* Posts by Tom

57 publicly visible posts • joined 4 Dec 2007


Red Dwarf finally returns to Earth



Opening sequence I will say will show the ending of the last episode.. and then cut to 10 years later

Lister "Well that was a boring trip"

Kryton "But Sir, what about 7 years ago when you ripped your pants, that was amusing"

Lister stares blankly

Cat "Well at least ive aged with grace, you look like you have been dragged through a cupboard of dead hedgehogs"

Google G1 successor spied in video?


Battery Pack

On the Battery it clearly says "Dream G2"

A380 too quiet, moan Emirates pilots

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Sleeping.. whilst flying?

bloody fly boys get it easy these days, ILS, Auto-Pilot, sleeping area, and they still complain.

Aussie convicted over Simpsons sex pics



Ive seen some rather hideous anime/manga over the years (Urotsukodoji - or however you spell it for one).. some of the characters in these are pretty young.. this can only spell doom for smut laden crazy japanaese anime.

BBC relives The Day of The Triffids


When I grow up....

I want to be a triffid.

Gamers voice NXE woes

Gates Horns

got it last night

much prefer it to the old one as it seems a little more lively.. however it does not feel like a gamer console anymore and more like a fisher price console.

Looking forward to getting avatar specific clothing... bring on Gears/Halo armour thats all I say.

Also the NXE Premium Themes look good, but its not possible to preview them which is a massive downfall.

Asus launches 'world's fastest' smartphone


ugly as sin

it looks like it was the winner in some primary school "design your bestest mobile phone" competition... would look nice as a drawing on the fridge but anywhere else would just be wrong.

Laptops to blame for Qantas jet plunge?


Maybe this is just a little too obvious...

but if aircraft avionics are so badly affected by rogue transmissions from inside the plane then surely installing faraday mesh around such electronics would be a very simple and easy way to stop such signals causing problems?

I admit, my day job does not involve designing aircraft.

US teen cuffed for sending nude phone pics



Well this is just crazy, I recently purchased a Photography book and it contained 2/3 photos of underage girls naked in it, question of art but I found it a little distasteful. Anyhow would i get prosecuted for buying this book even before I knew the contents of it? Same as a text, how can someone be prosecuted for receiving something they had no control over.

It also sounds like this girl needs some therapy rather than a prison sentence. and if some kids of 16/17 want to take pictures of themselves together for their personal pleasure then why not. Its not like some pedophile made them take the pictures.

Sergey Brin descends from Mount Sinai with Android API


Agree with 1st AC

Whats with all the profanity, it just felt like I was reading some whining forum post by some spotty script kiddie.

G1 Android launch pictures leaked?



HTC phones are usually pretty nice.. this one looks.. well for the younger readers I will refrain from certain language, but it doesnt look good.

El Reg drops in on Bletchley Park


Maybe IBM feel guilty

seeing as they created the machines that help catalogue the removal of jews from germany!!!

I want to go, but looking at the pictures they still live in the 1940's.. why wasnt the building updated in anyway to make it look more like a museum, it looks like a school computer room from th 1990's.

Fugitive spammer in murder-suicide


Prison Rating...

Must wonder if he was being targeted in prison.. like sex offenders are considered the bottom of the barrel and will be killed inside prison for what they have done... maybe they found out he was a spammer and he got placed just above the sex offenders on the rating of Bad to Evil.

I think the bigger tragedy here is that he was allowed to escape and commit such activities and the authorities didn't see that he was clearly deranged in someway as it takes a lot to turn a gun on your loved ones.

The Moderatrix will see you now


Safety Word?

Whats your safety word during your depraved acts? is it:

geeky > "SUDO HALT"?

nerdy > "PI"? #

strange > "ULLA, ULLA, ULLA"


So, what can you photograph?


Early Day Motion

I am a member of a photography forum and this EDM was shown, alot of members have now contacted their local MP to get them to sign it to make the law more clear.


I got a letter from Tony Mcnulty at the house of commons saying there was no law against taking photography in public, this i now carry around with me whenever I go taking photos incase some coppa doesnt take a liking to me.

Disgruntled admin gets 63 months for massive data deletion


In the words of Hans Gruber

"You asked for a Miracle, I give you the F B I"

Thats my Die Hard quote for the day.

Manchester's congestion charge: pay-to-leave



"Did I read that correctly ? 1.2 bn in grants and 1.8 bn in loans.

What in the name of all that is holy are they spending all that on?"

Well they will shuffle most of the money around to fund other things, such as the Council Christmas Party. That'll leave about 2.5bn, 2bn to go on consultants, 250m to go on winning over people, 200m to go on advertising for the great new greater manchester, and then 50m to go on putting into place.

End result some IT technician with years of expierence sitting infront of a comptuer programming like a dog for 20k whilst talking into his cup of coffee about "being able to burn this place down".

Oh and then the project will run over budget and the poor IT technician will get blamed.

Revenue admits another IT cock-up

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I Think, I Know, What I Think I Know, But I Know What I Think I know.

"I think it is tens of thousands for the IT programming error that we know about. There is an additional discrepancy, which is also tens of thousands, that we have not quite got to the bottom of."

That has to be the dumbest statement I have heard in a while, essentially "I think its what we know"....

and just because she popped out a kid we are meant to be kind hearted with these kind of cock ups!!!! Get rid of em all.

Too dim to set up your phone? Pay someone else to do it


I like this idea...

I have a Touch Dual on Orange, and its connectivity to both 3G and HSDPA are messed up, being unable to recieved MMS if i have my connection setup for 3G/HSDPA and vice versa.. after much messing about with it i gave up having broken all my settings so now no longer receive 3G content (not that I did anyway).

But still maybe there will be something I might want and I just wont be able to do, looking at the orange website for the settings yielded little and calling them is never going to happen.

Will I use this service, you can bet your arse I wont!!! £1.. outrageous.

A videogame that truly takes the p*ss


@Good aim?

Dont cross the streams.


I am traumatised!!!

Why are those "men" in knee high boots, with their trousers and pants (knickers) down whilst at a urinal?

I am shocked beyond words, my dreams will nto be pleasant this evening after that violation of my optic nerves.

Life a mess? The Moderatrix can help


Whats comes first? the socks or the pants!

Given that X=Y and the world is round, can you tell me if its a sin to put your socks on before putting on underpants? I come to this critical point every morning of my life and can not determine if putting socks on first will send me to hell or will open my eyes to a greater good of tackle in the wind with cosy feet.

Please Help!

Set-top box modders sent to prison



A fridge to go forward in time to punch your boss in the face and then use it to go back in time to when it didnt happen, is that still a crime? Now due to uniformal universe matter reactions you cant be in 2 places at the same time. Whilst the crime did happen it never happened in your time stream therefore it never actually happened, but you have the knowledge of your fist meeting bosses nose in one glorious action.

Maybe they should have first got their box to steal tv from the future, problem solved.

NZ bank robber stashes loot where the sun don't shine


Plastic money

I thought New Zealand notes where plastic? if so that may have been pretty uncomfortable, not saying that a fist full of paper cash up the backdoor wouldnt hurt, just plastic would be a whole new level.

Rock Group goes titsup


I hope..

they now take into consideration that his actions may have been the direct cause of the closure of the company with the loss of peoples jobs.

I vote that Dell will buy them!

MSI releases £235 desktop Eee PC rival ahead of Asus


I would have one in the bag if..

It had WiFi built in..

I have been thinking about building a media server to stick under the tele but cant find anything that comes out cheap enough. This would be ideal if it had WiFi built in, not that its too hard to add but still.

Hyundai and Kia's latest pitch to US drivers - Windows


The Dreaded...

Blue windscreen of death!!!!

Literally if this happened it probably would cause some deaths.

How to destroy 60 hard drives an hour



throw them in a volcano! Jobs a good'un and if some EU red tape wants to get you in trouble for incorrectly disposing of electrical goods, lets see them get some proof.

Japanese council worker in 750k smut site pornathon

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pron pwning

I can only salute this man for singlehandedly making my friday, knowing that there is someone out there with a bigger problem than I.

Texas man tries to cash $360bn cheque


1 too many zeroes?

Maybe he only wanted 360,000 but was unsure as to how many zeros that required..

thus adding 6 more for good measure.

This guy has made my day.

Natasha Henstridge braces for Impact


I for one am always in fear...

of dwarf stars appearing out of the ether, without the obvious side effect of casting more light on the earth, or giving blighty some decent weather for a few days. To think that right now a dwarf star, which would also make things a little warm, crashing into the moon and then us "panicking" about it.

I will be under my duvet for protection.

Smut blocking? We're more bothered about Bebo


enable them

I think that people should be allowed to access such sites, but if they fall behind on their work its taken away.

Also blocking proxy servers isnt always best, especially in my work as I need to check websites from remote locations to see if DNS and what not has propagated correctly, so blocking proxies means I cant do this.

Samsung fêtes 'first' HSUPA phone


what is going on...

in that first picture..

I see a woman with her legs crossed, a random hand holding the phone, and then just to the left of the phone there appears to be a knee.. but the woman to the left is sitting back against something, so where is that knee coming from!!!

Its Monday, and I dont like it.

Ballmer bitch slaps Vista



Ive been with Vista for about 8 months now, on first use it was pretty good, liked it, it ran relatively fast. However it has now slowly mashed its own face in, runs like a dead horse and likes to perform random delayed actions.

I also transfer a number of files between external hdd's, and the timing that it gives seems to be taken from a random number generator as even when the files are the same size and going to the same drive they give completely different times.

In the new job i am using OpenSUSE, whilst not perfect as it has had some crashes with the desktop, it runs nice and quick and doesnt feel bloated in anyway. The message of this epic story is, if microsoft could produce something like opensuse, or any other linux distro then I would see no reason to use a linux distro.

I for one would have thought that Microsoft would have released a gamers edition of their OS, allowing it to use large amounts of ram, all the useless crap removed, and network and video usage optimized, this is a market that you could easily tap.

El Reg celebrates 10th birthday


Linus The Destroyer Of Art


When I saw that picture before reading the text I thought Linus had just drawn all over the painting on the wall with the pen like object in his hand and then about to proceed to start a fight.

Boffins develop '500TB iPod' storage tech


No Point..

Going on other news today, the world will be destroyed in 18 years, so looks like i have my impending doom to look forward before getting my hands on a 500TB HDD.

Japanese geeks offered smaller-than-Eee little laptop


A winner?

Now this is a subnotebook i can get along with, nice styling and the revolving screen make it a lot more usable on the move.

Nokia coughs up €200m over axed German workers


Are my maths wrong here??

Going on the principal that all workers are equal (of course they wont be) $200 million will give each employee $86k each.. which is a rather tasty piece of compensation for anyone.

Boffin builds sex-selecting email analysis software


Sex Offender Training Tool

Great.. just what we need, a tool to help sex offenders train on being feminine to lure girls into a meeting.

HTC Touch Dual smartphone


I have this phone!

I have had this phone for 3 weeks now, after upgrading from my Tytn. Its got a much nicer interface but this is only due to HTC's Today Screen.

The real hardship is no wi-fi, but I rarely used it on my Tytn so no big loss. A very nice phone, small and usable, a nice choice for anyone.

DIY satellite TV installer shoots wife dead


Gun Drill!

I have to side with the first poster on this one, what was he trying to use to drill in the first place that failed so miserably that the only possible device to be able to penetrate such hardy building materials was a gun and x2 bullets..

however its kinda like hitting a nail wrong and smacking your own hand then needing to have another go. I wonder which bullet killed his wife, the one that went into the wall, or the one that went through the window from his first "attempt"

Famous Five film lined up


@Darren B

I was reading the posts bottom to top for some reason and came across:

"Happily read a whole SS book before I got up on a Sunday morning."

Thought thats being a Nazi and Proud.

Vote now for your fave sci-fi movie quote


@ Neil Hoskins

There are 42 to pick from.. thats a big enough douglas adams tilt of the hat.

"Killian, here's your Subzero, now plain zero"


Obvious Quotes Missed

"Game over man... Game over!" (Private Hudson - Aliens)

"It's a rescue mission, you'll love it. There's some juicy colonists' daughters we have to rescue from their virginity. Heh!" (Apone - Aliens)

"If it bleeds, we can kill it." (Dutch - Predator)

Elonex £99 Eee PC rival to arrive in June


oh yeah!!

@scientologyisacult: elonex girl appears to be the kind of girl that likes nothing more than having a distro up her.

Disintegrating wind turbine caught on camera


@hedley phillips

thats terrorist talk, or a hilarious plot line for a chuckle brothers episode who get contracted to maintain a turbine but due to crazy antics fail to do so, destroying a £200million turbine farm.

Quake rocks Britain


Shocking News Reporting Indeed

The problem is, the only people that would call up news stations are idiots, idiots with an idiotic opinion. Then when they get asked for a quote they hype it up. Next time im going to call up twice:

1: "I felt like the world was being destroyed, I was sure the sun had just exploded and we was all about to die"

2: "Im from the British Geologist Survey, just thought I would let you know the earth quake was an 8.7, the epicentre being near Bell End in Northamptonshire"

Purely to see which one they publish, and to get Bell End mentioned on the news with a crazy incorrect fact would prove how dumb the media really are.

Taliban demand night-time cell tower shutdown


String Phones

Maybe they should switch to 2 cups and a piece of string (www.2taliban2cups1pieceofstring.com could have hilarious videos), not only is this a tried and tested technology but is very hard to break into without either "callers" knowing its being "wire" tapped.

Asus unveils 42in Linux-based Eee TV


Come on People!!!

The article reads:

"retail for no more than $200 above what you'd pay for this kind of telly."

so whatever you would pay for a 42inch tv add $200 more for the eee verson, so about £900 I guess. The thing with this is it doesnt matter that it has a PC in its th quality of the screen that counts because its not going to be used just for the PC inside it.

Burma hits satellite TV where it hurts



they will now miss Monk.

Coat > Door > Gone