* Posts by StillNoCouch

66 publicly visible posts • joined 7 Mar 2007


'MacGyver' geezer makes 'SHOTGUN, GRENADE' from airport shop tat

Black Helicopters

Steak Knives

I've always thought it to be bit silly that once you pass through security, you can pony-up to a bar and grab a 7-Inch steak knife.

They are obviously less dangerous than my fingernail clippers.

It's possible to board a plane with a suitcase full of 3-ounce bottles too, right ?

America mounts attempt to top the Register's world record spaceflight

Paris Hilton

Their Project Website


Reader experts thrash LOHAN's mighty rod


Pack the her rod with waming goodness ?

If you're modifications include switching from a Titanium "rod" (solid) to a Titanium "tube" (hollow), one could consider filling the tube with the contents of those disposable hand warmers (iron powder, salt, activated charcoal & vermiculite).

Although this requires air to work, if the tube could be ventilated with small pin-sized holes along it's top, that should provide sufficient air to enter with the holes being too small to leak the granular substance (possibly strain or sift first to remove the finest particles, but this would require a test to ensure you didn't sift out too much of the active ingredients).

I imagine that icing only occurs at 'relatively low' altitudes, so the tube would only have to be warmed for the first stages of ascent ... probably not the whole way up ( but I have patently NO understanding of the physics and conditions here and I'm likely illustrating my dire need of additional IQ points )

To counter the "reaction affect" of the engine on the aluminum plate, consider using a wire screen of some sort .. would provide you with ample surface area while allowing the thrust of the engine to pass through the 'barrier' with little-to-no resistance.

Queuing for an iPad? Why?

Paris Hilton

Tomorrows headline ?

"UK ISP's crippled by introduction of 14,000 bandwidth hogs"

This is a breaking news story (well, it was but by the time this reporter's internet connection was restored, it's sort of old news now).

Thankfully, the outage was mitigated by a plethora of frequently dropped connections among the 'new poor'.


Paris: Because she looks so sad

Google co-founder: Maybe we'll stay in China after all


What was that Hillary Clinton said ?

"It's hard to get tough with your banker ?"

Sites pulling sneaky Flash cookie-snoop


Confirms my suspicions

Adobe is the antichrist.

Endeavour glides back to Kennedy

Paris Hilton

Nicole's hot !

She could make me see stars !

UK space programme suffers serious setback

Paris Hilton

This could be a serious liability

A 300g frozen cheese brick falling from 18.6 miles up ?

Even after terminal velocity was reached, that would still go through a car or roof ...

Rule #1 for model rocket enthusists: Never put your name, address or phone number on anything you launch.

Paris: Her cheese never freezes.

Intel appeals billion euro fine

Thumb Down


Because we can't make a living the old fashioned way, we'll subsidize our industry and economy through fines levied on US businesses.

Vulture Central plans Brit-Yank dictionary


Do the English have a word for ...

Dentistry ?

Whining serial commentard bemoans Reg bullying



He's the second comment on the post ....


by Aaron Kempf June 9, 2009 3:52 PM PDT

"kev, you're too paranoid kid, lay off the crackpipe-- nobody is out to get you!"



Facebook tackles potent click fraud scam

Paris Hilton

Facebook's true strategy

... is to simply suspend and/or cancel legitimate users of the sight with unspecified "violations" of nonexistent limits. Comment on a post your son made to your page on Fathers Day and you're slapped with an "Abusive Behavior" warning.

That site is a joke.

Paris: I would book a night in her face

US record industry wins $1.92m from file sharer


Spineless Ba$Tards

If you visit their web site, there is no email comment link.

When you call their Non-Toll-Free Number (of course), the politely ask you if you would like to speak to their legal or PR department.

Of course, PR doesn't answer or return calls ...

What a collection of human garbage !

--- END OF RANT ---

The reason I stopped buying music was because of all the restrictions.

Phuck these idiots.

Behind Microsoft's IE-free, Windows-for-Europe ploy

Paris Hilton

I would love to see a Poll on this

I'm only half-way done reading the comments ... many very good points on both sides of this issue.

This would make for a great poll with reasonable choices (such as, but not limited to):

1. Should MS offer only minimal initial internet connectivity and let users fend for themselves to find a browser

2. Should MS offer "Step 2, select a browser"

3. Should MS offer IE as the default browser w/ 'advice' as to how to select a different one ?


I would be very interested in which ways this forum were leaning in a quantifiable way.

Paris: My trouser of choice.

Site news: Unique commenter handles coming

Paris Hilton

I feel sorry for Paris69

... or maybe not.

Paris Hilton celebrates 28


I for one

welcome the twenty-eigth year reign of our blonde overlord.

Yes! It's the cardboard PC!

Paris Hilton

Isn't that wrong ?

The "This end up" icons on the last picture imply that it it were set in it's "vertical configuration", the narrow end of the base would be at the bottom, with the heaviest component (Power Supply) at the very top of the case ... seems rather precarious.

Paris: She can go bottom's up with me any time.

Swiss cops sniff out dope plantation on Google Earth

Paris Hilton

Something very similar happend in my home town

A few years ago, a small-operation farmer in my home town of Columbia, Illinois (USA) decided he would do a little cash cropping of his own ... about 15 acres of it.

So that it wouldn't be seen, he planted a 10-foot wide swath of Sunflowers (they grow very tall and dense, you know) around the square-proportioned 15 acre pot-field.

He was right ... you sure couldn't see it ... unless of course, you were flying a State Police Traffic Helicopter over the interstate running right next to it.

He got 12 years.

Paris: She's smokin' hot (not pot)

World's fastest production car to gain electric twin


There has to be a typo

Maybe a 10 HOUR charge ?

Free eco-friendly font saves ink and toner

Paris Hilton

So am I wrong

I printed this page so I could double-click on the hard copy.

Wait, that didn't work ... I'll print another copy and let you know how it worked.

Oz couple served legal docs via Facebook


Facebook + Tool

Isn't that somewhat redundant ?

Peaches Geldof - she's back!

Paris Hilton

Who is she again ?

It sounds to me that I should be thankful that I don't have a clue who this article is about.

Sarah Palin's words get data mined

Thumb Down

That's BI ?

Counting words is hardly Business Intelligence.

( 6 )

Paris ups sticks to London


You're Welcome !

Ah ha ! Our master plan is working !

First we export "the Paris" ... then "the Lohan" followed by "the Spears" ...


"I'm proud to be an American, where now we're Paris-free.

You can't give her back you're stuck with her now, and boy we pitty thee.

And I'd proudly stand up one more time, and send you a few more twits ...

... for there ain't no way on God's green earth --- you could grow such perfect ___ !

Reg reader completely loses the plot

Thumb Up

@ Damm Yank

I believe, it's actually, "Jane, you ugly, misguided Slut".


"spunk bubble" ... totally awesome !

May I be the first to nominate this one for FOTY ?

Gay sheep romp turns Tyneside blue


Of course ...

I'm glad they didn't sheer their wool yet since it's so cold.

You can tell it's cold 'cause the ewe's lips are blue.

Today be talk like a pirate day


@ DangerMouse


You are the only one.

Did the width move for you, darling?

Paris Hilton

Yeah well, I'll get used to it

Things change ... that's cool. There's a lot of complaining going on ... mostly by people whom don't seem to have anything better to do than complain.

I think it's just fine ... different, but cleaner (sort-of like when my girlfriend takes a bath) -- I have to fall in love all over again !

So where can I post my photos and videos ?

Can I IM other REG'ers ?

How do I put aweful soundtracks on my comments (Abba anyone?)

Paris: She cleans up well too

Pump and dump scam hacker banged up


@ Bronek

Good play old man !

One could easily leverage themselves into an RSS millionare in the 5 minutes it took UAL to going from bad to bargan. He could have bought of all of United Airlines for about $250,000 US (~ six euros).

<-- The one with the wings on the lapel

Too much money? Bling your iPhone with the $1000 app


@ BluesXMan

When the next (£100 cheaper) version of the iBone comes out in time for the holidays, I'll rush right out and get one ... and the Turd-App.

What better and more appropriate use of that scatch-n-sniff screen ?


Yes thank you, the one with the brown scuff-mark on the lapel.

NZ sports fans cop eyeful of hardcore


What's the problem ?

Sounds like a wonderful idea to boost ratings.

Mine's the one with "Gimme My Ho" on the back ...

Boris' crime map plan comes unstuck

Paris Hilton

I can sort-of understand this one

I think it really depends on the level of detail of the maps in question. You make a very good point about knowing where to go to buy drugs, find hookers, etc., although, some of us might view this more as an additional service or feature, rather than a draw-back.

Do they publish the actual street address ? Having a "Domestic Assault" at 123 Anystreet might be a little invasive ... having a "Domestic Assault" within 100m of 123 Anystreet might be a little invasive too.

Additionally, what about the poor smucks whom may have bought 123 Anystreet from that newly divorced couple ? Are their property values then deflated from the former's actions ?

I think the devil is in the details on this one. To what degree of granularity ? If anyone's in the know, clue me in.

Paris: Because she doesn't have a clue either.

Bus-spotting paedo terror bust: Shock CCTV image


Is that T5 in the background ?

... Yeah, thought so.

Congressmen say Chinese hacked their PCs

Paris Hilton

@ Will Godfrey

Thank you for illustrating your lack of illumination on the subjects of history, fact and reason.

It's always a pleasure to hear people speak their minds ... it makes it that much easier for the rest of us to quickly identify the truly foolish.

<-- Paris because she has more of a clue than Willie.

Angry? Try the Tw*t-O-Tron


WTF ... a Time Machine ?

How in the heck can my mind be read across the internet. I think I'm thinking them before they pop-up ... I have proof of this ... if I think really hard before I click 'New', I get a really old thought ...

This is just another attempt at keeping the Muslim down. Freaking retard westerners (westards ?). That's it. I'm taking my shot-gun shells, canned goods and tin-foil hat and going home ... there will be only two things left, cocharoaches and that weird Indian guy in the server center ... oh the horror.

Mine's the one with the AOL 1.0 disk in the pocket.

Economist: girls actually better than boys at maths


@ Mark Johnson


The Reg surfs for porn with a San Jose councilman


Well ...

Of course, certain liberties are guaranteed, such as freedom of speech, freedom of the press ... and (implied) freedom to search/view "nubile ebony teens" ...

On the other hand, certain liberties are not allowed, such as shouting "Fire" in a theater without an actual fire being present, carrying conceled firearms (in most areas/circumstances) ...

Freedom to walk through a public place such as a library without having to be faced with such a thing is also 'sort of' implied.

There is a balance, and one that I'm sure will ultimately be reached ... perhaps we simply have an "Adult" section as well as a "Public" section for computer use ... we've had the 'curtain' in video stores for years ... it seems to offer the most effective balance between Disney and Spanky-Vision. There is a balance -- I should be able to take my children to the video store without them being exposed to the PIC's on the front of some videos ... at the same time, if I choose to rent "Three Girls and No Babies", I should have every right to.

No system is perfect, but the good news is: While we're sitting at the library, we're allowed certain freedoms. With those, of course, comes a certain limitations to those freedoms.

Many of the comments above are a bit on the extreme side of things ... there are grey areas associated with freedom ... it's a common-sense argument ...

... Gotta go ... my download of "Dirty Secrest" is almost finished ...

<-- Mine's the one with the rabbit fur lined pockets and "tea" stains

SpaceShipOne firm to build Stealth Bomber 4.0?


@ Seán

Q: "This is just another way for those yank fuckwits to circumvent the WTO. Subsidising R&D and ploughing billions of taxpayers money into ridiculous projects. Just who are they planning on having a war with?"

A: @ Seán


Any questions ?

Canadian man in Taser trouser inferno shocker


Not Phunny

The last time this happened to me, I was in no mood for jokes.

(Yeah, the one with the burnt gerbile in the pocket)

Home Office defends 'dangerously misleading' Phorm thumbs-up


Just for Giggles

... So if they want to target us behind our backs looking to capitalize on our words and intentions, I say "Good Phorm" ...

(Kiddie Porn, Bondage, Doggie Snuffing) ... Look for keywords (KY Jelly, lubricants) in anything we write (kiddie porn, teens, nubile) or read (underage, boy butts) ...and make your own decisions about what we're interested in (Paris Hilton, night-vision, porn, pornography, Phuck-faced assholes).

The next thing you know (porn, pornography, dildo), we'll all be getting targeted ads (porn, dildos, doggie bondage, cat bondage, animal bondage) based upon the comments of posters ...

The dumbest thing about this whole thing is not the invasion of privacy, but has everything to do with the "Just what do they intend to learn?".

Hell, if you can figure me out, please outline it for me and send it to me in a PDF. I doubt sincerly that anyone's going to have a clue of what I'm going to buy based upon what I see/read on the screen.

Just to mess with 'em: Here's more keywords for the Phormtastic Algorythm to classify -- BadPhorm.com Beckam's Tits are fake (but uber-nice), dildo ranch dressing, hamster bondage ....

Let 'em read this and figure it out ...

... Hell, I was actually shopping for a compute server, but a few more SELF-LUBRICATING DILDO BLOW-UP BOY TOY ads might make me chuckle a bit in the process.

'Rowdy' rectal extraction op vid hits YouTube



It's 5:37am here (for me) ... it usually takes me about 45 minutes to put out the necessary fires ...

So please forgive me if I'm a bit confused ...

A spray can up the arse/ass ? Did I read that correctly ?

No, I won't be going back to check ... and *NO* I don't want to know the IT angle ... Seriously.

Damnit, no more El Reg reading before the third cup of coffee ...

... muttering to himself ... "Did they say Spray Can ? Spray Can of what ? ... I don't care. I don't need to know ... "

Seriously, WTF ???

<--- Going out for SuckMyBucks ... this is gonna be a LONG week ...

No sense of humour? Avoid Bootnotes

Paris Hilton

Where I come from ...

... it's Phucktards ... it may sound the same, but it's a whole lot more phun to pronounce when you're stuck in Paris.

<--- Duh.


Where's the IT Angle ?

Couldn't help myself.

O2 PR calls Reg readers 'techie nerds'

Paris Hilton

This from a telecom ?

Geezuz ...

That's just too phucking phunny !

I'll bet he's double checking the sent messages folder on his phone.

Paris: Even she can work a damn phone !

'Patricia Hewitt' donates £6m to charity


I thought that email address looked familiar !

That hose-bag hounded me for months on Yahoo-Personals !

I know, I know -- I'll go back to hiding under my desk now.

Phorm admits 'over zealous' editing of Wikipedia article

Paris Hilton


I find myself morbidly amused. This is like watching a train wreck in slow motion. In this case, as this 'movie' progresses, we come to know the characters inside a little better each day ... and can't wait for the final impending wreck.

Paris because her films weren't near as fun to watch.

FIPR: ICO gives BT 'green light for law breaking' with Phorm

Paris Hilton

I still don't get it

Call me dense, but I still just don't get the fundamental business model here.

Marketers (whom are uber-data miners by nature these days) will accept from Phorm, that the advertisements are in fact reaching the targeted audience without proof ? Highly unlikely.

If I were paying for targeted ad placements (which I did in a former life), I would demand some proof that the ads could be linked to my actual sales. No ability to prove, no sale.

I'm not giving you (Phorm) good money to do something I could do myself (i.e. advertise my product on specific websites dedicated to the same genre) unless you (Phorm) can prove to me that my customer base increased as a result ... ergo, unless you can match your advertisement base to my customer base in a statistically sound manner, it's just a lot of "wouldn't it be great if" and "theoretical BS".

In order to actually prove some marketable results, they must, by definition be able to track individuals. This is, afterall, going beyond the basics of demographics.

I, as a business consumer, would require verifiable proof, which, by Phorm's explainations, can't possibly exist. I just don't understand how a thinking advertiser would opt in on this in the first place.

If I were in the business of managing your money, you'd expect for me to tell you and illustrate how much money I made for you ... and be able to separate out my actions from yours so that you could compare and contrast the two.

If I were in the business of selling you advertising space, you'd expect for me to illustrate, compare and contrast how that space I sold you resulted in an increase in sales/profits.

In neither case would you be content with "Well, your sales went up because of a reason we can't prove." Or worse, your sales went down for a reason we can't prove.

How the heck are they supposed to tweek these things (this is, in fact what I do for a living) if there's no front-end database of whom saw what ad, clicked on it ... whom saw what ad, clicked on it and made a purchase ?

According to Phorm, there is no way of being able to track and/or report on their success/failure (if you believe their press releases anyway). This business model just doesn't make sense.

Sorry this was so long. I'm just very confused at the seemingly self-voiding of their business proposition. Something just doesn't add up.

I guarantee you ... if this thing goes full-tilt, there will be a ruckas in the coming months about how they did, in fact, store and utilize the particular details of customers ... no responsible data mining could occur without it. Their advertising customers are going to demand proof and Phorm's gonna have to give it ... ergo, they'll have to have the data to back up their claims.

This just doesn't add up. "You want me to buy a service from you based upon your unverifiable word that it works ?" Hey, I've got a bridge in Brooklyn up for sale. Interested ?

Paris because I must be equally as confused.

Comcast acquires BitTorrent for $53bn


WHAT ??? It's not true ?

Oh come-on ! ... That would seriously solve the whole Torrent Issue. Let ComCastic handle it, it'll be deader than a wedge in no time.

(Posting this from work 'cause my ConSpastic internet experience is a little too if-fy to try from home).

<-- The leather one with the snot stains on the sleeve.

BT and Phorm secretly tracked 18,000 customers in 2006

Paris Hilton

It's my lunch time now ...

... so I have a few minutes.

I've been following this closely since it's beginning.

I've read the comments posted before me on this as well as the other articles in this series.

I'm still curious:

A) If all the ISP's have to do is change the terms of their EULA, why don't they just do it ? To hell with whether or not it's right or wrong ? After all, many of us are stuck with pretty much only one ISP to choose from (discounting/not-counting Dial-up).

B) Apprarently, PHORM's stock isn't much of anything here (where I am) so I'd love to see a link to a semi-real-time stock ticker. Suggestions from commentors appreciated.

C) These are relatively large companies, right ? I can understand a Mom-n-Pop shop being taken in by 121Media, but not large ISP's. WTF ?

Boss puts development team on Craigslist

Thumb Up


I think the manager deserves a bit of appreciation for his/her efforts to help them find new positions anyway possible. Many times, budget cuts (wise or not) are handed down and there's simply no choice.

It's somewhat comforting to know that their tallents were recognized and the fact that their former boss would take the time/effort/energy (probably in violation of corporate policy regarding personal recommendations) is laudable in my books.

Kudos to him/her.