Posts by Shonko Kid

Gemalto leaps into anti-Android fray

"..device with limited resources."

Which Android devices are these then? All Android devices are beefier than top of the range super computers were when JavaCard were doing their bit. And they need to be!

Facebook comes down hard on Faceporn

"...tarnish our brand..."

That's our job. Bitch!

HP whips out iPad challenger Windows 7 fondle-slab

"remarkable wrists"

So, clearly targeted at existing iPhone and iPad users, they tend to have at least one strong wrist!

Jobs dubs Google's 'open' Android speak 'disingenuous'

I know the phrase 'open' has taken a beating this past year or two, but..

To say

"The first thing most of us think about when we hear the word “open” is Windows..."

Is a bit of a stretch, even if you do have the FUD inducing RDF turned up to 11!

Jaguar celebrates 75th year with e-supercar concept

E-Type shurely?

It must have crossed their minds.

Tweety profs offer political smear-meme 'truthiness' ratings

I thought it was accepted that...

Everything any politician of any flavour said was utter bullshit, and to be ignored unless it can be turned back on them for comedic effect at some later time.

Apple in 873-page legal claim to word 'Pod'

Don't be ridiculous.

It'll be 'Phone' :-/

Facebook phone rears up again

Also..

It needs to alert you at least 100 times a day because someone who knows a friend of a friend is in need of some kerosene on FarmVille.

Zuck buffs image ahead of Facebook movie

"who doesn't deserve a punch in the face."

Shall we take a vote?

Microsoft boss waves goodbye to biz division wonder kid

Ballmer 'said' nothing...

But shouted a helluva lot, and threw a couple of chairs around.

Nokia's new boss is Microsoft man

All the marketing in the world won't save them,

if they can't sort out the entrenched 'management' that seems to stifle it's every move.

Apple: third-party iOS dev tools OK after all

'code'

Are they defining what code is anywhere? Sure, Flash is out, but there's a very wide spectrum of data and formats that could be considered code. We need to know, lest we incur His iWrath

Brits unleash world's hottest chilli pepper

Marketing.

To those wondering why, that's why.

It is just a macho pissing contest, of course, but it's damn good PR. They wouldn't sell many bottles of the sauce if it was made from the worlds 2nd, or 3rd hottest chili, not at £6.50 a go. And this is a Uni too, so they need the money to prop up the budget. Go on, even if you never open the damn stuff, do your bit and buy a bottle, it might come in handy with that persistent relative that keeps visiting!

Google rejigs privacy policy after ice-cream van man slam

What's wrong with:

Your data is yours to keep, anything you happen to tell the internet is ours to do with as we see fit.

Is that not transparent and simple enough?

Happiness: Yours for £50k a year

_Professor_ Angus Deaton?!?

Well, I'm glad to see he managed to turn his life around, after his disgraced departure from HIGNFY!

NatWest sets lawyers on student site

If it were me...

I'd replace the offending page with Nat*est are useless as a bank, AVOID AT ALL COSTS!! (in large 40pt text) then invite the lawyers and/or executive team to see if the changes meet with their approval. Anyone using the 118student service would then be properly informed.

Renault DeZir: 'leccy sex machine

Does it come in Petrol?

No, seriously. Why can't renault make cars like this anyway?

And, given that renault are notorious for electrical faults, is this really the way forward for them?

'Huge airships to carry freight starting 10 years from now'

Advantages

Surely an airship is much more robust than an airplane or helicopter, they are much more forgiving of in-flight faults. Is that not an advantage?

Also, they are pretty cool. We don't do enough things just because they are cool these days.

Microsoft goes AC/DC with Instaload battery tech

>The technology is compatible with CR123, AA, AAA, C and D batteries.

But you can't put any of those cells in the wrong way round!?

Or are M$ going to follow this up with a more expensive patent for battery compartments that doesn't use a spring to clamp them in place?

Microsoft's KIN is dead, long live Windows Phone 7

...just 500 KINs have been sold...

*choke* Even by Barmy Ballmer's standards that's EPIC FAIL! 'Bob' anyone?

In most cases, the longer a company engages with an industry sector the better they get to know it, M$ seem to be getting worse and worse at Mobile as the years drag on for them. Give it up.

First MeeGo Linux needs love and scrub up

You came in that thing?!?

You're braver than I thought!

Wow, I bet the folks at Cupertino and Mountain View are trembling now.

I really doubt the N8 will be the last Symbian based NSeries, unless they can the whole NSeries line that is!

Jobs tells iPhone users to get a grip

Use it in speakerphone* mode...

and hold it the same way the suits do on The Apprentice, then iPhone4 users can look doubly self important, and avoid the problem altogether!

*It does do speakerphone doesn't it? Or has His Steveness not invented that yet?

Apple's iOS 4 beams into unprepared world

Getting excited over being able to run more than 1 app at a time?!?

Did I fall through a time warp or something? I'm sure I had lunch in 2010, but this story seems to be from the 90s?

New wave of superphones poised to challenge iPhone 4

Dude..

It's like, Open Source, maaan! You can, like, totally code the carkit profile yourself!

</hacky sack>

</spliff>

</COADHT>

</sarcasm>

ToryDems stoke ID card 'bonfire'

Hoorah!

Y'know, with a bit more NuLab pwnage like this, I could get to like Lord Snooty & Co.

UK.gov issues death warrant for ID cards

Does this mean...

that those 15000 ID cards will become collectable? I almost want one now...

And would trading them on eBay be legal?

Microsoft cuts out paste

It's like they picked up the wrong list

Ballmer and Co must've sat and drawn up two lists, one headed 'things iPhone does that we must copy' and the other 'things the iPhone doesn't do that we must laugh at in press releases' and they've gone and implemented the wrong list!

Steve Jobs says 'No' to iPhone-to-iPad tether

Good rant B+

While I agree with most of what you say;

"So Apple, it's not cool, thats just sheer ignorance and you continue in missing unfathomable opportunities to capture a desperately hungry wider audience and decimate the opposition simultaneously! Get of your flippin' fat arse and sort it out!"

Except they seem to be doing rather well. From what I've seen people who are going to buy an iPhone/iPad are going to buy one no matter how much 'smartphone' functionality is left out, and give them their due, they seem to have picked the right things to leave out, not wasting time developing and testing functionality 90+% of their market base don't give a rats ass about.

I guess the tethering is going to be a no-no as they'd have real difficulty ensuring that the 3G end of the deal was actually an iPhone, so the turtle-necked sweater dude is quite right in thinking, why pay someone other than me for your 3G? You want an iPad with 3G, buy the iPad with 3G. It's not that big a deal! (r) TM

Prisoners chucked off Facebook

Perhaps I missed the point of prison..

But surely it's to remove people from society? That must also cover virtual society aswell, otherwise it's just a holiday camp!

ID minister promises virtual immortality for all Britons

But what about clones?

Seriously..

If I'm cloned in this dystopian future (two bodies, two income tax streams ;-) which one of me will be charged with identity theft? Have they even thought this through?

What about all those re-animated heads buzzing around in the year 3000?

Next-gen iPhone rumored for April

4G moniker

Presumably, if they do go with 4G, and people bemoan the confusing caused, Steve will ask the various network consortia working on the 4G spec to "just change it's name" ;-)

Ghost of Gates' tablet haunts Microsoft's future

That's their problem, right there.

It has to run Windows XXX.

I really like the form factor of an A4 tablet, and I've used Tablet PCs, but they're just not up to the job. The problem is that the HW requirements needed to run any of the Redmond warez means that you can never stray to far from a power socket, and the device is HEAVY. I want a lightweight device, that will last 12 hours on a charge, and be useful. Sadly, whether Monkey boy realizes this or not, it pretty much rules out Windows as being the OS inside.

It's the same story as with their mobile offerings, stuck to the cash cow (that's now looking rather thin) that is Windows. Move on Steve, come join us in the 21st century!

Linux devs exterminate security bugs from kernel

Schoolboy error

these ADHD kids *tsk* *tsk* they should stick to Java or something safe.

The return of the Psion-sized PC

Give 'em some slack

I'm not saying this thing'll make me put my trusty 5mx away, it won't, but give them a little slack. It's all very easy to spout 'dream specs', it's a very much harder thing to actually get it built. Trust me. Paul and Ewan at least deserve some kudos for getting this far.

I think that El Reg is being a little unfair in even suggesting a comparison between this and a Series 5, this is even less of a Series 5 replacement than the N900 is, and even that is no where close.

Nokia to cull Symbian in 2012

Maemo still has to prove itself

As Mark says, there's a long hard road between building a great device, and building a great software platform that can be used to make many great devices. Maemo is a long way from there.

@Neil 7

"Eventually, you have to ask, why have two platforms?"

I doubt Maemo, or another other Open and Linux based OS (yes, I'm looking at you Android) will ever be able to provide a high end experience on low end hardware, like Symbian OS can.

Nokia will certainly push Maemo in their high end devices, Symbian will still provide the platform for the mid to high end, volume products. Qt just means that they can have a common (bar any niggling platform quirks) development environment.

@AC - N900 meetup

You probably won't have to wait long before Nokia use the same HW platform in a Symbian device.

@AC 15:20 GMT

"I'd like to see the two platforms benchmarked side-by-side on the same hardware."

IIRC the N800 and N95 are the same basic Hw platform.

I know which of the two has better battery life (despite the N800 having a larger battery), and which runs faster, and feels more responsive (despite having to run a 3G baseband aswell)

Don't get me wrong, there is a hell of a lot of Maemo love going on in Nokia, but at the end of the day, when they want to ship a tried and tested, volume product, with a lot of features and wow factor, on cheap-as-chips hardware, my money's on Symbian.

Apple snuffs iPhone app for too much Appleness

WTF?

haven't they also rejected stuff because it didn't fit in with the iPhone look & feel?

All this bad press they've been getting over the treatment of developers lately must surely be putting people of even bothering to target iPhone.

Revealed: The amazing premise behind Ridley Scott's Monopoly

Asteroids: The Movie

They could probably re-use the central plot device for that outing, though that might be a little too much like The Last Starfighter for comfort!

The Prisoner set for Sunday release

It'll be shit...

If the "project stands on it's own" then why use the original name?

Peugeot's bulbous BB1 e-car bound for Blighty

It's almost as if...

They want it to fail!

Google-branded Android smartphone inbound?

Did I miss something?

I can already buy an unlocked, Google branded, Android device. It even has a Qualcomm chipset, and was indeed manufactured by HTC.

Got one right here as it happens... Did someone misread a date on a press release or something?

Google Android future haunted by fragmentation past

Not really a surprise is it?

Phone makers love to differentiate on UI look and feel, bundled apps, and their own pet cheap HW platform. It's an almost impossible task to accomodate all those differentiating factors and arrive at a common base. Though, to be fair I had thought that the sheer force of Google's will (ie $$$) would be the one thing to carry Android through. Time will tell, once the Motos are in the wild (if they ever make it that far :-/ ) Hopefully once they get a few returns, because a significant % of the Android Apps don't work on customer's handsets, it'll bust 'em or bring them into line...

@John Fairhurst

It's a very blurred line these days, but I think the difference, the key difference, between a computer and a phone is in the usage of the device, and this dictates the sort of apps that you are likely going to want to install/run on each device.

@James 47

Well, let's see. They're about 9 months or so into this new 'bet it all on Android' strategy, so history shows us they've got about 8 months before they change their minds and try something completely different, burning a few more $$$millions of their investors' money in the process. :-/

Sony explains PS3 Slim's loss of Linux option

>Or Sony could open the technology up to the Linux community to maintain

Pffffttt!

While It's true in the past I've applauded Sony for actually going to market with the Linux Dev Kit for the PS2, it was clear then that they're never going to open up the platform in the way the Penguinistas would like, or let hippy ideals get in the way of making $$$s

But from my POV, this is just the cherry on the top of PS3s EPIC FAIL. When I can get one for £50 at the local game exchange, then I might just buy one.

Nokia N97

@Tim Schomer - wtf?

You mean you learn how to use the device so as to not run out of memory? That is so lame, the OS should be doing that for you.

Device should adapt to your usage pattern, not the other way round!

Intel and Nokia's brave new world

Brave New World?

One in which ARM never existed presumably?

This sort of thrashing I expect from Intel, who are desperate to remain relevant in the mobile world, but Nokia? Why are they even giving them the time of day? All I can imagine is that it's in return for some ready-to-roll netbook reference designs.

UK graduates face bleak future as teachers

@Steve

You may joke, but what if that was the way forward? With 5 million startups there's bound to be a glut of duffers making haddock flavoured 'In the Night Garden' binliners, but the odds are stacked in favour of there being at least a few winners, and the chances are you'd end up with a majority of people eeking out a living doing something they actively enjoy. Who could ask for more?

It's a perennial problem getting anything new kicked off, getting funding for a new business is hard and mostly tedious - everyone should have a go, see how they get on - and so if it were easier to 'try out' a business idea, who'd really care if it failed? They could adapt and try something else - perhaps some sort of evolutionary theory for socio-economics?

Perhaps it is us that are at fault, trying our best to hold on to the old way, propping up a failed model. Like keeping a breeding pair of Dodo's on life support - let them go, their time has past, time for something new.

HTC's second Android phone coming 1 May

It's a bit 'Meh'...

It looks just like the G1, but without the cool slidey-out keyboard. Are HTC's design team on holiday or something?

Darling's £0.5bn offshore windfarm 'leccy-bill stealth levy

Tell it to Sid....

If only the money people pay for leccy wasn't used to line the pockets of besuited extorionists, it could be actually used for some of this increasingly needed R&D.

Mines the one with empty pockets.

Pirate Bay co-founder claims 'we lost'

To be fair..

I think they shot themselves in the foot, calling the site 'Pirate Bay'.

Can the iPhone save NFC?

@George

Forget NFC, use 2d barcodes instead; Each patient gets a laminated tag, that has to be 'scanned' by nothing more complex than a camera phone. Job done. IIRC Masabi (www.masabi.com) and a few others were looking into this.

PS3 players prefer gaming to bonking

Hmmm...

I guess that explains why I don't own a PS3, f'nar!