Posts by TeeCee

Silicone implants that generate 'leccy invented for US spooks

Re: Blimey!

I see a highly profitable trade smuggling illegal "AAA"s and coin cells into Australia in the making.

Ubuntu Firefox shuns Google for Yahoo! search

Thank you.

I always wondered who it was.

Happy Data Protection Day

*We* didn't know?

Never mind that, the bloody government obviously doesn't know.

Where's the unctuous PR from the Home Office celebrating Data Protection Day and taking the oppportunity to remind us of the sterling work they're doing with ID cards to "protect our data"?

Lazy, good for nothing bastards ruining a perfectly good slagging off opportunity round here....

India eyes man in space by 2016

Re: access to proper toilets

I think you'll find that's a third of the population plus two for a seven day period in 2016.

I can see the testing phase now.

"What do you mean it isn't airtight? Fix it!"

"It was never specifically stated in the specification that it had to maintain atmospheric pressure while it was actually in space. This will require additional cost on a time and materials basis."

Endeavour good to go on 7 Feb

Very interesting.

I'm slightly puzzled that it somehow gains 75 kilos of mass somewhere between here and there though.

Is there a hamper of pies anywhere on the mission inventory?

Next from Apple: The Pocket iPad

Aha!

iRecursion.

Tesco store bans shopping in pyjamas

Only in Tesco?

I can explain that. You've just stumbled on the fundamental purpose of Tesco, which is to keep the riff-raff out of Waitrose.

I saw some bugger turn up at Waitrose the other day without a tie and they let him in! I don't know what the world's coming to......declining standards......moral turpitude......think of the children.....write to the Daily Mail.......etc ad infinitum.

Microsoft 'offered sex and drugs to distributors'

WinTarts.

MS may give away the Homely Edition, but they know that at some point you're going to want to pay for the Ultimate version...

Airships can defeat roadside bombers, says ex-US officer

IED placement.

Of those 87 people you'll be looking for the one who stopped, knelt down, very carefully placed the IED with its shaped charge and penetrator pointed in the right direction*, rigged its tripwire/trigger pad, armed it** and then carefully covered it up to prevent its intended victims** going "oh look, there's an IED lying on the ground over there".

*Important bit.

**Who have a vested interest in keeping a very sharp eye out for such things.

New inside out hover-magnet fusion reactor debuts at MIT

Oh yeah?

He hasn't got a simple carburettor swap that'll make your car do 100mpg fueled only on water as well has he?

I'm not sure who's the greatest pillock here though. Him, or you for putting the "boffin" icon on that load of wingnuttery.

Teen attacks father in Fifa 2009 fight

Re: Fifteen inch knife?

Maybe the father should be grateful that the lad didn't pick up the small sausage knife.....

Belkin Home Base

I'll revise my opinions then.

It turns out that the other day I bought a shiny new wireless sharing device that had a free* printer, scanner and card reader thrown in and still had a spare USB port to add storage to.

It said "Wireless enabled Multifunction Printer" on the box, but who am I to argue?

*bar a few quid.

Spanish towns vie for nuclear dump prize

Hmm and then some.

Some time back when this Global Warming stuff first became seriously trendy, I followed a link to the Carbon Trust website.

Amongst all the doom 'n gloom, facts, figures 'n such was an article on a low carbon future from some environmental futurist type. Billed as something like an idealistic utopia of teleworking and better public transport, it turned out to be a vision of some pseudo Iron-Age agrarian hell.

I decided at that point that a warmer climate was the better option. Up to your knees in water or up to your knees in horseshit? I'll paddle thanks.

Hmm, I can't find the article there now. I wonder why?

Adultery website boosted by Christian publicity campaign

Depends which version you read.

Try the "Wicked Bible" (1631) for a slightly different take on that.

That's the great thing about quoting Scripture, you can justify just about anything including maritalaffair.co.uk. Just choose your version and quotation carefully and don't worry about context.

Top Gear's Stig prowls Loch Ness

What I want to know.

Why has the Google blur-o-matic (tm) (beta) decided to blur out his, er, gentleman's area? Is there some previously unknown fact about The Stig being given away here?

(Cue endless 40' snake/Nessie gags)

Oil companies hit by 'state' cyber attacks, says report

I was stunned.

"...Although the executive didn't follow a link embedded in the message...".

There are two possibilities here. First, he's hideously overqualified for the job as he's obviously not only read all the warnings and understood them but also understood that they apply to him. Second (and most likely), he was the one who clicked on the "pwn me nows" email link last time their network got the shaft and remembers the subsequent cattle prod to the goolies he got from their BOFH for doing so.

New music file aims to sink piracy using blogs and Twitter

"...will offer no improvement in sound quality"

So, to paraphrase: New improved Shit, now available with extra Shit.

I believe that WMA and the Zune have this market already sewn up though.

'You own the road!': Google gets spanking from media giant

He understood the point then.

A fine and absolutely correct answer. It makes no difference which car you own when you approach a toll booth. However, the nice warm feeling you're getting from owning a new car may just serve to take the edge off the anger you feel when you find the bloody toll's gone up.

In other words: "Yes, we own your sorry arse.* Try some retail therapy, you may feel better about it."

I wonder if that's what he meant?

*A spokesman for a more evil company might laugh out loud here. But not Google, oh no. This should be read as delivered in a sympathetic and sincere tone.

Multi-million investment hints at UK battery swap shops

Bring on the lawsuits.

There are a few companies out there with 'leccy vehicles already in production.

They've done all the design and preproduction work, have got the product to market and have invested considerable sums to get to this point, sums that should be recouped by sales over the vehicle's life. I'm sure they'll all be delighted at some other company dictating a "standard" replacement system, rendering their current product(s) instantly obsolete at a stroke.

Let's face it. Any manufacturer who this description fits has been placed in a "sue or go bust" position and I think they'll sue.

Mozilla buries heels on un-YouTube open video

Too right.

The ultimate winner here will not be dictated by the browser makers or even the standards bodies, it'll be what the majority of content is served in. Here are two possible scenarios.

1) The content owners look at what's going on and say: "Gosh, Mozilla are absolutely right, we'll transcode everything to OGG immediately, hold two copies of everything for now and look to ceasing support for H.264 in the future. How wrong we were and we're only too happy to spend the time, effort and additional storage in doing this. We apologise."

2) The content owners look at what's going on and say: "Dear Mozilla. Fuck off."

Now, which one do you think is more likely?

NZ police pursue cuffed and naked fugitive

"Hauraki is reportedly unhurt"

After a "dive from a balcony over a steep cliff head first"?

Neat trick that. He's in for a rotten time now he's pissed them off and they know damned well he doesn't bruise easily though....

AMD adds Black Edition to Phenom range

AMD Black Edition.

Black Edition parts* have their internal clock multiplier unlocked so you can tweak the CPUs internal clock rate without affecting anything else.

Nothing new or sinister here, move along.

*There's been one at the top of every lineup for quite a number of years now.

'Larry and Sergey' to offload 10m Google shares

Careful what you say.

If saying what you're planning to do for the next five years in a plan up front means you can't be a complete bastard, that's Stalin, Enver Hoxha, Kim Jong-Il, Nicolae Ceaucescu and Gordon Brown all off the hook......

Re: Re: nines 'n dots

Actually amanfromMars has been making rather too much sense recently, nice to see him back on form.

Maybe whoever maintains him has finally got his twitter feed working and thus got his input bollocks value back up to acceptable levels?

Swan couple in surprise divorce

Sad and avoidable too.

'.....the reason for the split could be "failure to breed"...'

If only they'd had an iPhone. There's an app for that you know.

Chris Morris jihad film good to go

"The mistake is in discounting the car."

Er, no it isn't, the Mythbusters did this one a while ago.

Car full of petroleum products go Boom, huge and very impressive fireball leaving scorched car with all the windows blown out. The energy release is insufficiently concentrated in time to disrupt a steel structure.

Car with a fairly significant amount of HE in it go Boom, massive blast and shockwave, no fireball and nothing left but small bits embedded in the local scenery over a fairly large area.

The conclusion was that if you want to turn a car into flying shrapnel you need real explosives.

Loud sex ASBO breach woman spared jail

Seems harsh.

Couldn't they just have issued a gagging order?

Sun squeals over 'UK's first iPhone baby'

Wasted opportunity.

So they found that having a child was indeed possible without resorting to IVF or adoption through the simple expedient of shagging on the right day, as identified by this iPhone app.

I have a far simpler solution and it's a bloody sight more fun than an iPhone too.

Shag every day......

Oracle prez admits 8 1/2 years with billboard woman

Re: YaVaughnie

I see your FAIL and raise you a WTF?

iSlate leaves fingerprints all over the net

Shot in foot?

Both barrels even.

I'll bet that Apple's response to this will be to scan all apps on or submitted to the App Store for embedded Flurry code and ban all that have it.

Having said that, the idea of Apple banning apps for sound commercial reasons that we can all understand is a bit odd though.

Full-body scanner blind to bomb parts

Good idea!

May I suggest "KnackerVision"?

Encompasses both who'll be using it and what they'll be using it for....

Billionaire-funded e-car gets showroom date

Re: Built in China.

It doesn't look very Chinese. For a start it's not immediately obvious which other manufacturer's vehicle they've ripped off the design from.

You can see a vague sort of GM/Honda fusion thing going on, in a sort of anonymous mid-range car sort of way, but that's about it.

NASA flying-car man designs electric VTOL podcraft

You may be right there.

"I sense that's not the full story..."

IIRC with rotor-tip jets, the "quiet" bit is only true if you're wearing really good quality ear defenders.

That sounds like fun.

Here we are.

Flying along.

Lovely day.

Let's land over there.

RightgetthebuggerhoveringandsetitdownonitstailbeforethesoddingbatteriesrunflatohfuckCRUNCH.

Super-soldier exoskeleton to get 3-day fuel cell powerpack

Re: Space Marines.

Oh no. The next War On Stuff will be fought to secure the sources of valuable supplies of Military-spec six-sided dice.

China swings at Clinton as Schmidt fudges exit plan

China upset.

So Google said they'd pull out and then, at the last minute, they didn't?

Finnbar Saunders must be having a field day.

RockYou hack reveals easy-to-crack passwords

Storage?

"......the only thing to do is store them on a computer."

Gosh, if only most people were that security-conscious. A post-it note stuck on the screen is rather more common in my experience.

That's a cunning plan.

Where have you written the combination to the safe?

Poetic justice for HK Taoist truck driver

Can't understand why.

"Au Yeung's victim has now left the modelling industry..."

Odd, she appears to have had all the right qualifications. Young, attractive (presumably), thick as two short ones and a proven willingness to shag her way to the top.

Hmm, maybe she's been offered a Hollywood contract?

iPhone keeps buried earthquake victim alive for three days

Only the iPhone can do this of course.

Nobody would ever think of ripping a sleeve off to serve as a makeshift bandage on their own. It humbles me to think that, had it been me, I'd have bled to death through lack of an iPhone and a crummy app.

Then again I suppose I might just have remembered the odd scene or several from war films, action movies, medical dramas (etc. ad infinitum) involving bandaging wounds, while I was lying there with nothing else to do but come up with a way of stopping myself dying.

I know!

"Tip: look for words having a meaning close to pen..."

You're saying it was a Windows one and thus not compatible with the iPhone then? "Pen computing" FWIW.....

Data protection and virtualised machines

That reminds me.

After a series of unpleasant backup / recovery moments, I was invited to a service review meeting to which representitives of the backup team were also invited. They proudly announced that due to their diligent and Herculean efforts they'd managed to raise backup success to 96%.

As several of their high-profile failures had dumped on me, I decided to take my revenge* by innocently asking how many of those "successful" backups could actually be restored. They finally admitted, after many attempts to waffle around the issue, that testing such was, er, on the to-do list.

They were the offal in the sharkpool of service management.

*Ice-cold it was too. Yummy.

Wrists playing up? You're shagging too much

Stereotype time.

"...since it is the most widely practised activity that uses both hands at the same time."

Nah. Any real IT geek knows that if you use both hands you run the risk of friction burns to the bell end.

Cue endless "not a problem here" responses......

German dentists develop 'painless' plasma tooth-blaster

Oh I dunno.

I've had one dentist, just one, who knew how to stick a syringeful of jollop into a gum in such a way as to completely and utterly deaden the desired work site without affecting anything else at all.

I should never have moved away. When it comes to "location, location, location" having painless and drool free dentistry within easy walking distance trumps everything else IMHO.

Drilling / anaesthestic.

"....Such drilling often requires a local anaesthetic....."

"Often"? Years ago maybe. These days the sadist^H^H^H^H^H^Hdentist usually reaches for the huge* needle before even thinking about touching a drill. I've not heard one offer anaesthesia as an optional item for some time now.

*Objectively speaking it's fairly small in the hypodermic scheme of things. Subjectively it feels like something** more suitable for dishorsing French Knights at range.

**And a rusty, blunt something at that.

DVLA makes £44m flogging drivers' details

"reasonable cause"?

I've noticed quite a few "text a registration to this number and we'll tell you all about the car it's stuck on" services being punted recently.

Hmm, make, model and year from a registration number? I wonder where that information comes from (originally)?

Apparently "I run a premium rate text message service and I want to make some cash" is "reasonable cause" these days.

Rattled Red Hat battles support impostors

Not uncommon.

I've got a red hat box at home.

It's got one of those furry, stereotypically Russian ones in it.

Vomit cannon to protect vessels from pirates, paparazzi

Firing drill.

"Weapons officer?"

"Yessir!"

"Sick 'em."

The oilskin and sou'wester please. I'm not taking any chances.

ASA bans tyrannical German boss ad

Lack of media presence.

Do you not get the Discovery Channel then?

Mine's the one with the copy of "Ghengis Khan's pocket guide to International Diplomacy" in the pocket.