Posts by Ian

Brit, French nuke subs collide - fail to 'see' each other

@Nick Palmer

Damn right Sir, break out the grog!

Miliband refuses to release torture documents

Good Doggy Milliband!

Roll Over! Play Dead! Now here's a biccy from those nice Americans.

Lucky Mancs could get ID cards first, Jacqui declares

@grom

I think you'll find the residents of Knutsford, Wilmslow etc all swear blind they live in Cheshire.

Big Blue to build DARPA cat-brain machine

'Bonkers bad-boy battle boffins'

Outstanding. I'll have a pint of whatever Lewis is drinking.

Scarborough Building Society pulls insecure 'print' form

"We have experienced a technical issue"

It's not a technical issue, it's incompetence.

Reg readers rage at comment icon outrage

Pirate is still crap.

Ok, some degree of common sense has kicked in, but who's fault was it, who actually thought the new icons were good? Enquiring minds need to know.

Net-talking toaster to burn news onto bread

Fine if you like dry toast

Otherwise it goes cold while you read the news or you go straight for the butter and marmalade which will obscure the text. I think I'll stick with the paper thanks.

Welder in DIY penis enhancement nut mishap

@Cure for a Bout of Tumescence

You complete and utter bastard.

COBOL thwarts California's Governator

2 digits?

COBOL wasnt the problem, it was the cost of memory when the systems were written, 2 digits for the year saved you some space and when you had several million dates in your db it added up. When I were a lad working on Honeywell Bull DMIV systems we stored dates as numbers, formatted YYMMDD and used simple greater than, less than tests with home rolled date routines for anything clever. Yes, I am grey and bearded.

Yahoo! knows! where! you! are!

Re Polypunting

Punter = customer, user of a service, member of the general public etc etc.

Legless Swede attempts to row home

@Neil

He should have used the bridge, that takes you past the Ferry Boat Inn which (25 years ago anyway) did a very fine pint of HSB. The landlords daughter was a beautifully well built lass as well. Ah, memories...

Thus spake the Moderatrix

Mmmm, Sarah....

Going for a lie down, thanks.

El Reg celebrates 10th birthday

Mmm, Sarah....

My first girlfriend was called Sarah, mind you we were only 8 so I think this is a much healthier infatuation.

Coat? The long one with holes in the pockets please.

Courts slam Blair's 'abject surrender' to Saudi prince

@Steve

I'll do tea & biscuits, there's a box of PG and half a packet of chocolate HobNobs downstairs

HMRC tax credit database takes the week off

@Daffyd Lawrence

Curses! Damn you all with your interwebs, I'll stick to my Chambers definition, and retreat grumbling into a dark corner.

For the AC, calm down sweetheart, good manners cost nothing.

Personal Bugbear.

<RANT>

It's 'can be input' FFS, not 'can be inputted'. Look it up in a dictionary.

</RANT>

MOAB and the pain ray - Iraq's war-missing wonder weapons

Pedant mode.

In 1944 the RAF were dropping 12,000 lb Tallboy's, the Grand Slam was first used on the 14th of March 1945 on the Bielefeld Viaduct.

No2ID calls in pledge cash to 'probe' ID Act's enabling laws

@Andy

£1.70 if you live in Manchester and drink Joey Holts in a back street local.

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@ Sean

I knew a rottweiler once who taught himself to shotgun beer cans by chasing them round the room for a bit with his nose and then biting into them, so I don't think a tin opener is strictly necessary.

Plan for 20mph urban speed-cam zones touted

Eh?

'We are living in a period when central government appears reluctant to regulate unless absolutely necessary.'

I'll have a pint / tab / gramme / eighth of what he's on please, because he has at best only a passing acquaintance with the real world so it must be good stuff.

Pilot sacked for footie star on flightdeck shocker

Risk Averse?

"We have a zero tolerance policy towards any actions which could endanger the safety of our passengers and employees."

In that case how do they justify taking off?

iPod Nano in airport trouser conflagration horror

Serves him right

For listening to Rod Stewart.

"Hot legs, you can scream and shout......"