Posts by Chris Hunt

Shane Ritchie poised to 'reinvent' Minder

Oi, that's bang out of ordah!!!

But if they have to do it, I propose Ms Bee for the role of "'er indoors".

Vogue model sues Google over 'defamatory' blog

Ahem

The blog in question has a grand total of 5 posts on it, the last one written four months ago, and would no doubt have languished in well-deserved obscurity without Ms Cohen splashing it round the papers.

It's a lesson for her NOT to go ego-surfing through google for every mention of her name - not everything you find is going to please you.

Council to crack down on Cracknuts Lane

Slow News Day?

This looks pretty much like a non-story, even by the standards of the Daily Mail.

Lewes council are establishing a policy for NEW street names where they avoid ones likely to attract graffiti (and thus cost them money). One would hope that this is already an unwritten rule in councils up and down the country - Lewes are just formalising it.

It has nothing to do with "banning" existing street names, demolishing our proud heritage of sniggering at "Butt Hole Lane" or any kind of PC nonsense. It has everything to do with the Mail needing to fill a few column inches with ranting when nothing much has happened over the holidays (apart from WW3 breaking out in Gaza - but they can't blame that on looney left pc asylum seekers, so it doesn't count).

I hereby propose a wholly uncontroversial street name which nobody would want to vandalise:

Thedailymailisacrockofshite Street

Who wouldn't want to write that on all their letters?

It's Sadville: The Movie!

Suggested Title:

"You Have Mail II: You Have No Life"

Oz MPs 'could be breathalysed'

Obligatory Monty Python reference

This term I don't want to catch ANYONE not drinking...

'Faith-based' investment firm fingers holiday's most sinful games

Too late for me

If only these guys had been around to warn me of the evils of playing Donkey Kong in my youth. I'd probably spend a lot less of my time running around jumping over barrels and pushing gorillas off tall buildings.

Hasbro kills Colonel Mustard in the corporate office with the marketing ploy

It could've been worse...

They could have brought out "Cluedoku", in which you have to work out which of the 9 suspects killed the 0.

US judge says University can ignore Christian course credits

Why go to court?

Surely the truly faithful would PRAY for the university to change their minds, rather than running straight to the lawyers (who are generally assumed to bat for the other side anyway).

If the heather university's walls don't come tumbling down, maybe the almighty doesn't actually agree with them, or even - heavens [not] above - doesn't exist?

Mind you, I think he's a bit busy at the moment, bringing petrol prices down: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/story/2008/05/30/ST2008053003189.html

Space shuttle replacement delayed until 2014

Too right!

So they're "criticising the Orion crew capsule for not putting safety features first". Can you blame them? Accoring to that picture, one unfortunate astronaut is going to have one of his crewmate's feet in his face all the way to the moon (or wherever).

Paris Hilton - the compromised candidate

She's not got a chance

As if the people of America would elect, to become leader of their country, an idiot who owed everything to who their father was.

Oh, hang on...

@Pete et al

I'm with you guys - I don't find her all that good looking, and I'm mystified by those that do.

What could it be about multi-millionaire heiress Paris Hilton that people find so attractive?

Oh, hang on...

Killer Satnavs amok in 'Utah Polyhedron' phenomenon

I'm with AC

I'm a big fan of Lewis' articles, finding them both informative and entertaining. With this one, I've not got a clue what he's talking about. Something about idiots (nearly) going over a cliff because they've got more gadgets than sense.

Could he just tell the story "in clear", before embroidering it with all the RoTM stuff?

American man too fat for execution

Is it me...

...or has thias comment page somehow become connected to the Twat-o-Tron?

MPs lambast BBFC over Batman

@Alicia

"And you're saying that it's OK for these children to watch a film that demonstrates how to make people fear you? Act like a psychopath, threaten them with pain, put them in unbearable situations"

Surely they'll learn all that at school?

Privacy watchdog hoists Google by its own petard

@Emilio González

Oh noes! This will be used by kidnappers!

Because if GSV did not exist they'd have no way of telling which stop signs are on Larry's route to work other than, erm, looking at a map.

The only genuinely sensitive piece of information here is Larry's home address - which is something not immediately or obviously available through Street View. Once you've got that, you can generate all this seemingly insecure stuff - but it's nothing that you couldn't do yourself with the Mountain View AtoZ and a box brownie.

Seems to me that Larry's got a lot more to worry about than I have with G taking pictures of his pad. If he's cool about it, why are we worrying?

[insert random petard-related comment here]

Stormtrooper helmet sales still legal in Britain

Hmmmm...

I have it on good authority that those uniforms were first worn "a long time ago" and in "a galaxy far away", so clearly any copyright on them belongs to a radically different jursdiction and will have expired ages ago?

Mine is not the coat you're looking for

Ex-Googlers reinvent web search

Yeah, right

"You lose a machine for even a minute or so - the images that machine is going to provide can't be used, and so you then have to choose from the remaining results you have"

I didn't get a degree from Stanford in searchengineology, nor have I spent any time amongst the massive brains of the Googleplex, but it seems to me that the sensible thing to do if you can't access the appropriate picture would be to put in a little icon saying "picture not available". Something all "web 2.0" with gradients and rounded corners if that's what floats your boat.

Putting in random gay porn images in the hope that nobody notices/cares seems more than a bit sub-optimal.

I think there may be a reason why these folks are EX Google employees...

Tesco causes couple condom catastrophe

Overreaction?

Do bear in mind that many folks outside the IT profession have a touching faith in the infallability of computers. Whilst most of us here, on reading the printout, would probably consider the liklihood of Tesco being in error; for many folks "if the computer says it, it must be true".

Hawkeye technology turns tennis into a cartoon

Wimbledon a joke?

"The players head to grass for one month a year and get trounced by the guy with the best game".

Yeah, what a ridiculous state of affairs that is. At least in the rest of the tour victory goes to the guy with the nicest haircut, or the longest shorts, or something.

Isn't it supposed to be the point of sporting competitions that the winner is "the guy with the best game"? What would you prefer?

PS. This year I cleverly, albeit accidentally, found myself on holiday in Greece (where they've never heard of lawn tennis, or lawns for that matter) during the whole of Wimbledon apart from finals weekend. Brilliant! got to see some tennis, but spared all that "could this be a year when [insert hopeless Briton here] wins it" media frenzy before (s)he is ingnominiously dumped out in the quarter finals.

Stunned commuter finds more secret papers on train

Surely...

If the document described "weaknesses in how the HMRC’s computer systems can counter fraud", that isn't exactly Top Secret. Common knowledge would be nearer the mark!

God makes you stupid, researchers claim

@James

"Didn't Einstein say God does not play dice with the universe?"

That's because there are so many of us in the universe to play dice with, and He can't be everywhere at once. Oh, hang on...

Cornish lingo gets standard written form

@Tim

Ridiculing this proposal does not amount, in any way, to "ridicul[ing] the Cornish people". There are half a million people living in Cornwall; 499,700 don't speak Cornish. If there's money to be spent developing the county (and development cash is something they very much need, I gather), I'm sure a lot of them would like to see it spent on something more useful.

MoD begins full UFO-files public release

Notable absentee

What? No comment on this story from amanfrommars?

Shuttle astronauts: Aliens are definitely out there

Sod space...

...is there intelligent life on EARTH?

Winehouse cans Bond theme project

Re: isn't winehouse french for trainwreck?

No, but "Amy Winehouse" IS french for "I like the pub".

Sky One to resurrect Blake's 7?

Overstating the case

It was a pretty good series at the time (I was 12 when it first came out), and I wouldn't object to watching it again, but "one of the best-loved and most successful dramas of all time"? Right up there with Eurypides and Shakespeare and Ibsen? Someone should tell her a million times not to exaggerate.

Google tips hat to St George - finally

@liam

"There has been cancellations of st. george's day parades because it might offend none-english"

Is that true, or did you read it in the Daily Mail?

Downing Street removes Labour Party link

In my view...

Anybody who sees a link to "Gordon Brown's Political Speeches" and *clicks it* is beyond pity.

O2 PR calls Reg readers 'techie nerds'

To a PR person...

...anybody who can operate a stapler qualifies as a "techie".

US student planned to ice Chuck Norris

What's wrong with "terroristic"?

It's a perfectly cromulent word.

'Patricia Hewitt' donates £6m to charity

There's just one flaw in this scheme...

Patricia Hewitt used to work for Andersens. Then she went on to become a NuLab Minister. And we're asked to believe she brought something in 6 million quid UNDER budget?

Not even Paris would fall for that one!

She's my local MP...

... but she didn't write back when I sent her a letter. Clearly too busy sending emails to her pals!

Naomi Campbell banned from BA flights

Low Fact Spread

Everyone here seems very exercised on, or against, Ms Campbell's behalf. Just remember that we know very few facts about what actually happened.

I have to say, though, that it seems pretty unlikely that a purely verbal complaint on the battlin' clothehorse's part would bring on the attentions of a tazer-toting squad of Heathrow's finest.

I'm guessing that BA flight crew are like everybody else - they want to get through their work day as quickly and easily as possible. Calling in the rozzers purely because a passenger has complained is bound to involve a lot of time and hassle, not to mention a ton of paperwork (what doesn't?). It doesn't sound like a course of action that they'd be overkeen to embark upon.

Could it be - dare I say it - that the reports of this event in the media (not El Reg, of course!) have been somewhat garbled? After all, the UK press is often thinner than your average supermodel in the fact department!

BBC races away with five-year F1 rights deal

And.. THERE... Goes...

...a great big slice of the licence fee to televising the world's dullest sport. All the racing seems to be over at the first corner, then it's just down to who breaks down first.

I hear they've got the 4th International Paint Drying Championships on Eurosport...

MPs get £2k home cinema on taxpayers

Hmmmm...

I do not have a problem with paying MPs a decent salary for the job they do.

I do not mind them being reimbursed for legitimate expenses that they incur.

What I object to is that their expenses regime is radically different to anything the rest of us have to follow. Even if an employer were generous enough to lay out this kind of dough, there's no way the Revenue would wear it. What? Buy and kit out a London house for yourself out of untaxed income? Oh, and £400 a month's worth of grub to keep body and soul together?

If Jo(e) Public has to cough up to the tax man for the "benefits in kind" acumulated whilst doing his/her job, why should MPs be any different?

US woman spends two years on boyfriend's toilet

He was trying to figure out what was wrong...

...but he had nothing to go on.

Rugby lock gets early bath for YouTube punch

Nah...

They're David Deck 'ems!

'Boil a frog' ID card rollout to continue until 2012

...and another thing...

If the powers-that-be really, genuinely believed that this useless card was a valuable contribution to the war on terror, wouldn't they introduce it NOW instead of fannying about till 2012?

If the govt. ever reveal their real reason for wanting these cards - 'cos the ones they've given so far are bollocks - I'll consider getting one (and then not do so, cos I don't want all my details left on a laptop somewhere).

No 2 ID 4 ever!

Old Bill break up Bournemouth Bebo bash

There's nothing more painful...

...than a fractured fracas

El Reg decimates English language

@ P.J. Isserlis

"What is this assertion based upon? Language MUST change."

Well, I don't know about "MUST", but english - and every other living language that I'm aware of - HAS been changing continually for hundreds of years.

You could take the view that the language evolved from the tongues of Romans, Britons, Angles, Saxons and Normans; through Chaucer, Shakespeare, Dickens and heaven-knows-who-else until it reached its absolute zenith on the first day you went to school. Since then everything's gone downhill. But isn't that a little self centred?

Terminator Salvation is go for May 2009 release

I'll be cack

Please God, no more sequels

Forth Bridge painters to down brushes in 2012

Hang on...

The paint relies upon a "sunlight-accelerated solidification process".

In Scotland.

Isn't there a rather fundamental flaw in this plan?

HK star in rumpy pumpy piccy rumpus

Playing a game?

So Chen's got it together with a Ms Chung, a Ms Cheung and now a Ms Yeung. Is he playing some kind of word game where he beds successive women adding/changing one letter of their surnames at a time?

First one to Paris is the winner!

Lily Allen to judge Orange women's fiction award

Ahem

"Orange women's fiction award"? Surely Judith Chalmers would be the obvious choice?

Fire service may charge for shifting fat people

Hmmm....

Just to interrupt the hate-fest for a moment...

The fire guy says "It is not frequent but still a regular occurrence." Well, I suppose, once every six weeks does count as "regular", but it seems pretty insignificant to me.

Surely it can't possibly be worth the hassle of raising charges just to cover 8 incidents a year - especially if those charges are only going to be made on some other branch of the public sector. Hurrah!, x pounds has been shifted from this budget to that one! How many extra bureaucrats will need to be taken on to achieve this triumph in accountancy?