Posts by TeeCee

Glasgow Cops pound Facebook to blunt knife crime

@Jason Togneri re: razors

Er, that'll be because if you actually *read* the regs on what's allowed rather than just assuming that all pointy / slicey related things are a no-no, razors that have the blade(s) fixed in the head assembly and not removable as naked blades are on the list of permitted items. Yer Mach III falls neatly into this category.

To add to the possible confusion here, I've seen some airport posters listing these as "safety" razors. Any fule kno that this term was orginally coined by Gillette to describe their original interchangeable thin-blade razor to differentiate it from the (at the time) standard "cut-throat" razor. So, in theory, you can turn up with an object that has "safety razor" written all over it, yet still have it confiscated despite having a list on display stating that safety razors are explicitly permitted.

Your mileage may vary depending on how far to the right of Genghis Khan the uniformed twat at security is.

Veteran F1 designer readies 'affordable' sportster

@Arclight.

Magic! All I need now is a PC that has a power supply capable of chucking out a few thousand amps on the 5V rail and I'm in business.

@P. Lee

No worries. Airco pump with built in 'leccy motor works just fine. As used in the Prius and other such where the IC engine doesn't run all the time and also in installations where fitting a pump into the engine bay and driving it off the engine is impractical (many mid-engined vehicles).

Likewise, power steering combined motor/pump units were quite common in mid / rear engine configurations. These have been generally superseded by "pure" electrically assisted racks in recent years though.

UK cops' road accident reporting going paperless

Even better?

Accident Recording System Electronic for HAndheld Terminals?

Geeks re-invent breakfast

That thar toaster.

Didn't "Private Eye" do something similar with a "Toast-O-Matic" in their fake Xmas gifts section a few years back?

IIRC, theirs was the superior product as it had six slots to serve a full breakfast table and played the 1812 Overture while it was at it.......

Doner kebabs: Death wrapped in pitta bread

I see.

Is the Department of the Bleedin' Obvious trying to spend all its funds before the next budget round or something?

It's be funny if it wasn't our f***ing money they'd wasted on producing these earth-shatteringly unexpected results.

Sarcasm may well be the lowest form of wit, but these time-serving tossers don't deserve anything better.

UK donates Leo Sayer to Oz

Careful what you say.

"I'm 60 and I feel like a 20-year-old at the moment...."

Presumably all the young Sheilas have gone into hiding on hearing that.

Obama reverses Dubya's tailpipe emissions

Here we go again.

The last time California was allowed to go it alone, we got EGR systems, Gulp valves, Fuel vaporisation cannisters, airpumps and heavily strangled, detuned engines to make this whole pile of foetid unreliable eco-bollox work. My, how we laughed on the other side of the pond.

Now the focus has changed from reducing the various tailpipe gases across the board to a messianic worship of CO2 figures, they're wondering why American engines are so mind numbingly inefficient in fuel consumption compared to similarly sized engines elsewhere in the world. Californians should try looking in the mirror for the obvious answer here.

I suppose that just because this unilateral approach turned out to be such a monumental pig's ear last time won't stop California doing it again.

User-generated reviews - blessing or bull?

Stop it. Please.

Can we have a moratorium on Yelp quotes please?

Every time Ms. Ichinose gets a credit round here, the Monty Python "Smoketoomuch" skit plays in my head, gives me the insane giggles and worries my colleagues.

14-year-old charged with impersonating Chicago PD

Disney too, I presume.

<Phineas and Ferb>

Aren't you a little young to be a Police Officer?

Why yes. Yes I am.

Hahaha. Ok then. Here's your partner, car's outside......

</Phineas and Ferb>

Kanye West blames Gmail hijack for bisexual porn hoax

@Martin

Actually no. According to the Interwebytube thingy he's a bisexual porn star which is, I believe, the nub of the issue here.

I guess that now he's denied that, he's just another gobshite nobody

Mac malware tide on the rise

@kain preacher

Yup! I'm looking forward to getting a shitload of beautifully presented, thoughtfully worded, grammatically correct, minimalistic and very stylish spam, replete with glossy illustrations of breathtaking quality.

NASA working on boomless supersonic jets

Boomless.

<Basil Brush>

............... ...............

</Basil Brush>

Deutsche Telekom births cloud broker

Cloud broker?

Shades of the QIPS exchange from Greg Egan's "Permutation City" here methinks.

Are there any new ideas these days where the underlying idea is actually, er, new?

NetApp - just like perfection?

Disney didn't have a plan?

Of course history teaches us just how much that terrible mistake hurt them, as their play to move from being just a cartoon and family film company to a multimedia cross-platform / genre behemoth crashed and burned, leaving just the bones of a once-great company to be picked at by corporate lawyers.

Oh, hang on a minute........

Deviants, perverts, 'weirdos' - who's going down?

Careful what you say.

".....the BDSM community ran round like the proverbial headless chicken....."

Thanks to that I now have a possibly erroneous perception that headless chickens run around in skintight latex suits while being whipped by other leather-clad farmyard animals with extensive body piercings.

Now, how do I scrub my mind before the filth download it and prosecute me?

Iron Maiden axe cut ribbon on 'rock’n’roll' hotel

Chucking televisions?

Of course not, that's so mainstream celebrity (actors, supermodels and other such).

This is a hotel for wrecking the bathroom by putting sticks of dynamite down the bog!

The leather one with the dynamite in the pocket.

Absolutely Fabulous ups sticks to LA

@The Fuzzy Wotnot

"It was crap the first time and it's still now!"

Bloody hell! You mean there's two of us? I'd always thought that I was alone in finding this about as funny as a root canal session with Josef Mengele.

1001 variations on a gag involving coke, booze or coke and booze? Yeah, very clever I'm sure.

25 years of Mac - the good, the bad, and the cheese grater

First Mac encounter.

I remember well the first Mac I ever got my paws on. An early monochrome object. It was sat in a building of allegedly smart people and I was the only one prepared to have a bash at declagging its mouse.

I remember thinking at the time (as a hardened command line junkie) that having an O/S that was so dependant on one small peripheral that a problem with same could convert an expensive device into a doorstop was a bloody silly idea. Guess I was wrong.

US to postpone analog TV death

@J.R. Bloodsworth

Game, Set and Match to you then and well played if I may say so.

I believe the prize for that one is a hat with a propellor on the top.

World's fastest production car to gain electric twin

Re: The update and "standards".

Now it's a standard 220V socket. Good luck with finding one of those at the side of the road then. It's a bit like saying for a conventionally fuelled car, "fuelled via a standard F1 filler hose / socket". i.e. outside certain specialist locations you might just as well have gone with a proprietary fitting (probably better suited to the task being designed for it) for all the good it does.

Anyhow, even doubling the voltage, we're still in a world of pain trying to stuff enough watt-hours down the pipe in ten minutes to run two 500bhp motors for any appreciable length of time.

Countdown to Conficker activation begins

Pirates have gone a step too far.

".....most affected by Conficker have a high percentage of pirated windows users...."

Why would anyone want to make moody clones of windows users? It's not like there aren't enough of 'em around already.

Obama unfurls master plan for US cybersecurity

Re: Cyber Czar.

Ideally there should be more than one. That way we can have "Czar Wars".......

No need to push.

Obama's rainbow stealth aircraft uncloaks over Virginia

@Jason Haas

You too, huh?

Got it. Out of here.

USAF cops seek netflinger rifle to down ultralights, paragliders

Acronym?

CULAPS? I see what they did there. By engineering it so that the "U" and "L" both come from the same word "UltraLight", they've ensured that nobody can insert additional words for "N", "T" and "F" in-between.......

Humourless bastards. I reckon they've been reading El Reg and wised up to us.

Lords rule nurses blacklist 'unfair'

What's this?

Presumption of innocence until guilt is proven? Sweaty Gordon and his minions will have no truck with this one rearing its ugly head again after they've gone to so much trouble to stamp it into the ground. I foresee a legislative change in the near future (and a few Law Lords getting their P45s).

Where's Wally Vista SP2?

MS running trains now?

You wait ages for a Vista Service Pack and then two turn up together......

ISPs slam CEOP bid to rewrite RIPA

Fair is, as fair......

The correct response from the ISPs here should be: "Of course we'll be delighted to do any work in connection with child abuse cases for free, as soon as everyone else involved does as well."

Then wait and see if Captain Arsehat and his minions at CEOP see the value in getting paid sod-all for doing *their* jobs.

Hilton 'sucks face' with MySpace CEO

Flickinger?

I'm so glad I reread that one three time. The first few attempts had a spurious "f" somewhere in the middle.

Maybe Paris made the same mistake and was disappointed?

Microsoft mobile services and Windows Mobile due next month?

Re: names already in use.

You mean you can sue someone for using a word that's in everyday usage in connection with their business that you also use in connection with yours?

That's too easy...........(sorry, couldn't resist)

Intel eyes sun-powered data centers

Re: the desert.

Another obvious desert issue is that it must be a right, royal pain having to cycle to work in 40+ degree heat 'cos some arsehat's filled the car park with photovoltaics.

Call centre manager in the frame over ID scam

Re: Aviva / A Viva

A sound name change then. Any Viva's still in use will, after all, be totally clapped out and on the verge of disintegrating*.

*Of course, there are those who say that they came out of the Vauxhall works like this anway.

Chinese electric car maker pitches 'safer than li-ion' batteries

Ferrous iron?

What? As in rust?

Don't Alfa-Romeo have prior art here?

Breakthrough paint blocks top-end spectrum

I see your nanomagnet thingies.

And raise you Bacofoil + Anaglypta + Wallpaper paste.

Mine's the one with the blown-vinyl finish and the suspiciously shiny lining.

Microsoft releases Vista virtualization

@Jolyon

"I like the idea of seamless apps delivered in a virtual environment launchable from the user start menu with the virtualisation transparent to them."

So do I. What could possibly go wrong?

Meanwhile: Somewhere in the fathomless pits of Hell, Satan sends a minion off to dig out the "lessons learned" report on OS/2's "seamless" Windows app support, all the while chuckling to himself.

The Vatican tempts the YouTube generation

Well, *somebody* has to.....

<Gregorian chant>

"Never gonna give you up

Never gonna let you down

Never gonna run around and desert you...."

</Gregorian chant>

China plans global satnav system

Old hat.

"We've got a Battlecruiser and you haven't."

"We've got nukes and you haven't."

"We've got a GPS satellite system and you haven't."

YAWN! So last century.

Everyone knows that the cutting edge of international, big boys' willy-waving is now:

"We've got frikkin' laser beams* and you haven't."

*Bonus willy inches here for shark cranial mount capability.

UFO wind turbine prang site: Exclusive photos

Re: Optimus.

He's clearly visible in several of the pics, carefully camouflaged as a JCB to avoid disturbing the locals and giving the game away.

EU says Microsoft violated law with IE on Windows

My, some of us are out of date.

At least you now *can* remove IE from Windows and leave Explorer in place for wandering around the machine as they are two entirely different sets of executables these days.

However, I don't seem to be able to remove the browser functions of Konqueror while still preserving its other functions. Very Windows 95, yet for some reason it doesn't bother me at all (but then neither did the IE integration - maybe it's just me).

I suppose there are two lessons here. First, we should all be *really* bloody careful what we wish for. Secondly, politicians are indistiguishable from horseshit.

Maybe, instead of banging this tired old drum, Opera should try to work out why it is that when anybody *does* dump IE, like as not they move to using, er, FireFox..........

Next week: EU fines Ford for only offering a range of Ford engines with their cars following an antitrust complaint by Renault.

Superworm seizes 9m PCs, 'stunned' researchers say

@Roger Greenwood

I'm sure that the Russians, Chinese etc. would like to move to Ubuntu, but there's one thing stopping them.

Where do they get the pirated version from?

Boy George jailed for 15 months over bizarre false imprisonment

@this

O.....M......F.......G......!

Right. That's a cup of coffee, a keyboard, a monitor, half a tank of oxygen and a battery pack for the defibrillator set you owe me.

DARPA seeks spraycan wound-polyfilla* for injured troops

Re: Super Glue.

Too true, too true.

This is why when glueing two things together with cyanoacrylate the inevitable result, after the requisite "hold together for 20 seconds", is that the two parts seperate easily but both are irrevocably glued to your fingers.

No thanks, I'm still wearing mine 'cos my hands are glued into the pockets.

Honda shows off Insight hybrid

@Stu Reeves

Almost a good idea, but for one rather important point. The pig iron bit of a current model is around 20% lighter than an equivalent model from the seventies, both in the body shell and the engine (all alloy now being the rule rather than the exception in the latter).

The reason that the all up weight of the car remains the same is the 'elf 'n safety / econazi addons (airbags, door beams, seatbelt pre-tensioners, all that spurious cack fitted to the engine to reduce emissions, catalytic converters, all the wiring to run the extra crap, etc ad infinitum).

Oh and who ever predicted that the Prius would drop an engine size and go plug in? I suppose that the well-known fact that the new, faclifted model has got an engine hike from 1.5 to 1.8 litres passed you by then? Oh and before dissing the Toyota approach, try driving the Civic hybrid and the Prius. One of these is a clunky, underpowered POS prone to choppy shifting and odd power delivery and the other's a Toyota.

Christ on a crutch!

If it wasn't for the Honda badges you'd think it *was* a bloody Prius. It's a good thing for Honda that they don't do "look 'n feel" lawsuits in the motor industry. It's also got to be a bit annoying for Toyota that Honda seem to have done a much better job of reworking the nose this year than they have.

Talk about if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

419ers take Canadian for $150,000

Re: Compassion

Chipstick? I had him down as a prize total and utter dyed-in-the-wool fucktard knob-end myself.

AT&T Idolises promotional texting

Re: Eh?

"....T-Mobile continually send me bollocks....."

Is that like ASCII line-art or an actual picture of their bollocks?

HTC Touch Viva budget Windows Mobile smartphone

Have you ever seen an original Touch?

"Viva looks very similar to the original Touch.......... There have been a few improvements since then. There's now a minimum of buttons: a square navpad and call start/stop keys on the front, a power button on top, and an elongated volume rocker on the side. Along with a USB power/headphone combo-socket on the bottom....."

Takes out Touch. Ahem. Square navpad? Check. Call start/stop keys on the front? Check. Power button on the top? Check. Elongated volume rocker? Ok, give you that, it's a slider here and it sucks. Combo USB socket? Check.

So, they've changed the volume control and deleted the camera button then? Whoop-de-do for the improvements and all hail the minimalistic lack of a camera button.

Oh, I'd rather have WiFi than 3G any day. I travel a lot and 3G gives you roaming bills that would cause Croesus to think twice whereas I've never had more than a few minutes' trouble tracking down a free WiFi point to camp on.

Seagate cuts go deep

Makes sense.

I guess that the increases in platter density that they've announced recently always meant that they'd be reducing the head count......

Lords, MPs go down on to the Erotic Awards

Re: Trophies.

Maybe those are variable geometry wings? A sort of "Love Missile F-111" if you will.

The one with the highly suspicious bulge in the pocket please.

Church of Scientology seeks 'ban' against HIV+ protesters

Cure Scientologists?

I've got a message here from a bloke calling himself Xenu who's promised to collect all the Scientologists, cart them away somewhere and sort them out. Permanently.

Nice guy too. Apparently he's been in the pest control business for some time now.....