Posts by TeeCee

Microsoft to encircle Google and Apple with Windows Mobile split

Apple are not the competition.

The iPhone is a walled garden with its own hardware, apps and such. It's a niche product. A bloody big niche I'll grant, but a niche all the same. There's only so much market share it can pick up as the OEMs can't use the O/S on their products and they all want to stay in business. Also, being controlled in toto by Apple it's utterly damned useless to anyone who isn't interested in being locked in tighter than a gnat's chuff.

RIM are not the competition. They're a big fish in a small pond of their own devising, i.e. business types who want a Blackberry. The instant someone comes up with a draft standard for cross-platform push email and MS, Google, Nokia and Apple say they'll move to it, it'll be time to dump your RIM stock. Fast.

MS should be bloody terrified of LiMo and Android though, especially LiMo as like WinMo it doesn't have its Maker breathing down your neck all the time you use it. It's yours to f*** with as you wish. If MS don't maintain their OEM tie-ins they're going to be in the poo big time. The move of HTC to shipping Android units must have really stung.

Linux: More contributors, more code

@Piers

We'd need to decide on the number of grammes per square metre of the El Reg standard piece of A4 first. We probably need a standard printer too, variations in ink / toner use could make a significant contribution when weighing the value of large code drops.

There's an important problem though. Taking 66lpp as a standard, it ain't going to be long before someone works out that the most flattering module size is 67 lines.......

Fisker e-sportster debuts on infamous Laguna Seca circuit

Typical.

"....the car will hit 125mph at full chat and get to 60 in under six seconds....."

So either the guy driving is the world's biggest girl's blouse or, in a typical bit of Yank car design, they've completely forgotten to build in the capability to go round corners.

Woman charged with cyberbullying teen on Craigslist

Re: Appropriate punishment...

You are Solomon and I claim my five pounds.

With a name like "Thrasher" some of those phone calls she'd get would probably be quite interesting.....

Drizzle for Christmas - year-end-prediction for MySQL fork

Someone ought to tell him.

"Bobby Charlton just after being caught in a stiff crosswind" doesn't really work as a hairstyle......

Feds uncover 'bust out' scam that cost banks $80m

A message to bankers everywhere.

Lending shitloads of cash to people without checking that they can give it back didn't work as a business model for you last year or the year before. Guess what? It doesn't work this year either.

Let me help you out with a hint. I don't think that next year is going to be the one where a strategy of flushing your assets down the crapper becomes a winner.....

Dawkins' website forum hacked to send spam

"Rik Ferguson, a security consultant at Trend Micro...."

....owes me a new keyboard.

Robo autopilot 'digital parachute' lands light plane hands-off

@Jaowon

That's 'cos the autopilot can react to very small changes in the aircraft's attitude with very small corrections to the control surfaces before the human pilot would ever notice anything. The human pilot only reacts once a deviation to the desired attitude is apparent (either on the instruments or by "the seat of the pants") and often overcorrects, hence the waggling effect.

It's a similar effect to using the Cruise Control on your car. The car will waft along with the speedo needle apparently riveted to one point on the dial. You try and do that yourself for any significant length of time.

DIY GSM network is go

Scoring the lash-up.

Use of Gaffer tape to hold stations to trees: +1

Use of commercial antenna rather than rolling their own from wire coat hangers: -1

Use of proper equipment boxes with cable glands rather than tupperware and hot glue: -5

Tsk tsk. All a bit too professional for proper hackers really.

Day of REST approaches for the cloud

Sounds to me like....

.....a verbal representation paradigm for exsanguination incidents and their postulated relationships with previously established facts*.

*Stating the bleedin' obvious with lots of wankwords.

BMW's X6 turns eco

There's truth in the old adage then.

You can't polish a turd.

A top tip for BMW. When making the X6, leave off the BMW badges and fit Ssangyong ones instead. That way we won't be so surprised that it's such a sinfully fugly POS.

A coupe 4x4? I need to know what the guy who thought that one up was smoking as I really don't want any of it. Ever.

Apple tried to quash Sunday Times' Jobs profile

Now I understand!

LSD is important to Steve?

There was I thinking that Apple products were created by a rigorous design process focussing on reliability and ergonomics. Now it turns out that it's down to some bloke going: "Hey, look at the pretty colours and the lights, yeah, the lights and colours. Shiny things. Wow. Hey man, I could make a computer like that. Colours and lights and shiny things. So coooooool......."

Oppressed snappers focus on police in London and Chatham

Re: The Law

Yes. I believe that a certain large company with a penchant for strapping camera towers onto oppressed Opels used this very argument to get the privacy fetishists laughed out of court.

Still, one law for us, one for the big boys with potloads of cash and smart lawyers. I dunno why the filth don't cut out the middle man here and just take bribes. Seems to be a system that works well in quite a siginficant chunk of the rest of the EU. Sometimes I miss being able to negotiate a "fine"......

Researchers forge secure kernel from maths proofs

Oh really?

'......a HAL-like system that's "foolproof and incapable of error".'

Yeah, 'cos an AI that cannot resolve conflicting orders is definately foolproof and that it then goes on to attempt to exterminate its meatsack colleagues is merely proof of its incapability of error.

Labour party unveils Tweeter-in-chief

"...named most influential MP on Twitter..."

But named as "Kerry who?" by everyone else......

World's first electric Chopper parks up

@Tom Chiverton 1

"....It's the perfect commuter bike......."

It's a chopper FFS! It's the perfect commuter bike in much the same way as a Sherman tank is the perfect dragster*.

*After typing that I came over all thoughtful and wondered exactly how many jet engines one could feasibly weld onto a Sherman tank..........

Cat awarded online high school diploma

Re: I have a cat who couldnt pass shit

It must be getting quite large by now then?

You probably don't want to be in the room when it inevitably explodes under pressure.

Pressure group aghast at Hillingdon ID card scheme

Very clever, I'm sure.....

I just had to help my mother-in-law with car parking over this. She's been given this Hillingdon card and was complaining that it doesn't give her the cheap parking rates.

We went to a car park and the process seemed simple enough. Wave card at reader, press yellow button, shove money in slot, press green button. The problem became obvious when it turned out that the *actual* process is: wave card at reader, press yellow button, shovemoneyinslotandpressgreenbuttonreallybloodyquicklybeforetheuselessbastardtimesouttensecondslater. If you've worked out how much you need and have the coins in your hand when you start it's just doable.

Something of a problem for the elderly who require a bit more thinking time that one. She still can't get it to work.

Nuke-nobbler raygun 747 scores 'surrogate' test success

Re: Not chrome - gold

Great. So when we all go up in smoke we'll have the humiliation of knowing we've just been annihilated by some tasteless rich git.

Way to go.

Dell boxes VGA cable to within an inch of its life

@Brian Miller

When you find that the projector is playing silly b's 'cos generations of arsewipes have stuffed the signal cable into the bag carelessly, simply take the cable to the nearest desk area and swap it for one on a PC who's owner isn't around. The luser you just gifted this POS to will then call desktop support at some time in the future to complain that their monitor's playing up, the desktop lads will replace the cable for them and the cycle is complete.

Works for me.

Man catches MSI laptop with... his arse

@Chris 53

Ah, but this is sticking their laptops up someone elses arse.

I'm afraid that your prior arse doesn't apply........

Stargazers spy retrograde planetary bloater

Re: but weighs in at just half its mass.

Same stuff, less densely packed.

See the bit about tidal forces causing it to remain large rather than collapsing under gravity to a more sensible size for its mass.

Ofcom taps sailors for new fees

Those maritime radio pricing examples.

So, if you need a radio on a ship in the Scots Highlands it'll only set you back 12 quid a year? Bargain.

Anyone sailing on the high seas around Birmingham's going to be pissed off at those city rates though.

Dell: Linux v Windows netbook returns a 'non-issue'

Oh dearie me!

"....Linux netbooks should ship with Firefox......."

Calling Opera spokesdroids! Your spittle-flecked outrage at this potential outbreak of blatant anticompetitive practice is required.

Boffins develop 'Hidden gateway to Hogwarts girls' loos'

So, a bit like shields.....

.....only mirror effect then?

I can see a demand for this as soon as Andrew Eldritch gets assigned to command the Starship Enterprise.

London desperately seeking Strategy Boutique

"widest range of stakeholders possible"

Presumably any "stakeholders" (like, say, people who live in London) who hold the perfectly sensible position on the subject of "why not spend the money on something useful you pathetic wankers" will not be considered as possibilities.

Extra large condoms hit UK supermarket shelves

Re: Head issues.

Gosh, I commend your bravery sir.

If I was going to say something round here that outed me so publicly as a dickhead, I'd probably have posted anonymously.

DoH rate-my-doc site won't name and shame individual docs

@Iggle Piggle

No, a by-election is a rating system for individual MPs and we don't have enough of them. A general election is all about making sure that you have the right coloured rosette pinned onto your lapel on the day.

There are many constituencies where they'd quite happily vote for a pile of horseshit if it were selected to stand by the right party. Next year you'll be easily able to identify these for one side of the political spectrum. They'll be the ones marked in red on the Newsnight map.

Twitter briefly knocked offline by hackers (again)

Offlining Twitter

Is this something we can do when we feel like it, or is there a queue?

Ofcom mulls what to do with 8MHz of prime spectrum

"...unmanned aircraft might usefully be deployed in the space..."

Are those very small, virtual unmanned aircraft or do you actually mean control and telemetry systems for unmanned aircraft?

Crystal ball torches woman's flat

@Jon 83

"I put my balls in a thick sock for protection of things around them."

As a cricketer, I put mine in a box........

Robot cauliflower harvesters to replace vanishing migrants

I, for one...

...welcome our brassica and lettuce ripeness detecting robotic harvester Overlords.

Tremble in your beds at their might all cauliflower scum!

Orbital refuelling stations could rescue NASA Mars plans

Re: Useful research please!

Obvious answer here is a Plan B when that large asteroid / comet / derelict alien battlecruiser / whatever wanders into our bit of the cosmos as it inevitably will.

Plan A is, of course, we become extinct. Not knowing something about the oceans is rather less likely to kill us all*

*Unless what we don't know turns out to be that deep-dwelling mutant squid are secretly building humungous nuclear powered, raygun equipped tanks with which to take over the world**.

**About on a par for likelyhood with the "derelict alien battlecruiser hitting us" one on the list of things that might cause the end of civilisation as we know it.

Perseid meteor shower set to dazzle disappoint

@DJV

Actually I reckon it's the shower that includes at least one of about a mile in diameter........

US bank deposits checks via iPhone camera

@Fraser

Take a step over to the continent. There ain't no such animal as a cheque. Everything is either giro-stylie or electronic. Phone banking (SMS payment) is common in central europe and internet is ubiquitous. One of the very odd things is the balkanisation of Debit cards. These quite often cannot be used cross-border, even though they bear a Visa or Maestro symbol. This means there's still a heck of a lot done in cash.......

Court filings are protected by copyright, says lawyer

The guy does have a point!

Either Lexis and Westlaw should supply their services for free (at the very least be run "not for profit") or they should the pay the people who wrote the documents in the first place who should also have the option to tell them to get stuffed.

A quick look shows that both of these outfits do not quote prices but work on a subscription basis with the cost "tailored to your company" or whatever the market will bear as it's more usually known.

There are some right thieving bastards out to make a quick buck involved in this one, but the guy complaining ain't one of them.

Bill, 'cos he invented snaffling someone else's useful work and then charging the world an arm and a leg for it.

Tr.im cuts air supply, says no money in tiny Web 2.0 pot

Re: Odd

Oh dear, you mentioned adverts. I'll just drop the appropriate response:

Yadda yadda adblock yadda noscript waffle waffle waffle firefox bullshit bullshit bollocks bollocks bollocks.

<Anti MS / Google / Apple / world of leather rant>

There. That's better.

Robo soup chefs wrangle ramen

Re: Could be better.

"....Improve those tools for robot capabilities....."

What? You mean make robots with some sort of noodly appendage?

That's sacrilege that is.

Twitter meltdown raises questions about site stability

Re: For crying out loud.

I totally agree. How can a free service like Twitter possibly provide the levels of protection of Google who charge every time you use one of their services.............oh...........hang on a minute.

I'm sorry, there appears to be a slight flaw in your apologist argument.

Sony's Windows 7 virtualization switch-off (partly) reversed

Re: VitualBox as the solution?

Er, my copy of VirtualBox allows you switch on or off the use of Vx/Vt as you require, but then I'm running it on Windows. Is the Linux version crippled in this respect then?

Experience running Win 7 under VirtualBox (it works) compared to MS's own Virtual PC product (it doesn't) would lead me to believe that VirtualBox is far more likely to be the right answer here. Both products'll run XP virtualised quite happily, but VPC is prone to suddenly not doing so when it feels like it.

British boffin named first ever 'doctor of texting'

Very useful, I'm sure.

D u wnt frs wth tht?

MoD Minister: This is the last generation of manned fighters

Re: Lightning.

I heard that when the septics introduced the SR-71, they flew it through Danish airspace on a regular basis. Any complaints from the Danes were met with a barefaced denial that any aircraft with such performance characteristics existed.

It was common knowledge at the time that Yank reconnaissance flights operated under the strict instruction that should anyone aquire a missile lock on them they were to bugger off home sharpish. This courtesy of the Gary Powers/U2 fiasco.

Armed with this handy information, the Danes went and bought a squadron of Lightnings from Britain. By removing everything that wasn't essential and fitting only one Sidewinder missile they managed to get one stood on its tail on full reheat, with its engines gasping for breath at that altitude, to aquire a weapons lock on that evening's SR-71 flight. This promptly followed orders, turned round and shot off in a westerly direction.

Future SR-71 flights avoided Danish airspace.

Prof develops football-match scheduling software

@Code Monkey

Bloody hell that's complex!

Should be required reading for anyone even considering having a winge about the fixture list.

Brazilian TV ad: Save water, piss in the shower

@Solomon Grundy

Prepare to speak French?

Not a chance. That's one war that'll be really worth fighting. The English'll fight to the last man and I think the yanks might even risk their social reputation and forego being fashionably late for it.

Will Google regret the mega data center?

Re: bait & switch

Too true. The problem here though is that as long as *somewhere* is prepared to offer a bung, *everywhere* has to to stay in the game (the game in this case being to get something worth taxing in the first place - those "mom and pop" businesses exist for a reason and that reason is servicing the needs of those who work for someone else).

When on your high horse, remember that there are places in the world over which you have no jurisdiction (a difficult concept for many Americans to embrace, yet true all the same). A Federal ban on tempting businesses to locate with tax incentives would result only in a massive offshoring exercise as more businesses than ever found that the benefits of doing so now outweighed the disadvantages.

It's the same in the arms trade. Preventing Tornado aircraft from coming with a sizable backhander doesn't stop backhanders. It does sell a lot of Dassaults and MIGs though.

Tesla speeds to $1m profit

@_wtf_

".....don't seem to do any better than a pure Diesel can acheive."

They may be shit, but they're not *that* shit! You can start with smooth, quiet, free from excessive vibration, pulling well across the entire band of operation, not stinking like a fire fuelled with some fat bastard's nylon sweatsock collection and not being about as friendly to the rest of the world as a real coal fire. You want to try cycling in traffic these days and compare the experience with what it was like before the clueless masses were brain^H^H^H^H^Hgreenwashed into thinking that a diesel car was anything other than complete crap.

Diesels: 'cos CO2 is everything, right?

Martha Lane-Fox: No broadband, no citizenship

Re: Start button not needed.

Waaayyy too complex. Tap power button on machine, walk away. ACPI you know.....

Researcher: Twitter attack targeted anti-Russian blogger

Re: Idiots in large numbers?!

Ah, no. It would only be worrying were Twitter's percentage of fuckwits dumb enough to click on link spam representative of the online population as a whole.

Presumably the reason the soviet wannabes went to Twitter for their meatnet* nodes was 'cos they'd already done the research to prove that it really did have all the world's drooling idiots online handily colocated for them. I like to think so anyway, it cheers me up.

*Thank you Paul. I second that.

Is this the end of the world?

"......left 30 million users unable to use the micro-blogging service for several hours....."

<Battery Sergeant-Major Williams>

Oh dear, how sad, never mind.

</BSM Williams>

GM hybrid SUV planned for 2011

A couple of @'s.

@David Halko: So you completely missed the much trumpeted (here and elsewhere) recent launch of the Prius PHEV then?

@The Author: I think you'll find that when GM and Opel head off in different directions, Vauxhall will be in the Opel camp. So we won't be seeing an RHD one in the UK unless GM either decide to sell Buicks here* or flog the design to the chinese** consortium aquiring GMs european operations.

*Unlikely - the terms of the sale prohibit any competing with their old subsidiary in its core markets for a while I believe.

**Porcine aerobatics required here.