold off updating for a bit that is. I don't know why MS gives you Xamarin install options when the only install option that seems to work is the "the fucking lot". Anyhoo, must face my fear and click that update link at some point I suppose.
Has science gone too far? Now boffins dream of shining gigantic laser pointer into space to get aliens' attention
Microsoft yanks the document-destroying Windows 10 October 2018 Update
Tuesday 9th October 2018 08:26 GMT
Can they stop all the other updates too
<rant>
I am (was) trying to develop, vs 2017 on win 10 (in the woods) and I seemed to spend half my dev time waiting for shit to update as whatever daily "optimisation" chomped through my mobile's bandwidth allowance. I mean over 500mb an hour, wtf is MS installing and who the hell DOESN'T have a metered connection outside of CorpWorld. I won't even mention all the other stuff that wants to update itself with the same enthusiasm.
I got so fed up of this, I went back to my old laptop....win 7, vs 2012 and SSMS to do the database and web services, so I've missed this update FAIL....yay! Then once a week, I go to the bar and and watch my win10 laptop melt their WiFi whilst I have a cold beer or 10.
Can someone please point out to MS that not everyone has fibre cable the diameter of a sewer pipe nor the cash to pay to have their OS renew itself daily.
</rant>
Euro bureaucrats tie up .eu in red tape to stop Brexit Brits snatching back their web domains
Saturday 15th September 2018 08:39 GMT
Flame on peeps...
Must have missed the "El Reg now a division of the Daily Bile" memo.
Anyway yes there are too many civil servants in the EU and they produce a tonne of shite but as you lot have decided to flounce off the pitch it's not your problem anymore is it. You bunch of net curtain twitchers.
All that dust on Mars is coming from one weird giant alien structure
Spidey sense is literally tingling! Arachnids detect Earth's electric field, use it to fly away
Gov.UK to make its lovely HTML exportable as parlous PDFs
Tuesday 17th July 2018 09:13 GMT
The way government works is this....
Oxbridge types (of the blue sky persuasion) do not use computers; they want a hard copy (emails, info etc) from their "girls" and still give dictation.
SPADs and other assorted climber-upers only believe in something if it's in Excel.
Managers tell their "girls" to type stuff into Word, save as pdf and slap it on their intranet page.
Only "girls" (and other data entry types) use "working class" html.
You can bet that behind this "necessity" is some crusty who wants his "girl" to send him an email with a pdf attachment so he can print it off.
To give you an idea of the arseness available... one top dog was on hols in France and was viewing a 320 page document on the UN web site, he wanted a copy so he phoned his "girl" in London and told her to print it off and fax it to him. I am not joking.
IT systems still in limbo as UK.gov departments await Brexit policy – MPs
Particle boffins calculate new constraints for probability of finding dark matter
BA CEO blames messaging and networks for grounding
Kill Google AMP before it kills the web
Sunday 21st May 2017 09:29 GMT
Re: Oh, meant to say - the Reg site is really slow on mobile
doing my mobile bit.... binned Chrome installed Opera Mini, binned Google search, started using DuckDuckGo and lo...instead of bashing the bishop at 1GB+ a month, I'm cruising at about 117MB a month.... and pages actually load without having to make a coffee each time I click on something. Google is EVIL!
Brexit White Paper published: Broad strokes, light on detail
Friday 3rd February 2017 09:31 GMT
A BRexit human shield writes...
As someone who is about to be pressganged as negotiating fodder in the upcoming May's "Great British Fuck Off" vs EU bloody foreigners grudge match (I live in Spain), I'm going to stick my oar in here.
What May's mayhem brigade write or say is irrelevant from their viewpoint and is done only to cover what the history books write. The keypoint is that whatever is agreed is of no consequence because what the Tories want is this damp and wet Singapore scenario.
This will all end in tears because the EU is run by about a billion civil servants who do jack until all the paperwork is in order. Drives you nuts, but taking a step back from them will only increase the paperwork and cost.
The other key point no one seems to realise is that even with zero tarrifs, there is a hell of a difference between selling widgets to the EU and Merc (for example) selling a luxury brand to the UK. Businesses need to buy at a price point, consumers want to buy come whatever. This leaves Perkins Widgets of Scunthorpe up shit creek whereas Merc will just carry on as normal.
Also no one buys anything in the EU (business or consumers) unless it is stamped, has the correct documentation and legal approvals (administred by the billion civil servants). It's a nightmare, but it's the only game in town if you want to deal here.
To give you an idea of the difference, why do you think all those African blokes were camped at Calais and trying to get into the "UK?" Well, it wasn't for the good food and welcomming neighbours, it was because you can't even join a gym in the EU without your identity number and without the correct paperwork you cannot rent someplace, buy a car, in fact pretty much anything except buy food.
This is what May's madmen are about to put you through, all to appeal to the readers of the Daily Zennerfoab, dribbling in their soup, whilst holding tight their walking sticks incase there are any loose Romanians in the vicinity.
rant over
Pip pip!
UK.gov tells freelance techies to slap 20 per cent on fees as IR35 tax hike looms
Wednesday 25th January 2017 11:22 GMT
I suppose...
Once Mad May has turned the UK into a corporation tax haven to smite the EU and attact foreign companies, you just set up an Irish company, rent an office in your house and tell HMRC to swivel. Can't be that easy surely? Mind you I gave up the whole IT thing a couple of years ago when a certain gov dept tried to make me "volunteer" extra tax payments to which my response was to tell them to "do one" so I probably know nothing.
'Toyota dealer stole my wife's saucy snaps from phone, emailed them to a swingers website'
Quantum traffic jam of atoms could unlock origin of dark energy, physicists claim
Microsoft: We're hugging trees to save the 'world'
EU will force telcos to offer 90 days of 'roam like home' contracts
Wednesday 7th September 2016 07:11 GMT
Bugger...I've been found out
Been using my three "feel at home" contract in Spain for about 20 months now and bloody useful it is too. Hey ho, now I'll have to use my Spanish pay as you go pos. Odd thing is that the eu stated that it's illegal for UK car insurers to use the same conditions with car insurance contracts and that they must provide 365 day eu cover as part of the contract.
UK watchdog: You. Facebook. Get over here now. This WhatsApp privacy update. Explain
We're going to bring an asteroid fragment into Lunar orbit
Windows Phone dives into irrelevant-like-BlackBerry territory
Friday 19th August 2016 13:15 GMT
Re: Blackberry has gone with Android already
I love my Lumia 925 but need to upgrade my phone and contract. Tried buying a new winPho and/or changing my contract yesterday, but between MS's rubbish phone site, my fear of win 10 (and love of win pho 8.1) and the poor winpho offer from mobile providers, I'm just going to buy a new role of tape to hold my Lumia's case together and pray to God that one day MS stops screwing the pooch.
BBC detector vans are back to spy on your home Wi-Fi – if you can believe it
Sunday 7th August 2016 10:40 GMT
Wow...
>>Detection vans can identify viewing on a non‐TV device in the same way that they can detect viewing on a television set.
The only thing that springs to my mind is that the guy doing time for selling fake bomb sniffers has come up with a new product line.
Would it not be easier for the BBC to ask for your tv licence ID when you log onto the site or open the app and just deny you access to the service if you don't provide it, which is similar to having iPlayer blocked when you use a foreign IP address? It would probably be more effective, less creepy and carbon friendly than having a sweaty bloke sitting in a van, stroking this thighs, muttering "milky milky" with the engine running, whilst sniffing the packets of teenagers and children.
Wannabe Prime Minister Andrea Leadsom thinks all websites should be rated – just like movies
Saturday 9th July 2016 08:49 GMT
Oh God, Oh God, Oh God...
....how have politicians managed to "miss" the internet to such an extent that they still think it's some trendy new TV channel. Non nerds have been using it en mass since about 2000 and the average road sweeper appears to know more about how it works than people who are supposed to be running the country. Surely in the past 16 years this person must have used the bloody thing or manybe she has a "man who does" that sorts out all that tiresome data entry stuff.
The Microsoft-LinkedIn hookup will be the END of DAYS, I tell you
Tax Systems: The good, the bad and the completely toot toot ding-dong loopy
Monday 12th January 2015 08:34 GMT
Re: "Tax and tax, spend and spend, elect and elect!"
>>is that more government spending is a very good thing because it leads to more government jobs..
More government jobs leads to more tea drinking, pension hungry, lard arses who immediately leggit to HR screaming "STRESS!" if anyone asks them to do anything.
Just my 2 cents (ex VAT)
Tax is like the clap...best avoided
UK.gov prompt payment promise is POPPYCOCK - NAO
UKIP website TAKES A KIP, but for why?
No cellphones in cells, you slag! UK.gov moots prison mobe zap law
Renault Captur: Nobody who knows about cars will buy this
Monday 5th January 2015 08:24 GMT
The advert made me doubt this car
Freshwater fish does a "Great Escape" job and seemingly ends up loving a salt water sea. I thought at that point that if the marketing bods were so dumb, the car had to be.
Also reminds me of that old joke...Heaven is where the police are British, the mechanics German, the cooks French, the lovers Italian and the whole thing's run by the Swiss. Hell is where the cooks are British, the mechanics French, the police German, the lovers Swiss and the whole thing's run by the Italians.
Office MACROS PERIL! Age-old VBScript tactic is BACK in biz attack
Wednesday 31st December 2014 16:49 GMT
Yeah, I wrote an app(lication) that did this back in 2008. IIRC it was a bit of a 'mare because of the different ways each MS app (Word, Excel, Visio, Access, etc) handled things. Anyhoo, the upshot was that the users kept their beloved macros and the sysAdmins kept their hair. Suppose I should have marketed the thing.
El Reg tests portable breathalyzers: Getting drunk so you don't have to
Wednesday 31st December 2014 14:09 GMT
Re: Drink and drive, a simple rule:
You're behind the times and your world view is too small. It's compulsory to have one in a car in France (for example). I got the cheapos out of Halfords the other day (£4.99 or something) so if I get pulled going down the A75 I won't get a fine. I'm working on the principle that if I can find them in the glove compartment, I'm fit to drive. ;)
