* Posts by Joe

278 publicly visible posts • joined 14 Mar 2007

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Software engineer builds straw house for £4k

Joe
Alert

Has he thought about this?

What will he do if the Big Bad Wolf shows up? Will he let him in, by the hair on his chinny-chin-chin?

Dear ISP, I am not a target market

Joe
Alert

Confusion

There seem to be a few people misunderstanding the system. Correct me if I'm wrong, but here's how I see it...

* Ad injection by your ISP isn't part of it - Phorm ads are not inserted into web pages by the ISP, they're served up by current methods (using a tracking cookie) on pages that have signed up to show Phorm ads.

* The difference lies in how the cookie is generated - this is where the privacy problem lies. The cookie is generated based on all your surfing data which is monitored by Phorm's software.

* Phorm are only selling the technology to the ISPs, and the equipment/software is located on-site. It's also super-mega-hyper-secure and privacy-respecting, or so they claim!

I still don't like it any more than I'd like the Royal Mail opening my letters to help them decide what junk mail to post.

Alabama admits developing country status

Joe

Webster...

...did you forget to take your pills today?

iPhone may sidestep rubbish caller ID suit

Joe

Bah!

@ Andy Bright - Trouble is, how does the exchange decide when the number has been dialled? My mum dials as slow as anything, so when dialling a national number the exchange might think she wanted a local number.

That doesn't excuse your Cisco phone though - it should be able to figure that out as presumably you dial the whole number before hitting the call button, right?

It's really poor that the handset manufacturers (especially Apple) got this wrong - my 8 year old BT/Siemens home phone matches numbers perfectly!

Polish builder sacked for humping hoover

Joe

Can we trust the Sun though?

I mean, this could just be some nonsense born from some half-overheard xenophobic joke in the Sun hacks' favourite lunchtime boozer, right?

Microsoft dropped Vista hardware spec to raise Intel profits

Joe
Coat

Microsoft does it again...

...by giving us two fresh oxymorons, as it seems that Vista is neither Ready or Capable!

I'm sure that's an old joke already, so in the spirit of teachers trying to be cool by telling crap old jokes, mine's the tweed jacket with leather patches on the elbows.

Claimed ignorance foils Economist domain case

Joe

Never heard of it?

In 1996 I was a naïve skinny virgin failing his A-Levels, but I'm sure I'd seen The Economist in WH Smiths!

Wheels come off Paris Hilton movie vehicle

Joe

The title

I can't imagine actually going into a cinema and saying to the clerk "The Hottie and the Nottie, please". Makes me shudder with embarrassment , and I'm not a shy person!

Tiscali and BPI go to war over 'three strikes' payments

Joe
Thumb Up

@ b166er

I completely agree - the music industry needs to offer reasonably-priced downloads, and the general public (i.e. not tech-savvy people like us) will flock to it.

Even though BitTorrent is easy, it's not easy enough, largely because it's not legit. The sites are full of porn ads, for a start. When my friend downloaded an album in FLAC he couldn't figure out how to play it or put on his iPod.

So the market is ripe for an easy, cheap solution... but will the industry provide one? Probably not. Somebody's got to pay for the ridiculously lavish lifestyle these people have become accustomed to!

Enraged vegan spitroasts Reg hack

Joe

Don't judge us all by this!

I found the original article to be poking fun at Pravda, I don't know how this woman missed it. Or perhaps she's being satirical and we're all missing her joke!

But anyway, not all people with animal sympathies are crazy humourless fanatics. Some of us do it out of conviction, not just to look cool and feel superior to others! (Not me, though. I do it for the chicks.)

Eugene Kaspersky and the KGB man that never was

Joe

Yes!

In America, you get walrus penis bone. In Kaspersky Labs, walrus penis bone get you!

Brazilian cleaner spots security hole in Heathrow e-borders

Joe
Alert

Understand the system!

They probably got into the same frame of mind that the security guards at a local college did - they think their job is to *make sure everybody had a pass*.

So if you have a card you can just swipe it and waltz through - they never check who the person using the card is, so anyone who finds or borrows or steals a card can get in to the building as easily as any other student.

But if you forget your card they will check your details (with photo) on their database (which proves who you are) - but then you will have to *buy another card*.

It's classic function creep, but in humans. The goal shifted from "make sure only authorised people enter the building" to "make sure only people holding a valid card enter the building".

I suspect the security guards in Parliament aren't the elite of their profession, either. As my dad always said, "you buy cheap, you buy twice!"

UK men would stay out of bed for 50in plasma telly

Joe
Alert

@ James and Mark

I seem to have that conversation with people regularly! If a big TV = no sex, perhaps those of us with no TV should be granted threesomes?

Automated crack for Windows Live captcha goes wild

Joe

The best idea on here...

...is the Wii one.

It would be so easy for the free email providers to forbid users from sending email to an address until it has been entered into the address book, and accepted by the recipient as someone they know (via automated email).

This wouldn't require more complex captchas - most of the ones suggested here are either too weak or too complex for the user. Certainly, most of those suggested here would block out all non English-speakers, colourblind people, etc.

Yes, address book authentication is the way forward!

Customers peel away from Orange broadband

Joe
Thumb Up

Let it all out!

It seems that broadband customer support is a major frustration for many people.

They sell it as an essential service, yet when my friend's broadband was cut off by BT for a week (it would have been much longer if I hadn't intervened) customer services such a lax attitude to the whole affair.

My own Orange experience was this: we moved from Orange 8mb to O2 8mb (after harassing Orange for a MAC code) and now our connection is up from 2mbps to 3.5mbps - with the same equipment at our end!

Bye bye Orange!

Veggies a 'perversion of nature': Official

Joe
Thumb Up

That Alicia!

With her dry and fragile hair, dull eyes and unhealthy complexion. My local butcher wouldn't go near her!

I must say, however, why do PETA representatives always claim they have so much more energy now they don't eat meat? I'm the same lazy feckless git I was before I became a vegetarian!

Nice satirical poke at a preposterous Pravda article, by the way. I'm sure both vegetarians and cow-killers alike can agree that it's mainly hyperbole, probably written by someone who was writing Communist propaganda 20 years ago.

Ryanair battles ASA over 'saucy schoolgirl' ad

Joe

My tuppence worth

IMO, there's two seperate issues here really:

1) The age-old "sexy schoolgirl" thing doesn't turn men into raving paedophiles. (I like that sort of thing myself!)

2) But it's got to be kept an adults-only thing - the sexualisation of young children is wrong. Showing sexy images to children is wrong.

So, the Britney Spears video was ok, but it wasn't okay for 10 year olds to watch! The same with many pop videos, I reckon. (That Eric Prydz one in the gym, for example, was nothing but soft porn!)

And just because the Sun has page 3, it doesn't mean it's right. It's not the place for it.

Maybe I'm confused. I also liked what "Name" at 12:15 GMT put.

Paul Burrell pulls website amid 'hate mail' blitz

Joe
Joke

Sados?

What have sadomasochists got to do with it?

Or perhaps you mean the river in Portugal?

Or the Japanese tea ceremony?

Or the inhabitants of Sado in Japan?

(See, Wikipedia comes in handy sometimes!)

Microsoft tries to CTRL-W WordPerfect lawsuit again

Joe
Joke

@ Ken Hagan

"There's a guy about fifteen feet from where I'm typing who does the surgery. And yes, isolation/abstraction is the key."

Does that mean you stick him in a room all by himself? ;)

Hungarians unleash dog bark translator

Joe
Paris Hilton

Dogs

My experience of dogs isn't great, but 99% of the time they seem to be saying "can I have some food?"

(PH icon because she likes to eat meat too, or so I've been told...)

Hoax: German IT boss sacks three non-smokers

Joe
Flame

Re: Brilliant, etc. etc.

Most people are non-smokers, don't you know?

Never mind the health issue, smoking stinks, it reeks, while not smoking doesn't make everyone around you smell like ashtrays. So I think people should be able to expect to work in an office without going home smelling like crap.

Finally, I'd silently put up with smoke in clubs for long enough. It's our turn now, get used to it! (By it, I mean freezing outside in the rain like an outcast, while we're inside :P )

Google preps Street View Big Mac search

Joe
Thumb Up

Idea!

Everyone upload an image to anywhere with a photo of yourself holding up a piece of paper with "F**k you Google!" on it. Let's see if we can fill page 1 of Google Images with these...

Microsoft scoffs at antitrust extension seekers

Joe
Alert

Understanding it

There seem to be people who - bizarrely - have the opinion that Microsoft dominates the market because they're just super software guys (who've never used their muscle to push other companies out of the way by dodgy means, instead of letting their brilliant software speak for itself).

A good example of how the market *should* work would be UK home computers in the early 80s, when the Sinclair ZX Spectrum had more market share than the next three most popular machines combined. Had Sinclair told retailers to stop selling Commodores and threatened them with having no Spectrums to sell, then that would have been an abuse of their power, and is pretty much what MS did to PC manufacturers.

However, at that time there were many manufacturers and models, there was plenty of competition in the marketplace, and the Spectrum prospered without dodgy strong-arm illegal tactics.

Perhaps that's where Sinclair went wrong later on, though - he could have offered car salesmen back-handers to recommend C5s over real cars... ;)

Former beauty queen cuffed for torturing ex

Joe

Entertainment Law

As the AC above says, I'm sure the RIAA are rubbing their hands with glee. She sounds ideal for the job!

Tesco Mobile complains to Ofcom

Joe
Alert

Hypocrisy!

If this were the other way around, Tesco would no doubt be saying "that's market forces! Move with the times!" etc., just like when they were forcing other people out of business.

Bah, what's new?

Kaspersky false alarm quarantines Windows Explorer

Joe

Explorer

Well I loaded Explorer, and played it for a while, but I can't see what all the fuss is about. We are talking about the ZX81, right?

HMRC mislays 1.5kg of Bolivian marching powder

Joe

I couldn't resist joining Slaine

(As sung by the HMRC choir)

We wish you a merry Christmas,

We wish you a merry Christmas,

We've just "lost" a load of white dust,

But you've nothing to fear!

Your I.D. is safe,

On our database,

We'll just have to keep our fingers crossed,

What a horrible year!

A new job for Paul Grey,

Pay your taxes we say,

We'll wish you a merry Christmas,

If you'll buy us a beer!

Concerned comrades floor China's anti-graft website

Joe

@ Speen

Well put!

Ofcom urged to clamp down on broadband speed deceit

Joe

Up to something, anything!

Just what does "up to" mean to advertisers? They could say "up to infinity" and still offer the same services, surely? Perhaps we should pay "up to" £15 per month for our connection? Perhaps they could pro-rate it based on the speed you actually get?! At the very least they must have a clue what speed you'd get based on others in the area, they could tell you before you sign up.

I'm sure no other industry would get away with this! Imagine...

Heinz Beans - "up to 300g in a can" (open can, three beans inside)

British Airways - "from Heathrow up to New York" (you will get very wet)

Electricity - "up to 230v, up to 50hz" (very dim lighting at least!)

Me - "offering women up to 500 orgasms per session" (seriously pissed off women)

Beeb censors Fairytale of New York

Joe
Alert

The BBC should be consistent

I have a friend who can understand Jamaican patois, and he tells me that he's often heard homophobic lyrics broadcast on Radio 1 and 1Xtra calling for death or violence towards gay men.

Presumably it escapes the censors because they don't understand it. I've certainly heard Buju Banton and Capleton on the BBC, but - like the censors - I don't understand most of the lyrics!

Perhaps it's a storm in a teacup, but it doesn't sit right with me.

To be fair, however - http://www.bbc.co.uk/6music/news/20070723_banton.shtml

Yet they bleep out Kirsty MacColl?

Flash-based iPlayer is go

Joe

But!

Will it work on my ZX81? Is there a Flash Player for 8-bit processors?

BBC's iPlayer launches Christmas Day

Joe
Alert

@ Richard

So if cutting the plug off doesn't make it no longer "TV receiving equipment", how far do I have to go? Cut the entire cable, will that be alright? Saw it in half? What if I just leave a transistor on the floor, do I need a TV license for that?

I can confirm that Matt & Co. are correct, I've read the laws and haven't had a license for about 5 years, despite there being a TV in the living room.

It doesn't stop them sending threatening, deceitful, vaguely-worded letters, but it does shut them up when they come to visit!

Hackers re-poison Google search results

Joe

The great firewall of China...

...can stop decent Chinese folk from reading about their government's human rights abuses, but it can't stop the deluge of dodgy traffic like this?

Virgin Mary appears in Google's Iowa data center

Joe

I'm with Steve and Matthew

I'd punt a book here if I had one to sell!

And capitalism is about profit - any company doing anything nice is always about profit, not doing the nice thing.

The "Computers For Schools" scheme at Tesco? It's not about being nice, it's about getting you to keep shopping at Tesco instead of another shop.

Like Google cleaning the lake, it's a silver lining, but the sole motivation is more profit, not altruism.

I'm not saying that nothing good can come from capitalist enterprise, but that we should see it for what it is.

Carphone slated over iPhone porkies claim

Joe

@ N1AK

I think you're right, but the problem is that the sales people lie to sell insurance (or extended warranties, etc.) BY DESIGN - i.e. it's an unwritten store policy.

Of course the top brass deny all knowledge and claim innocence, but why else would it happen so consistently across the whole retail world? It's done on purpose, because they make more money that way.

Nigerian keyboard firm sues One Laptop per Child

Joe

Yes, Coward! Come on, Clive!

Shift, Symbol Shift, Extend mode, Graphics mode... that's four! Prior art?

Dinosaurs derail desalination drive Down under

Joe
Alert

Hang on...

1) Because of greenhouse gases, there's global warming.

2) Because of global warming, there's less fresh water.

3) So build a coal-powered desalination plant to get fresh water.

4) Belch more greenhouse gases into the atmosphere.

5) Make some political speech about buying carbon credits, or some such nonsense.

6) Return to step 1.

Is that right?

Ring-back tones to carry adverts

Joe

Come back Communism, all is forgiven!

Goodness, is there any part of life that's *not* seen as time where we could be sold advertising?

How far away are we from that Futurama "adverts-in-your-dreams" thing? I want some of those pants now!

EU fines videotape manufacturers for alleged cartel

Joe

@Rob

Tape is still big, you know! And it certainly was back then. Should we turn a blind eye to this because tape isn't fashionable?

Rosetta spies nightlife on our sleeping planet

Joe

A prize!

For the first person to match a Google Earth snapshot with this image.

The prize - a matched night/day earth image. :D

Eurostar cancels 29 Feb 2008

Joe

@ Mark Rendle

I'll have you know I once went as far as Batley when me whippet ran off!

Sophistication? Don't talk to me about sophistication, I've *been* to Leeds.

Ukrainian eBay scam turns Down Syndrome man into cash machine

Joe

@ Greg

Okay, no need to fly off the handle! I wasn't suggesting that eBay intentionally encouraged criminal activity.

So my general point still stands - eBay and the banks make more money by ignoring the problem than by solving it.

Joe

Simple solution?

If someone has hacked your eBay account, they haven't necessarily hacked your email, right? How about this - whenever an eBay user tries to add a new auction, it sends them a confirmation email with a link they have to click on before it is listed. This would minimise fake auctions from hacked accounts in one simple blow!

But, of course, we all know that the banks and eBay and PayPal don't care if customers are defrauded - because the scammers are also customers, and they're making money either way. It's just not in their financial interests to be too bothered about it.

Finally - I don't think I'd buy anything for more than £100 off eBay without going to check it out and collect it myself!

Botmaster owns up to 250,000 zombie PCs

Joe

My 2p worth

Lyndon Barry is right - all OSes will have holes, I'm just glad that the Mac is still a minor player (relative to Windows) and that the hackers have little financial incentive to target me as a result. Nobody else buy a Mac, I prefer it this way! :p

Also, I've never understood the logic of having your computer save the password... Surely it defeats the whole point of having a password? Shouldn't it be kept in your head?

Ballmerized Nigerian PCs might run Mandriva after all

Joe

Microsoft, the criminal company

"...Microsoft has been convicted of illegal monopolistic and anti-competitive behavior twice in the USA and at least once in Europe."

I vote that from now on, Microsoft should always be referred to "Microsoft, the company convicted three times for illegal business practices, ...".

Other suggestions welcome!

The iPhone: Everything you needed to know

Joe

But!

Is it compatible with my ZX81?

Music DRM 'dead by next summer'

Joe

@Aitor

The key here is the magic ".mp3" at the end of the filename - even my grandma knows what this means, and she died in 1987. Those lossless codecs are nowhere near as well-known as MP3.

"Compressed by the user to suit his needs" - do you really think the average person even understands what the hell compression is or how it works?

MP3 = it will play, but it!

"FLAC" = what?!

No flame intended, just friendly discussion!

Camelot pulls scratchcard amid numerical anarchy

Joe

"I'm not having it."

I love that! Rather than asking someone who might know, or trusting Camelot, she's gone to the newspaper to tell them that she doesn't accept negative numbers exist.

Right, everyone, stop using negative numbers - Tina from Levensulme isn't having them.

Plus, I agree with Joe Harrison - surely the best way to avoid all confusion is to have a simple "YOU HAVEN'T WON" message. ("YOU HAVEN'T WON - AGAIN" would be more honest...)

Mum sends stripper to teenage son's school

Joe

The aftermath

"It apparently was enough for the honoured guest of this show, since he "ran out of the classroom while the stripper calmly packed her bag and left"."

Anyone who suggests that he ran to a toilet cubicle to rub one out while her image was still fresh in his mind is a filthy rumour-mongrel of the lowest order and I condemn them thoroughly.

Prince stomps on unofficial websites

Joe

Sado-masochist TAFKATAFKAP fans

Prince Fans Unite... to fight Prince? Perhaps he could offer these fansite webmasters services other than just musical*, seeing as they're willing to go to court to prove how much they love him?

--------------------------------------------

PRINCE'S MENU (FOR HARDCORE FANS ONLY!)

Humming my songs in the shower - $50 per song

Making a website about me - $2m law suit

Looking at me in the street - $5m per glance

Taking photos of me - $10m law suit

Trying to communicate with me - $0, but I get to beat you up**

Buying one of my records - punishable by death

--------------------------------------------

* Yeah, I know - debatable

** "More, Prince, harder! Really hurt me, you know I love it!"

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