Posts by Thomas

Beeb invites net comments from unconnected

Not bad....

....but I've seen better.

Almost every single broadband company I've been under has suggested visiting their technical support website when my connection drops out.

We really need a fail icon of some sort.

London gym floors hoodies with Chav Fighting classes

A whole new martial art...

I know Chav-fu!

Pig plague 2.0: Can't spell 'pandemic' without 'panic'

@The Fuzzy Wotnot

"sheeple"

I normally abhor internet contractions but this one is really good. I suspect in many sheeple's pockets, you will find a copy of the Daily Fail.

Jedi officers enlist with Scottish police

In other news...

Several key members of staff from the Office for National Statistics were found strangled today. Police say the only lead they have is a recorded conversation in which the killer states, "I find your lack of faith disturbing."

More at ten.

Juror tweets could force retrial

/facepalm

One day people will begin to realise that the oh-so-annonymous comment you post on your Twitter feed or Failbook account THAT HAS YOUR NAME IN HUGE LETTERS OVER IT *will* eventually bite you in the ass...

Twit-O-Tron strikes again!

World of Warcraft: 'The crack cocaine of the computer world'

I have a cure for World of Warcrack....

And its called Wrath of The Lich King.

Seriously, 2 months after installing it, I can't even face logging into the game now =/.

US teen cuffed for disorderly classroom texting

@Gerry

I beg to differ, sir.

I never knew a Samsung Cricket could actually fit up the anal passage - a most beneficial lesson indeed.

Red Dwarf finally returns to Earth

As long as its not like Series 7....

....This is some awesome news.

US woman says Ubuntu can't access internet

@Simon

Windows Repair fixes all your problems!

Unless you happen to be dealing with a wireless network, Vista and a Belkin N Router, in which case contact the person who administrates your network.

Maybe they should have that as a new system error message for Windows 7 "Well, I made a half-assed attempt to fix your network but after switching the adaptor on and off I'm out of ideas. Over to you."

BBC relives The Day of The Triffids

@BBC Sci Fi

You don't work for the BBC do you? Because that sounds frighteningly accurate.

Satanic net neologisms - nominations invited

My nomination

I would take the curious language that has evolved from World Of Warcraft as my nomination.

Then I'd take that nomination, stuff it into a rocket and fling it into black hole.

Beeb gets its rocks off in Second Life

Hmmm

El Reg used to have a Sadville correspondant at some point. I wonder what happened to her, although I imagine it was probably nothing a) good or b) suitable for family viewing.

Brit couple divorce over Sadville infidelity

In other news....

...a ten year old boy was recently arrested for the savage murder of a priest. Revelling in his shameless murder of a Warrior Priest of Sigmar, witnesses claim that he bellowed "LULZ PWNED UR AZZ" and spared no thought for his innocent victims friends or family, who are believed to be devestated by the death.

Google fixes world's most stupid bug

A friend of mine just got a G1...

...and I look forward immensely to tormenting him with this.

The US election, live online from er... London

So that's what the infamous Miss B looks like...

Liked the website btw.

Ledger zombie pizza promo pulled

Which is the odd one out?

Heath Ledger, as he's the only one to have been interviewed by that bastion of good taste known as Jonathan Ross.

Thank you.

Violent video games <coin flip> ARE linked to child aggression

A worrying trend for the future

I really hope the Yoof of Taday (tm) doesn't get influenced by Fallout 3 otherwise they'll be running around setting off nuclear warheads at the behest of anyone in a dodgy business suit.

Any chance of a mushroom cloud icon?

Sarko demands withdrawal of voodoo doll

He's bluffing....

Someone's needling him and he responds with a stab in the dark.

Forgotten what an egg looks like? We can help

@Damn

So what have you been usi....never mind.

Oz pub dishes up really crap ice cream

Shitstorm inc.

'Nuff said.

Sony Ericsson Xperia X1 Windows Mobile smartphone

A Sony PDA/Smartphone that doesn't use MS?

I think I saw Satan skating to work this morning....

Wireless power delivery gets blended

"... our feet surrounded by transformers..."

Optimus Prime, for a start.

Space tourist docks with ISS

Tabula Rasa

Yeah, he did do an MMO - quite a reasonable one actually.

I, for one, welcome our Bane overlords and hope they don't annihilate RG's shuttle in hail of plasma death.

Verity's further education

What a mess....

I hope it all works out for you in the end, V.

OU really is not doing itself any favours through this.

Serial troll bitchslaps Reg hack

He is quite correct you know...

Winners don't use Pole.

No takers for Huawei handset division

Owner of a Huawei USB modem

No wonder they can't find a buyer, their modems can't find a signal worth shit.

In-body electric eel tech to make 'leccy from body fat

Rapturous idea

We'll all end up smacking the stuffing out of divers with scary little girls chasing after us with huge syringes.

Reg competition: Cisco goes isup

Resident Evil

I suspect the work of the T-Virus.

An evil affliction that strikes innocent webpages and corrupts them into something horrible while hordes of zombified "t"s run rampant, infecting innocen websie....

tt

ttttt

THEY'RE HERE! Run for the hills!

LHC downed until after Xmas - Boo

Terrific article!

Any chance we could sort out some sort of caffinated beverage-based IV system for Mr Page?

Daily Mail hacks get emergency bird flu jabs

Concerned about Daily Fail hacks....

I really worry about these guys sometimes. They write the most depressing and despairing stories day in, day out. Have you thoughtless swine ever given any thought to how hard their lives must be?

"Well, first of all I wrote about paedos running rampant, then about the collapse of financial stability and I still need to finish the global warming and the "Fruit gives you cancer" stories. Oh, and can you send the cynaide my way once you're finished with it, or shall I retrieve it from your corpse?"

Hammer Films has risen from the grave

Fangs For The Memory...

Finally!

A horror film I can get my teeth into!

Mines the one with the foldout vampire wings.

David Blaine does a Benito Mussolini

<Insert publicity seeking title here>

Batty stunt.

'Nuff said.

EA in Spore DRM climbdown

Can I talk about Steam?

I bought the Orange Box 4 weeks ago.

I still haven't been able to play it offline.

Criminals don't have to put up with this shit.

Apple fans besieged by iPhone Trojan and iTunes attack

*Insert flame war here*

Any chance of a fanboy icon? Perhaps a picture of a geek frothing at the mouth like Cujo.

Noel Edmonds defies BBC's jackbooted enforcers

Where's the IT angle???

There is no IT angle to this story. What is it doing here? I am removing The Register from my bookmarks. Please cancel my subscription. I am also dissatisfied with today's weather. Please make the weather the way I like it. Goodbye.

'Nuff said.

Artemis Fowl scribe to pen sixth Hitchhiker's novel

To all those that think this book has a hope in helll..

3 words:

Kevin

J.

Anderson

'Nuff said =/

Today is not Hadron Collider Day

The space for hire

+1 for Ghostbusters reference

Facebook - The Movie! Exclusive storyboard peek

And we all know what happens next....

FACEBOOK: THE COMPUTER GAME

Essentially a shoddily executed platform game developed in the space of 3 weeks.

Kids may benefit from mobiles in class

Nothing new

I actually did an article about this a few years back for All About Symbian, detailing how various phones could be beneficial to university students.

Alan Sugar leaves Amstrad

First computer

Yup, my first one was a CPC6128 - lasted me for about 10 years. I'm damn lucky if I can squeeze 2 years out of the laptops I use these days.

I was also about one of the 20 people to buy a GX4000 - Amstard's answer to the Megadrive and Nintendo. A grand total of some 20 or so games, which makes it marginally more successful than the Gizmondo.

I also used to read Amstrad Action and there was a less than flattering comic strip at the back about Mr Sugar - Sugarman, or something like that.

BOFH: The all-clicking, all-whirring Roboboss

The way of the future.

Every office should have a chainsaw wielding roboboss. Preferably convinced about cost cutting measures in the HR department.

Lesbians like straight men, researchers find

I want a gig like this

So these researchers were paid vast sums of money to do the research and the best they could up with was "Hey, gay men and straight women tend to think along the same lines?"

O RLY?

Nvidia launches GTX 200 series GPUs

The bleeding edge of GFX development....

Can it run Crysis yet?

Ofcom asks ISPs nicely to stop mis-selling broadband on speed

Huzzah for half-assed ineffectual public bodies!

@A Baird

I have a 3G modem from Vodafone - I'm just waiting to hear from them why my latency is 2569ms on HSPDA connection speed and 800ms on 2G.

Should make for good reading ^^

Acer punts £199 Linux laptop

Looks promising...

Any chance of a full review when the vultures get their claws on it? Also, which version of Linux is it or is it an in-house version like on the Eee?

Sony: world PS3 sales pass 12.8m consoles

Hooray, another Xbox vs PS3 topic

El Reg should be putting their comment mods on hazard pay for dealing with threads like these...

Vultures crash out of the Indian skyscape

@ Mike Richards

"Any chance the Reg and its readers could help sponsor some of the work to save the vultures?"

I whole-heartedly agree with this idea - I'm sure there are a few captive breeding programmes running, even one or two in the UK and a Paypal link pledging a quid or two to such a program would go for miles with the number of hits El Reg gets in a week.

Btw, does El Reg's Vulture actually have a name?

GPS is killing children

OMG

Someone call Panorama, quick!

US woman launches 'Taserware' parties

re: Josh and Jon

I wholeheartedly echo the sentiments these guys made. The phrase "shooting yourself in the foot" came into being for a reason, you know.

Transformers director blames MS for HD DVD/Blu-ray format war

Jerk

Michael Bay lost all credibility with me when he transformed a beloved children's cartoon series into American Pie with an overdose of CGI.

'Nuff said.