Posts by Neil Greatorex

Adorable, much-loved SEAHORSES are VICIOUS SLURPING KILLERS

Re: No video?

10 squids a month, me old mackerel, should suffice.

Re: No video?

The video can be seen on the beeb. If you can't find it, you're a cabbage!

The abstract is linked at the bottom of the "article"; move your mouse cursor over the underlined "hyperlink" thingy... and, maybe, click it !

Any Playmobile reconstruction should seriously remain in your head. It's not funny any more. I could say "you're holding it wrong", but that's not funny either. Please don't link to XCK/Dilbert/Peanuts they're not funny either.

Seriously Lewis? You're Ed now, you reckon reposting articles, almost verbatim, in order *just* to present 70's redtop head & strap lines, is the way forward?

I'm seriously thinking of cancelling my subscription!.............

Android in FOUR out of 5 new smartphones. How d'ya like dem Apples?

FFS can we please speak English

"from the get go?"

From the start.

For fucks sake, it's not difficult is it?

The TRUTH behind Microsoft Azure's global cloud mega-cock-up

Re: Release procedures

"they have architectured"

Please go and wash your mouth out!

HP: Our NonStop servers will be rock solid – even when running on x86

HP - Non stop

In there with chocolate fire-guards, leprechauns & Dell uptime stats.

Give me IBM kit any day

Snowden leaks latest: BT, Vodafone, Verizon jack GCHQ into undersea fiber

Re: To be fair...

Quick lookup shows it's not a UK GOV website:

canonical name www-gov-uk.map.fastly.net.

aliases www.gov.uk

addresses 199.27.74.144

Domain Whois record

Queried whois.ja.net with "www.gov.uk"...

No such domain www.gov.uk

RIP Bill Lowe: Father of the IBM PC no longer reading drive C

Re: Obituary?

Sadly, monsewer AC, I have to agree. Unfortunately El Reg has recently become, with the exception of Andrew's articles (Not all - don't get cocky now), just a clickbait aggregator. There's precious little original work.

We understand your need for ad revenue, but please don't take the piss.

Samsung's at it AGAIN: SHATTERING profit records, that is

Hello Yoda, long see, no time.

Nokia tears devs' hearts out, shutters Symbian and Meego stores early

Re: Surprise, surprise

Top quality post. Have one on me =========>

PS Ever thought about approaching Lewis for a job on the strap-line team?

Rare gold iPhone 5s goes up against 50 caliber high precision rifle

Re: I wonder how many people

That's wrong, so wrong.. It's like picking on the schoolchild with the leg-irons.

Samsung unveils Galaxy Note 3: HOT CURVES – the 'gold grill' of smartphone bling

Re: Superior?

Who?

The knobhead that bought the Porsche Cayenne or the dickheads that buy Audi Q7's ?

Confirmed by cockup: New iPhones will be named 5S and 5C

Reporting?

"After we reported the latest iPad rumors on Thursday morning,"

A) Reporting rumours is not "reporting"

B) Rumours is not spelt "rumors"

Apple tops target list for litigious patent trolls

Re: Apple's tops target list for litigious patent trolls

Nope, it says what it says and it's appalling grammar.

Re: Bloody hell

Parsing error, unable to parse "complete bollocks above" REDO from start...

Re: You're suing us wrong

I'm sure you'll get upvoted as, generally, sheeple do tend to run with the herd. I'll probably be massively downvoted, however here goes: Please stop:

"You're <insert whatever the fuck you like here> it wrong"

It was moderately funny for a week after the Polo-Necked twat responded to the original complainants email, but not now.

Please desist.

My next lecture is at the Wigmore Hall

Bloody hell

This is the title:

"Apple's tops target list for litigious patent trolls"

Whatever happened to the English language?

Huawei Ascend P6: Skinny smartphone that's not just bare bones

Re: I’m loathe to...

"and if you buy one outright for £340 you'll save several hundred knicker."

Nicker = Slang for a pound Sterling.

Knicker = What a lady wears. Unless, of course, she's wearing a fur coat.

BT's new broom turns out to be carving knife: Retail wing sliced in half

Re: Hope this leads to improvement

Simply: No.

Nuff said.

ARM servers to gain boost from ARM, Oracle Java partnership

Hope ARM used

experienced lawyers............

Google Chromebooks now in over 6,600 stores

Cool

So that = 6,600 sales?

They could retire on that.

London Olympics site to become digital mega-hub

Re: Look on the bright side.

Not in my lifetime...

Penguins in spa-a-a-ce! ISS dumps Windows for Linux on laptops

ONE HUDRED AND FORTY

Leaving aside the shouty bit, oh and the linking of the ISS & Walmart. It costs to get mass up there, DON'T MAKE NO NEVERMIND TO BRUNG IT BACK DOWN AGIN, GRANDPA!

Ban Samsung sales in the US? Sorry, Apple: Tech titans say 'No'

Re: Nokia

Hey man, the 20th century called to see if you were still Compos Mentis.

Had to say "No", sorry.

@Destroy All Monsters

Oh do grow up!

They make mobile phones. That's it. They make mobile phones.

They're neither attempting to subvert your offspring, nor paint Big Ben magnolia!!

They could, in fact, be modelling Tutus for all the relevance your post has to the article.

HP knew Autonomy was a duff buy, claim HP shareholders in $1bn suit

Re: such a waste

"would of"

<omitted>

"would have"

There, it's not difficult, is it?

Inside Secure snatches BBC iPlayer downloads from Adobe

@Captain Underpants

The BBC is not state owned.

PS Nor is it state funded

Google's 'power to switch off the lights in Europe' has 'chilling effect' - rivals

Re: FUD

What's new?

Oh, nothing that the 1990's wouldn't recognise....

Already Moved on...

Major blow for Apple: 'Bounce back' patent bounced back by USPTO

Re: Props!

The Grauniad contact this Florian geezer when they need info on software/IT patent issues and, presumably, he replies. They consult, he replies, he's a consultant.

Can't attest to his accuracy etc. but, by definition, he's really is a consultant.

You OTOH, by presuming that The Guardian actually has "technical credibiity" in the first place, fail at the first hurdle.

@Vector

Nonsense, one could use one's digit instead of a stylus on any number of Palm models.

Hell, even Amstrad beat them on that score.

Redmond slashing Win8, Office OEM rates for small devices

Re: despite Microsoft offering customers deep discounts on Windows 8 upgrades

The revisionist twats comment is just childish.

But worth every penny.

Oh, and I'm not anonymous. You twat.

Re: ..verry funny article...

Now I despise Microsoft as much as the next man, but your comment really takes the biscuit.....

It's rather akin to the poor arsehole trying to make a cup of tea who was in tears because the gas cooker wouldn't fill his kettle with water.

Eadon datchoo?

Re: despite Microsoft offering customers deep discounts on Windows 8 upgrades

@ GrantB

Pedantic - maybe.

Wrong - Not.

RDP: See RFC 908 (1984)

"MS" RDP is a proprietary protocol running over port 3389 (Terminal Services)

My keyboard is probably older than you. I hate revisionist twats.

Re: despite Microsoft offering customers deep discounts on Windows 8 upgrades

Quite how you used "Reliable Datagram Protocol" to remote to a PC is beyond me.

Terminal Services is not RDP!

New Apple TV may hint at Apple-Samsung divorce

Third option

of course, is Eadon:

MICROSOFT FAIL YADDA YADDA

Beyond a joke now

Even for click-bait.

There's a rumour that Samsung is not the chip supplier for some shite idevice* and it's a 700 word article. The SGS4 is due to launch in a few days; we see fuck nothing, other than a snide article on wireless charging.

Please cancel my subscription

Disgusted

Tunbridge Wells

Self-healing chips survive repeated LASER BLASTS

Interesting, but

Routing around physical damage from a laser is what I understand from TFA. Modern processors (or SoC) are tiny, and tend to be surrounded by laser reflecting heatsinks, gold, silver and tin contact material. You'd have to be pretty accurate with your laser to cause the self healing to initiate, assuming that the stuff you lasered through, to get to the chip, was also capable of self healing.........

At Ferranti in the 70's & 80's EMP proof processors were developed for use in computers, comms equipment & targeting devices. Those babies could carry on during & after a nuclear airblast. However it was accepted that if the equipment was close enough to be physically damaged....

win lose

___ ___

lose win

Ten smartphones with tablet ambitions...

Re: Let's not forget that DELL were the first into this market

Dell streak, wonderful & useful device, rather reminiscent of the jolly old motorcycle ashtray.

Judge bins Apple's plea to slash $368m FaceTime patent damages

Re: Well About Time

Louis Buxey-Softley

Please add "note to self" to your diary.. & include this text within:

When you've fucked up your grammar/spelling - don't respond to the person who points it out, it just makes you look like a tit.

Microsoft finally ships Internet Explorer 10 for Windows 7

Minesweeper - Perennial timewaster?

Not since Windows 3.1, that was the last time I can recall trying it.

Python-lovers sling 'death threats' at UK ISP in trademark row

Re: Duplicitous or naive?

I've never met anyone who has declaimed "I have a Python web app" (presumably followed by breathing on their knuckles and polishing them on their Christmas cardie) has anyone else here?

PS If, when someone exclaims "I have a Python web app" & you are unable to immediately ascertain, from the choices/options you mention, what the FTG means - try asking - he'll surely explain in excruciating detail.

Re: WAAAH! @Anonymous Coward

@ David W.

I quite agree, there's been an awful lot of frothing at the mouth here, generally by people who really haven't checked their facts.

I was also under the impression that Python is the name of a programming language, not a "Brand".

Texas schoolgirl loses case over RFID tag suspension

Re: Please leave your freedoms at the door...

We here know, as does any fule, that religious beliefs are the work of the devil.

Re: Instead...

Could you ensure your insurance?

Bite us, Apple: Samsung hauled in $8.3bn in Q4

@cashxx

Are you in the right place?

Best you check your bookmarks, this is El Reg not Macforums..

Re: Is it time for Apple...

With Google putting out much cheaper phones

Surely Google are just HTC re-badgers.

Samsung ordered to cough mobe sales figures to world+dog

Re: um

UK billion or US billion?

Apple supremo Tim Cook's pay packet slashed 99% in 2012

@Chris Thomas Alpha

wealth beyond the dreams of avarice.

Avarice = Greed

How can you dream of riches beyond the dreams of greed?

@ sleepy

Didn't read the article to the end, eh?