* Posts by Stewart Haywood

184 publicly visible posts • joined 7 Dec 2007

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Download al Qaeda manuals from the DoJ, go to prison?

Stewart Haywood

@Emerson

"As an overseas national he has failed to produce evidence of his eligibility to work in the United Kingdom. The University is no different from other employers and is prevented in law from employing foreign nationals who do not have permission to work here."

So we can expect the police to start arresting senior members of staff who authorised his employment then?

Want to buy Jacqui Smith's ID?

Stewart Haywood
Alien

Great choice!

".......including establishing the City of London Police as the national lead on fraud."

Let's all hope that their senior officers did the course on fraud after they got taken in by the scientologists and not before.

OH!, silly me, I see now, they did the scientology course first and now lead the nation in fraud.

City anti-Scientology protestor avoids court summons

Stewart Haywood

Report the police to CPS

To sue the police would be expensive and time consuming. However, he could report the individual police officers to the CPS for theft of his sign and for threatening behaviour. If one of them touched him, assualt would be even better!

The police have said that they were ignorant of the law but, igorance of the law is no defence for the rest of us. Just keep on writing to the CPS demanding that they take the officers to court and openly publish the letters and the replies.

I wonder why the police did not donate the tickets to charity. That is what decent minded public servants would have done ......... ah yes, I see now.

Social networking site bans oldies over sex offender fears

Stewart Haywood
Flame

'Ang on a minute

I have never looked Faceparty before you mentioned it. I don't want to look at it again.

Now, I realize that at 56 I am obviously very dangerous and may corrupt the morals of young people and should therefore be banned, but, when I was a kid, I was protected from things like this http://www.faceparty.com/grimrita/ by not allowing me to see them, not by banning people of my present age from seeing them.

It is interesting that every page on Faceparty (I have only looked at two pages, it was enough) has something that would offend people. Faceparty is allowed to continue. A kid who calls the Scientology Cult a cult is in trouble. Some poor publican who advertises his bar as "now straight" is in trouble and anyone over 36 is a pervert. Apart from Gordon and his palls, what is wrong with England?

DWP still sending out passwords and discs together

Stewart Haywood
Joke

Floppies

I think they should use floppies. Fewer new PCs have floppy drives than CD drives so that should improve security. It's also more difficult to loose a crate of floppies than a single CD.

Gordon Brown claims a Brit invented the iPod

Stewart Haywood

China

Now we know why everyone is locating their manufacturing in China. It is all the talented people sploshing around in the paddie fields.

Retailers risk libel nightmare over 'no-work' database

Stewart Haywood
Flame

I'd rather become .....

a white farmer in Zimbabwe than return to England to live!

I can remember the days when an Englishman could sit on a train

smoking a cigar, drinking a beer, reading a smutty mag' and telling the

boss what he thought of the company with no fear of being fired, arrested

for having dirty thoughts or shot by MI5. Good grief, you could even fall into a coma on a bus without having barbed projectiles fired into you and getting zapped. Now all you have to do is not do something that the boss cannot prove that you did do and your whole life is on the rocks.

Google tips hat to St George - finally

Stewart Haywood
Flame

Wots all this about 'im not being a saint then?

St George was demoted to a third class saint by the Papists in 1963. He was then restored in 2000. He has never been dropped by the one true Church of England (even if Blair did, in a fit of unpatriotic foolishness, desert to the Hitler Youth led Papist horde).

Boris Johnson bans boozing on London transport

Stewart Haywood

'Ang on a minute

If the problem is drunken louts causing a nuisence, isn't that a crime already?

If so, perhaps the coppers who find looking at CCTV pictures hard work

could get out there and do something easier like arresting drunks on busses.

As for Boris, "I firmly believe that if we drive out so-called minor crime then we will be able to get a firm grip on more serious crime.", he isn't driving out a minor crime, he's inventing a new one! To be fair, with his hair style, rumpled suit, shirt hanging out and bags under his eyes, he looks as though he knows a bit about drinking out of a brown paper bag on a bus. Maybe he is right.

Mag-lev flywheel UPS firm says shipments speeding up

Stewart Haywood

Angular Momentum

This is not a problem, use two contra-rotating flywheels.

This was done with aircraft airscrews a long time ago.

Men could have kids with chimpanzees - gov must act

Stewart Haywood
Coat

Green Monkeys

"Christians accept that every person is amazingly loved and valued by an amazing God " So much so that He sent us amazingly difficult to cure Green Monkey Disease to enrich our lives.

'Extreme porn' law could criminalise millions

Stewart Haywood
Paris Hilton

I have a solution

If we want to find out how to behave on Britain's highways, we read the highway code. Here is a sample page http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/TravelAndTransport/Highwaycode/DG_069859

it shows how to clear a windscreen correctly. There are two images, one with a big green tick and one with a big red cross.

What we need now is a "Wanker's Code" booklet. This could have images of what is allowed (big green tick) and what is not allowed (big red cross).

We should, of course, teach this in schools and not allow children to proceed to puberty unless they achieve a pass in a practical exam.

Paris because most boys would like to be examined by her.

El Reg obtains snap of OGC logo reveal

Stewart Haywood
Thumb Up

UK Criminal Justice Bill

Will the OGC find themselves in trouble with clause 63?

Maybe government logos are exempt. I suppose they would have to

be otherwise the Queen would be in troublwe with that

rampant lion!

Sky One to resurrect Blake's 7?

Stewart Haywood
Pirate

@ Lickass McClippers

Starbuck turned into a girl and you call that a success!

Top-end Fords will be watching your rear

Stewart Haywood

I wonder if...

it will be as good as the IR reversing detectors that I have. They warn of ice on the detectors, large rain drops on the detectors, heavy dirt on the detectors, thick fog, heavy rain and the ground when reversing down a slope

The rise of the Malware Mafia

Stewart Haywood

@Peter Leech

"Anybody cynical about our elected leaders would think that most politicians are lawyers and benefit from being able to argue endlessly about shoddily written laws."

You give our glorious leaders far too much credit. Politicians are generally failed lawyers with the odd failed doctor or teacher thrown in.

UK.gov will force paedophiles to register email addresses

Stewart Haywood
Black Helicopters

Diversionary Tactics

So, while they have everyone (even Sun readers!) concentrating hard on this bit of nonsense that they and everyone else knows is unworkable, what are they really doing?

US teen cuffed for disposable camera 'Taser'

Stewart Haywood
Paris Hilton

I'm in serious trouble.

If I streach my white cotton + something man made socks to their maximum extent and then fire them across a dark room, they light up green for several seconds as they fly. My daughter and I fire them at each other several times a week. Her long white tights are even better! I'm sure that tracer rounds are illegal.

Paris, because I bet her tights light up too.

T5 opening turns into Airplane 3.0

Stewart Haywood
Linux

It's a bit like Fawlty Towers,

except that the Spanish waiter is the boss this time.

The penguin because he looks so sad that he must have lost his baggage.

First permitted in-flight mobile call made

Stewart Haywood

Should make it easy

to phone the bomb in the hold!

Or maybe they didn't think about that.

Transgender man prepares to give birth

Stewart Haywood

So, The nasty doctors discriminated

against him and told him to go stuff himself. And so he did.

US mistakenly sent nuke-ICBM parts to Taiwan in 2006

Stewart Haywood
Joke

@David Wiernicki

"Look on the bright side they didn't send them to Tehran."

Maybe they intended to but the Comander in Chief didn't pronounce it

correctly!

State Department workers snooped on all three prez candidates

Stewart Haywood
Joke

If it was in the UK....

they would just wait fior the free CDs to be distributed.

Shoebox man-tracker radar flies in nimble drone

Stewart Haywood
Stop

If I was bobbing around in the north sea.......

in my orange suit, I think that I would rather see and hear a Nimrod full of smoke floats, flares, rubber ducks and people than hear a sewing machine with wings and see nothing.

So what's the easiest box to hack - Vista, Ubuntu or OS X?

Stewart Haywood
Joke

The most secure machine is

One running Vista with SP1. It won't even boot!

Cambridge brain touts wind-n-server combo farms

Stewart Haywood
Joke

Collocate chicken farms....

pig farms and server farms. The server farm can run on chicken and pig shonet and all the tech's can eat bacon and egg sandwiches!

Net think tank: Phorm is illegal

Stewart Haywood

&Andrew webster

"Actually it's Sue, Grabbit & Rune as any long term private eye reader knows ;)"

Hmmmm....I always thought that it was "Sue Grabbit & Runne". Rune sounds like something to do with Gandolph the Grey.

US Army funds $10m bat-droid

Stewart Haywood
Thumb Up

@Charles Hammond

How about a tick-bot that clings to any enemy bat-droid, drinks from it's power source, reads the data it is storing and feeds it false data?

Maybe the bat-droid needs to carry a robo-virus that it is imune to but will infect tick-bots. And so on and so on..................

Micro-ECM and micro (maybe even pico) ECCM are going to be sooo much fun!

Home Secretary in ID card gaffe

Stewart Haywood

@RW

"Are these people serious? Does this Jacqui Smith person even understand the words she reads off the papers handed to her by her spin doctors? I want some of what they're smoking!"

I expect that Jacqui was handing out the cannabis just like in the 80's!

Government set to 'destroy' UK radio astronomy

Stewart Haywood
Alien

Don't they know....

That ET is a terrorist and we need all the radio telescopes we can get our hands on to keep track of his multiple mobiles?

Jedi to open Surrey academy

Stewart Haywood
Paris Hilton

The Maxwellian Sect

of the Murphyites believe that the High Church Murphyites are optimists of the highest order. Maxwellians are very devout and can often be heard talking to God in hushed tones when accountants and HR people are presenting their vission of the future.

Paris, because her time in jail proved that simple machines CAN go wrong.

Cable cutter nutters chase underwater conspiracies

Stewart Haywood
Alien

The Kraken wakes!

Watch out for sea tanks comming ashore next!

NHS frets over Brits' genitalia

Stewart Haywood
Go

To paraphrase the good book.........

If thy genitals offend thee, lop 'em off!

EVE Online update kills Windows PCs

Stewart Haywood

The real idiot........

......is the EVE developer who thought that it was a good idea to call the file boot.ini in the first place.

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