Posts by Harvey Trowell

LG's $1,300 5K monitor foiled by Wi-Fi: Screens go blank near hotspots

Re: "LG's space-age monitors..."

Hold the Front Page Trump is on a Ramp Age

Major Boob Age

Hornby Da Blogue Age

Bruce Hornsby and the Range

wait

What was the question?

Chocolate Factory exudes Nougat as Android 7 begins rollout

Re: Nougat?

That seems unlikely, the versions are named in ascending alphabetical order (...Jellybean, KitKat, Lollypop, Marshmallow, Nougat...) so in 2019 we'll probably be over Oreo and awaiting an upgrade from Peppermint to Quench.

Watch it again: SpaceX's boomerang rocket lands on robo-sea-barge

Was it repeated for a second time?

Or was this the first repeat?

Never mind, carry on, big up the rocketeers...

Facebook bungs 10-year-old kid $10k to not 'eliminate' Justin Bieber

Did you mean punching?

Pulling above its weight makes Finland sound like a nation of chubby chasers.

I am Craig Wright, inventor of Craig Wright

it's alright

Craig Wright, saved my life

And if Craig Wright, saved your life

Or got you back with your ex-wife

Sing Craig Wright, Craig Wright, it's alright

WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg

Dear sir, I have a complaint...

A spokesperson for Mr Choo denied suggestions that his latest snakeskin laptop cover had been rushed to market.

or

Reg hack suffers from a reptile dysfunction.

Hold my vodka, comrade – I got this: Ruskies blast supplies to the ISS

Re: Terminology

So SNNAAFU then, the additional NA meaning "not at"?

Post-pub nosh neckfiller: Tortilla de patatas

Pah! Look at you with your fancy pants list of three ingredients. Real men eat rostis.

1. Grate spud.

2. Add salt & pepper according to taste.

3. Fry it.

Scientists splice mammoth genes into unsuspecting elephant

the diet of champions

Snow Cones, Eskimo Pie and Arctic Roll hopefully. I plan on opening a vetinary dentist outlet specialising in tusk decay...

James Bond's 'shaken not stirred': Down to trembling boozer's hands, claim boffins

Re: You're allowed more booze than that.

I think the occasional number two is OK.

LOHAN buffs body for sizzling vinyl wrap

LOHAN's (w)rap sheet?

I hope he has a lot of vinyl in stock, that thing be long.

You can't touch this: It's HAMR time for WD

Re: STOP

Icon fail.

Reg reader's nipper takes felt pens to Vulture 2

Can you put the poll up now please?

I wanna vote for this one.

Apple's Steve Jobs was a SEX-crazed World War II fighter pilot, says ex

Re: The other flaw...

Given the (weasel?) wording of that quote, i.e. it uses the word history as opposed to "time" or "humanity", the level of bollocks therein would depend entirely on how you define history, as opposed to prehistory, which is usually defined as the time before written records existed, and since 3000 BC is apparently a decent estimate for the latter, and as you observe, using that sort of date as a starting point could yield a scenario in which the annoying factoid holds, one can only conclude the underlying purpose is to remind us to maintain a healthy level of respect for those 70s weasels which, interestingly, they don't have in Australia you know, it's all possums and wombats down there, the poor bastards, how they swerve unappealing obligations is anyone's guess, perhaps they duck-billed platypus out of them? But I digress.

Wanna run someone over in your next Ford? No dice, it won't let you

Re: Who to kill?

I imagine the car would deal with such cases on a first-come, first-swerved basis.

Boffins spot LONE PLANET roaming interstellar void

Clearly the work of a Vogon Constructor Fleet.

They just missed a bit.

Beer, because I bet Vogons don't drink Carling Black Label.

Samsung touching up ROUNDED, CURVY plastic enhanced MODEL

Pringle, surely?

If we must compare it to a crispy snacking item, that curvature has more in common with a pringle than a taco shell for me. It'd make for a very open taco, anyway...

Canuck truck stuck in muck

Re: CANUCK TRUCK STUCK IN MUCK

Mean don't? You SUCK.

TWELFTH-CENTURY TARDIS turns up in Ethiopia

Re: Brilliant!

I remember that one. You could only tell them apart because Salamander had a third nipple and a golden sonic screwdriver.

Barmy Army to get Wi-Fi to the seat for cricket's Ashes

Bootnote

I love cricket, me, and it's good to see it being defended, but I must say I'm not sure about the golf analogy. The only tournament I can think of that can end in a draw is the 3-day Ryder Cup, pretty much anything else will go to a playoff to find a winner, won't it? Not a golf expert, so happy to be corrected here.

Here at last, our 3D beauty: Vulture 2 spaceplane flies in

Lovely, but...

Could you have paid extra to have it arrive in one Airfix-style grid where you pop out the pieces yourself?

LOHAN cops a faceful of smutronyms

A further effort for your kind consideration:

DISCONEKT - Dave's Indubitably Shed-Created Ominously Nerdgasm-Enabling Killswitch Terminal

Which I feel is suitably improbable, although back at the other end of the probability scale, I still like:

BRA - Ballocket Remote Abort

Our Vulture 2 spaceplane sprouts sleek pointy beak

Great work

Looking good! Nice work chaps. The only downside is poor old Vulture 1 is starting to look like a spray painted egg box by comparison. Where is the old girl resting up, anyway? The Smithsonian?

In case of LOHAN flight emergency, gobble THIS Iridium-Arduino sandwich

I love this game

How about:

Ballocket Releasing Accidental Horizontal Overflight Obviating Killswitch

or indeed

Ballocket Abort Remote - so when things go tits up, you hit the BAR.

Speaking of which, maybe Tiny Integrated Tethered Stratodangle Unbinding Package?

Qualcomm exec on eight-core mobile chips: They're 'dumb'

I get where you're coming from, but the only way?

I know there's a fine tradition of chucking spaghetti about the gaff, but I'm a fan of fishing a piece out and eating it myself. Another way is to slice through a strand with your thumbnail and check both the resistance on the way through and the appearance of the core, but that way you don't get to eat it. After all, al dente does mean "to the tooth" rather than "to the thumbnail", or "to the splashback tiling" for that matter. Paris, because she's no stranger to splashbacks.

Spaniards deploy self-propelled ROBOT BALLS

Nice try Madrid

You still won't get it off Barca.

Apple's $17bn bond sale not such a good deal for investors

Re: "that are getting sc***ed"

Could be scythed. Bond traders don't like taking a haircut.

Financials 101

You mean the announcement made yesterday is responsible for the drop since day one, two months back, as depicted by the big chart up there? Ok, got it. Thanks prof.

Re: "Of course, that's not bad for Apple, "

On the other hand, I believe the $14bn-worth of those bonds that aren't floating-rate are callable, so they could always buy them all back, say thanks for the $2bn and go down the pub*. Nice work, Mr Oppenheimer.

*Except of course they wouldn't drink at the pub, because of the amount of duty on a pint. Perhaps a cocktail served by a flunky on a superyacht, somewhere off San Fran, in international waters. Mmmm, flunky.

Cultivated dope-smoking Welshman barred from own shed

What, no "Wig whams valleys chalet?"

For shame.

El Reg rocket squad poised to select Ultimate Cuppa teabag

Tesco Everyday Value 80 Teabags 250G

Yes, yes, y'all. 27p and cheap at half the price. "Blended and tasted by experts", donchyaknow, and coming with the following instructions:

How to make the perfect cup of tea: 1. To enjoy this tea at its best, always warm the teapot first with boiling water. 2. Use one tea bag per person and one for the teapot. 3. Pour on boiling water and leave the tea to stand for 4-5 minutes to allow the full flavour to brew. 4. Serve with or without milk.

Hard to argue with any of that, except maybe, just possibly, the presumption that using said raw materials will result in the perfect cup of tea.

Bless 'em.

(Source: http://www.tesco.com/groceries/Product/Details/?id=258290317)

Reg hack prepares to live off wondergloop Soylent

Re: Yes

Well in that case, he can go fuchims, 'cos that soylent looks blonast. Fischip for suptoni, I think...

Boffins fire up old dish to send interstellar SMS

99c spent on smut

A.K.A. a buck rogered.

99 cents well spent

Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough.

Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough.

Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough.

Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough.

Lego X-wing fighter touches down in New York's Times Square

I wonder if any of those exceptionally patient staffers were called Leia

As in brick...

Yeah, I'll see myself out.

LOHAN is GO! Reg spaceplane BLASTS OFF on 14 September

Did you just put the mockers on LOHAN?

That last sentence is asking for launchpad "performance issues".

Reg careers live chat: Upgrade or go home with Dominic Connor

Is this a trick question?

Upgrade or go home with Dominic Connor? Tell you what, I'll upgrade and you can go home with Dominic Connor. Beer, because yours has been spiked.

RTFM! NSA tome reveals THE TRUTH behind spooks on the web

But why would you?

All the real intel is on Wikileaks, after all.

Apple's head bean counter boasts WORLD'S BIGGEST PACKAGE

Time to get a new business card made up.

I'm CFO, rich.

Facebook crashes into networking with open switch

"Facebook's OCP designs"

FB209: You have 20 seconds to comply... bitch!

Why next iPhone screen could be made of SAPPHIRE - and a steal...

Ah yes, Hunting for Slags...

Baden-Powell's somewhat less well received sequel to Scouting for Boys, wasn't it? Gave birth to the Girl Guides movement, something like that?

Atoms star in ball-bothering boffins' Big Blue movie

Particle Man

Ooh, good shout. In fact, they could have just based their movie on that song, it would have lent itself very well.

Or do they?

It has a soundtrack, if you read the article.

That said, I would have gone with Before Your Very Eyes by Atoms for Peace.

CURSE you, EINSTEIN! Humanity still chained in relativistic PRISON

Or not though, I mean, there's also that...

An alternative explanation could be that the Johnny Alien has picked up our radio transmissions and decided to give Earth the swerve on cultural grounds, viz., I have heard talk of the wonders of Blackpool's Golden Mile, but despite having the means to do so, have never felt the need to visit...

Reg hack to starve on £1 a day for science

Re: foraging @ Lester

This idea has merit, but why not expand it to a bit of hunting? IIRC, your donkey burial was made more difficult by a resident mutt pack with a taste for wild boar. Perhaps this could be a time to harness the power of man's best friend and get your pork on? Having freed up your fiver for a nice box of vino collapso, you could channel your recenlty discovered drunken caveman heritage by dressing in a loincloth, covering yourself in mud and running around in the moonlight brandishing a spear with a pack of howling dogs. All in the name of science, of course.

Mobes' pay-by-bonk just isn't cool enough, sniffs Tesco bod

Re: NFC payment is pretty crap....

They're probably first time users getting the hang of it. I like using NFC because it means I can buy a sandwich in Eat without having to prod the keypad after all you nose-picking buttscratchers have had a crack at it. Dr Cooper would approve.

Angry Birds fire back: Vulture cousins menace UK city's mobiles

Re: based on the title...

Sadly not. It was in development, then Lewis found out how much the catapults were going to cost and it had to be scrapped for health reasons.

Smartphone running 'Facebook OS' said to debut this week

Portmanteau

Dear El Reg, if Facebook do indeed release their own Smartmobe, might I humbly request that you refer to it forevermore as the Fartmobe?