Posts by Anonymous John

Possibly the world's most pointless review

Damn you!

That's my whole afternoon gone unnoticed.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/B003O3I1S8/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1

Nothing to do with me. Honestly.

Home Office mobe theft fight doubles in importance

"the jump is down to all those stolen iPhones"

Wouldn't they reduce the figure? iPhone 3s that the fanbois don't want any more, and iPhone4s that have to be gripped in a special way.

The Sun saves parasailing donkey's ass

ParASSailing

How did we miss this one?

"What is clear, though, is that Anapka's flying days are over. "

It's not clear to me. The Sun says only that “she will never be forced to parasail again”

She may have got a taste for it.

Zuckerberg: I'm 'quite sure' I own Facebook

Well if he does lose.

Mark Zuckerberg can always open a new site. Eggonfacebook.com.

UK Skylon spaceplane set for engine test in '3-4 years'

Brian Blessed?

Do you want to live forever <strike> Hawkmen</strike>Skylon passengers... DIIIIIIVVE!

Airline ejects passenger for being hungry

it was her word against his..

No fellow passengers to hear it?

Cross-dresser shags mutt at historic castle

"IT?" icon

Why not remove it? It only encourages them. And it would leave room for a Playmobil one.

Postcard App has stamps licked

Posible problem.

If it's sent half way round the world electronically, how do they ensure it arrives well after the sender gets home?

YouGov tests the waters on internet snooping

"on behalf of a (unnamed) client. "

Phorm?

Russians quizzed over parasailing donkey

Ttle

Great ass-ortment of comments here.

First?

With the obligatory "Playmobil reconstruction or it didn't happen" request.

Council urges army drinkers to break the law

Re Dumb but....

"and just like the rest of us they are obliged by law to carry it."

Not in the UK. At one time, if you didn't have it to hand, you had to produce it at a police station within a few days.

Now the police can check online at the scene.

Extraterrestrials strafe Bosnian with meteorites

Actually

If they are up there and we aren't, it's a good strategy. There's no defence against a falling rock.

It's the Vogon Construction Fleet

Building a small hyperspace bypass.

Xmas kicks off on 2 August

Or

Winterval.

Paris as I wouldn't mind her at Christmas.

Tell me about it.

I've already seen "Back to School" signs, and the summer holidays haven't even started yet.

German webcam hack perv suspect cuffed

Spying on youngsters?

What are they doing while using their laptops that makes them worth spying on?

Actually, I'm not sure I really want to know.

HP 'delays' Android tablet after death of Windows slate

Why miss the bus?

There are already a few Android tablets on the market. With more expected.

New Jersey car prang woman blames carjacking

Playmobil reconstruction please.

They're all better looking.

"a quick Gillian Taylforth"

Sorry I'm late darling. I got caught in a ^H^H^H^H^Htaylf tailback on the M4.,

Futurologist warns of malevolent dust menace

Simple solution.

Ask Dyson to invent a smart vacuum cleaner.

Sorted.

UK.gov abandons 2012 rural broadband pledge

Whatever happened to

the proposal to run cables through the sewers and network all the toilets?

http://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/1/2008/01/24/h20_sewer_rollout/

NHS loses massive Microsoft licensing rebate

A nurse will be along in a day or two to change the sheets.

I'm sure there are loads of PCs running Office in the NHS. Enough for a switch to Open Office to result in a useful saving.

Open Office.

Free.

Sorted.

Kaspersky blocks BBC News over false phishing fears

Re I wholeheartedly agree

"The news should be a continuous deluge of sorrow and misery giving disproportionate coverage to every bad thing that has happened and repeating it ad nauseam "

You mean, like Ingerland's departure from the World Cup?

"The issue is certainly not caused by the redesign of the BBC News site."

No? It has to be paid for somehow.

Government begins RIPA review

What powers?

I'm retired from the Inland Revenue. Once, before RIPA, I was dealing with a letter from an "accountant". A long rambling pointless letter, that couldn't be taken seriously. So I walked past his "business address" during my lunch hour. It was a day centre run by the local authority. Both the "accountant" and "client" attended it.

Once the Act came in, it was made quite clear to us that we couldn't do things like that. Not without getting permission and filling in loads of paperwork first

The Act was never a charter for unbridled surveillance. If the matter was likely to end up in court, any evidence gathered couldn't be evidence that the court would rule inadmissible. Either before or after RIPA..

RIPA

The operative word is "regulation". Does anyone really believe there was no surveillance before 2000.

The Act actually curtailed what was going on.

UK.gov slams Facebook over Moat fan clubs

No he didn't.

The new boyfriend was a Karate instructor/bouncer, not a policeman.

Admittedly, moving in with a gangster's bitch while he's inside, is asking for trouble. They hardly needed a warning from the police to know they were in danger.

Digital ad portrayed Catholic Queen as 'flesh-eating zombie'

White flesh, rotting teeth

Probably true. Two out of four isn't bad.

Ex-MI6 officer admits attempt to sell secrets

Probaly not.

I don't know why they've cancelled Anna Chapman's passport. If we must have spies, they may as well be highly shaggable.

I thought the Coalition had promised the public a voice on issues like this.

Boeing's 'Phantom Eye' Ford Fusion powered stratocraft

Damn!

When i read the headline, I thought that the Phantom Works had not only built a working fusion reactor, but one small enough to be flown.

Mine's the one with a return ticket to Mars in the pocket.

Yorks cops charge Segway rider under 1835 road law

Archery?

I think males over 14 are still required to practice regularly. With the added bonus that Plod could nick them weekly for carrying offensive weapons.

1835 Highways Act?

It was all horses and carts then. Plus a few primitive bicycles.

It makes interesting reading though.

"and if a highway is out of repair, the parish surveyor may be summoned before the courts and ordered to complete the repairs within a limited time."

Has that happened lately?

Offences include: "Not having the owner's name painted up [on the cart].

That could have been a nice little earner for the government as car owners have been breaking the law for the past century.

I own Facebook, claims New York fuel salesman

I own Facebook.

And so does my wife.

Gulf spill to annihilate all earthlings, says seer

title

"would be the appearance of large fissures or rifts splitting open the ocean floor, a rise in the elevation of the seabed, and the massive venting of methane and other gases into the surrounding water.""

And in the afternoon, it will be cloudy with scattered showers.

Cotswold police stage panty ID parade

"some 15-20 unidentified pairs of knickers"

"1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13-14-

Cor! I'd like to see my bird wearing those!

Where was I?

1-2-3-4-"

Life on Earth gets wiped out every 27 million years, say boffins

16 million years

That's a long time to wait before we can welcome our new species-extinguishing overlords.

Child protection campaigners claim hollow victory over Facebook

Exactly

Ashleigh Hall didn't panic. Yet her name is regularly used to justify the need for panic buttons. It isn't as if there are already ways of reporting users.

Russian spies dumped in Vienna after swap

Muphry's law?

After Lester's spell checker article earlier today?

the fete fatale of the whole saga.

Fete worse than death?

Hup Holland, viva España

I despair.

Even the BBC 1 1pm News devoted a few minutes to it. Don't they want to be seen as a serious news organisation?

I for one don't welcome our new eight-legged psychic overlord.

Hackers pose as senator in email fraud bid

No chance, and the police know it.

Western Union and Moneygram payments can be picked up anywhere in the world. Imagine asking the Nigerian police to stake out loads of WU outlets in Lagos. When the WU agent possibly gets a percentage for not querying why a US senator who looks strangely Nigerian is in his shop.

Move along. Nothing to see here.

It's a very common scam. Send out loads of phishing emails, and you are bound to catch a few politicians.

Lad from Lagos in unencrypted CD teaser

Frightening!

The lost CD claim makes this the most convincing 419 scam I've ever seen.

Phorm issues shares to raise cash

We need

a PHAIL icon.

Women would rather be on Facebook than on the toilet

Exactly.

Don't women always claim they can multi-task?

Apple reckons light shines between iPhone customers' ears

Light bouncing around the ear canal?

No problem.

Stick your finger in the other ear.

Sorted.

Feed curry to sheep, boffins suggest

Re Premarinated? Tha's daft.

Sheep raised on mint will be provided as an alternative.