Posts by Openminded Cynic

US insurer punts 'bestiality' to wide-eyed kiddies, gasp 'mums'

Double Standards!

So one million mothers are all up in arms with the prospect that the pig might pork the young lady but they're absolutely fine with him owning his own car and driving it. When it comes down to it the pigs intentions were, if a little naive, nothing but honorable. He's driven her up there for a romantic night in his classic VW cabriolet to do nothing more than look at the stars. We could probably conclude that he has a pretty good job to own such a car and is an upright pillar of the community. It's no wonder the young lady was seeking some corkscrew action, our truffle finding protagonist is obviously quite a catch in todays society. One million mothers need to realise that america needs more VW owning, nice guy pigs, they should be celebrated not condemed for they are the future!

BOFH: Uninterruptible patsy supply

Re: "Uninterruptible patsy supply"

There is no Dana only truul.

Christian footie match ends in almighty brawl

So did the Saints go marching in?

Dumpling squid do it WHENEVER THEY CAN, FOR HOURS ON END!

Re: on a side note

Next time try turning it inside out. You won't have to even bother waking her up then...

Intel accidentally outs 'Poulson' Itanium specs

His name was Robert Poulson.

Mad fan-fitted mouse keeps mitts moisture-free

Not at all. Some of them are female.

Online bookie can't scoop £50k losses made by 5-year-old

Re: Contracts

In English law at least to form a contract you need an "offer", an "acceptance" and "consideration". Offer and acceptance are what you would expect them to be though acceptance has to be unconditional. Consideration is an item of value to which the other party is not already entitled. Paying the money is what sets your agreement to the terms not scribbling your name anywhere. What's really interesting is that with most software you're agreeing to the EULA (by purchasing) before you have had the opportunity to see the terms, but that's another argument all together...

Verbal contracts (which are not written down anywhere) are common (ever bought bananas off a market stall and not gotten a receipt?) and can be enforced where it is possible to prove a contract exists by other means. It is however difficult to make specific terms stick when they are not written down anywhere.

[This post comes with the condition that it is over simplified to facilitate clarity. The poster accepts no responsibility for the ommision of detail which readers may be interested in or have an opinion on. By reading this comment you accept this condition in full.]

Review: Raspberry Pi

Re: Memory

I know it's ridiculous. I would have thought 640K ought to be enough for anyone.

Ape Apps help Orangutans talk to people

Re: OOOK

Oook? EEEK!

Great HR mistakes of our time - Aviva fires 1300 by email

Re: hooooooly fuck

You fire people with your dick? Remind me never to touch your keyboard, or to possibly lace it with extra hot curry powder....

Gmail goes titsup for 30 MILLION PUNTERS

Re: Smudge mode

Don't make me go all Ace Rimmer on your ass!

Prehistoric monster snake crushed prey under 1.5 Brooklyn Bridges

I think Archimedes would have probably mentioned needing a fulcrum which is what the whole lever principle revolves around (bad pun intended) rather than just prodding at it with a big stick...

UK Home Secretary approves TVShack's O'Dwyer extradition

Re: The priime minister should hang his head in shame

Online petitions are a waste of time. MPs have already proven that here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-15283837

Write to your MP: http://www.writetothem.com/ tell them why this is wrong and why you want something done about it. Tell all your family and friends to write to their MPs too. Keep writing to them. Make it clear we're not going to go away until they revoke this treaty. It's the only way we're going to get any movement on this.

Obama washes hands of O’Dwyer piracy extradition case

Jesus was a pirate!

Yes Jesus Illegally copied five loaves of bread and two fish and distributed them amongst a reported five thousand people.

Piracy really is a crime of biblical proportians!

I wonder if the Pope has received an extradition request yet...

Formula 1 revs engines through Virgin Media

I'd like to thank Rupert Murdoch....

...for possibly giving me the right incentive to become fluent in German.

Greenland 'lurched upward' in 2010 as 100bn tons of ice melted

Better Solution

(1). Sack all climatologists or any group involved in predicting "climate change" or similar.

(2). Use funds saved buy not having to employ persons described in (1) to build a 10m sea wall around the entire coastline thus effectively defending the country from the effects of "climate change" come what may.

(3). ????

(4). Profit!!!!

British athlete puts self on eBay

Ebay motors sounds about right...

...he's described as being a "good runner" but sounds like he "needs attention"...

Japan develops powered armour suit for nuke workers

Whist wearing this suit....

...is it possible to open the pod bay doors?

Bog builder pushes out poo-powered motorbike

It's a bit of a shitty design

but after a few currys I bet it goes like stink!

Amateur balloonists hit record 40,575m above East Anglia

Or...

...you could just drink faster. Wouldn't get warm then would it?

It is quite funny watching Aussies in the UK finish their 4th Imperal Pint then try and stand up, wonder why their legs won't work, then declare "it takes 6 or 7 to get me drunk back home" before they hit the floor.

More expensive than you think?

Was that £5.80 for a genuine Imperial Pint, or for a 3/4 Pint Schooner that the Aussies are so fond of...

...bloody lightweights.

RUPERT MURDOCH HIT BY PIE

Cake would have been more appropriate than pie.....

The cake is a lie.

iPhone plunges 13,500 ft from skydiver's pocket - and lives

One in a million chances.....

...happen 9 times out of 10. It has to be 1 in a million though. 1 in 999,999 and you've got no chance.

ANONYMOUS: Behind the mask, inside the Hivemind

There's a car?! cake!?

I have however noticed there are 27 pearls on her necklace.

Magnificent Moon mountain sunrise caught on camera

Well I'm not a Geodynamicist but...

I would assume the peak is what's left of whatever lump of rock impacted and caused the crater? It is only 110 million years old after all and hasn't had chance to be worn down yet.

Moderatrix kisses the Reg goodbye

It is a sad sad day indeed

As a sign of respect I shall be wearing my trousers at half mast.

Good luck in your new endevours. May your banstick eternally glisten with the brain matter of those who vex you slightly.

x

RE: Moderatrices

"You have big shoes to fill" Thigh high boots infact - at least in my dreams.

Man caught w*nking over Alan Sugar's autobiography

So just to confirm

Was he picked up by the fuzz?

Robotic High Noon in Colorado

Nuke it from orbit

It's the only way to be sure.

List-makers battle to keep football fixture lists protection

Like Buses?

Isn't this the same as bus companies charging for timetables? Or being charged to see the menu at a restaurant?

Madness.

Apple turns the flamethrower on Android

Not meaning to be pedantic...

...but don't you mean Mr Benz who is largely credited with the motorcar/automobile. Mr Ford just "made it better". To use your analogy though by the same merit as apple shouldn't every manufacturer that uses a production line be licensing the idea from Ford?

Apple should realise that in an industry where technology is very similar / overlaps a bum fight over who came up with it first will just give a few lawyers a wedge of cash and moderately piss consumers off. seems like cutting off your nose to spite your face to me.

Pig plague 2.0: Can't spell 'pandemic' without 'panic'

I think the real issue here we can all agree is...

Does it turn people into zombies?

Sheep ad not cruel, bleats Samsung

Yummeh

I think sheep would suffer a lot less stress if they weren't all made of lamb chops and wooly jumpers.

BMW driver follows satnav to edge of cliff

Self Preservation Society?

Re: Dark Ian: I'm curious as to what you would suggest is the best route from Coventry to Manchester if not the M6. The M6 TOLL is good for relief from traffic but the route is over 5 miles longer than the regular M6 and will probably cost the poor bugger towing your car £10 in real money so is only really worth considering if your travelling at rush hour.

I'm amazed by the number of people who can judge a persons character by what make of car they drive. Next we'll be locking people up based upon their skin colour or religeous beliefs...

Right-wing Oz politico in nude snaps rumpus

I'd hit it

That is all

Humvee with frikkin laser on it takes out killer robot

PEWPEWPEW!

Silent? I thought lasers went PEWPEWPEW!?

UK launches major road signage review

How about...

... putting a speed limit sign on the back of or on the same post as speed cameras? Would that not help prevent the oohfuckbugger what's the speed limit breaking maneuver just prior to the cameras?

Also how about instead of those patronising "Spray Slow Down" electronic signs why not say "Spray: Use Headlights" or "Fog: Use Fog Lights" as some drivers tend to need someone else to make the big decisions such as to when to use which lights for them?

Or they could just make them show jubs all the time?

Welder in DIY penis enhancement nut mishap

What a nut job!

Indeed

Kaminsky (finally) reveals gaping hole in internet

@ Gavin Berry

You missed the WIndows user who payed doesn't notice the website looks a bit iffy and attempts to enter their details. Internet explorer is so loaded with spyware and "Special Toolbars" that it crashes INADVERTENTLY SAVING THE DAY!

HOORAY INSTABILITY IS NOW A SECURITY FEATURE!

That is all

Sumerians cracked world's oldest joke

What's pink and hard?

A pig with a flick knife.

BOFH: The all-clicking, all-whirring Roboboss

Yummy!

"However, we have been a little barren in the toilet tissue department since the PFY complained to the buildings maintenance manager about the toilet fresheners in the bottom of the urinal, saying he preferred the menthol to the eucalyptus flavour..."

Surely toilet fresheners have a scent rather than a flavour? Unless the PFY has a perchant for licking them?

Slight dip in form looking forward to next weeks episode.

AVG fake traffic spares Google AdWords

Just a thought...

Wouldn't the best way to implement this system be to use a whitelist system of websites that were scanned regularly to ensure they've not been infected, say once a day at a set time.

These sites would then not be scanned by the scanning tech everytime someone visits them. Then the scanning system need only be employed for sites not included on the whitelist like when checking out obscure Japanese porn sites.

This way AVG users get the same level of protection and webmasters don't get bandwidth-raped.

The only catch is AVG will need to fund the system for scanning the whitelist sites.

Just a thought...

ITV challenges Beeb for cheap innuendo crown

My Personal Favourite

http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story?id=270580&cc=3888

Natasha Henstridge braces for Impact

Dwarf Star?

What like Kenny Baker? They shooting him at the moon? I don't get it

Clash vet pens 'Don't tase me bro!' ditty

Didn't the Clash already do this?

I Fought The Law And The Law Won?

NZ bans Brit immigrant's overweight missus

@ BMI

BMI is actually an increadibly good way of telling how fat someone is as it is a measure of what percentage of a person's body mass is fat. The methods used for calculating this figure are often shite and inaccurate i.e the height by weight method (only really intended to give a ball park figure for normally proportioned people). A more accurate method for measuring BMI would be using an Immersion Tank or Body Fat Calipers.

Body builders will all have a BMI < 10% or they're not body builders regardless of their weight.

Personally I think if I pay for a seat on a plane I should get the use of all the seat not just the parts the fat bastard sat next to me isn't spilling over into if this means he has to buy 2 seats so be it.