Ah... brings back memories...
I was a locksmith for 13 years prior to my move into I.T. One night the phone rang at home and it was one of the local hospitals. They asked me to come to the E.R.... "We have a lock we need opened." Thinking they had a locked cabinet or some piece of machinery, I hopped in the vehicle and sped off to the hospital.
They led me back through the E.R. to a curtained off bed. There was a rather sheeepish looking man laying there, with his waist covered in a sheet, but otherwise, completely sans clothing. The nurse pulled back the sheet, and there was his manhood, shackled with a #3 Master padlock. He and his girlfriend had been playing that morning, and prior to leaving on a business trip, she "locked him up".
We had 4 options:
1) manually pick the lock (veto'd by me.... not willing to hold another man's privates for however long that took
2) use and electic lockpick (again, veto'd by me.... an electric lockpick is essentially a vibrator, didn't even want to consider the consequences)
3) boltcutters (veto'd by the patient)
4) de-laminating the lock (grinding the rivets off and pulling the bottom plates free in order to remove the lock cylinder)
Option 4 was the choice of all involved, and after evacuating the man to another room, I was left alone with the chap, and a male nurse. He had his little fellow free in about 3 minutes. The attending physician stopped me on the way out of the E.R. and asked me to write a bill straight to the hospital. To this day, I still have a copy of it:
Qty 1. Description of service: Delaminate Master #3 padlock to unlock from patient HH087332's penis. Cost: $100.00
Biting the hand that feeds IT
