Posts by Kevin Dwyer

Microsoft's Linux patent bingo hits Google's Android

Samuel

"How are the mighty fallen, tell it not in Gath, publish it not in the streets of Askelon".... but be sure to inform the readers of El Reg

Jobsian drones shackle gamer with 'lifetime' iPad ban

I'm at my wits end

Nick Lowe 1979

Yes same coat as last time, the one with the Guinness book of hit singles in the pocket

Samsung WB5000

Hot shoe Flash

I agree about the hot shoe, I have the LX3, lovely camera with a pop up flash and hot shoe. It is probably me, but I find the built in flash a little erratic. Solved it with a "Yongnuo" (Chinese, Ebay) remote that sits on the hot shoe and I have a baby Nikon SB30 flash which I can get off axis for some more creative shots

Pre-election budget targets politics, not policy

@John Smith 19

Possible but unlikely, they need to be seen to still have control, the downside of waiting till the last possible date to hold an election would not play well.

Anyway, Fiver to your nominated charity says May 6th :-)

6th of May

Local invigilator of many years ahas been "Advised"not to go on holiday around this date

Bill Gates goes (mini) nuclear

Norfolk

Nope, no drawbacks at all for Norfolk dwellers, I hear that they already have six digits on each hand :-p

BBC protects 'unique' 1Xtra listeners from radio cull

Ireland?

Type your comment here — plain text only, no HTML

Oi! you young whippersnappers

Got my bus pass last May, SIXTY bloody years old, I was twenty four a couple of years ago.

We have Radio 2 on at work and while it is ok having familiar music going on in the background you soon realise that you are stuck in a time warp. ( and for those who listen to Jeremy Vine, is it me or has the show become a Daily Mail / Jeremy Kyle / Twatotron rantfest?)

I listen to Six Radio at home, occasionally I hear something that really grabs me and think Wow!

Six has introduced me to music that I would almost certainly not have heard through the usual channels. Maybe I am not the "Target Demographic" but still enjoy the output

/rant

Hull Daily Mail pulls porncoder comments

It's an Orlowski

Ah, but if there are comments then it's a "Lesser Spotted Orlowski"

It's the Camo one with the copy of Collins Field Guide to Endangered Journalists in the pocket

'Negatively strange' antihypermatter made out of gold

Familiar?

Familiar - my mother in law has one of those

No- pass me her cloak, the black one with a pin laden effigy of myself in the pocket.

Google says desktop PC is three years from 'irrelevance'

Pardon?

Sorry, I don't think I herd you correctly.

Lost Nazi nuke-project uranium found in Dutch scrapyard

Paul Dirac

Paul Dirac native of Bristol, Nobel Prize Winner, Laucasian Professor at Cambridge, worked it out on the back of a fag packet.

I recommend "The Strangest Man" by Graham Farmelo, an excellent and informative book ( I'm thick, and even I could follow some of the quantum stuff as the book is so well written, it also has about a hundred pages of references, unusual in a Popular Science book

Apple squashes wobbly jub app

Oh yes they do!

A colleague tells of attending a seminar on Physiology and human sexuality where the lecturers opening statement was that she masturbated - often, and then invited members ( stop tittering at the back!) to raise their hands if they did not masturbate.

Mines the one with the copy of Portnoys Complaint and packet of tissues in the pocket.

Castleford locals storm Tickle Cock bridge

Grope C*nt Lane

Lets see the residents of London asserting their democratic rights and revert a few of the original street names.

Wreck of 1930s flying aircraft carrier dubbed 'historic'

Still in production

Still manufactured by Bowers and Wilkins here in the UK, lovely piece of kit

Vote, vote, vote for Barbie the computer engineer

Size Matters

I seem to recall that "proper" floppies were five and a quarter inches - although Barbie would tell Ken that size is not important.

Avatards rush to name sprogs Pandora

Kxevin- I think not

Vincent, your post has got me thinking that perhaps I am a foundling. I can recall my mother, in times of stress, calling me an " Ee'Jit. I think that I may I originally came from a place called " F'eckin" as she would occasionally address me as a "F'eckin Ee'jit", usually after some misdemeanour on my part.

I have spoken with my wife who takes a keen interest in Geneology and she tells me that I often behave lika a "F'eckin Ee'jit"

Off to the cinema on Friday for another viewing of Avatar, I am sure that my tribe gets referred to in the dialogue.

Thanks for pointing me in the right direction,

K'evin, nee F'eckin Ee'jit

We Avatards are already here!

My mother, God rest her soul, named me K' evin after my Grandfather who was a N'avi and came to this country from from Dubh Linn , a city in a green and pleasant land, to work on the roads.

She also told me that I was a bit blue when I was born. This genetic inheritance usually reveals itself during periods of intense cold.

Mines the one with the lump of Unobtanium in the pocket.

Philips 40PFL9704 40in LED backlit TV

Black is black?

It was "Los Bravos" they got to number two in July 1966

It's the one with the Guinness book of hit singles in the pocket.

Guinness to hit three quid a pint

But its Medicine! It should be available on prescription.

I can remember my first pint of the black stuff, I was in a pub called The Swan at Yardley in Birmingham, way back in the early seventies. Took a quick slurp and the glass was half empty, wow, that was easy. Never looked back. When I got into long ( ultra) distance running I noticed that for quite a few of my fellow head bangers it was the beverage of choice.

There used to be a 30 mile road race which started and finished at the Tudor Rose in Old Coulsden, London, ( SLH 30) It was held on a Saturday with a 2pm start ( this was in the days before all day opening ) perfect timing, finish the race, get changed and in to the pub to rehydrate with a few pints of the black stuff. One weekend I ran the SLH 30 on the Saturday, the Bolton Marathon the following day and also managed to get 16 pints of Guinness down as well - 2 races, 2 gallons!

Nowadays its more likely to be 10k and 2 pints :-(

Happy days, thank you Arthur Guinness

Google contradicts self, confirms own Googlephone

Thirty Bob!

If they could keep the cost down to thirty pieces of silver they would fly off the shelves.

Mines the one with the rope in the pocket

Dell does a Chrimbo deal with John Lewis

Imagine

Imagine there's no Chrimbo, it isn't hard to do,

No need for wine or Turkey,

and no hangover too.

Imagine all the commentards

living life in Peace,

You may say that I'm a dreamer,

I'm not the only one,

I hope someday you'll join us

and El reg shall live as one....

Apple kicks prolific developer out of iTunes shop

@ Burnblaze

Oh, Yes,

But the "Vegatables" as you describe them could probably spell correctly

Microsoft opens Windows 7 to advertisers

Famous Dolly Quote

" It takes a lot of money to look this cheap"

Reg bean counter in charity cycling towerathon

Next challenge?

Good effort, great cause, can I suggest his next challenge? ( you will need to get him paralytic first )

Arch to Arc , just as it says on the tin, run from Marble Arch down to Dover ( 84 miles ), swim the English Channel, then cycle the 184 miles to the Arc de Triomphe.

Here is a link so you can sign him up http://www.enduroman.com/archtoarc.html

Oh, and put me down for a tenner ( assuming he doesn't drown )

UK population to abandon Midlands

Dorset

Please don't come to Dorset, you wouldn't like it one bit. Especially the area around Poole, and the coast from Swanage to Lyme Regis, avoid it like the plague. :-p

Smoking iMac caught on camera

White Smoke

Seems obvious to me, he has illegaly downloaded iSmoke from the Vatican, you know, the App that the Cardinals use to choose the next Pope.

Fancy nipping for a quick two-thirds of a pint?

100 Club

Ah, speaking of beer one of my many regrets is not attempting to join the "100 Club" when I was fit enough to do so.

A simple challenge, to drink 100 pints of beer and run 100 miles in 100 consecutive hours.

It sounds deceptively simple but what tactics to use? run first and then go on the lash? alternate drinking and running?

Perhaps El Reg would sponsor a modern day event, there must be someone on El reg staff who is from "oop north" and thereby tough enough to rise to the challenge?

Oh, and cos its all 100's it must qualify as being metric right?

Batman theme composer dies at 85

Dinner

Dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner BATMAAAN

Right: Which one of you lot invented 'tw*tdangle', eh?

Reader, I was that anonymous coward

There you go:

--------------------------------------------------------

Twat Dangle Pt 2

By Anonymous Coward Posted Tuesday 23rd September 2008 14:19 GMT

Marcus Brigstock also got it spot on when he labelled the box stunt a "Twat dangle"

--------------------------------------------------------

I'll have a large one please Sarah :-)

Me, Me, Me, Me, Me,

I claim my T shirt, not as the originator of the Neologism, but as the first to use it in the original thread ( posted as AC)where I attributed it to Marcus Brigstocke.

Now that's sorted I have a favour to ask El Reg, do you think you could get Sarah to wear it around the office for a while before you post it to me?

Ta everso

David Blaine tw*tdangle ends in controversy

Woo Hoo! Twatdangler

Oh my giddy aunt,

Can you guys ( and Sarah ) confirm it was me who posted the original twatdangle comment?

to be fair I did attribute the original to Marcus Brigstock IIRC, but to get a mention from Vulture Central staff! has made my day

Hurricane Ike snuffs out Galveston webcam

Galveston

I was 21 when I left Galveston...

Orange UK: the iPhone's latest colour carrier?

5 Portions a day

Well there have been quite a few reviews which have come to the conclusion that the iPhone 3G is a bit of a Lemon, as it is marketed by Apple it would make sense for them to team up with Orange and continue the fruit based theme.

mines the one with the satsumas in the pockets

Could pen-sized GPS jammers paralyse UK shipping?

No

Rule of thumb,

If you see a headline which asks a question, don't even bother reading the article, the answer to the question posited is almost certainly "No"

Bill, as he has realised the futility of being the wealthiest man in the Cemetary.

Apple's Snow Leopard to cut the bloat from Mac OS X

The Snow Leopard

You guys should head on over to Amazon and pick up a copy of " Snow Leopard " .

Read it, feel inspired and humble and then put away your childish bickering.

Please Reg, Can we have a Zen icon?

Life a mess? The Moderatrix can help

@Yo-Yo

If you are not dehydrating It doesn't

Or you are an " Proper " runner banging out 140+ miles per week in training

Or your scales are buggered

BBC defends iPlayer against Murdoch Jr's 'anti-competitive' claims

Priceless!

You owe me one lovely, newly coffee stained aluminium wireless keyboard for

" Kitchenware blackness symposium "

Physicists fire up strontium atomic clock

@Richard Kay

"Paris because Paris wanted the meridian but Greenwich got it."

Excellent !!!

Enraged vegan spitroasts Reg hack

Lester, I still don't see it!

"As for the rest of the rant, we'll let it pass, except to say that it's a bit rich for someone with the surname "Astill-Dunseith" to have a pop about someone's else's moniker. 'Nuff said."

Suspicious name that, reads as "Ah still dont see it ", but then I am a veggie ( with a sense of humour )

Yes, the mink one please

100Mbit/s sewer broadband rollout coming your way

Bournemouth- hahahaha

Why Bournemouth? the place is a shit hole next door to Poole.

Bournemouth University main Campus is in Poole, there is a wonderful sign on the Platform at Poole Railway Station which says " Welcome to Poole Home Of Bournemouth University" that must have ruffled a few feathers as last time I passed through Bournemouth Station someone had cobbled together one of those cheapo vinyl signs and strung it over a gantry in the Station. The sign said "Welcome to Bournemouth home of Bournemouth University " or some such lying twaddle.

The Bournemouth Symphony Orchestra is based in Poole because the good burghers of Bournemouth have a policy of bulldozing lovely historic buildings and allowing eyesore Cinemas to be built to obstruct the sea views. I don't think they will rest until they have created a New Blackpool on the South Coast.

So, fuck Bournemouth wire up Poole first, and specifically my road, I will even give them a hand poking the Fibre down my toilet pan

Paris Hilton, because she is intellectually superior to the Meeja Studies pissheads who blight the town centre every Friday and Saturday night

Amazon claims amazing Christmas

Me Neither

I ordered Christmas gifts for my daughter and her partner complete with gift wrap and personal message on a next day delivery.

Got an Email from them the next day saying that it would not be delivered as promised and refunding my carriage costs. It did however get delivered the following day and I was able to track the package online and see that it was actually on the delivery van somy daughter could wait in for it.

BitTorrenters seek sanctuary in Pirate Bay

Purgatory?

Pyromancer,

Didn't the Catholic Church scrap purgatory or did I dream that?

Brit workers: The Xmas skive starts today

What about us Proper Engineers, not you nancy boy code fiddlers!

Buggers!

Thought that I had pulled a flanker by jacking the job earlier in the year and then they ask me back part time.

I agreed to work 3 days, (Tuesday ,Wednesday, Thursday ) without realising that I will miss out on bank Holidays as they are on Fridays and Mondays :-(

Spare a thought for us who are in our 50's and have managed to escape without having cushy jobs or share options...

Living with robots: The $3.5m DARPA Urban Challenge

Title

Watched the streaming video- they can't even drive on the correct side of the road!

/coat/"Jonny Cab"/bye

Sun: MoD has Bond/Potter/Klingon cloaking device

@I only see one shed/ Arthur Jackson, et al

If you had actually listened to what Arthur had to say you would know that he was in posession of only one shed, had mentioned the possibility of aquiring a second, but had not done so. Only one shed to cloak!

Chris Pine steps into Kirk's shoes

Should be Captain Mainwaring!

Then when the Klingons board the Enterprise and start taking names ............