* Posts by nobby

120 publicly visible posts • joined 16 Oct 2007


Microsoft solicits Clippy comeback – later reveals it had already decided to bring back the peppy paperclip


the horror, the horror

The feeling of sheer, petrifying horror that pervades my being when I see that be-eyebrow'd paper clip can only be imagined by the people who weren't there at the time.

This is like realising that you can't kill Dracula, or that the Zombies will _always_ come back... Or that Aunt Alice will bring round her lemon drizzle cake.. again... (twitch)

Those 127k upticks are like 127k stabs to my very being.

I'm shivering now, I have the sweats... I don't know if I'll be able to continue working today this has simply....

the horror,


the horror

Not an off-by-one error: Java 16 brings 17 enhancements to Oracle's JDK. We chat to Big Red about what's new


Re: I note that....


as a normal human - you're supposed to be using the OpenJdk builds. pootle off to https://adoptopenjdk.net/ and download...

Amazon Zocalo rocks Box, socks DropBox, clocks Google Docs


Re: Most obnoxious article title in history

the word zocalo? Popularised by babylon 5. if you haven't - watch it; ignore the primitive effects and bask in the paranoia.

F1? No, it's Formula E as electric racing cars hit the track


good idea


you could do this by putting two metal strips down the middle of the track.

you could even put a groove between them to help the cars keep onto the line.

maybe you'd need a pair of the strips, one on each side of the track.

hmm.. reminds me of something i've got at home in fact

DON’T add me to your social network, I have NO IDEA who you are


lastname incorrect

my last name is not spankmonkey

thank you.

Oracle won't pull plug on Java SE 6 until 2013


Re: Switching to Java 6 to Java 7 has nothing to do with language (ollocksbay)

Fluff. Going from JDK 6.18 to JDK 6.WellAnythingBiggerThan18 was trouble enough for us due to a Bug introduced into the JRE, a nice well-documented bug that Oracle don't want to fix (still) that buggers up JWS installs (null pointers due to jars being put in a weak-cache). Luckily a couple of bright sparks in the world built a feasible workaround, but we fought random application failurs (yep, random) for too fluffing long.

And yes, there are a few things that give you run-time errors in Java 7 that worked perfectly fine in Java 6... We've not found many.

Don't get me started on IDE compatibility - who would have thought that Oracle's OWN IDE would fail to offer Java 7 support for this long...

Microsoft unveils fondle-ready keyboards, mice


Re: Looks like a nice enough keyboard

re: Solar-powered Logitech keyboard:

Got one. Love it. Pleasant on the fingers; I know that it's not a huge mechanical beast of yore (lordie we all loved those late 80's early 90's IBM keyboards) but does me nice. It's currently "attached" to the lappy we have plugged into the telly, so its not getting much of a hammering (I wouldn't really call it a gaming keyboard) but I've done a full shed's worth of typing on it when it was doing service on my main PC.

However, think about it - I paid £70 for a keyboard so that I could save £5 of batteries a year... If the keyboard lasts ten years then I'd have made a profit.

Apple patent foresees ultra-svelte iDevices


yep, zanto

You have the idea!

Now send that with your fee to the US Patent Office and await your billion of dollars in back-handers!

Google wheels (another) Trojan App inside Microsoft Office



seeing as how i seem to use about 1% of the functionality available for word or excel then it'd probably do me, as long as its the 1% I use.

I mean, is there anyone in this world who's clicked every icon in word (except 'to see what is does')?

as long as you can get the 1% of functionality I need working I'll go give it a try.

Blind man excels at videogames


cue descending chords


can he play pinball?

Iranian state telly bins foreign cuisine



surely you wouldn't want to bar Nigella from our screens would you?

I gather some people watch her with the sound on, but I've not met anyone who does

Official: PhD in 'Essential Oils' or 'Natural Toiletries' = 'a Scientist'


"The early scientists of a hundred years ago didn't have qualifications"?

you mean like Einstein? yep, limited qualifications there....

Although some of the older ones may have had the odd-degree or two, there was this Newton guy a few years back who quite liked university, but he's a lot further than 100 years ago so probably doesn't fit into your categorisation..

Scotland bans smut. What smut? Won't say


@Chris w

Re: "I wouldn't be at all surprised if the St. Trinian movies fall foul of the new obscene porn laws."




Lane Fox promises sub-£100 PCs


sounds like?

sounds more like a lin-lin scenario to me

Harder to read = easier to recall


not just fonts...

if u reed smthng thta mkes you pt sm ffrt Bhnd it thn it snks in btter

read Iain (M) Banks Feersum Endjinn if you want an example

PayPal banned WikiLeaks after US gov intervention


please take down twitter

maybe some good could come from this...

Masochists add Jimbo Wales to every webpage


parroty error

I dont know if its very common, but the Uncyclopedia has been lampooning these banners since they started, they appear to have a suite of similar banners on their site


Top Ten Retro PC Games



Red Wizard Needs Food, Badly

Google's 'copied Java code' disowned by Apache


original code horrendous!

Well, I glad that when they copied the code they added the curly-brackets in that any sensible programmer would have put there in the first place.

That "original" code made me shiver and think "i'd sack that programmer"


Legendary steampunk computer 'should be built' - programmer


i wonder

if that bunch of cards lovingly crafted by Ava will get fed into the machine and a single piece of paper will ticker-tape out of the other end saying

Hello World!

Ofcom imposes new rules on silent callers



Forgive me if I get niggly details wrong, its been a few years since I looked into this

if you perform telemarketing in the UK you are required to subscribe to the TPS list of "numbers not to call"

this subscription is as it says on the tin - it costs money. You are supposed to get an update every month (and so pay them every month)

if you don't buy the updates then you are just leaving yourself open to calling a number and getting reported and fined.

so: That's how "the direct marketing industry pays for it" - by subscription to The List.

and That's why it "will become effective in 28 days" because by then 'everyone' should have updated their no-call lists.

Christian group declares jct 9 on M25 cursed



it's junction 9 on the M1 you fools!



ps3 move?

the PS3 version is "move" compatible...

i can't see that working, but i've love someone to tell me how it does work...

GoPro HD Hero camera



I keep telling this friend of mine that he really shouldn't mention "watersports" on his CV under the "interests" section without qualifying it in some way.

I mean, people could get the wrong idea.

You understand that they might think he likes swimming or some such.

Oracle forms new 'axis of evil' against open source, claims Adobe


er.. not solaris

I think you'll find he mean Oracle's "Unbreakable Linux" disto based upon RHELL and very capably of running live oracle databases and, well, anything RHEL can.

It may be niche (probably only ever run to power an Oracle DB Instance) but its a valid distro..

Attack reads smudges to retrieve Android password patterns


maybe time to install the swipe keyboard

The lad over in the corner with the itchy-head showed me a keyboard on his Desire where you don't tap the screen, you simply slide your fingers all over it. Cool.

Added benefit is obviously "more smudges" which will go some way to disguising my unlock-pattern.

The unlock pattern is a really good, simple way of unlocking your phone, but I have to agree with the other users - the pattern is obvious from the smudges that form. I suppose that means they'd need two tries to unlock my phone. But I'm pretty sure if someone got their mitts on my phone they'd be able to break into it somehow no matter what method of locking I used.

Alien spymobile menaces Street View

Black Helicopters

saw this (or similar)

it was driving around milton keynes shopping centre a few days ago.

we thought about jumping up and down and making a general arse of ourselves just to be immortalised in the interwebs for ever.

then we realised we were grown men and contemplated taking its cameras out instead.

Vonage offers free 3G calls for iPhone, Droid Facebookers


i can get really good 3g reception

I only know of two 3g blackspots, one is my home and the other is my work.


Cable lays plan for graduate tax



Isn't this just an incentive to get a degree then skip the country and go and live somewhere else?

New Zealand is really lovely you know.

Fanbois love sex toys: Official

Black Helicopters

dare I be sensible?

And say that maybe most people would rather purchase said items from a browser on a hand-held device than their PC at work...

You mean you don't buy them at work? You buy them at home? But the missus would find out!

3D TV: Avatar or Ishtar?


one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest

The thing is, anyone can wander up and watch the arse-kicking contest without forking out £50+ for a pair of glasses that give them headaches.

So I suggest that the one-legged man will get more viewers.

Microsoft goes AC/DC with Instaload battery tech


thank you

that explains that then.

knew we couldn't have been that clever


isn't this just a full-wave rectifier?

forgive me its been a long time,

but isn't this just four diodes?

Yes, software can be patented, US Supremes say


i've got this idea called "Adding"

it lets me take two small numbers, do this "thing" to them and end up with a third number (most of the time)

its quite a simple process but i feel i should patent it now, in case someone else gets there first.

Maybe Newton should have patented his "calculus" so Liebniz would have been unable to publish; then maybe we wouldn't have had to learn calculus at school, 'cos like, well it's a patented process so we can't afford to teach that to you, the licence is too restrictive..


Did ID card applications surge after scheme was scrapped?


a mate

of me brother's went to Berlin immediately after the fall of the wall and brought home a suitcase full of souvenir rocks he was going to sell to people. I think there still in the back of the garage somewhere.

BT signs first smart meter deal


you don't own the meter

electric and gas meters are not yours, they belong to someone else...

how dare they leave their property near your house!

you should make them remove them immediately.




let me see.

you condone a mechanism whereby the payment-shy will simple continue to lie about the meter reading until such time as the meter is physically read?



instant switching?


"switching" suppliers is a painful process behind the scenes, there are at least five different parties involved (meter operator, data collector, data aggregrator, old supplier, new supplier) and you have to get your details right with all of them to make it happen - the electricity industry has a clear process you need to follow and you're not going to make it happen quicker just by having a fancy meter in your house.



Look, currently you're lucky to get a domestic meter read every two years; you're talking estimated bills in between which can go wildly out of kilter. Smart metering removes that - your readings are automatic and continuous. Large industry already uses "half hourly" meters that sign home daily and those are a godsend not an infringement.

Think about the cost of having a person come round your house and read your meter on a regular basis? That's every house in the country, ideally every quarter.... There's a definite cost there that can be removed by smart meters.

Oh, and 'leccy and Gas can't be turned off at a domestic property (that's your house dodo) without court orders and a clear indication of inability to try to pay; whether its a "smart meter" or not they have a right to access the meter, so if you're due a de-energisation its going to happen no matter what your meter is.

Cops cuff coke-smuggling lingerie model


long-haul flights baggage allowance

when flying to NZ i always used to go via Los Angeles rather than Singapore because the limit on the US journey was"one suitcase" rather than "xKg of luggage"

so - some long hauls the weight doesn't matter.

Facebook founder called trusting users dumb f*cks


i was assuming he was taking the p155

wasn't he?

Argentinian jailbreakers dress in sheep's clothing

Thumb Down

I thought this article was about the iphone

i was sorely disappointed :(

or not as the case may be

Steve Jobs Flash rant put to the test


can someone do a "feature" comparison?

I'd be interested in reading a comparison of the features of Flash compared to the features of HTML5.

I hear a lot of noise about the video in HTML5 but not much noise about any other feature. I agree that video is a major use of flash, but it is only a recent feature. I recall from my youth that Flash used to be used for all sorts of things, such as the Games someone mentioned above. Hey, I remember getting a Tweenies DVD for my niece and finding out that it was a bunch of Flash (or was it shockwave i dont recall) 'programs'.

so: can we replace all the functionality in flash with HTML5? or do we need to just do Video though HTML5 and all the rest of the flash-y stuff through a small, dinky 'flash lite' like we used to have in te olden dayes?

Note to Captain Kirk: Warp speed will kill you


** must resist **

must resist answering this.


some help my inner trekkie is trying to get out and i need help, much help to stop me.


this was covered in .... MUST STOP.. episode.. PLEASE HELP ME... AAAAAAAHHH!!

MS probes bug that turns PCs into 'public file servers'

Black Helicopters

isnt it strange

how many exploits that only affect Win XP have come out since Win 7 was launched?

Microsoft security dev tools go 'Agile'


four guys round a coffee pot?


that counts us out then. we've got three guys and a girl and we drink tea.

Google reveals nonexistent Chrome tablet



re: "will it shock anyone if Google starts providing wireless internet connection anywhere for free?"

oh my how i laughed.

Steve Jobs re-invents the portable telly

Thumb Down

yeah? 500 smackeroos for a 9" telly?

fluff off.

wall-sized tvs are the future. big fluff-off ones used instead of wallpaper.

this little thing? waste.

Microsoft 'offered sex and drugs to distributors'


Missing Ingredient

Its just like microsoft to miss out a vital ingredient.

i see no mention of Rock And Roll

Google Chrome 4 lands (Windows) extensions on world+dog


i must be old or jaded.

well i just paged through ten pages of "most popular" extensions and didn't see one that looked worth the effort to download.

i think i must be old *and* jaded