Posts by James O'Brien

Net pharmacies raided in nine countries

All your Viagra are belong to us. . .

That is all

/mines the one with the copy of Zero Wing in the pocket

Watchdogs decry Kentucky's 141-site net casino land grab

HAH "Kentuckians" this is what they can do with themselves

"We believe we put forward a compelling argument that this activity is illegal, unregulated and detrimental to Kentuckians and thus far the court has agreed with us," the spokesman, Jay Blanton, told The Register.

Sorry I live in the states (NY before you ask) and first of all if these fucking rednecks get away with this bullshit we, as a country, might as well take turns wiping out asses with the Constitution as thats what seems to be happening more and more all the time anyway. People wonder why I have a problem with authority, its FUCKING IDIOTS LIKE THESE. Bible belt fucktards who want to take everything to the utter fucking extreme just to "PROTECT" their (in this case) "Kentuckians", let alone probably feel like they are doing the rest of the GODDAMN COUNTRY and maybe even the rest of the WORLD a favor. Seriously did they fucking ask me what I want? I don't really care about gambling but who are THEYto say what I can and can't do? I'M SO SICK AND FUCKING TIRED OF THIS COUNTRY SOMEONE GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!11ONE

(Does this qualify for FotW material?)

/not going anon because I really dont give a shit anymore.

/Flames cause well......I hope these idiots burn

Nissan to debut anti-prang tech next week

I for one

Welcome our new 4 wheeled auto Overlords.

Batman sues Batman over Batman

@TJ

Umm yes it did exist before that...early 1939 IIRC

On a side note the real Clark Kent proved he couldnt stop bullets (that was kinda messy) and has since issued suit against DC for making him grow up without friends or a woman and making him believe he could do that. He is suing for medical pain and suffering as well as negligence. Looking for <dr evil voice> 1 BILLION DOLLARS </dr evil voice>

Oh I will enjoy following this one.

/mines the one with the cowl with long cap attached

Polaroid PoGo handheld colour printer

Heh

"The second way of connecting the Pogo printer – and, we suspect, the one more likely to be used – is over Bluetooth from a mobile phone"

Whoopie, now instead of taking a picture of my ass with a friends camera phone, setting as their wall paper I can bluejack their printer and print snaps of it as well.

/Mines the one with the antenna sticking out of the pocket

Arizona boffins get a grip on their newly-fat pipe

"the magical "kilowrist barrier"" and @2MB a song?

Heh that reminded me of a scene in Super Troopers where the guy is using the speed gun to see how fast he can wank it. Nice Job

On the 2MB a song one

Remember this is all on an iPod so figure all of the songs were bought there then 2MB a song is probably right.

Microsoft insists Hotmail redesign hasn't left users out in the cold

@The silent majority... and @I like it...

Right on. Couldnt have said it better myself. . .

Now if you would please like to help me get some of my funds out of the Bank of <INSERT COUNTRY HERE> I would be more then happy to give you 50% of the money. All I need is Name, DoB, age, mothers first and last name, fathers shoe size, blood type, bank account numbers, pin numbers, phone number, what was your first car/pet/date, whos your favorite band/sport team/superehero, a listing of all STDs you have had, place of residence, former place of residence, future place of residence, make and model of car (the last three you have had please), names and contact information of former lovers, best friends contact information, siblings information (they are also eligible to help with something else I need and would be more then happy at the reward), and finally school history all the way back to Kindergarten. Thank you for your time.

</rant>

As for I Like it.....

Sorry Jon but answer is probably so.

Mankind to detect alien life 'by 2025'

@amanfromMars

*points to the alien lifeform*

Vintage IBM tape drive in Apollo moon dust rescue

@Years in hex??

And here I was thinking I was the only one who noticed that.

Drat

/Mines the one with the backup tapes in the pocket

German boffins plan frictionless liquid crystal lubricant

Oh god

Must.......not.........give..........in..........to bad........puns..........

China to offer detox to net junkies

So what this means

Is everyone who reads El Reg pretty much, is an addict?? Hmm wonder what the methadone-like drug will be for us. My vote is for Lager.

/Mines the one with the doctor note to go drinking.

Halliburton seeks patent on patent trolling

*twitch*

I hate the US. I live here and hate it. Whats next? Sony or Rambus patenting the act of sex?

You heard it here first.

First Amendment rescues Grand Theft Auto's 'totally nude' strip club

HAHAHAHA

"It also seems far-fetched that someone playing San Andreas would think ESS had provided whatever expertise, support, or unique strip-club knowledge it possesses to the production of the Game."

Damn good of the courts to see this is just a frivolous lawsuit. I know thats not what they said exactly but point is there. Course this does make me wonder....exactly what expertise, support and knowledge would they provide?

No No No your dancing on the pole all wrong this is how you do it, now make sure you also put things in the right hole for the scenes out back of the club....

/mines the one with the trojans in the pocket.

White House network pwned 'multiple' times by Chinese

Off topic but relevant

How come amanfromMars isnt using the trademarked Alien in all of his posts anymore? He ok?

Swedish transsexuals offered prosthetic todgers

@I don't know...

And every single comment in here.....and article

Computer is currently covered in tea too funny. I know it was posted yesterday but was too damn busy to read.

Now the question is how hard can it be to get an erect penis?

PC maker Micron MPC files for chapter 11 bankruptcy

Sighs

"Gateway Inc.'s professional business division"

Isnt this about the biggest oxymoron there is? Gateway.....Professional? ummm have you called their tech support lately? Idiots are smarter then most of them.

/Paris cause atleast when she blows something SHE BLOWS IT

Cream drummer may flash ginger nuts in court

@Iam Me

Heh im with you on that one. Though I will fail.

So do his nuts really taste like ginger though? I for one am not about to find out but can we get a former lover who can comment on this?

/mines the one with the root in the pocket.......NO NOT THAT KIND OF ROOT

Bioshock sequel teaser trailer now showing

Let the flames begin

First of all I have yet to finish BioShock. The game is just about totally unplayable. Buggy as hell, crashes worse then windows, I dont even know where to begin. And the utter lack of support from 2K was appaling. This company cares less about the gamer, which oddly enough is why they make money, then they do about the money. Almost a year went by before there was an update that was SUPPOSED to fix the majority of the issues and yet the game is still unplayable. Dont get on me about my system being "under spec" Ill post a log of my hardware if you need proof. Personally I will not be buying this even if its in the bargin bin at KMart. Also what are they going to do for DRM this time? You can only install it on one computer ever and no we are not going to refund activations or anything to that nature? I hate these idiots.

Woman cuffed for deleting virtual husband

Umm

Virtual Priest says: "I now pronounce you man and wife"

Virtula Priest says: "What you just killed your husband?"

Virtual Priest says: "OFFICER ARREST HER"

Virtual Cop says: "Ma'am your coming with me. Your under the arrest for....umm say WHAT??"

Just me or is he virtual world starting to become more and more real for some then the real world is?

/Dumb ass broad. . .Point made

Thrust SSC team to build 1000 mph 'Bloodhound' car

Next up

(that evening in a bar)

Dude, im not too wasted I can drive!

*VROOM VROOM*

(Next day in the news)

HALF COCKED LAND SPEED DRIVER PICKED UP FOR DOING 1000+ IN A 32

THIS STORY AT 11

OHHH yeah I cant wait to see this one.

Intel badmouths Jesus Phone

??? <=====(This isnt a title?)

PAGING WEBSTER PAGING WEBSTER, YOUR ATTENTION IS NEEDED IN THE COMMENT SECTION.

That is all thank you.

@x86 is a disease

ROFL Very very nice

(heres mine)

"Oh fine dont use our Pentium processor in your device. Bet you it wont add 2+2 and get 3.999999999999999999999996.......oh damn"

US carriers attack FCC's puritan broadband

So umm

How soon till they start griping about Phorm or whoever stealing their ads that support this away from them and have to shut the whole thing down?

/Paris because well. . .even she could see THAT one coming

Blundering workmen cut major Docklands fibre

@Dick Lovewell

Dont know what is funnier, your comment about the cracks or the Paris one. Good one.

Merchants and punters cry foul over Verified by Visa

I recall

Back about a year and a half or two ago I saw this on Newegg.coms website when I went to place an order. Immediately said hell no to doing this and giving the information as all the bells and klaxons were going off. Closed the window and the order went through without a hitch. A little while later same thing same site so for shits and giggles, since I was ditching the card after that order anyway, I decided to see what would happen so I filled in the information. It kept failing said I had reached my max attempts so I closed the window and VIOLA order went through. Is it still this buggy or was I just an unlucky beta tester for it?

Swiss boffins sniff passwords from (wired) keyboards 65 feet away

@New fangled thievery

Very very funny.....but wouldnt waterboarding be better since it is less risky for the brain damage?

Kentucky judge OKs 141-site net casino land grab

Replies

@Flocke Kroes

Nice one I had a clean, tea free monitor before reading that.

@Typical Responses - William

You fuckwit. Bullshit if its banned in "THAT" state. Who the hell are you to sit there and say they were "riding roughshod" over the laws, by that reasoning your saying that if its illegal in ANYPLACE and I do it I'M breaking the law? Wow I love that logic. So Im making it a law that its illegal for people to be moronic, which means your breaking the law. That jdge is an idiot, plain and simple. Bible thumping, inbred, backwater moron who shouldnt even be a judge if he wants to pass something like that. Now by that same logic you just used I guess it's against the law for me to have sworn like I did and to have called you a fuckwit. Oh well Send me to jail now I guess since I just broke a law. Ill make it easy for you too I live in NY. Cheerio.

On another note, why is it that, me living in the states, have the urge more and more to up and fucking move out of this damn country? I know the UK isnt much better but damn, I guess its time to bring back my plea for someone to sponsor me and get me out of this hell hole.

WANTED - One caring home with smart individuals, good net connection and great beer for a pissed off American. Very little maintance needes, knows how to use a toilet (and flush it too), good grooming habits and very little food needed. Please contact if your interested in helping this poor soul.

/end rant

/Chances are this wont be posted but I was in a cheerful place until I read that moronic comment. Flames for ovbious reasons.

Vista SP2 beta could land within next four weeks

@SP2?!? What about SP1?

That will be addressed in Windows 7.

On a more serious note I have been using Vista for almost a year now without problems that werent because of my own fault. (IE: fucking with stuff I shouldnt have fucked with just to see what I could do)

I do blame the manufactures for shipping Vista on alot of subpar machines.

Tech gadgetry brings about pet-o-geddon

Heheh

"Although there's much hilarity to be had watching stunned people as your dog craps out little cars/golfers/Disney characters or pisses a blue line down a wall..."

ROFL Nice job have people looking at me strange now for laughing like I did.

US Air Force outlines combat raygun safety

God I can see it now

First we have Pickup trucks with gun racks on the back window now we are going to have deathray racks. What happens when they energy pack for the gun overheats because of being used as a fuse?

Not to mention whos going to make the packs? SONY? Hell if thats the case why bother go into battle with the enemy just use the gun a bit till the pack ignites.

/Mines the asbestos one. Thanks.

Hubble's 486 back-up springs into life

NASA (R) Hubble 3.11 (R) (Build 3000)

"This afternoon the team brought Hubble out of safe mode and placed the 486 computer back in control."

Hubble is running in safe mode.

This special diagnostic mode of Hubble enables you to fix a problem which may be caused by your network or hardware settings. Make sure these settings are correct in Control Panel, and then try starting Hubble again. While in safe mode, some of your devices may not be available.

To proceed to work in safe mode, click Yes. If you prefer to use System Restore to restore your Hubble to a previous state, click No.

Wonder if they tried to click no :)

Bee Gees belter may help cheat death

So umm....

How long till the CPR givers take their own life to end the incessant "Ah ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"?

/mines the one decked out on rhinestones

McCain gets pair of personal cellphone towers

Say what?

Verizon in a dead zone? Say it aint so.

Can you hear me now? Hello? Hello? Can you hear me now? Damn. . .

PayPal top-up card is titsup

@Somebody check Luxembourg's banking laws

Highly doubt that will happen. Im sure they have the money and probably know where it is since something of this magnitude would be well....bad. My guess is that if they are still making money for Luxembourg then its a dont ask dont tell policy. Personally I feel sorry for the nitwits that got caught up using PayPal for this.

/mines the one with the CASH in the pocket

Ambulance Service not patient enough for Vista

@Why bother?

"I believe I said something to this effect when XP came around and I was (and still am on all machines) running Windows 98 SE."

Im sorry to hear that. Must be fun finding program support for it.

On another note I will have to say I am another one of the happy Vista users. I was in the crowd of bashing it when it was new, mainly becuase AT THE TIME it did have its issues, which I seem to recall Win95, Win98, Win2k and WinXP ALL had at launch. Been using Ultimate64 for about 6 months now and if anything system is MORE (yes you heard right) MORE stable then it was on XP, over all uses less RAM, and generally responds a whole hell of alot faster then XP did doing the same exact tasks.

Personally if you havent tried it (and by try I do mean run it on a system that isnt the bare minimum for running it) then before you continue to knock it you should. Cheerio

Oracle shareholders choke on Ellison's package

*snickers*

Love the 'Head'line. Got my vote for Head of the year :)

/PH cause well.....you know

Cisco ships Mexican drug runner music on VPN CD

Am I the only one who sees this?

Cisco being sued by the RI Ass A for infringing on their rights to make poor quality bootlegs of the songs, distributing them in a malicious manner (sending them out all over the place with no idea of who got what), and then covering up what they have done by replacing the discs with what should be there?

Can we start a save Cisco foundation with man thongs and a Geeks of Cisco calendar?

Im sure we can raise a few bucks for their defense.

US military fails to go RFID tag-tastic

@Timo

Heh nice one I can see it now. . .

"Sarge is this track supposed to be in pieces?"

"Didn't you read the damn directions soldier? Its says some assembly required!!"

"But Sarge, this barrel says 'Made in China' and it doesn't look too straight."

"AWwwww F(bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep)"

Yep, its gonna happen mark my words.

IT contractor caught stealing Shell Oil employee info

Yes im admitting my brain dead state right now

@710-77345

Took me about 10 minutes of looking at it before I got it. Yes yes I know stupid but ive had a long day

not posting anon because I deserve ridicule for taking that long to figure it out

/Paris cause well.....now I know how she feels all the time

$236m judgment lands on mom and pop spam shop

@$236m. Seriously?

Personally I think the judge did the right thing. Sending a message to these fucktards who want to spam the hell out of people to make money, good for him. I say ruin the people who intentionally go OUT OF THEIR WAY (ie: hire a broker wasnt it?) to seem legit. Dont blame the people who dont know better about viruses and get their PCs infected hold the people doing the infecting and then using the PCs and ruin them for life. Hope they learn, Wankers

/flames well.......just cause

eBay cuts jobs, buys credit firm

@AC

I was actually busy playing a game, on phone with corsair and reading ElReg on my second monitor when I got to that post. So since you have all these clauses covering religions fact is I am atheist so Imexempt from that contract and since I cant read the smaller then small print I think I can say that I did not see that and could not agree to the full ToS you have provided. I would like to get out of this deal since you could not disclose openly and fully :)

@I don't agree with myself..

You so owe me a keyboard and a phone for that post. DAMN FUNNY BOSS. Good Job

Apple scraps iPhone NDA

Yeah probably not first but

I wonder if now that this NDA is killed off how long till FREE apps start appearing on the net? Seeing as it will show how everything is tied together and should allow people to skip Apples gold star program.

Just my 2 cents

/Paris because im sure its only a matter of time till we see her on the JesusPhone as well.

'Extreme' extreme porn law puts Scots out of kilter

@Re: Porn

HEHE

Keyboard and Monitor from you now too.

Hubble transmissions cease as computer fails

Hehe

I think its time to go digging in the basement for the Windows 1 install media.....

*ring ring* Yeah NASA? Yeah I have the install discs your looking for. Great great nice to know you need them, I seel them to you (in best Dr Evil impression) 1 BILLION dollars. What no? You have to go through Congress for funding? Damn. How about just a million?

I can see that call now.

Phorm mulls incentives for ad targeting wiretaps

I love the "incentives"

* An upgrade to a faster broadband package at no extra cost

Ummm ok maybe this one isnt half bad for some people that may not be able to afford it otherwise. Though on the same note heh unlimited broadband 'nuff said.

* £1 off monthly broadband bills

WOW impressive amount off. Whats the bill for BB over there? 45-60?

* £1 cashback per month

See above though I do wonder how much they would be making off this in the end.

* A cut of advertising revenues

1% cut for all of the 60 people who might allow this. $85 million at 1% doesnt sound that bad and they would still be making money

* A free premium technical support line

Tech support SHOULD be free if your paying for service. Idiots.

* Free music download vouchers

Its call torrents people already use them and get more free music then they would give away.

* Free anti-virus software

Umm doesnt this already come with BB service over there? I know it comes free with BB over in some cases, wouldnt use it but thats just me.

* Parental content controls

See above but doesnt most AV software now-a-days come with as well?

I know im not from the UK but seriously do they think you are anymore retarded then people over here in the states? I mean shit I thought we had the monopoly on idiots over here.

Sorry they think you are all fools :(

Bluetoothing androids to shout at blind people

@Erm wouldn't this be a bit insecure

Nice call there.

"Thank you for shopping at Walmart sir that will be $250. Yes that is a loud horn behind me sir thank you heres your change and watch the curb stepping away from the counter."

On a side note I can also see someone with a sense of humor too...

"Walk 10 steps ahead and then turn left, *snicker* 5 steps then another left, *snicker* you will arrive at your destination in 20 steps. . . *snicker*" 1...2...3...4...5...THUD

wonder if I can get this walk into a street because the voice in my headset told me that it was a sidewalk, get hit by a car and then sue

/Mines the one with the BlueTwat Headset in it.

World of Warcraft upkeep costs only $200m

@Jaowon

ROFL Nice one there though you owe me a keyboard cause I got my tea all over it.

Though makes you wonder what with Blizzards constant push backs on release dates with their games what DNF would look like for release dates...

Touchscreen BlackBerry details leaked

I know this probably wont be posted but worth a try

So what we are to believe is that the new Blackberry will be giving a RIMming to the JesusPhone?

Ok yes I know and I will sack myself for that comment once I get home and have some lager.

Mario and Eee PC Girl bust Best Buy profits

Oh you probably came for this. . .

I guess "came" is a good way of putting...... :)

/Yes the one with the tissue in the pocket.

Apple agrees to pay itself $14m

So let me get this right?

If I take out liability insurance and then sue myself for falsely saying that Apple is the greatest company ever, then I can make money off that?

SWEET Where do I sign up?

*sings* America America..........

I hate this country sometimes.

/Mines the orange one with Guantanamo Detainee on the back