Posts by JP Strauss

Free eco-friendly font saves ink and toner

Early April Fool's?

Surely this is taking the p*ss?

Ofcom rules on Clarkson strumpet gag

Take Clarkson off the air...

...and you are left with something similar to the clearly inferior 5th Gear.

Clarkson for President!

You thought I was a libby for a second there, didn't you!

Doctor amputates boy's arm using SMS instructions

@AC

"Paris, because she has nice 80085 too"

Riiiiight...

Microsoft preps IE 8 for the web-challenged

HAHA

That's funny

Down the Digital River, into the heart of download darkness

Kick them...

...right in the vajayjay.

Roachzilla menaces Florida

"Hissing" Cockroaches?

So they'll be feminists then?

Mono delivers Foundation-free open .NET alternative

@AC

"For linux, what about using Wine and winehacks to actually install MS .NET 2.0 and you should get the same result. (And yes, it works.)"

Link please!

Pub toilet todger tiff ends in bloodbath

This is South Africa

Our per capita murder rate is 10X that of the USA.

BOFH: Server room secret panels

@Steve RE: AC1

I think the poor man was trying to comment on a different thread and ended up here for some weird reason.

Or maybe he also "self-medicated" a bit.

@Steve RE: AC1

If you look at the title of the second post and the 1 minute time-difference, it seems as though these the two posts got siamese-twinned.

New Van Gogh pic discovered using German atom-smasher

Unnecessary fuss over re-using canvas

In my previous job as Delphi developer, I frequently redrew images on the same canvas.

Busts 4 Justice battles Bulgarian airbag tax

Cost of material is negligable

When you buy raw material by the truckload, the raw material cost is almost inconsequential. The deciding factor in the end is the extra labour involved in manufacturing larger items, although I don't see a couple of extra stitches from an industrial overlocker warranting a 2 quid surcharge. Unless you pay your factory workers 2 pounds for every half a minute worked, in which case I would definitely be interested in a position at your fine company.

Mine's the over-sized one with "FUBU" on the back.

Obama bloats Vista by 11MB

So,...

...merely MENTIONING a politician's name is enough to introduce bloat into a system...

Trekkies to flip lids over Star Trek bottle opener

I, for one...

..believe that Obi Wan will kick Captain Kirk's ass, unless they are playing Barbies.

Feds urge court to dismiss lawsuit protecting life on Earth

I, for one...

... welcome our new Combine overlords.

UK most popular destination for 419 scams

@Anonymous Coward

I employ a similar tactic:

a) my account at bluebottle is used when I MUST enter an email address to post replies/sign up for newsletters/receive verification emails/enter competitions.

b) my gmail account is for friends I have met face-to-face and for the occasional correspondence with people I know are real.

c) my work email is known to only the twenty-odd people in our company.

Al-Qaeda targets net-connected coffee machine

Espresso

so this is a JAVA exploit then?

Brings new meaning to NetBeans vulnerability.

Chinese 419er punts a whopping $8

@pctechxp

Sorry, my friend Zimbabwe's infaltion isn't at 1000% anymore, in fact it has been above 1,000,000% for almost a month now.

Cyber-fraudsters strike gold at South African government

@ Anthony

Maintenence is such a British, imperialistic concept. We will have none of it.

Installed devices on the computers?

I didn't even know our government employed people who know how computers work.

Delayed SQL Server 2008 hits release phase

Why should you use it?

Because we say so! Now shut up and give us your money, cerf.

Oz parliament enjoys multiple orgasms

@@AC Re: Pilot ejaculated

That's what happens when your troops pull out too late.

ISS toilet fails to suck

I guess...

...the next trip will sport a plumber among the crew then?

Well

It's not exactly your "bog"-standard ablution facility, now is it?

Boeing raygunship fires first blasts in ground testing

@Chrome Battle tanks

And we could fit them with really big spinners on the tracs, a loud sound system and boot spoilers and get the chavs to drive them...

Koreans tout standard for US mobile TV

maybe

Unless of course there is a xxx-subscription channel available.

BOFH: PFY's mum pays a visit

Great

Although, this would've been brilliant as a special mother's day installment.

O2: We didn't know we were capping 3G data speeds

Re: Whoa!

You're not employed by said 02 by any chance, are you?

kb vs kB

seeing as 8 b's make up 1 B, is it safe to assume that 1 kb(1024 b's) = 0,128kB eg

1 Mbps = 128kBps?

Japan turning itself into Cyberman machine civilisation

I wonder...

...if they could turn me into one of those cool Protos spider-thingies in Starcraft...

Thailand cracks down on cut-price castrations

@Oooooooohhhh

That's why the country's called Bangkok...

The one with the Springbok on the back.

Denmark signs up for wind powered electric car switch

@By Jon Tocker

Wow! Your idea about the tram system is actually a great one. It is just unfortunate that the hoons won't go for it, but who cares.

7000 Leap Year Babies attack Steve Ballmer

surely this is easy

if(remainder($year/4)==0)

{

dayOfMonthDropdown.items.add('29');

}

// or even

$febDays = ($year\4==0) ? 29 : 28;

It is inexcusable that any developer would not think of this.

Toshiba's board to kybosh HD DVD this week?

Edward Pearson

I reckon the only reason Blu-ray won, is because it rolls off the tongue better than H.D.-D.V.D. I mean, try saying hd-dvd when you're drunk.

Model checkers get Turing Prize

Congratulations

Never thought I'd live to see the day the Turing prize was actually awarded.

N-Gage makes it into software

I remember...

...playing Tank Islands (a Worms: Armageddon clone) against people in Russia over a GPRS link as long ago as 2004, The game had a Highscore list and rudementary chatrooms too. The game was playable even on my Motorola v547. Doesn't than count as an online/network game for mobile?

Germans debut kitesurf-powered autonomous windjammer

How about...

... making convicted felons do the rowing for you?

Bring on the Nobel prize for physics

Why not Add another three kites and have a 120% efficiency? This way you will generate energy from nothing, breaking an age old scientific law, and thereby create a massive black hole, sucking up all the CO2 in the atmosphere and solving our global warming/greenhouse gas problem once and for all.

Ciao.

Three critical fixes star in Patch Tuesday update

@Charley

"Or, to put it another way, it takes one mechanic to service my car. Microsoft has about 60,000 employees.

Mechanic:10,000/1 = 10,000.

Microsoft: 40,000,000/60,000 ~= 666"

What's the Bible say about the number 666 again?

--Off to have a cold one.

BOFH: Balancing the budget...

This is boring

I never get to say anything negative about the BOFH articles.

Well done to Simon.

Canadian runs up $85,000 mobe bill

Unlimited usage...

As in: "there is no limit to the amount payable".

BOFH: Xmas party: Get a wriggle on

RE: Televising the BOFH

What I was thinking was along thelines of a five minute sketch in between the evening news and whatever's after, or maybe something along the lines of a downloadable episode on youtube/BOFHtube every now and then.

Brilliant as always, but...

...When's the TV series coming?

BOFH: Spreading the festive cheer

Foldy tripod chairs

I wish I had a "modified" one like the director got. Mine was stolen last night (the fifth time in as many years that something of mine was stolen). Too bad the little *** won't be in agony.

Let this be a lesson: never bring anything with you when visiting South Africa.

BOFH: Workplace accidents = 0

The CEO is the PFY's uncle...

if I recall way back when he was first appointed.

Diversity attacks Top500 supercomputer list

While you're at it...

...take some grammar lessons!

Wannabe US bank robber fails intelligibility test

Feshizzle my Nizzle

Who needs security guards and law enforcement officials in general if you have tellers like that. I think she should get a sizable cash award for her actions above and beyond the call of duty, and making one more criminal look like an idiot. I wish we had people like that in south africa.

Mandriva bigwig (nearly) accuses Ballmer of b-word

Poor Old Africa

I think they might be shipped with Windows ME (anyone remember that cockup?)

Ubuntu laptop clan trapped in hard drive hell

@Simon Painter

Linux is like a fresh from University computer scientist (...) Windows is the hardened admin (...), indeed. I think the IRC community said it best:"ROFLMAO".

The day Windows ousts Linux as the "hardened admin", I will eat my laptop. Windows is only good fro playing games, aside from that, it's all window-dressing (excuse the pun).