Posts by Dalen

WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg

"...and here we see a magnificent specimen of an El Reg commenter in his natural habitat."

El Reg BuzzFelch: 10 Electrical Connectors You CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT!

I recently saw a Google engineer calling El Reg a tabloid. Of course, Google News is a so much better news source, whose writers subscribe to a much higher level of journalistic integrity.

Windows 7 'security' patch knocks out PCs, knackers antivirus tools

Took me a second to figure out they weren't talking about network protocols. Pint, because I need one.

Japanese boffins tout infrared specs to thwart facial recognition

That's not news...

...that's olds. Baseball caps with high-powered near-IR LEDs were being built for quite a while. Same effect, better fashion sense. Bonus points if you built one using a 2600 cap.

Supersymmetry takes an arrow to the knee

"I used to be a popular science theory, just like you..."

Shuttle Enterprise comes home to New York

Saw it from Battery Park. Too bad my phone cam chose that moment to malfunction.

Well, that's one advantage of being gainfully unemployed - you have time to see cool stuff.

Inside Eric Schmidt's brain: Holodecks, robo-cars and jail bandwidth

Re: Huh, working his way back up in the public eye

"Even so, I'm hard pressed to see what else you'd be doing with more than a hundred megabits each, except basically waste it."

And 64K memory should be enough for everyone.

Euro watchdog asks Google to HALT privacy tweak

So it's a HALTing problem?

Mine's the one with a non-deterministic finite state machine in the pocket.

Latest El Reg project: Rise of the Robot Sheep

The design looks like something that would be seen on Robot Wars. Maybe go to those guys for hints?

Coders are creatives too: Where's our love?...

Did someone say haiku?

#include <iostream>

public void main () { //Begin here

cout << "Hello, World!"; }

Rogue Russian Mars probe communicates - but in gibberish

Why use encryption in the first place?

It's not like they're transmitting top-secret military data.

Russian diplomat caught driving while 15 TIMES over booze limit

@rrevolverr

"A typo, perhap

Russian national drink is qwas, а не alcohol..."

Nothing stopping you from mixing both, though.

There's an urban legend that tells of a Russian who got out of a DWI ticket because the BAC reader showed "DEAD".

Thing is, alcohol had stopped being our national drink, and is now a vital part of our metabolism. It keeps the blood from freezing during the cold Russian winter.

Got a few minutes to help LOHAN suck?

I'm wondering if the vacuum chamber will have enough oxygen to sustain the engine ignition. Unless the engine comes with its own oxydant...

Stars say relativity still works

I am not an astronomer, but if I remember correctly, the "standard candle" method is used. This compares the luminosity of known stellar objects at various distances. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Standard_candle

Speaking of which, what are the El Reg official units for stellar luminosity?

Windows 8 to ship with built-in malware protection

"Windows 8 to ship with built-in malware"

That was how Google Reader displayed the article name for me. Somehow, I was not surprised.

Can you handle LOHAN's substantial globes?

How about...

...placing the platform _on top_ of the balloon?

New Taser made to take down angry bears, moose

Yes, but...

...does it come with a graphite rod extension control dial?

Boney M frontman checks out at 61

There was supposed to be a bad Rasputin joke here.

But then, the guy's dead, and it's a damn shame. I liked their stuff.

WikiLeaks mirror site rails against malware warning

A proper warning should be...

"Visiting this site may bring unwanted attention from the three-letter agencies."

Interpol issues arrest notice for Wikileaks' Julian Assange

@AC

Sorry, the username "Emmanuel Goldstein" is already taken.

HP boffin claims million-dollar maths prize

Hoo boy

Looks like I'll have a long day reading through my college TheorCompSci notes tomorrow.

FLYING CAR, full hover, fairly quiet, offered to US Marines

Will Games Workshop sue DARPA for copyright infringement?

Powered armor, 40m rocket-assisted firearms, now a frikkin' landspeeder. All they need is some genetic engineering, and we've got a WH40K Space Marine.

'I'm an IT worker not an assassin'

At least we can overrule the BOFH's involvement

...Since the body didn't seem to have any electrical burn marks on it.

BOFH: The PFY Chronicles

Oh my God....

They killed Simon?

... Bastards.

US data firm blows s**t out of server

What I'm surprised at is...

... how they _legally_ got their hands on sound suppressors?

Nuke-nobbler raygun 747 scores 'surrogate' test success

@Francis Vaughan

One problem with such tech is that it's a) frikkin' expensive, b) very likely to get fouled during takeoff.

BOFH: A spot of bother

I wonder...

... how long until someone releases a Win32.CanineHerpes Trojan?

BOFH: Spontaneous Legal Combustion

Bastard Attorney From Hell?

Or did the PFY choose to represent them both?

Awesome episode, probably my favorite for a long while. And an awesome explanation for "missing" ones. Where do I sign up for El Reg Platinum Cookie?

*off to wipe Pepsi from the keyboard*

US parkies in 'burrow-buster' marmot detonation campaign

Nuke the site from orbit.

It's the only way to be sure.

Miss Universe pops into Guantánamo Bay

But...

Where's the Paris Hilton angle?

(I wonder why no one mentioned this before)

Brit D-cell torpedo in icepack-bottom probe

Yellow submarine

Apparently, it was lucky enough not to run into the Blue Meanie.

Mine's the one in all the funky colors.

'World's Worst Banker' joins Lads from Lagos

I suspect...

...that amanfromMars is somehow behind this.

Russian pops сабоs in pancake-eating contest

Dear El Reg,

Typing things in a cyrillic font does not make them sound authentically Russian. If you wish to include such puns in your headlines in the future, you would do well to hire an actual ethnic Russian. This would also help to diversify your overly Brit-heavy staff.

As this is the proof of the quality and journalistic integrity of your publication falling below an acceptable level, I shall henceforth be canceling my subscription to El Reg.

World of Warcraft: 'The crack cocaine of the computer world'

Breaking the addiction

At some point, I Beta's World of WarCrack. And I'm glad I got out of it before all the -teen-year-olds got on it.

OTOH, I have now sold my soul to LotR Online, which is made in the way World of WarCrack should have been made. Awesome visuals, less-repetitive quests, and no 1337|<1d5 spamming the channels.

Mine's the Ranger robe with the stack of Longbottom Leaf in the pocket.

NASA warns of 'space Katrina' radiation storm

Two words

"Solar flares"

Vikings' bleeding-edge tech came from Afghanistan

So, when will the US invade Finland / Norway / Denmark / etc.?

For trading with future terrorists?

Mine's the one with a matching horned helmet.

'I don't blame pilot', says San Diego jet crash father

On one hand....

... a tragic incident and all.

On the other... the pilot is a jarhead. To illustrate, the definitions for a good landing for different branches of service:.

Air Force: Any landing is a good landing if you can take off after a re-arm and re-fuel.

NAVY: ...if you can take off after minor repairs.

Army: ...if you can walk away from the landing site.

Marines: ...if all the pieces end up in roughly the same area.

Mine is the USSR Air Force Lt.Col. one from my grandpa's closet.

Internet gambling mogul surrenders $300m in guilty plea

Dikshit?

Did someone miss a 'c' when typing the article up?

Paris, because... well, that's really self-explanatory.

Daft list names Firefox, Adobe and VMWare as top threats

So, how much did M$ pay them...

...for bashing Firefox?

BOFH: Blackmail and fine wine

Ingenious!

Wow. This Boss looked like the smartest one yet. Possibly even beginning to approach the Bastard in deviousness.

R.I.P.

BOFH: The paperless cafeteria

Classic

Poetic revenge with no violence involved (with exception of violent diarrhea). Would've snorted coffee all over my keyboard, except I finished it by that time.

Judge Dredd smartshell shotguns to hit Iraq in '09

Copyright infringement?

I wonder if Games Workshop is going to sue them. That thing works just like the standard-issue Adeptus Astartes (Space Marines) bolter.

Mine's the power armor in Space Wolf Blue.

BOFH: Unfriendly ghosts

Finally, someone gets Halon'd.

This Boss has been alive for far too long.

BOFH: The Mandelboat virus

Everything I learned about system administrating, I learned from reading BOFH

Nuff said. The Wikipedia part just killed me. Which one of you guys created the page?

As an additional note

Thank you, Simon, for ruining what otherwise may have been a productive day at work. Now I can't concentrate because of the funny.

Reg competition: Cisco goes isup

It was the Illuminati whodunit

Who are actually aliens from Tau Ceti. They are testing their global plan to eliminate the lowercase-t in order to preserve their secrecy - if they succeed, no one will ever be able to spell Tau Ceti or Illuminati correctly.

I wonder if amanfrommars is involved?

Illuminati spook fails to disarm Soviet cow nuke

Hail Eris!

Looks like _our_ mission of compromising the Illuminati mission was a success.

All hail Discordia!

Philippine troops battle rampaging MILFs

@Hate2Register

You forgot to use the complementary dead vulture icon.

BOFH: Burying the hatchet

Golden

Axes on the walls are simply great. Makes the whole place look like the lair of a brutal overlord... And you're never more than a few steps away from a LART if you ever need one.

Oh wait, with the BOFH around, it is the lair of a brutal overlord.

The part about training lusers... Suffices to say, my boss has the "teach me everything you know because I want to be able to do it myself" attitude.