Posts by Jason

Jacqui's secret plan to 'Master the Internet'

FFS

Leave us alone already!

British film board rejects 'disturbing' sexual torture film

'tards

"including young people with a far less developed view of sex."

So give it an 18 rating, then kids can't buy it, simple surely? (I know it's not really, but that's the idea?)

Cost of a cuppa set to rocket

@ Sarah

I'm sure we can arrange an IT angle on his face with a few 4U servers I have knocking around....

BOFH: Defiling the profile

Brillance

Thank you simon, excellent!

BOFH: Cable entanglements

Ironically

I missed most of the day, and so the chance of reading this during the hours I'm paid, running round fixing problems caused by sub-par cable...

Fucking scousers

Excellent though, keep 'em coming!

US lawmaker wants health warnings on video games

Morons

That is all

Google disguises capitalism as civil rights

Gayglers

Sheer brilliance.

It's Sadville: The Movie!

Quote of the year?

" focuses on a married man who spends as many as 20 hours a day on a computer, existing through an avatar who is a thriving, musclebound entrepreneur. In reality, he is a diabetic, chain-smoking 53-year-old.""

Fantastic.

Public support for ID cards dips to 55 per cent

100% for el reg readers?

I bet if they asked 2000 reg readers they'd get a result saying that 100% of the population thinks it's a shite idea, so come on, ask us, and save us all a few billion quid.

UK e-tailers scurry to scrap dodgy Heavy Metal covers

LMFAO @ this

Later in the day the IWF said it only reacted to complaints and did not go around looking for offensive images.

Morons.

Over-feeding phishers struggle to make ends meet

Phising? nah

I've been assured that the FBI owe me 7.5 million dollars, all I have to do is contact [e-mail], and he will arrange it for me.

Surely the FBI aren't dodgy?

Oooops... Never mind

Amazon UK pulls Scientology exposé for 'legal reasons'

I want a personality test!!

Come and give me a test, so that I can laugh until my bollocks drop off, then I can slap you and sue you for the distress of not being able to have children

Passport and ID card price hike laundered via private sector

What if I don't want to pay?

Ok, so the government makes this law, and then asks me to pay £30 for my ID card.

What are they going to do if I refuse to pay, or, don't have enough money to pay? Lock me up?

Fuck off you set of c*nts.

Study clears cannabis of schizophrenia rap

A good way to get hope

Step 1) Sit at computer and fire firefox up

Step 2) Prepare skins

Step 3) Open El Reg and find an article on weed

Step 4) Roll spliff

Step 5) Smoke spliff and enjoy it and the article

An excellent article, and an excellent smoke, thank you Tim and my dealer :D

I'll get my coat after passing this on

Brits happy to hand over password details for £5 gift voucher

@AC

"with no regard to the resulting skewed socialogical and scientific data."

And what exactly would the results tell us anyway, assuming everyone is honest? That people are morons? I could tell you that anyway, but I won't give you a M&S voucher for the privelege.

Labour minister says 14 year olds should get ID cards

Just FUCK OFF!!!

Seriously, this ID card is BULLSHIT, the government should FUCK OFF!

I'd put together a better arguement, but I really can't be arsed!

Brits are Europe's biggest gadget buyers - official

i wonder...

"the British spent more than electronics: good old fags and booze, on which we spent a mighty $60bn (£34bn/€43bn)"

I wonder how much we spend on "controlled substances", which are, in some cases, far easier to get than beer and fags!

UK.gov to spend hundreds of millions on snooping silo

Idiots

That is all

Black hats attack gaping DNS hole

ADSL24/Entanet

1. 62.189.58.210 (lnd4eusosrv39.lnd.ops.eu.uu.net) appears to have GREAT source port randomness and GREAT transaction ID randomness.

2. 62.189.34.89 (lnd10eusosrv175.lnd.ops.eu.uu.net) appears to have GREAT source port randomness and GREAT transaction ID randomness.

Looking good :D

PS3 owners game iPlayer

I wonder if...

Tiscali will have the balls to step up and ask for money from Sony and Nintendo?

BBC vs ISPs: Bandwidth row escalates as Tiscali wades in

It's 8pm...

And entanets' noc (http://noc.enta.net/) reads as follow;

Central 1 = Green

Expected performance 7.2Mbps

Central 2 = Green

Expected performance 7.2Mbps

Central 3 = Green

Expected performance 7.2Mbps

Central 4 = Green

Expected performance 7.2Mbps

Central 5 = Green

Expected performance 7.2Mbps

Central 6 = Green

Expected performance 7.2Mbps

The top news story is;

We have today ordered additional capacity for central 5, ETA is Friday 11-04-2008.

And my internet is fast as fook at this time. I pay more than most people, and I get a better service, I know exactly how much bandwidth I can use a month, and I can see exactly how much I have used so far. You get what you pay for.

Vista SP1 downloaders bite back

@She is now denying me any hot-love until I get it fixed.

You should sue...

Microsoft releases latest XP SP3 build

Deja vu..

I'm sure remember the exact same discussion as Microsoft moved from 2K to XP. Give it a another year or so, Vista will be stable, as XP is now

Please don't leave me... bitch

I'm kinda glad for facebook...

it's gotten me the best sex I've ever had, an old friend contacted me on there, we met, and got busy ;)

So, as much as I don't like it, I will say, cheers facebook!

It's the 100 application invites that I receive everyday that piss me off, no, I don't want to know if we are compatible, how naughty you are, I don't want to be a pirate or a ninja, go away! Come to house and party if you wanna be my friend!

Champion of competitive CAT-5 untangling is crowned

They call me the cable guy....

No, really, check our notes system at work, my rank is a level 63 cable guy.

Yes, our notes system is level based, everyone at work is a whorecraft geek, it's grim.

These guys are amateurs, 6 cables? That it? Wimps.

Time Warner splitting up AOL

I hate e-mails from customers who use AOL....

BECAUSE WHEN YOU OPEN IT YOU KNOW THAT THE WHOLE THING WILL BE WRITTEN LIKE THIS AND THERE WILL BE NO PUNCTUATION SO ITS VERY DIFFICULT TO MAKE SENSE OF WHAT IS BEING ASKED AND THEY WILL WRITE A HUGE PARAGRAPH WHICH TAKES 5 MINUTES TO DECIPHER BEFORE YOU CAN EVEN THINK ABOUT HOW TO REPLY AND SO ON AND SO FORTH

Pisses me off!

Microsoft rides PCs and Xboxen to rich Q2

Previously religion started wars....

World war 3 is going to be between Mac and Windows Fanboys, I wonder which OS can be used to design and build a mechanoid with large plasma cannons first.....

Russian railways in robot repairman revue

Nothing new here...

This vid was put a year ago, take a look see, well funny!

http://www.dailymotion.com/relevance/search/libido/video/x11yc7_robot-libido_fun

Merry Christmas all, time to get ratted XD

Fasthosts customers blindsided by emergency password reset

I can still login?

I can still login into my UKreg account where we register domains, no problems at all. I changed the password back in October as soon as I saw the article on el reg, but I'm thoroughly confused, have they missed my account?

Im damn glad we're moving our registrations to another company in the next week or so, I'm fed up with being worried that all 1200 domains we have with fasthosts are gonna go missing.

Thank god that we own our own servers and so only need to rely on a transit provider to keep them online.

As a note to everyone out there, we also have 2 transit providers, so if the primary goes down (like builders cutting the cable, wankers), we can still keep functioning with no more than 20 mins downtime whilst the DNS systems flip over.

You know what that's called? Redundancy, you should try it sometime, it's great, means that I can go out there, unplug 100 cables, and everything still keeps on running :D Don't rely on fasthosts, if you want a job doing properly, do it yourself!

Dixons grinches Christmas

RE:Translation

Even shorter;

Vista fucked us

Consumers not confident about web security

Or perhaps...

Consumers should be doing more to protect themselves online?

I'm not sure what else my bank can do other than ask for a customer number, my DOB, and a couple of digits of my security number, perhaps a password too? And then a secuity question? Please don't, I don't want to spend 10 minutes logging in to check my bank, it'll be quicker to go to the cash point, and that defies the point of online banking.

I'm sick of people saying that it the companies responsibilty to make sure everything is secure. It's not their fault that you browse dodgy porn sites and get infected with all manner of malware.

HP whips out d*** in a box

@t3h

Errors are the norm in windows :P

How a bread truck invented the internet

Al gore

Was hunting manbearpig, where are you nutters getting your ideas from?

US banks stay away from Cisco in Q1

Where...

Where have el reg found a time machine thats let's them see the profit of companies in the first Q of '08? You must share this technology!!

3 expands payment options

@Anonymous Coward

"This is confirmed by Wikipedia so it it must be true http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Visa_Debit"

Shame your annoymous, quoting sources like that, you deserve to be shot.

Getting my coat...

Pentagon: Our new robot army will be controlled by malware

Another Bright idea...

Let's let our enemies write the code for the killbots that we will use to kill them with, they'll never figure out how to defeat us then!

Is it worthwhile topping myself now so I don't have to watch this go down in a few years?

Paris Hilton exits missionary position to save Universe

Paris Hilton, what a Bitch

sub heading: 'nuff said

Or is that outright slander?

Masked thieves storm into Chicago colocation (again!)

I'll try...

I'll try and post a comment, as soon as I stop laughing at those pictures, hahahaha!!!

Petty crimes, 150,000 kids and a million new records

Amen to that...

"The disturbing and illiberal policy of adding a child's most personal information to a massive government computer system, simply on the grounds of an accusation, must stop immediately."

Amen to that!

Virtual! stripper! game! targets! Yahoo!

How about

Blocking an IP address if you get more than 5 requests in as many seconds?

Can't be that hard to implement, surely?

Swede with UK betting licence held in Amsterdam for 'breaking' ancient French law

We still haven't nuked them?!?!

I'm astounded....

Boeing, Ford in hydrogen engine fanfare

Carbon free electric

"Even in the case of nice hydrogen made out of water using electrolysis, you need a carbon-free source of electricity."

You could just use the water to turn some turbines before converting it?

Cops and Home Office plot uber-CCTV network

Re:If the cameras are setup online...

We can all use Google hacks to watch each other!

Gang attempted to pass £500,000 notes, court told

6 weeks???

Seriously, it's gonna take them 6 weeks to find these muppets guilty?

How stupid are the courts???

No-humping 20mph limit for London

Hmmm...

What's cheaper? A fine from speeding, or having to replace your car because you knackered the chassis doing 50 over a speed bump?

I know which I'd prefer....

Oz censor bans Soldier Of Fortune: Payback

Fuckers!

I'm 20, I think I can deal with a bit of mindless violence, don't try and tell me what I'm not allowed to see.

I wonder how many of the developers and testers went insane and killed hundreds of people whilst building the game....?

We need an emoticon for furious, the :( face just doesn't quite cut it

Ryanair ad banned for slating Lastminute.com

Why do they care?

Why do they care if lastminute.com are booking their flights? Ryanair will still get the same amounf of cash as if the person had gone straight to them. If anything, lastminute.com will eventually lose out, as people will realise that they can direct from ryanair for cheaper surely?

Scottish? You're drinking too much

Well....

They got the smokers, we all knew what was next...

Fire service may charge for shifting fat people

@Chris

"If a lardy pays their taxes they are as much a citizen as the next person"

If you need the fire service to get out of your house, I very much doubt you're working and paying taxes.

But i've gotta agree with these charges, but not with making other services pay the bill.

If you're fat, it's your own fault, why should we have to pay?

Swearing at work 'good for business'

What the fuck??

What the fuck people? Here we are reading a fucking good story about being able to swear in the shit hole of a work place, full of wankers, and we're using fucking stars on el reg!!

Get a grip you fucking retarded piss buckets

In the nicest way possible :P

Pissflaps!