Posts by Chris Jones-Gill

Royal Navy won't fight pirates 'in case they claim asylum'

Blow them out of the water

Just make sure they all die, then no one will complain about their human rights - or be able to claim asylum.

Unpatched Windows PCs own3d in less than four minutes

Never enough time

Funny how there is never enough time to do a job properly, but there is always enough time to do it again.

Sky One to resurrect Blake's 7?

Rose coloured specs of history

Oh how I loved Blakes 7, and looking back through the rose coloured specs of history it was great - even if the sets wobbled, the acting and characters were 2-dimensional and every planet looked like a welsh open mine.

Watching it these days it shows its age (but then again, so do I). I was young and Servalan made me want to do things, but I did not know what, but whatever it was I wanted to do a lot of it! (paraphrasing the Cat from Red Dwarf).

A well thought out remake would be wonderful, but I give it a 20% chance of being any good. I would still watch it and moan about it not being as good as the original though.

Could a remake really stand-up against Firefly, Battlestar Gallactica or the bionic eastender?

By the way, as I grew and watched more sci-fi I found out what I wanted to do with servalan - but discovered it while watching V - Mmmmm Diana, then watching Diana and Lydia fight, WOW, my young mind was never more imaginative. 2 girls, TWO.

I think I just shared too much information. Straight from brain to fingers, bypassing all controls. Oh well, too late to take it back now... am I still typing or only thinking. Damn it has been a hard day today. St George has a lot to answer for, patron saint of hangovers.

American ISPs already sharing data with outside ad firms

Pay me, not the ISP - but only if I consent to being stalked

Assume I opt-in (not gonna happen, but lets play the game)...

If my surfing habits, et all, are of value then I deserve to be compensated for allowing my actions to be monitored. Give me cash-back on my surfing.

OR

ISP's can give me the option of free broadband with targeted stalkertising, or I pay for access and keep my privacy. I know what I would choose.

Most non-technical people understand that nothing is really free (as in beer), so this would highlight to the majority that *something* was not right.

=======================================

Dear Sir/Madam,

FREE BROADBAND FOR YOU!

Sign up to this service, that doesn't do anything bad at all - really - it is for YOUR BENEFIT only, and makes your online experience better. Click OK to accept, and you will NO longer be CHARGEd for your BROADBAND access.

Yours faithfully,

Money-grabbing stalker.

=======================================

A normal response to this...

=======================================

Darling fascist bully-boy,

Get out of my private details, you bastards.

Boomshanka,

May the seed of your loin be fruitful in the belly of your woman,

Neil.

=======================================

Dear ISP, I am not a target market

Pay me for my time and preferences

By all means target ads at me - as long as I get paid for it.

e.g. If the targeted ads are really targeted correctly then they will appeal to me (i.e. they will be small, unobtrusive, informative, no fancy graphics, the subject or item will be of interest, etc). If I click through them, then purchase something from the site, I want to be paid - in cash, not discounts or points or other BS rewards.

Everyone else gets the benefit of me allowing my preferences to be analysed, the isp gets paid, the promoter (phorm, or whoever) gets paid, the site I visit benefits from the order. If I am worth so much to all these companies, I want my share of the pie.

This would not work with Search Engines, as you only visit them when you are looking for something - so your pay back is relevant links, either via advertising or high ranked pages. If your preferred search engine does not give relevant results, then switch to another.

The ads you are targeted with are for things you are not actively searching for, and are for things the you (don't know you) want. It takes time out of what you were doing to read the ad, follow the link, read the site, check out reviews, etc. My time is not free, and it seems that these ad targeting companies are generating money from me and my time - I do not work for free.

If I am not going to be paid, I will block all ads and otp out of the targeting campaign.

Illegal immigrants spared the gamma-ray scanner

Gamma rays = illegal hulks

Great, zap the people with gamma rays. Look what happened to that David Banner bloke. Just ask Mr McGee about all the shit that he caused, living on the edge of society, not paying tax, somehow managing to have money...

Enter Banners' mind---> I just woke up on a beach with only my ripped jeans, and all this cash was in my pocket - don't know where it came from, must be some nice person giving to tramps again. I think I will move on from here, it's a bit rough. Look what happened the other night with all that violence, on the same night that ATM was ripped out out of the wall in an unrelated incident! <---- Exit Banners' mind.

What happens if we try to deport them and they get angry?

What happens if we say no to letting them in to our country, and they get angry?

Three Little Pigs book deemed offensive to Muslims

Baa Baa BlackSheep

This rhyme is offensive in so many ways it must be purged from society, or re-written to conform to my white middle class guilt filled perspective on what would offend other people/cultures - who obviously need my help to point this out as they have only just come down from the trees, or out of the sand, or wherever they come from - I must ask the tea boy.

Baa Baa Black Sheep,

Have you any wool?

Yes Sir, Yes Sir

3 Bags full.

One for the Master,

One for the dame,

One for the little boy

who lives down the lane.

Line by line analysis

1. You cannot say black, thats racially biased. Green is only valid until there is positive proof that aliens are green.

2. Nothing outrageous here, although if you are black you might have stolen the wool from a nice middle class white sheep.

3. Sir? Gender biased, elitist, racist - not all cultures refer to senior men as Sir

4. Using 3 in the line could offend other mobile network operators

5. Master? reinforces class structure, is elitist and gender biased as master is first in line for the wool. There is no payment negotiated, so this must be a tithe to the land-owner.

6. Dame? Dame also reinforces class bias, or could be seen as anti-feminist by implying that females are pantomime characters with masculine features

7. Little Boy is sexist, why not girl? Little?? offensive to short people.

8. Can't say Down the lane, that would be elitist. Implying that people higher up the lane are more important.

=== New Version ===

Baa Baa Green Sheep,

Have you any Wool?

Yes person, yes person

An indeterminate number of Bags full.

Enough for a person to purchase at a fair price,

and enough for another,

and for another irrespective of where they live.

Spirit discovers life on Mars

It's not SandPeople, but we are meant to think they are

No Gaffi sticks or bantha tracks, only imperial stormtroopers are so precise ;-)

Or on a more musical note...

The chances of anything coming from Mars,

Are a million to one they said,

The chances of anything coming from Mars,

Are a million to one, but still they come.

Do we need computer competence tests?

ISP Ownership + PC MOT tests

Any PC on the ISP's network that is "doing bad things" should have their connection redirected into a sandbox. The user would then be required to submit the machine to an MOT style test - is it fit to be connected to a public open network (road worthy). This check is chargeable, and any "repairs" are also chargeable. If the machine was not "doing bad things", then the ISP must pay compensation.

All machines must have a annual MOT test (just like cars).

All People must have a proficiency test, could be an on-line or VOIP test, to ensure they understand how to "drive safely", "perform routine maintenance" and fix basic problems "change a wheel". This could be taught in schools, like cycling proficiency - teach them when they are young, before they get any bad habits.

What "doing bad things" means in reality is open to discussion - but would be acting as a bot, spamming, spreading malware, etc. It would not be using P2P apps, or playing games.

ISP's would need to be regulated by an organisation with teeth who are not afraid to punish.

There are lots of problems implementing such a scheme, and maintaining it, but just because something is hard to do does not mean we should not try.

eBay in sensational Back to the Future coupon deal

Backwards Time travel is possible

Angus Wood is correct in everything he postulates, but has forgotten that every time a decision is made all possible results are played out (the cat is alive/dead/dying etc). It just so happens that we are in the time stream that has no time travel discoveries in it, and has not been visited. If we jump to another reality, then we will see all those other us's talking with time travelers.

OR

The ghosts that people see are really time travelers (they are round us all the time, we just can't see them), but they can only observe and not interact with anything or anyone - some sort of natural time law prevents this, you cannae change the laws of quantum physics Jim!

OR

Some other badly researched, scientifically flakey, made up during a meeting with the green fairy, idea that has no possible chance of being true - but could form the basis of a movie.

L1NUX number plate roars onto eBay

Seen this on a Porche

Read it as you would see it in the mirror

T1 3VOM