Posts by John P

Fake doc cuffed in concrete arse shocker

No please don't sit on my lap...aaarrrgghh, my pelvis!

Behold: The Gecko-robot wall-climbing tank!

I for one welcome our yadda yadda yadda overlords.

Pic - the unavoidable result of the overlord invasion...

Top Tory 'lost voters' personal info' days before ID fraud week

What a complete

and total twat!

Count the many things wrong with this:

Dumping constituents personal details in public bins

Dumping what I would classify as sensitive information in bins (but which according to our incredibly complacent Government was not sensitive).

Dumping laws already mentioned by AC@19:32

One man's irrelevant is another man's sensitive.

I would never dump my own personal details in a public bin, let alone some one else's.

Add this to the 'second-coming-of-Jesus' scale miracle that is Liam Fox still having a job and I really can't comprehend what planet these out-of-touch upper-class twonks are on!

Fail of the scale only possible by the UK Government.

Neil Armstrong: US space program 'embarrassing'

wooo no title

In an ideal world I would be supporting every word those two men just said, but a large portion of the civilized world is on its way back in to recession. America only barely avoided defaulting on its debt and, even if pumping money in to the space industry would help the US economy, have they got the money to spend in the first place?

Alien - we won't be seeing any of these any time soon...

Paintball round pops Bulgarian airbag

No I will not put in a title!

As the recipient of high velocity, point blank paintballs to both the arsehole and the earhole, I can confirm that Paintballs f**king hurt when they hit you and have no doubt that they would be capable of puncturing a silicon-enhanced jub at close range.

Paris because...just because.

Ultra-cheap HP TouchPads to hit UK at 6pm

Too slow

I haven't been looking for a tablet but for these prices, I would seriously consider getting it (and tried but was too late). Will work okay as a basic browsing device then it would just be a matter of waiting for someone to port Android or Linux to it.

That price for that hardware is a frikkin' steal!

TelecityGroup swallows Data Electronics

The title is required, and must contain letters and/or digits.

"The buy gives Telecity another two data centres operating in Dublin" - hope they haven't made the same mistake as M$ and Amazon and have actually installed reliable backup generators.

Paris because...something about backing up. I just can't be bothered today!

No Gingerbread snack for Desire owners, says HTC

I don't want to put a title!

My Desire has been getting slower with every Android update it receives, I think the move to Gingerbread would finally kill it off - Sense or no Sense.

There's nothing in Gingerbread that I'm overly fussed about, I'd rather have a responsive 2.2 than a brick 2.3.

Where's the meh icon? Ah well, when in doubt, Paris.

BBC accused of coming out for porn opt-in?

same old crap

Even when they are not in power, Labor still manage to cause a furore by trying to ban things that don't need to be banned.

If the logic is that porn turns you in to some sort of sexual deviant rapist/murderer (I agree with AC @ 12:36), then surely there is a greater case for 'default off' for all religious sites, as religion has caused far more deaths than sexual murderers have (I should think so anyway, much like Jacqui, I don't need to have all the facts to pass a judgement).

Labor - ousted from power and still in search of WMBs (Weapons of MasTurbation).

Paris - when we're talking about porn, no other icon will do.

IT grad claims £5m for crap degree

I don't want to give a title!

What a complete and utter twatdangle.

Thumbs up for improving what has so far been a shockingly bad and non-productive day.

Channel Five reborn as Channel Five

Going back to its roots?

So does that mean they're going back to showing low-rent softcore porn on Friday nights? Ah, the good old days! :)

Paris - speaking of low-rent porn...

Lawyer wants WikiLeaker kept off suicide watch

At what cost freedom?

I'd like to echo the sentiment of many of the comments above. This isn't suicide prevention, it seems more like they are trying to encourage him to want to commit suicide.

They are torturing him and they know it, hence why they have ignored the most recent psychological assessment which recommends he be removed from "suicide watch".

I'm not normally one to beat the drum of 'human rights' but surely, regardless of what he has done, he deserves to be treated in a far more human way than he is currently being treated. He may be treasonous in the eyes of the military, but he hasn't killed anyone and I think you'd struggle to find a murderer being treated in such a disgusting, dehumanising, and humiliating manner.

At least give the poor man some clothes FFS.

Opera beefs Android with 'open' widget platform

jolly good show

I got the update of this yesterday, no one can sneak out a browser update like Opera!

Fantastic additions - Tab Stacking beats Firefox's Tab Candy hands down as a tab organisation tool, the new gesture indicator is useful (I'd forgotten about the gesture for opening a background tab) and the extensions have already given me several less reasons to use Firefox.

Fingers crossed, Opera seems to be getting along with my company's proxy authentication now too.

Orange mobile data chucks punters

me too

no access in Northamptonshire area since sometime this morning.

Blamed my brother in law for breaking it as first noticed it while he was playing with my phone. Think I will carry on letting him think I blame him though, just for a little bit longer...

Badgers in the works could be the cause.

Visual Studio 2010 - your chunky new friend dissected

@AndrueC

I haven't tried it yet but from the many many videos I have watched of VS, from PDC/MIX and various tutorials, it certainly seems to be a lot speedier.

They have also made the 'Add Reference' dialog asynchronous, so no more waiting 10 years for it to pick up every .Net and COM assembly on your machine before it will let you do anything. This has historically been my biggest bugbear with VS, so I am glad to see it finally sorted.

Tesco store bans shopping in pyjamas

Been there, done that.

I used to work in a Tesco in Northamptonshire on the night shift, and we saw this quite regularly, people coming shopping in their pyjamas, sometimes with a dressing gown, sometimes with shoes, almost always overweight with their BigMac filled bellies hanging out.

Most interestingly though, on several occasions we had women come in wearing all sorts of lingerie and various other exotic bedroom-wear which you wouldn't expect to see while replenishing the frozen peas!

We wouldn't've minded, if only any of them had been remotely attractive!

Aussie censor balks at bijou boobs

oh dear Australia

I was considering emmigrating to Oz when I finish my degree, but I can see you Ozzies are fast falling in to a Stalin-ist state, where you will have to confirm that your prospective partner has breasts of sufficient size in order to avoid being accused of imagining she was 12.

Banning small breasts? What's next, banning small cocks because they promote paedophilia.

What a load of *$*$*$**$*!

WTF? - For obvious reasons.

NuLabour 'Bribo' laptop pops up on eBay

Ookay...

Is it April already?

Mines the one with the postal vote in the pocket.

TalkTalk kills Tiscali

I don't want to add a title!

Turned on my Tiscali box yesterday to find the colors changed and the Tiscali logo gone.

Hope this isn't a sign of things to come, but my service has been dropping off once or twice a week in the last month or two!

Ballmer garnishes Bing 2.0 with iPhone 'stomp'

barf

That is the most disgustingly sickeningly cutesy advert I have ever seen.

I actually feel physically sick!

Windows 7 is a good OS, but the Marketing is destined to fail miserably.

Who are the 2 groups most likely to purchase Windows 7? Businesses and 'the man of the house', neither of which are going to be swung by some child pissing around with a laptop and a slideshow which looks like it was added in post.

Ridley Scott signs up to direct Alien prequel

hmm

The only problem with not putting humans in it, is that it forces the writers to come up with ideas for a new alien race, an idea which they will have to think of ALL BY THEMSELVES!

As long as there is no sign of the human crew in the prequel remaining at the end of the film, then they will be able to say that canon has not been violated as, as far as the Nostromo crew are aware, they will still be the first humans to encounter the aliens.

Could be good but I have a feeling it will be as heartless as all of the recent Hollywood remakes.

IT angle? Why all the snazzy impressive effects they will have to put in to compensate for the complete lack of plot, of course!

IE icon too familiar for Microsoft EU settlement?

Really Opera, shut up!

I am a loyal Opera user, personally considering it to be the best and most stable browser out there. But Opera's continual moaning about everything M$ do is really getting on my nerves now.

In terms of features, Opera has always been the innovator of the browsers. If they expended as much effort on marketing and actually letting people know they exist, as they do on slagging off Microsoft, I guarantee they would have a much bigger market share.

It seems like, rather than go to the effort of increasing their market share through marketing, etc, they are just willing to settle for dropping M$'s market share, which won't happen through the ballot screen.

Even if you remove the icons, users will always go for what is familiar. You need to give them a reason to switch, not just present all the options and expect their curiosity to get the best of them.

Thumbs down Opera, change the record already!

Feminist org declines nude calendar cash

@AC 12:27

It would appear this particular group of feminists is only interested in giving women rights that THEY think they should have.

If women treasure a right that these people don't agree with, then well that just means you are not feminist enough for them, and neither is your cash!

Besides, they're probably just jealous as after years of gravity taking its toll with no bra support, you'd probably need a double page spread to get both their head and their tits in the photo.

Alright, I'm going...

Government pig flu spotter pulls a sickie

'Central Plank'...

otherwise known as Gordon Brown.

Question is, when FluLine is up and running, will any bugger be able to understand the so-cheap-you-won't-believe-it Indian call centre workers on the other end?

Black chopper...because if they have been keeping this from us since June '08, one has to wonder if they are telling us the whole story.....

Riot police raid birthday barbecue for 'all-night' Facebook tag

well

everyone else has posted the intelligent (and totally accurate) social commentaries and intelligent insults about the police, so I will say just this..

What a bunch of complete and total moronic, obviously lobotomised, common-sense-deprived, money-wasting,liberty-revoking, fascist, over-powered, out-of-control fucktards!

I'm having a BBQ tonight. I'm half tempted to whack it up on facebook to see if I get any unexpected guests. Better put some extra burgers on just in case...

New CEO to Tiscali TV: 'Show me the money'

I hope

they don't pull the plug on Tiscali TV. While there is a small amount of lag between changing channels (3 seconds at most) and it does use up a reasonable chunk of my net bandwidth, I have found Tiscali TV to be a very good product. Accessing on-demand programmes is easy and on most occasions, you can get a show on catchup tv within 10 minutes of it finishing on the main channel.

I have found it to be ideal when I forget a show is on or want to catch some episodes of something i've never seen before.

Plus the deal I got means the TV plus phone only costs me an extra £2 a month over what I was paying for just Tiscali broadband, saving me paying BT line rental and Sky.

hmmm... maybe its deals like that that are the reason it isn't making any money!

Paris...I'm sure there's a Paris angle there somewhere.

Microsoft offers Windows 7 early and cheap to volume customers

@Ian Emery

I have been testing Windows 7 RC1 on the same machine as my main Windows XP installation, and it is actually faster at most tasks. From login screen to loaded desktop is alot faster and even mundane things like loading My Computer seem zippier with 7. There are also really nice features like window preview (which I didn't realise was available in Vista) which make the whole experience that much nicer.

I'm not an M$ fanboi by any means, Vista was a user experience to slit your wrist to, but I really like Windows 7 and will be getting me a copy when it is released and hope that by that time, there will be versions of AVG and Zonealarm that work with it.

I think that, for once, M$ may actually score a win with 7!

Microsoft takes Gazelle secure browser on road trip

@Shane

You can only polish a turd so much. Sometimes it's better just to start again. Personally, I'd welcome a version of IE where I could be confident that I'm not opening up my computer to all sorts of threats just by using it.

This might actually be enough of an innovation to tempt me back to IE if it is done properly.

Paris - **Insert smutty comment regarding lack of security holes here**

Great Australian Firewall to censor online games

Take heed

all Brits, as this is exactly what Gordo and Nu Labour are after. Nothing short of complete control over everything we see, followed by everything we say or do.

There is a BIG difference between protecting vulnerable young kiddies (who are generally out looking for this stuff anyway) from unsuitable content and curtailing an adult's right to view perfectly legal adult content (be it pr0n or 18+ games) whenever he or she so chooses. It won't be long before someone sues the government for breach of human rights, and as an added rarity, use of the 'breach of human rights' clause will actually be suitable.

Paris - cos it won't be long before she gets banned from the Ozzie Interwebs.

People just not that into Blu-ray

Why bother?

I haven't bought a film on DVD in years, purely because while all the films coming out these days are big special-fx laden blockbusters, they're not exactly up to repeat viewing. They're one off escapist movies, which they do well, but I need something a bit more than amazingly expensive fx to make a movie worthy of repeat viewings.

Add to that the fact that I am perfectly happy with standard DVD quality, and the fact that I can get HD or near-HD quality videos off the net at any time I want, why would I want to shell out for an expensive player which takes expensive discs?

Paris, because her movie is worthy of repeat viewings.

Twitter would have stopped Rwandan genocide, claims PM

What a pillock

Mine's the one with the phone in the pocket which most definitely does not have Twitter in it's browser history.

Microsoft kills Visual Studio's Oracle data connection

that was close

I only discovered the OraclieClient last week and was planning to use it in an upcoming project.

As the OraclieClient will still be available and all I have to do is put up with compiler warnings, I think I can live with it.

I have just used the generic ODBC adapter up til now, works fine if all you want to do is run some queries against a database. Plus if you want to use it against SQL Server or Firebird, all you've got to do is change the connection string.

Paris because...what, I need a reason?

Tories research increased net censorship

Thin end of the wedge

And so it begins....It all starts at blocking 'extremist jihadi' websites, then it moves on to 'undesirables' who speak out against the Government in order to promote 'social discontent'. Then its on to blocking anything which a government deems to be unsuitable for its citizens to see.

There is a very real difference between blocking plainly illegal and disgustingly explicit material like images of child abuse, and blocking websites belonging to groups who do not agree with your way of life.

Much like the 'extreme p0rn' law, this would be a law without defintion, where it's suitability to a particular situation is open to interpretation and can most likely be made to fit any situation a particular individual would like it to fit.

Paris, because she knows how to make herself visible on the internet.

Microsoft fans call for Opera boycott

Yeah...

I'm usually the first to jump on the anti-M$ bandwagon, but I can't say I agree with Opera in this case.

Forcing Microsoft to bundle or advertise competitors' products in Windows is just ridiculous, and M$ dispatching an OS with no browser is equally stupid. Unless they have an Opera installer lying around (which your average idiot...sorry, user is not likely to have), then their only option to get on the internet to download an alternative browser will be to get IE through Windows Update, at which point, unless they are already familiar with alternative browsers, they will just be happy with IE and stick with it.

I agree with Taraso that Opera should be doing some real marketing to get their browser better known. Opera has been responsible for alot of the browser innovations that have come out in recent years (tabbed browsing, speed dial, smart history) but they are still barely known because they never shout about it.

They need to make an effort to make themselves better known, preferrably by some route other than throwing their dummy out the pram and whining that IE has an unfair advantage. Firefox is in the exact same situation they are in, and they have carved out a decent market share because they make themselves known. It's certainly not because they have a superior browser.

Flames; because the Firefox fanbois are going to make me regret that last comment!

Orthodox Jews tuck into kosher Koogle

This just

goes to show how ridiculous and contradictory such restrictive religious practices are in the modern world.

TVs are banned, but computers are fine! Sounds like changing the rules to suit yourself to me.

Everyone is, of course, entitled to follow any religion they like, regardless of how ridiculous it may seem to others, but a religion that won't allow you to look at women in case you have impure thoughts, is just completely insane.

Paris, cos those Orthodox jews won't be able to read this if it means they will be looking at a woman.

Microsoft breaks Windows 7 three-apps netbook handicap

Huh

So basically, stripping out every major improvement they've made between Vista and 7, leaving the user with a slightly less buggy version of Vista instead of the nice shiny Windows 7 interface they expect.

Microsoft just don't get it.

Skull and crossbones because they will no doubt be using all of the features they have stripped out of Starter Edition to advertise Windows 7, therefore deceiving the consumer in to believing that when they buy Windows 7 they will get all of those features. It's basically piracy.

Carphone Warehouse linked to Tiscali buy-up (again)

Tiscali aren't all that bad.

I see a lot of people bitching about Tiscali having poor service, but I have been with them for about 18 months and have not had a single problem. My broadband is always up and working at a good speed, every bill is spot on to the penny.

Unfortunately for me, I upgraded to Tiscali TV and Phone just before they started looking a little dodgy. Even though both of these services have performed perfectly with 100% uptime, this means that if Tiscali do go TU, I will be left with no broadband, no phone, and no TV...bad times.

MS packs yet more tweaks into 'near-ready' Windows 7

I for one am glad

that they have dropped the logoff/logon WAVs, not for the speed difference in boot time, just purely because they are annoying and always the first thing I turn off in any fresh Windows installation.

I just hope that not testing their tweaks by releasing another Beta doesn't bite them in the ass, as I am really liking the look of Windows 7

Even if it doesn't like my Nvidia cards or my DVD drives, I'll definitely consider upgrading when SP1 comes out as I never jump onto a Windows OS until at least that point.

Mine's the one with the Windows 7 Beta DVD in the pocket.

Tiscali shares suspended on titsup fears

I'm surprised

by all the negativity towards Tiscali. I have been with them for a couple of years now and have never had a single problem. My 8mb line is always up and running at 7mb, which is fine with me. No one ever gets the advertised speed of broadband lines, not unless they live in the exchange.

Billing has always been spot on, and when I recently added Homechoice and phone to my package, I did it all online and it was all installed within a week and working perfectly. The installer even offered to tack the wire to my skirting boards, which I didn't take him up on as I haven't entirely decided where to put the router yet.

I really hope they don't go down the drain, as I am quite enjoying only having to pay £2 extra a month for TV and Phone, saving me £11 that I don't have to pay to BT, and another £20 I don't have to pay to Sky.

Judging from the comments on here, looks like I am the exception rather than the rule! (story of my life)

Mine's the one with the Tiscali bill in one pocket and the £29 pound I am now saving every month in the other

NHS patient database goes titsup

Totally epic fail

I have a hot backup for our reports system at work, and they can't be bothered to have a hot backup for a system that provides half the country access to individuals' health records?

What if someone with an allergy to penicillin had gone in and, because they couldn't check out their health records, they gave said patient penicillin?

No impact on patient care my arse!!!

There's no muppets icon, damn!

Private firm may run UK spy über-database

umm...

We must avoid surrendering our freedom as autonomous human beings to such an ugly future. We should make judgments that are compatible with our status as free people," Sir Keith said.

Of course, this makes a completely false assumption that we actually have a choice! Even if half the population of the country took to the streets in mass protest, they'd still do it.

There are many individuals who do not want this Government to have even more data to leave on trains, but the depressing truth of this supposed democratic society is that we don't have any choice in the matter.

Mines the one that smells of apathy.

Reg readers in Firefox 3 lovefest

I for one

welcome our new reg-reading firefox-using overlords, although I still worship at the alter of Opera.

How many people would constitute the 3.6% enjoyed by Opera? I do hope that's not just me!

Opera wins over FF in terms of startup time and performance when browsing with 20+ tabs open, although its inventory of Widgets is not quite as impressive. FF is getting closer performance wise, so I'll just have to be satisfied with the knowledge the FF and IE steal everything from Opera anyway. Although got to give them the credit for pr0n mode.

About 85% of my company still uses IE6 and I'm with the Reg, it is a ba$tard to code for. IE7 isn't great either but it is nowhere near as bad.

I've just got to convince IT to force an IE7 upgrade (FF or Opera preferrably) but I will settle for IE7.

Mines the one with the memory stick in the pocket containing Opera 9.6.

E-voting glitches hamper elections in seven states

how hard can it be...

to build a voting machine?

Option 1: Touch screen with two buttons, one for Obama and one for McCain. Voter presses a button and the vote is encrypted and sent to a central server for all votes cast in that state (preferrably raided for backup purposes). At a predetermined time, all the votes for this state are transferred to a central server for counting.

Option 2: Two physical buttons, same procedure as above.

Give me tenure, a big research grant, and access to a lab and five graduate students, at least three of them Chinese - and I'll do it for you in a week.

Paris - Because she knows the right buttons to press.

Holy f**k, Microsoft covers up ‘undesired’ words

Am I being thick

or have Microsoft just patented a technology that has existed for years and is used by pretty much every broadcaster in the world in some way or another?

If I am being thick, feel free to say so. I'm married, I'm used to it.

Paris, as she isn't remotely interested in censoring anything.

Microsoft's Hotmail hybrid struggles to life

Really?

That's news to me!

Kentucky commandeers world's most popular gambling sites

This is very very bad!

Yet again the Yanks exercise their control over the Internet. If the US can seize the domains of non US sites, hosted outside of the US, then what's to stop a state outlawing anything they like and then seizing the domains of any related website they like?

This is yet another good reason to get control of the internet away from the US. If they're unable to accept that just because something is illegal in that state, that it still deserves to be available to states and countries where it is not illegal, then we are in serious trouble.

I for one DO NOT welcome our redneck domain-seizing overlords!

Academic wants to 'free up' English spelling

Pillock

Is he seriously saying that the language that has been tought to millions of people around the world for the last 2K+ years is too difficult for today's children.

May I suggest that the government pay a better wage to teachers so the good ones stay on, give the teacher benefit of the doubt over the word of some snotty-nosed little happy-slapper, and provide those teachers that do stick around with the resources to teach kids and the ability to slap the little gits who cause trouble.

For years the government has been insisting that there is nothing wrong with our education system. The very suggestion this guy is making proves that to be a load of twoddle(sp?).

If my mate who harmed himself, got his girlfriend pregnant at 15 and who was otherwise completely devoid of intelligence or common sense, can sufficiently master the English language without knocking out random letters, then I'm sure that today's kids can be made to.

Mine's the one with the English dictionary in one pocket and the tazer for 'aiding learning' in the other.

Chrome: A new force for web applications?

@marc

Quote:

Last time I checked Google was used for 70% of searches. Is this not as bad as Microsoft including an icon to Internet Explorer on the Windows desktop?

No its not.

Microsoft places Internet Explorer on your desktop by default whether you want it or not.

Google is offering Chrome for users to download if they want to.

<quote>

Yet everyone just sees the words "Open Source" and "Google" and goes all warm and fuzzy, so I doubt anyone will care.

</quote>

The reason developers are so happy is because Chrome is alot more standards compliant than IE will ever be.

Given the Google brand name, this could potentially start to eat in to M$s browser market share, therefore reducing the amount of broken browsers developers have to code for and, in the unlikely event that M$ get their fingers out their asses for once, they might actual code their browser to comply to standards, therefore making our lives easier.

McKinnon UFO hack 'looked like cyberterrorist attack'

re:don't sneeze

Got another one for you there Turbojerry

5. Friendly fire (now there's a misnomer if ever there was one!)

Also known as wanting to murder anyone who doesn't follow your ideals and not giving a flying fig who gets in the way, even your allies.

Mine's the one with the iPhone in the pocket with dictionary.com on the screen.

Microsoft to kill Windows with 'web-centric' Midori?

I know...

This would be actually quite useful within a company network.

Have a bunch of servers running Midori on Hyper-V in the company's server room, and then every time a user logs in they are merely loading Windows from the server rather than their own machine.

You could have different virtualised versions for people who need different software on their systems. It would save having to spent an hour doing 100+ updates on the someone's computer because they turned Auto updates off and need the latest stuff to run the boss's new favourite application they spent far too much money on.

If it worked it would take the load off the IT department, but I don't see this taking off with servers delivering OS over t'interweb.

Keywords: 'IF','WORKS'

Paris cos she knows how to take the load off....