* Posts by xyz

703 posts • joined 7 Dec 2007


Playmobil crosses the final frontier with enormous, metre-long Enterprise playset

xyz Silver badge


Want want...

Btw, Babylon 5 series 3 was the nads

Btw. Btw, the person above with slighty sticky white balls coming from his wood should... Cant type anymore... Tribbles bred so fast because of the predators on their home planet.

Calendly’s new logo perceived as either bog-standard or kind of crappy

xyz Silver badge

Reminds me of one of those

Tampon insertion diagrams

EE and Three mobe mast surveyors might 'upload some virus' to London Tube control centre, TfL told judge

xyz Silver badge

>>I'll just put the plough on the tractor.....

And in the case of burglars, just slap on the backhoe!

For clarity... My tractor doesn't have a USB port, (enabled or otherwise) so I'm safe from terrorists.

What other "secure" systems organisation DOESN'T have a USB lockdown policy? Twats.

UK government bows to pressure, agrees to delay NHS Digital grabbing the data of England's GP patients

xyz Silver badge


The specs for what data are to be slurped have changed and they need time rewrite the scripts.

Just sayin'

Global Fastly outage takes down many on the wibbly web – but El Reg remains standing

xyz Silver badge

I do hope some sales slinger was

Giving a presentation on the benefits of the cloud to a really, really big client when.... Eek!

Just when everyone thought things might be looking up, Dido Harding admits interest in top job at NHS England

xyz Silver badge

I still cant read...

Dido Harding without a snigger.

Tiananmen Square Tank Man vanishes from Microsoft Bing, DuckDuckGo, other search engines – even in America

xyz Silver badge

Should we rename...

Duckduckgo as fuckfuckoh... BTW a Bing in Scotland is a slag heap.

European Parliament's data adequacy objection: Doubts cast on UK's commitment to privacy protection

xyz Silver badge

Re: Just

C'mon... The collective "smell" coming off UK state shenanigans is beginning to get seriously whiffy if not stenchy. Its like the gov is being run by a bunch of chancers or similar.

Royal Yacht Britannia's successor to cost about 1 North of England NHS IT consultancy framework

xyz Silver badge

When 2 planes just aren't enough..

... Gimme a boat. I name it Boris McBoatface

MoD: Our networks are in 'unacceptable' state and both data and IT bods are stuck in silos

xyz Silver badge


Sounds like this was written by people who don't understand the word "secure". MoD IT may be a pile of shite but that's because of the environment they have to operate in. I could tell you countless MoD fucks ups like REDACTED or when REDACTED or that time REDACTED. etc.

Buzzword bingo bozos meet immovable object time and after 2 years of work and countless millions get wasted on project soopadoopa, it'll get quietly dropped.

Google employee helped UK government switch from disastrous COVID-19 strategy, according to Dominic Cummings

xyz Silver badge

I said at the time...

That treating covid like some flood to be spread out across a large area rather than a forest fire that you needed to starve of fuel was nuts. All I got back was "herd immunity, herd immunity".

I'm obviously not smart.

Snowden was right, rules human rights court as it declares UK spy laws broke ECHR

xyz Silver badge

I've sort of given up thinking about this..

From where I'm perched everybody (military, industrial; its all very complex :) seems hell bent on having as much data as possible on everyone and it seems that they are unlikely to stop anytime soon. So, I can either get my panties in a bunch about it or go "meh".

I know what they are doing is wrong, but I just can't be arsed wasting my time over it. And having seen the shenanigans that go on when this lot get serious I'd prefer to keep my own counsel rather than ending up in an Oxfordshire field having had an involuntary suicide.

Surprise! Developers' days ruined by interruptions and meetings, GitHub finds

xyz Silver badge

No shit Sherlock

They should have used me as a "metric"... Interrupt me mid code and I go bat shit crazy.

Just what is the poop capacity of an unladen sparrow? We ask because one got into the office and left quite a mess

xyz Silver badge

And the sexist answer is...

The amount of bird shit produced is directly proportional to the volume available. Its like a bird's suitcase, the bigger it is the more shit goes into it.

Beyond video to interactive, personalised content: BBC is experimenting with rebuilding its iPlayer in WebAssembly

xyz Silver badge

Can they just fix their website first...

A) so it goes faster and B) get rid of all that tracking crap. Mind you I think their mission statement these days is "we don't do news, so just show pictures of puppies"

Oops, says Manchester City Council after thousands of number plates exposed in parking ticket spreadsheet

xyz Silver badge

But but but...

That nice Mr Plod always told us that ANPR wasn't mass surveillance because number plates were public data. I'm confused.

Guy who wrote women are 'soft, weak, cosseted, naive' lasted about a month at Apple until internal revolt

xyz Silver badge

The guy deserves an award...

An iRatner.

'Biggest data grab' in NHS history stuffs GP records in a central store for 'research' – and the time to opt out is now

xyz Silver badge

It's all in the name...

GPDPR sounds a lot like GDPR, to make it sound like it's a souped up GDPR. This gov is beginning to have a "smell" about it.

Anyhoo, I'm still trying to leave my GP and they won't let me unless I go in to see them... I'm in Spain.

‘Staggering’ cost of vintage Sun workstations sees OpenSolaris-fork Illumos drop SPARC support

xyz Silver badge

And they were really good heaters..

I used to hug them when I was stuck in a cold server room.

Philanthropist and ex-Microsoft manager Melinda Gates and her husband Bill split after 27 years of marriage

xyz Silver badge


After a great deal of thought and a lot of work on our relationship, we have decided to end our marriage," Gates said

Sounds like most MS projects

Apple patches iOS, macOS, iPadOS, watchOS, kitchen-sinkOS bugs said to be exploited in the wild

xyz Silver badge

My hunting camera is safe...

No way in hell will any IOS thingy pair with it.

Bill to protect UK against harmful foreign investment becomes law

xyz Silver badge

I thought...

That the gov thought that all foreign investment was harmful. That's why they did brexit.

Vivaldi update unleashes the 'Cookie Crumbler' to simply block any services asking for consent (sites may break)

xyz Silver badge

Oi BBC....

I think they're after you.

JavaScript developers left in the dark after DroidScript software shut down by Google over ad fraud allegations

xyz Silver badge

Have said this before...

They've gone from " Do no evil" to "Dr No evil"

Spotlight on Apple, Google app stores: What happened to Tile, Spotify, Match – and that proposed law in Arizona

xyz Silver badge

Just a thought...

Why don't those nice people at MS, who have an app store (with a few dusty shelves), start selling android and ios apps for developers. I'm sure they would only charge say 10% instead of the usual 30% arse tear of the competition.

GCHQ boss warns China can rewrite 'the global operating system' in its own authoritarian image

xyz Silver badge

Brief translation...

Bigger budget please. The rest of the crap spouted made me laugh though.

We've finally hit Peak Bork: Microsoft man reveals home-grown welcome back BSOD at Redmond HQ

xyz Silver badge

I dream of a good old fashioned BSOD...

I've got a meeting on Wednesday... It's a Teams job so I downloaded that onto my laptop yesterday and went off to my cabin in the woods for the weekend where there is no Internet (by design).

Bloody Teams will not shut up telling me that there is an error because I have no Internet and short of uninstalling the thing, I'm out of options.

Why can't they have a "Quit" option that actually quits until you unquit or a "Shut the fuck up" option or something. Between Teams and Windows Defender constantly trying to do something they cant, I'm close to sticking the laptop in my wood burning stove. Need a beer.

OK, so we don't have a flying car yet, but this is possibly even better: The Internet of Beer

xyz Silver badge

Re: empty keg value

American beer kegs are black?? Who knew.

Capgemini scores £150m contract to help Student Loan Company overcome its IT problems 5 years after £50m superfail

xyz Silver badge

Re: How hard can it be?

I know.. Effin database, a front end if some sort and some management gubbins in the middle. Even with a legacy database export and redundancy, this is as basic as it gets. I doubt it's even big.

Microsoft revokes MVP status of developer who tweeted complaint about request to promote SQL-on-Azure

xyz Silver badge

Important week for cloud compete...

... As AWS reinvent begins.

What sort of person writes stuff like that? Does MS have an AI or a robot in charge of marketing? Are they feeding their staff rivets?

I think they need a bit of sunshine in their lives.

God bless this mess: Study says UK's Christian beliefs had 'important' role in Brexit

xyz Silver badge

Re: I find myself saying...

You are the reason I don't live in the UK. EU punishment beatings are figments of the Daily Mail and Boris the Borker's imaginations.

All countries have almost identical import restrictions it's just you do not understand this.

xyz Silver badge

Re: I find myself saying...

Can't get them here and anything that looks like them is twice the price. It was cheaper buying them from the UK and paying import tax.

xyz Silver badge

I find myself saying...

CHRIST!! quite a lot these days. I'm currently playing export ping pong with 5 radiators that I'm trying to get to my house in Spain. For anyone else doing this kind of thing, the Spanish now want a recipient NIE on the documents otherwise it gets knocked back.

Pentagon confirms footage of three strange craft taken by the Navy are UFOs (no, that doesn't mean they're aliens)

xyz Silver badge


Given that e-world plus e-dog wants my (our) data for no apparent reason other than to be creepy, I for one would welcome an atmospheric leg up to parts distant.

This super secret, "foreigner" aviation, twaddle has been done to death and between Bigalow, Musk et al, I'd be more than happy to nail my colours to the first saucer outa here.

Happy weekend tots!

NHS COVID-19 app update blocked by Apple, Google over location privacy fears

xyz Silver badge


Someone up top thought no one would check. By tomorrow it'll be the EU's fault.

Beloved pixel pusher Paint prepares to join Notepad for updates from Microsoft Store

xyz Silver badge

I'm pissed off...

I fancied watching a dvd on my all signing all dancing new laptop last night and ended up watching it on my 2012 win 7 job... Why? Because Windows media player is now in the app store and they want 12 quid or dollars or euros for it. Bunch of Kents.

Easily distracted by too many apps, too many meetings, and too much asparagus

xyz Silver badge

Re: wild asparagus

>>You have to get your eye in to spot the edible shoots and wear leather work gloves because the mature plant is very spiky.

Ahh... I picked a pile yesterday and had it for dinner... Been dog ill all day, but at least I now know there are edible and not edible shoots. Thank god I'm better at picking mushrooms.

Turns out humans are leading AI systems astray because we can't agree on labeling

xyz Silver badge

Re: Google Captcha

Makes me want to say, stop the world, I want to get off

Wi-Fi devices set to become object sensors by 2024 under planned 802.11bf standard

xyz Silver badge


If I buy a big dildo and stick it on an old record turntable and leave that spinning near my router, someone should get the message?

No JavaScript, no trackers, no SSL security: Retro computing boffin gives Google News a Netscape 1.1 makeover

xyz Silver badge

Thank christ...

What we need is a cleaned out internet where advert singers are hunted down and shot ... OK, maybe a bit extreme but you know what I mean.

Apple iPad torched this guy's home, lawsuit claims

xyz Silver badge

I'm confused...

I thought these things were supposed to be "cool" but then someone else said they were a "hot product". In either case I never charge anything unless I'm about just in case.

Google vows to build its own server system-on-chips, hires Intel veteran

xyz Silver badge

I read "on ships"

Twice... Bit sunny here in Spain.

City of London Police warn against using ‘open science’ site Sci-Hub

xyz Silver badge

And at the other end of the scale...

There is Research Gate. Trying to get anything out of them is just a joke unless you are well published in the first place. They know how to make you feel second class. Luckily their security is crap.

Grotesque soundbyte alert: UK government opens wallet to help rural areas get 'gigafit'

xyz Silver badge

Funnily enough...

Some blokes just installed fibre cable through the main gas pipe to somewhere in the middle of my patch of forest in the middle of nowhere in Catalunya. A truck with a generator, a digger, a big reel of cable and a couple of blokes was all it took. Seemed simple enough. Now, getting electricity.. That's hard.

Missile systems software dev leaker has sentence almost doubled after UK.gov says 4½ years was too soft

xyz Silver badge


Having knobs and whistles above DV is like being a member of Fight Club... You don't say jack. Something has happened that's really pissed him off and he's gone a bit err... off. He really needs mental help but being a loose cannon now means he'll just be locked away for a long time or "have a accident".

SQL now a dirty word for Oracle, at least in cloudy data warehouses

xyz Silver badge

Can you imagine...

Wide Area No Knowledge Access (W. A. N. K. A.) where massed middle managers play with data all day to try and improve their carrer prospects. I would imagine that DBAs will be fully employed tydying up assorted tangled messes whilst crazy "non query" queries drag everything into the gutter.

Following Supreme Court ruling, Uber UK recognizes drivers as workers, offers min wage, holiday pay, pension

xyz Silver badge

Call the drivers developers..

Then HMRC can unleash its IR35 dogs of compliance.

Boffins revisit the Antikythera Mechanism and assert it’s no longer Greek to them

xyz Silver badge


Apple probably will claim the patent

Memo to scientists. Looking for intelligent life? Have you tried checking for worlds with a lot of industrial pollution?

xyz Silver badge

So... omgumanananaia (or whatever it was called) missed?

Mobile World Congress seemingly serious about in-person Barcelona event in June, shares safety plan

xyz Silver badge


Think they'd buy COVID19 antivirus software? Much cheapness... Honest.



Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2021