Posts by Harvey Trowell

Florida fisherman bags two-headed MUTANT SHARK

Re: Thanks BP!

If it was, he ain't tailfin.

Dear Facebook: I heard the news today, oh boy

To continue...

And though the news was rather small...

They had to run it all,

'Cos when it's on the web, the cost to do so, well it's just f##k all.

I'd love to turn... this... off...

Yawn.

Beer, because if you've read this far, you know it's been implicated.

Jokes of no more than 2 lines

A man in a pub asks for a pack of helicopter-flavoured crisps.

The barman says "Sorry mate, we've only got plain".

Hear the one about the magic tractor?

It went down a lane and turned into a field.

Microsoft parts clouds over Bing Maps with massive sat pic upgrade

Re: Curious fact

It's not odd, I was just checking to see if the big red "You Are Here" arrow is working yet. It never is though. Sometimes I can see a blue dot blinking in the vicinity, but that's not me, so where am I? Buggered if I can work it out... Google, Apple, Bing, throw me a frickin' bone here. Cheers.

Belgian boffins find colossal meteorite

Enquiring mind, really?

Hit no. 2 on Google, introductory paragraph:

"Antarctica, it has been discovered, is the best meteorite trap on Earth. Firstly meteorites fall onto ice rather than hard rock and so are damaged less. Then, being rock, they stand out from their background unlike those falling in the temperate zones which will mainly be not distinguished from the local rock. Then there is a curious concentration process by which ice flowing outwards and meeting a rock or mountain obstruction, shears upwards bringing the enclosed meteorites to the surface. In many regions where ice is trapped against a mountainside and with no easy path to flow away, the ice is slowly reduced in thickness by solar ablation and ablation by katabatic winds, eventually after hundreds of thousands of years leaving a surface littered with extra-terrestrial objects."

http://www.rosssea.info/meteorites.html

Tito's Mars mission to use HUMAN WASTE as radiation shield

Re: Poo in the Sky

That name is the PitS. I think they should name her the Starshit Enterprise (or maybe the Scatellite of Love).

If for some reason they miss Mars and head out into deep space, they could rename her Sewager. That would be awful though. They'd be Colost' in Space.

Yahoo! and! Microsoft! have! long! way! to! go! in! account! hijack! fight!

WTF?

I didn't post that, who's hijacked my Reg account? Blooming kids, mucking around, want to get real jobs, they'd get the birch back in my day, nowadays of course you're not allowed, heaven help us if there's a war, etc etc...

Kitchens Stoke On Trent

Kitchens Stoke On Trent www.solidspamkitchen.co.uk

Kitchens in Stoke On Trent with appliances for only £595, Tel [phone]

Best value kitchens in Stoke On Trent. Kitchens Stoke On Trent

Bouncing into Norks any time soon? At least you'll get 3G

Bouncing

Mmm... where was I?

Meet Antarctic sysadmin Richard Youd

Man At Work

He's gone to a land down under.

Mobe networks bag UK 4G for a steal - £1bn shy of Osborne's £3.5bn

Freudian slip?

EE, already the UK's largest operator and holding considerably more spectrum than anyone else, bought loads - 10MHz of prime spectrum in the old TV bands at 800MHz, and 70MHz at 2.6GHz to compliment its already-expensive holdings.

Was that last bit a dig at EE's love of price-gouging or should it have read "already-extensive holdings?"

Russian boffins race to meteorite crash lake as shard prices go sky-high

Re: Dig deeper !

No, you're thinking of Firefox Down.

Reg readers scuffle over the ultimate cuppa

"You sick, sick man," responded one shaken reader.

Quite right too. I didn't see that comment, but reading this piece I couldn't help thinking "Sheesh, cofftea?"

Good work.

Please could you do the full english next?

Windows Server 2012 kicks ass: discuss

Re: And yes

Quite. Whilst one can well believe that "social media types might call it amplification", personally I would suggest that regurgitation would be a better word. It's the internet equivalent of all the tedious clips-and-c***s talking-heads shows on the idiot box these days. Frankly, I'm surprised the apologetic intro isn't paired with a footer explaining that Simon Travaglia is on holiday. More please.

LOHAN teases with quick flash of spaceplane

Nice 'poon. Next stop moon?

We're whalers on the Moon, we carry a harpoon. But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales and sing our whaling tune.

Shiny, shiny! The window's behind me...

Re: Hang on...

I wonder how many consecutive columns you can write in 2013 with music lyrics in the headline before we start referring to you as El Reg's answer to Chris Packham and you top yourself.

El Reg's 'Chuck Norris' faces down charging elephant

Related question.

If 609 elephants are passing through the sluices every second, how many dung beetles does it take to prevent them becoming blocked with da poop?

RETURN of the PLAYMONAUT: El Reg's space hero suits up again

Perhaps...

...it's all the playdoughnuts?

I'm a rocket, maaaaaaaan.

That's some pretty fly SPB tech in that Earth-to-Orbit backpack. Kinda begs the question why didn't he drop our latest spaceplane off along the way? He's not a team player, this guy. Evidently plastic is not "the right stuff".

Android users: More of them than fanbois, but they don't use the web

Hell yes

Much better idea to do your shopping whilst you're being paid for your time, if nothing else it frees up more pub hours.

Statistics

Upvoted because the last paragraph reminded me of a recent XKCD strip. If you can be arsed to copy and paste the link, 'tis below:

http://xkcd.com/1138/

Interesting

My theory/no-doubt-ill-informed-gut-feeling: There is a higher takeup of AYCE data tariffs amongst those who can afford to pay the iTax, continual use of which conditions them to also use mobile data more in a free Wi-Fi situation.

My second theory/no-doubt-ill-informed-gut-feeling: There is a positive correlation between those who buy iPhones and those who feel the need to continually update TwitFace with important beverage consumption news etc.

Badges for Commentards

Re: Jumpers for Goalposts

"The Register currently publishes almost 40,000 comments a month, and forum posts account for more than 10 per cent of site traffic."

Presumably the ultimate aim of the frequent flyer scheme is to get both those figures as high as possible so that you can all put your feet up and watch the ad money roll in. Kerching, trebles all round.

Rewarding volume is just going to encourage certain types to unleash a lot of dross, surely? Kinda sucks for those of us dumb enough to trawl through those comments. Hmmm...

El Reg mulls Forums icon portfolio shake-up

Ooh, ooh! Please sir, can we get our hand grenade back?

I miss the hand grenade icon. It allowed a warmer and more personal response than nuking from orbit.

Also, how about a "Where's the bacon angle?" icon, possibly featuring a perplexed pig.

Finally, perhaps an icon of a toilet obscured by a red ring with a diagonal slash, indicating an objection to toilet humour etc, to be used whenever that Hard Reg chap feels the need to squeeze a peurile and lunch-ruining bodily functions gag into a console review and we need to remind him that El Reg isn't Viz.

LOHAN slips BRA over BOOBIES in ballocket backronym buffoonery

Backronym

Ignition Management PLatform Alleviating Nasty Terrestrial Scorching

What made us human? Being armed with lethal ranged weapons

Nonsense

Spears don't kill people, rappers do.

LOHAN's cold heart beats beneath silicon breast

Backronym

Battery-Operated On-Ballocket Jumpstart/Off-switch Board

Sony promotes Vita with QUAD-JUBBED WOMAN

Agreed

I wasn't sure at first, but now I concur. I four tit through.

Dude

"I nearly had a stroke myself."

Dude, nobody needs to swing by El Reg last thing Thursday afternoon only to be rewarded with the mental image of you rubbing one out whilst thumbing French glossies on the throne. Thanks a lot.

America mounts attempt to top the Register's world record spaceflight

Aye, jolly good luck to them.

PARIS has spent enough time on top, after all.

WTF is... Microsoft Xbox SmartGlass?

Dude

"Need to quickly drop the kids off at the pool for a swimming lesson? You can carry on watching a film on your Windows Phone 8 handset while you're waiting for them to come out."

Dude, nobody needs to swing by El Reg first thing Friday morning only to be rewarded with the mental image of you pinching a loaf whilst watching Twilight on your Lumia. Thanks a lot.

Mysterious galactic glow caused by Hitchhikers' Krikkit style stars

Re: the vastness of it all......

I'll lay that bet all day long. It's similar to the infinite monkeys/typewriters scenario, in that whilst you may be on solid ground statistically, the clock is ticking on yer three-score-and-ten and meanwhile I've got your pony in me satchel and it's trebles all round down the Dog and Duck...

British sheep falling behind Continental sheep in broadbaaaand race

Re: Sheep already HAVE twitter

AND they've got their own subdomain, at double-ewe double-ewe double-ewe dot twitter dot com.

Mine's the sheepskin one with the flaying knife in the pocket.

Slideshow: A History of James Bond in 20 Games

Operation Stealth

I had Operation Stealth on the Amiga, and a very stylish game it was too. Didn't realise it was in any way connected to the Bond franchise until I read this article. Following a quick search of t'internet, it turns out that was only the US version, so I'm not losing my marbles. Which is nice.

BOFH: Uninterruptible patsy supply

Mmmm, uninterruptable pasty supply..

Read the title all wrong at first attempt. Now I'm hungry.

Steve Jobs is STILL DEAD

El Reg, once more I am in awe of your style

Post a Jobs story to pull in the 'tards, slap a Google tablet ad at the top of the comments page.

Kerching, and a slap in the face to boot.

Loving it.

Manchester is 'PIRATE CAPITAL of the UK'

Take that, Penzance.

In yaaaaaaaaar face.

Everything Everywhere swept away by its own 4G hype tsunami

Is it just me...

Or does anyone else feel like a Tooheys or two?

Mars rover will.i.am 'cast: A depressing day for space and technology

lew.u.is

STEAM? Science, Technology, Engineering, Arts and Mathematics, of course.

Not Science, Technology, Engineering AND Mathematics, then? Just to be sure we're not doing anyone a disservice for the sake of a good strop, because in your quote will.i.am doesn't seem to mention art and talks of the relationship between humanity and technology, so perhaps he just fluffs the acronym rather than tries to cram the arts in there as you imply.

Everything Everywhere to be Nothing Nowhere in rebrand

Brand? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Brand

4GetU

GUGU GUGU (4G4U, geddit, 4G for you? Ah fuhgeddaboutit, if you have to explain it, it sucks, right?)

4Geddaboudit

4GoodnessSakeIGotTheHippyHippyShakes

Dumbpipe And Proud

Forge

George

GeordieLaForge

Keith

New lightest-ever material: Ideal power for electric car

It's like...

How much more black could this be? And the answer is none. None more black.

Special Projects Burro pops his hooves

Possibly a throat infection?

He seems a little hoarse in the video.

Condolences (and apologies for the above).

Everything Everywhere activates top-secret erections

It's integration, not intergration.

Sorry, but it is.

McDonald's punters offered sex in exchange for Chicken McNuggets

Low hanging fruit.

Five-O finger fowl-for-favours fast food felon.

LOHAN fondles substantial concrete buttocks

It it were real...

Posterior-Implant-Pimped Protective Ass-embly

PIPPA

As previously observed, that's a Photoshop Improved Personnel Protection Apparatus if ever there was one.