Posts by Shonko Kid

Major Freeview EPG revamp to go ahead after appeals rejected

Re: Please Stop it.

A really smart TV could check and auto-retue every time you put it on 'standby'...

Better pay your taxes: The world's NOT going to end this year

"are going to be disappointed"

Really?!? I'm amazed.

"a gaggle of experts have said."

Experts? Experts?!? Who are these so called experts and where can I get a job like that.

NASA working on faster-than-light drive capable of WARP TEN

Sheesh!!

NASA: We think we've worked out a way to make 'Warp Drives'!!

El Reg Commentards: Doesn't it suck how Star Trek was so self-inconsistent.

Nintendo Wii U launch and pricing disclosed

"it's probably even further out of date in terms of hardware than the Wii was at launch"

So?

Do you have any understanding of product development? The balance is all about building a hardware platform that will perform *adequately* for the projected lifetime of the product, at the cheapest Bill Of Materials cost, again across the projected life of the production, in order to reach a given price point. It's not about shoving the most high end silicon you can source into a box and sticking a badge on it.

Only time will tell if they've built it underpowered, if the 3rd party ports start to tail off due to lack of performance, and the in house titles aren't able to plug the sales gap. People said the same thing about the Wii at launch, and I don't think anyone can seriously consider that a failed product.

There is life after the death of Microsoft’s Windows 8 Start button

The bottom line...

" in a couple of years we will look back and wonder why there was so much fuss about the Windows 8 Start menu"

That's mainly because the majority of PC users will still be using Win7, having only just upgraded from XP.

And Microsoft themselves will be busy touting Win9 as the next best thing; trumpeting their latest UI 'innovation' - a handy way to group all your programs and documents into one place, easily activated by a small icon at the bottom left of the screen....

UK.gov's web filth block plan: Last chance to speak your brains

Errr..

Because having those arbitrary limits enshrined in law certainly has tackled the wave of teenage pregnancy and binge drinking we used to have....

The world's first Windows Phone 8 hands on – what's it like?

Multitasking...

"...while there was an observable lag it was no more than three seconds. Multitasking benefits greatly from this new kernel."

WTF?!? This is 2012! How can you possibly say it's an improvement, when it's still so obviously far behind the 90s technology they ditched to jump on the good ship Redmond?

All this says to me is that they still haven't yet managed to develop an OS suitable to run on a mobile device. And the chances of them figuring it out are 0.

Nokia tears wraps off new Windows Phone Lumias on steroids

Disposing of the talent is really paying off

So, when Elop calls up industrial design to request a new flagship, the person that took the call, being the janitor as the only person not fired, can only figure out how to change pink to yellow in the CAD package?

smells like WIN to me!

Microsoft: It's not Metro, it's Windows 8

Rock, Paper, Scissors

They should name each subsequent version after the one that 'wins' the previous one, this has the added advantage that by the time they're onto the next pass of Windows Rock, customers who bought the first one are actually ready to upgrade, having skipped the previous 2 'new versions'.

Windows Wolf

They should copy Apple totally on this, except use types of dog (dogs chase cats...). I eagerly await Windows Coyote, but will probably skip Hyena or Chihuahua.

Numbers are for squares!

Nintendo 3DS XL review

Re: "Cue fanboys."

"difficult-to-use 3D system (tried it on a bus?)"

No, but it's easy enough to turn off. Like I said, it is a gimmick, I didn't buy it because it had 3D, but when used right it does at least add something to the games.

" don't make them suddenly original games again"

No, I never said original. just a fresh take on well worn games.

"it's still sodding Mario World, and I've already played that to death."

Well that's ok, there are plenty of people out there who haven't, and just because some people are bored of the concept doesn't make it any less of a good game. Yes, I am biased in favour, SMW was, and still is, a fantastic example of the 2D platformer. Personally, I can see and appreciate what they did with 3D land in trying to add fresh viewpoints onto the genre.

"If you can't see what is wrong with that statement, there's no hope."

That's the way the mainstream videogame industry is, and has been for quite some time.

Perhaps what is needed is a good kicking into touch, and maybe, just maybe, smartphone gaming will be that boot.

"You want to see actual originality, or innovation in gameplay?"

Yeah, care to point to anything. I'd be intrigued to see something that was actually new, and not derivative in any way. It's been a while since I saw that.

"Cue fanboys."

Happy to oblige..

OK, so the 3D is a gimmick, but true to form at least give Nintendo credit for at least using it to explore some new gaming elements. You've obviously not played either of the two launch titles, Mario 3D Land and Mario Kart 7, both of which take the well known franchises and give them an added twist, and if you can hit the sweet spot with the viewing angle/distance both look fantastic. Although I do agree with the review that all to often you'll lose the sweet spot at a crucial point, but it's worth it!

I can't honestly see how you can say that they're out of ideas, sure they've refreshed all the main in house franchises, but that's pretty much all the gaming world is these days, very few new gaming elements, and it takes the HW manufacturers tinkering with input/output capabilities to push the envelope a little.

Devs can't be bothered with Nokia's Windows Phone – report

Re: Really?!? I'm shocked!!

Yeah, award winning PR from them right there.

Elop: Steve, look, I've done my best, but Nokia are still shipping more Symbian than Windows....

Ballmer: !!!!

*a chair ricochets off an office wall*

Ballmer: Developers!

Elop: Developers?

Ballmer: Developers!! Make it known that anyone coding for Symbian instead of Windows is persona-non-grata. Burn them!!

Really?!? I'm shocked!!

What with the functionality exposed by the developer APIs somewhat less than even the original iPhone, meaning that all you can really do with it is eye-candy. The devices themselves being so 'Meh' - the only differentiator appears to be the hot pink or cyan cases. And the real lack of confidence that Nokia/Microsoft can actually build a viable user base to make it worth targetting, I'm completely shocked by this news.

Has Nokia bottomed out? El Reg drills into the detail

Why should WP8 be any more successful?

OK, you've got a point that the WP7 Lumia's were just simple branded reference designs, but that's how Microsoft has always pushed Windows Mobile/Phone - it specs out the HW, provides the software and the OEM just gets to choose color theme and finish for the casing. I've not seen anything that says WP8 will be pushed any different, so unless Nokia has done a deal that allows them far greater flexibility in the finished product then why would WP8 work out any better than WP7?

And if they were allowed that flexibility, is that really going to save them - by their own admission they weren't so hot at adding in customization layers onto their bought in platforms - and even if they wanted do, do they actually have any developers left to do this? Unless Elop is a l33t coder and is keen on pushing his own custom ROMZ...

And then there's the question of whether or not people actually want a Windows Phone. There's over a decade of evidence that suggests not. Have they figured out why yet? I doubt it.

Thinking about it, it may be simply be that the thing that holds Windows Mobile/Phone back is the association with Desktop Windows - I'd bet that all of the potential customers for a Windows Phone will have had experience of a Windows PC. If they are coming from having a pre-WP7 Nokia, they may well be used to having a pretty solid phone, and would probably be thinking "Do I really want the same experience on my phone as I have on my PC?"

Microsoft promises Metro developers 'fame and fortune'

what do they mean 'exclusive'?

I hope it's 'exclusive' as in 'comes with a signed copy and a goody bag', rather than 'see the APIs we're not letting other devs see'

Dear SteveB, one of those is cool, the other bad. Hint: the first option is cool.

Apple iOS 6 beta limits number of apps per device

Just delete some apps, not that big of a deal

It does seem odd that there should be a limit at all, and 500/1000 seems all too arbitrary. You're probably on the right track with RAM consumption though, as OOM is the best way to cause random crashes - No developer ever checks for it these days.

Cockfighting Reg hack cursed with cancer

"Any reader who needs an anaconda, a badger, 20 chihuahua puppies and a tankful of piranha, drop me a line."

Surely that's just a tankful of _well fed_ Piranha?

Europe's prang-phone-in-every-car to cost €5m per life saved

could cut vehicle thefts also

It'd be trivial to have this device report it's location via text message - on receipt of a valid security token obviously.

The same way the air bags do?

Bill Gates: iPad is OK, but what Apple really needs is a SURFACE

" other than a series of technical 'top trumps' scores."

You mean other than GB, MHz, GHz, number of cores, 0-60 time, top speed, number of carats, number of bedrooms...

No, those top trump scores are just ignored by the public.

Boffins pull off room-temp quantum computing with home-grown gems

Re: No safety goggles?

Not really, any laser worth having isn't going to be bothered by goggles you can actually see through.

Samsung fails to stall Galaxy Nexus sales ban

IANAL and everything, but...

"Imagine typing a contact's name into a box and have hits in your address book, files and email appear."

I'm fairly certain that Windows Mobile 6 of all things did something similar on some of the Orange handsets, circa 2004/5

RBS customers still suffering tech issues at Virgin One Account

"I'm really feeling quite unsure about RBS now."

Never mind RBS, I'm feeling unsure about the whole sector!

Perhaps now might be a good time to 'liquidize'.

Mozilla's 'Boot to Gecko' morphs into Firefox OS

This old chestnut

I fear this will fail. Browser-as-the-OS has been tried before.

I wonder what kernel they're basing it on, I can't imagine the developers of Bloaty FireFox have done their own.

ICANN’s archery contest misses its target

Rock, Paper, Scissors?

To give their arbitration process a more professional quality.

Nexus 7 and Surface: A bonanza for landfill miners

I'd have to agree

There still is no real compelling use-case for a tablet, beyond 'Being an iPad'

"Microsoft's Surface looks a slightly cannier bet.."

In essence all they're doing is having another stab at the Tablet PC market, but now at least the HW is capable of delivering a decent amount of use away from the desk.

If it weren't for that dreadful UI, I'd have to say Surface does look like the best of the non-iPads. Which I find disturbing in itself!

Microsoft to open UK retail store early next year

"Steve Ballmer tankards"

If I was going to get Ballmer branded merchandise, I'd at least want a special 'throwing chair' or perhaps a pre-sweat-stained shirt? (*eeewww*)

Apple wins US ban on Samsung's Galaxy Tab 10.1

$2.6m

Rather a cheap way for them to buy what is an effective monopoly.

Microsoft's uncloaks Phone 8 developer preview

The race is on!

Place your bets folks, which handset will Nokia stop supporting first;

In the UpVote corner, we have the camera phone to end all camera phones, the OS may have a few miles on the clock, but there's still life in it yet... PureView 808!!

Aaaand in the DownVote corner, we have the new flagship on the block, with clean, crisp lines, and the freshest Look and Feel around, It's the tough sell from Washington State... Lumia 900!!

"old Windows Embedded CE core just wasn't up to the job anymore"

It was never up to the job, shame it's taken them well over a decade to realize it.

Re: "Phone 7 users won't be able to upgrade to Windows 8" @Phoenix50

Is that THE Bob "Zune" Vistakin? He's famous round these parts!

ASA: Rooney tweet was advert, not written expression of his thoughts

Wait... what?!?

Does this mean that if I spout whale-song inspired drivel on the social interwebs, and there's a link in there, ASA can slap some corporate ass?

Samsung S3 finally catches up with the Palm Pre - if modified

"so it wasnt an issue putting it in any particular way.."

Except there is an issue. The same issue with putting batteries in the wrong way round.

Microsoft takes on tablets with keyboard-equipped Surface

"Win8 O/S is that you get proper user-accounts"

There's a delicious irony there.

Nokia's Great Software Cleansing scrubs off everything since the '90s

Vendetta / Wrath of Gates?

I can't help but wonder if all this is just so that Gates can either own (more likely pwn) Nokia or destroy them totally.

He was rightly furious when Nokia refused his advances back in 97/98... Perhaps there is no happy ending for Nokia, it gets gutted, stripped of anything of worth, then discarded. Meanwhile, on the shores of Lake Washington, Gates can smugly stroke his white cat, and laugh like some sort of Dr Evil?

Reborn UK internet super-snooper charter to be unveiled today

Re: Will nobody think of the cheeeeeeeeeeeeeldren?

"Maybe they are not as dim as you think..."

Possibly, but I subscribe to the 'Never assume conspiracy, when idiocy will suffice' school of thought. I think they're exactly as dumb as I think they are, given they do stupid things like take secret documents out of the office and leave them on the tube.

Re: Will nobody think of the cheeeeeeeeeeeeeldren?

The technology they're looking at is so easily circumvented that the only terrorists and paedophiles they'll catch are the stupid ones. Let's hope there aren't any with a f*cking clue.

A much clever way would be to do something like TV's The Mentalist, send everyone in the country an official looking letter that says they've been caught doing Bad Stuff (tm) and they have to report to they're local nick at a given time for questioning. I bet that would catch more than this invasive bullshit.

Offshore VPN

I see a rise in the market for off-shore VPN hubs.

Perhaps some sort of sea-worthy barge, a whole rack of servers and a satellite uplink?

Foundering Nokia pushes 10,000 bods, 3 veeps overboard

... and success follows because?

I can't see any way in which this ends well for Nokia. They've pulled the rabbit out of the hat before, sure, but this time?

Smart meters are 'massive surveillance' tech - privacy supremo

Re: 2020

That's a fair point. Can I sign you up for a iMeterSmooth-o-tron then? I can offer an early bird discount!

2020

I'd think that by then solar/wind tech will be much more accessible (ie cheap) and the cost of power from the grid so prohibitive that most people will draw very little from the grid, which would mess up the data some what.

And if not then, I'm going to book a spot on Dragon's Den to market what is essentially a massive capacitor to go inline with the meter that smooths out the data.

Microsoft 'mulled Nokia buyout, ran away screaming'

"for a few months now..."

It will likely still irk you every time you read an article on their slow demise, for years to come. Having been there, you'll know first hand that they could've still been #1, if it wasn't for the overwhelming bureaucracy and lack of direction.

"a buyer for the smartphone wouldn't want the volume feature phone business."

I think this is fairly short sighted. A much cleverer strategy would be to use their near ubiquity in some markets to deliver a branded, managed app platform to emerging markets, and the low-end in the west. Within a couple of years, they could easily take back the #1 spot on sheer numbers alone if they can capture and retain that segment of the market as the entry level device shifts upwards in power.

Mr Sulu causes DDoS panic after posting link on Facebook

From the article and comments, we can deduce 2 things;

1) Anna Leach is a real actual girl.

2) El Reg readers are indeed male geeks in their mid-30s to late-40s.

Hands on with Nintendo's Wii U

Typical Nintendo

If anyone can make a decent stab at doing 2 screen play it's them. They've pretty much designed the whole console around this, and will likely set some stunning examples of how to use it to make some pretty unique gameplay. Their problem, as ever, is getting 3rd party developers to make full use of the console, when they've all grown fat and lazy with Sony and Microsoft simply pushing more power under the hood.

Justification will some once Microsoft unveil a 2 screen strategy for either the current XBox or the next one. Perhaps using WinPho or Tablets?

Ten... bits of Jubilee tat tech

Is it just me...

But, if I'm not going to buy something, decorating it with a national flag isn't suddenly going to change that - unless I'm in the market for a national flag - even Ginger herself isn't made any more lovely with the addition of a union jack!

Steve Jobs was top of the flops, says Apple's Tim Cook

"best-selling phone in the world"

Is it? Best-selling smartphone I could maybe buy, but 'phone'... I imagine there's a Nokia Series30/40 phone that sells more.

RIM seeks bailout buddies as banks count Heins' beans

That handy death-spiral checklist in full...

[x] No real innovation for ages

[x] Slash jobs, especially those expensive developers

[X] Bright new platform, preferably with a Linux/Un!x kernel to please the hax0rz

[X] Rats deserting sinking ship

[ ] Appoint new CEO from competitor

[ ] Announce all your products are shit

[ ] License unproven competitor's platform

[ ] Piss off your entire customer base

[ ] Die