Posts by Pete mcQuail

'Stop NASA bombing the Moon!'

Oh dear

the Clangers lived on a small blue planet and not the moon.

The real concern is the ejected blue cheese which could cause major disruption to global transport systems and severe confusion in the fromage producing regions of northern France

Please do pay attention at the back.

Boffins build Flash-like chip from graphite

May I be the first

to give a sincere and utterly grovelling welcome our new carbon based overlords.

Explorers unearth cat-sized rat

Just in time

to replace most of the current inhabitants of the Palace of Westminister.

Phorm: BT system 'most definitely' online by end of 2009

Phorm advert in the Gruniad

Claiming to be an information article.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/feb/10/online-targeted-advertising-phorm

Yeah right.

UK.gov resilience website feedback page falls over

So what

exactly was on there that the IWF didn't like?

Mobile phones will 'cut off' Al Qaeda

Oh Dear

the first cuckoo of spring and its not even Christmas yet.

US airforce online ad theme: 'Horror Meets Comedy'

flying killer drones operating overseas by remote control

Why not just let the ordinary X-Box players do the dirty work - a highly skilled self motivated workforce like that would save a fortune in training.

Welder in DIY penis enhancement nut mishap

the patient would be discharged

No, sorry I will resist...........

Aussies: Eat roos, save the planet

11 per cent of Australia’s total emissions

so presumably the other 89% is Fosters related.

Paris because she is responsible for many emissions

Clone dog mistress denies she is 'sex in chains' McKinney

@disguised as a member of a mime troupe

Must give it a try when I fly out this evening.

419ers crank up the menaces

He missed

the 'Have a nice day' from the sig.

MS takes Windows 3.11 out of embed to put to bed

something more modern

You mean there has been an upgrade?

Vatican star watcher says aliens may be out there

Lots of info on aliens at the moment

Are we being softened up for an important announcement?

Business suit tailored to reflect phone radiation

This should be fun

when used in the new microwave security scanners.....

Vultures crash out of the Indian skyscape

So

...no more beefburgers with your pint for you lot at Reg central then.

IBM unveils nano-projector based VirtuaHuman with 1TB of memory

What I like to see......

.......a liberal (with due apologises to all red necks) sprinkling of awesomes.

Paris because its her day.

Pentagon rattles sabre at Google's Street View

Paranoia Levels

In that case maybe the Rumsfeld (being 10 Blunketts) might be a good starting point.

@dervheid

Hmmmmm, and what exactly is the El Reg standard paranoia unit I wonder?

Home Secretary in ID card gaffe

Castro is gone but ...

"The Home Secretary's interview with Today can be found here. Smith's interview starts about the 12:00 minute mark and her comment on database security for the National ID Cards project can be found after the 18:20 mark."

New Labour is obviously in serious contention with a 6 hour 20 minute plus interview.

Pentagon: Bullseyed turkey-sat pieces will all burn up

mission seems to have achieved its aim

Hmmmmm. The press report cant possibly be genuine - there's not a single use of the word awesome.

Gov boffins to carry out simulated London dirty bombing

Yes

but it's our dirty bomb.

US may shoot down spy sat to safeguard tech secrets

"One answer might be to fire ......

.....one of the Missile Defence Agency's (MDA) Ground-Based Mid-course Interceptor rockets at the errant sky-spy."

Or they could ask those nice Chinese chappies (and chappesses) to do it for them with their proven anti-sat clobbering gizmo.

Consumers warned on data loss compensation packs

Great fleas....

..... have little fleas upon their backs to bite 'em, And little fleas have lesser fleas, and so ad infinitum

VOIP and the web baffle Brit spook wiretappers

You mean...

.....these chappies (and chapesses) are not using flags and mirrors anymore?

Just not cricket y'know.

Line up for full-windscreen satnav

Just remember

that the diversion major roadworks outside (insert your favorite hold up) may not have actually made it to the on car database.

Veteran defence hacking suspect cuffed in Greece

For sale...

'and he has sold this corporate data, including information on weapons systems, to about 250 buyers through the internet.'

That's the real joy of the 'Buy it now' button on eBay. Much easier (but less fun) than the old smokey bars and turned up collars.

MP calls for law to force online shops to verify customer age

I know...

lets introduce a compulsory ID card system to ensure that kiddies can't buy forbidden goodies using a card that should have been checked by the supplier who sold it to said kiddie.

Software pirates put sizeable dent in UK economy

I suspect

that the answer to this is report can best be summerised as being spherical and in the plural.

Spirit discovers life on Mars

Pizza home delivery

does work out there after all then.

Former top brass call for first-strike nuke option

Dr Strangelove

is alive and kicking it seems.

"abandoning consensus decision making so fast action can be taken"

Presumably before the sane decision makers can finish their scrambled eggs and switch off the launch gear.

Join the army, get your ID pinched - MoD laptop goes AWOL

It's all a joke really

isn't it?

Tell me so, then we can all wake up happy in the morning and have a laugh along with those hilarious guys and gals who like to teaze us by just pretending that our data is insecure...........................

US boffins create darkest material ever

Hmmm

a sphere made of this stuff could be interesting, especially when left out in the sun.

US switches off the incandescent lightbulb

Obvious question now

is 'How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?'

NHS frets over Brits' genitalia

How long

before someone sees the togerless version of themselves, decides they are therefore deformed and undertakes DIY surgery to correct the problem?

Parliament's security staff lose parliament security data

equipment and furniture, rather than MPs and Peers

Ah so they've found Lord Lucan then.

HMRC manual on data protection was protected data

But.....

....surely the information that the procedures are restricted must also be covered by a security restriction.

Santa putting children's information at risk, warn experts

Security alert

But is it correctly encrypted?

Ballmer: I will buy 20 web companies a year

Going cheep...

He can have my company for a cut price 25M any day.