* Posts by Simon Cresswell

47 publicly visible posts • joined 22 Nov 2007

Tablets, smartwatches just not doing it for Apple right now

Simon Cresswell

Re: Obvious

And in fairness to the iPad my 4 year old one is still working well after multiple drops on very hard surfaces.

Ok the screen is cracked and the chassis is bent but it's sitting here streaming Steve Hackett quite happily* - perhaps the obslesence dept was having an off day.

*Obviously I refused Apple's kind offer to neuter home sharing with iOS 8.4.

Uninstalled Google Photos? Thought your pics safe from slurping? WRONG, bozo

Simon Cresswell

On Lollipop (unlocked phone)

You can but it takes Google + with it.

Press and hold the photos icon - this will bring up the options at the top of the screen - drag the icon to "disable" - usual reset to factory confirmation - and poof, it's gone.

At least that's what it tells me...

Though wether it will try to download itself again in time remains to be seen...

Microsoft emits Office 2016 for Apple Macs (you'll need Office 365)

Simon Cresswell

Only available for Yosemite...

...so Jolly Jony's School of Flat Design™ refuseniks need not apply.

Égalité, Fraternité - Oui, peut-etre. Liberté? NON, French speedcam Facebookers told

Simon Cresswell

Re: Illogical

Actually most* fixed speed cameras in France are visible by way of a chuffing great sign warning of said camera - on Autoroutes the camera will normally be within 1km of the warning sign, on rural and urban roads, normally less.

The only people that stick to 90 here are the sans permis that can't do that anyway - stinks of revenue raising.

*the A15 at Franconville North of Paris being one exception I've found. Say cheese.

U2? 81 million Apple iThing-strokers know a place where the Beats have no shame

Simon Cresswell

Missing statistic

What I'd like to know is how many peole took advantage of the iRemove (TM) tool to rid the pesky Bono from their itunes/icloud once and for all.

Even if only to be bloody minded, like wot I did.

First Irish boy band U2. Now Apple pushes ANOTHER thing into iPhones, iPods, iPads

Simon Cresswell

Fill up yer memory

If you don't like the idea of Apple pushing the update file to your iDevice, like they did with iOS7.

On the other hand, they may have learnt their lesson but I doubt lucifer has a snow plough on order.

Apple's ONE LESS THING: the iPod Classic disappears

Simon Cresswell

Killed by lighting?

As it's probably the only device left that connects by the old 30 pin erm, connector.

But it is a pain, mine is nearly but not quite full of legal (lossless) music. Yes I can tell the difference, depending on what it's connected to.

The other pain is the convenience of car use. As a lot of manufacturers have a love in with Apple, you may not be lucky enough to fill a USB stick/SD card with lossless files as support over various manufacturers is patchy.

Update your iThings NOW: Apple splats scary SSL snooping bug in iOS

Simon Cresswell

Re: Not happy

I'm in the same boat.

If it was any other company, a concerted twatterstorm or whatever might embarass them into doing something, but as it is Apple, they'll just unleash the New Model Fanboi Army (TM) to crush the resistance of the non-beleivers with their "Get over it" banners.

But a fix for iOS 6.16 is available. It's not an enhancement - it's a fix for a vulnerability of Apple's making. Perhaps the problem (as Apple would see it) that by making the fix available without upgrading, it would create a precedent. Heaven forfend...

Paul Allen buys lovingly restored vintage V-2 Nazi ballistic missile

Simon Cresswell

I can recommend La Coupole

Which is near St. Omer - ostensibly a combined V2 factory and launch site which sort of conforms to the volcano theme (massive concrete dome to protect it) which is now a great museum.

It never saw operation - constant bombing and the Allied advance after D-Day put paid to that.

One nugget I got from the museum is that Hittler efffectively cut off funding to Von Braun and Co. for over 18 months while he concentrated on the Eastern front - which rather makes you think.

Other sites near La Coupole too - Eperleques (chuffing great factory bunker) and Mimoeques - which was the installation for the stillborn V3 rockets - but 617 Squadron got there first.

Saucy Star Wars strip show - sorry, burlesque - to tour Down Under

Simon Cresswell

Is that a lightsaber in your pocket...

...well you know the rest.

Sorry. So very sorry.

Google buys parcel storage service for Christmas

Simon Cresswell

Re: Too much to hope for

Amazon already offer evening delivery - as long as you live in central Paris and are prepared to pay handsomely for it.

Even so, they still seem to be able to deliver 5 minutes before the cut-off. How DO they do that?

Dr No, Thunderball, Casino Royale? Vote now for the best Bond film

Simon Cresswell
Thumb Up


Yes, George was wooden (and was a sacrificial lamb after Schorn)


Fabulous plot (and soundtrack) got my vote - it is after all for best FILM not best Bond/car/girl/WHY - OHMSS is more than the sum of its parts.

Fake sandwich shop's big fake Likes leave Facebook looking flaky

Simon Cresswell

Real people my derriére

Cats, dogs, bears - the're all on Facebook.

More entaining than humans too...

Sky flaunts F1 app with split-screen functions

Simon Cresswell

Academic for me..

but a 4 way split screen on an iPad?

Just too much information in one place - at least it's unlikely Sky will be able to litter it with their frightfully garish graphics during the race as that part of the feed is provided from the other Evil Empire (TM)

Which actor should play Steve in upcoming biopic?

Simon Cresswell


As so many fanbois thought Steve was the second coming anyway.

Agree with previous posers though - it's too soon...

This Dianamania is a slur on Jobs

Simon Cresswell
Black Helicopters

Call me a conspiracy theorist but...

...was intruiged to be passing FNAC at St Lazare in Paris about 7.00pm last night and the windows were blanked out by massive posters (2x3 metres?) with a larger than life portrait of Steve along with a personal statement from the boss of FNAC.

I'm sure these things can be done in double quick time - but it does make you wonder...

Benefit commercially form the poor man's untimely end? Shurely shome mishtake.

Murdoch muscles BBC out of Formula One driving seat

Simon Cresswell

Total disaster

What does Bernie think he's playing at? He may want to get into bed with the Murdochs but this is sucidal for the sponsers.

Or COULD be if enough people kick up a stink to them - and FOTA

FOTA already asking questions (but could be a smokescreen) and Brundle has tweeted he is "not inpressed". Does this mean he won't jump ship?

Let's see how committed he is, shall we?

Dam Busters dog dubbed 'Digger'

Simon Cresswell

The easy answer...

..would be not to remake the film at all - no controversy and it wouldn't be as good as the original anyway...

Jaguar hybrid supercar gets green light

Simon Cresswell
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In every way.

Seen this in the metal twice now, achingly gorgeous

Becks offloads Posh Porsche on eBay

Simon Cresswell

Herr Doktor Porsche...

..will be hitting the rev limiter in his grave.

Apple trade marks 'There's an app for that'

Simon Cresswell

There's a word for that


French website surrenders on Bastille Day

Simon Cresswell

Same life as a baguette then.

That is all.

Except to say my local boulangerie is closed for its annual holiday, so perhaps that's it then...

Visa tightens rules for small sellers

Simon Cresswell

Unfortunately not

Bang go the Olympic jokes then...

Want Olympic tickets? Better get a VisaCard then

Simon Cresswell

Erm, no actually

Apparently the Visa "deal" extends to retail outlets and cash machines in Olympic sites - but never fear! Visa will gladly provide you with a pre-paid card if you haven't seen the light!

Which is nice of them...

I'll be the one outside the Olympic park wearing a Mastercard T Shirt

Transport for London gobbles up Oyster

Simon Cresswell


Does that mean with the potential for so many more Oyster points all over the capital, London will have one big pearl necklace?

'Switch to Century Gothic to save the planet'

Simon Cresswell

Yes But...

You can offset the calories by claiming they help a Government backed dictat to lose weight so don't be such a burden on the NHS, thereby saving energy in hospitals.

Simon Cresswell

Points are everything

I just did a back to back in Word too - CG at 12 pt is about 1 pt larger than Arial - reduce it to 11 and it's similar - how many users will adjust the font size?

So if you really must print something, do it in 6pt and buy a magnifying glass...

US Navy plans self-building floating fortresses

Simon Cresswell

The Americans didn't invent Mulberry


Airport scanners face double exposure

Simon Cresswell


This has less to do with discrimination as it has to do with all the lawyers rubbing their hands.


NASA's WISE opens 'candy store of images'

Simon Cresswell


THAT's what happened to R2D2

Note to Captain Kirk: Warp speed will kill you

Simon Cresswell


It's the Hadron Collider Jim.

But not as we know it.

US monster-truck roboguns to blast enemies autonomously

Simon Cresswell
Thumb Up


Any chance of a version optimised for "Safety" camera vans?

Steve Ballmer's Windows 7 dance party

Simon Cresswell
Thumb Up

Well I celebrated the launch of windows 7...

... I ordered a MacBook Pro.

Beta-blocker 'erases' unpleasant memories

Simon Cresswell

Do you reckon...

.. I could get some to erase the memory of my Ex?

Honda shows off Insight hybrid

Simon Cresswell

All very well but...

...there are an increasing number of cars that can beat 67 mpg without all this Hybrid malarky (the Polo Bluemotion for one) and can it close on emissions whilst being cheaper.

Ye gods, even that leadfoot Clarkson can get 50mpg out of a Jaguar XJ - and that was with the older, less efficient engine.

Their time may come but at the moment, they are only good for people who want to show off their apparent green credentials

Worst offender is the Lexus Rx Hybrid - just buy something slightly smaller (and lighter) than a small country and you'll be set...

6/10 see me after class.

Nintendo whacked with $5m Wii strap lawsuit

Simon Cresswell

Were they...

...designed by a Scotsman?

Lies, damned lies and government statistics

Simon Cresswell


From the R-T-M appendix

"Many fixed cameras had to be excluded from this analysis because they were existing cameras which changed operation to cost-recovery."


Airshow Blighty hits town - 100 years of UK powered flight

Simon Cresswell
Paris Hilton

Never mind the drones

Bring on the Vulcan!

Paris, because she likes her V Bombers big and noisy..

Asus offers Brits Eee PC 900 battery swap plan

Simon Cresswell
IT Angle

Never mind the beach..

bring on the Chateauneuf do Pape...

Mel Gibson to star in Edge of Darkness

Simon Cresswell
Paris Hilton

Leave it Alone...


Just don't do it... Same goes for the Dambusters - what is Jackson thinking of?

Paris because she would be dumb enough to remake Casablanca

Starbucks mocha clocked at 628 calories

Simon Cresswell

Champagne it is then..

..as it's only about 540 a bottle.

Doubleskinnymochalattéchinofrappéneverseenacoffebean or a nice bottle of The Widow?

Lightsaber voted top movie weapon

Simon Cresswell

Wot, no Walther PPK?

7.65mm of pure Movie Weapon Pleasure.

Or something like that, Miss Moneypenny..

Batman logo manifests in tomato

Simon Cresswell


Ketchup batman!

Microsoft set to milk mobile Messenger mavens?

Simon Cresswell


Could Matt Champagne be in some way related to that icon of the Readers Digest Prize Draw, the legendary Tom Champagne?

I think we should be told

Ordnance Survey rescues rural towns from juggernauts

Simon Cresswell

There's this brilliant invention..

..called a map.

Kindle, Eee PC top Amazon.com 'most wanted' list

Simon Cresswell

Never mind the poor lass John

..think of the poor Eee - not the view it was expecting!

Simon Cresswell

The hand..

There is something wrong with her hand..

Methinks Frankenstin has been at work... and I need to get my priorities right.