who knew The Register was such an easy mark for private-equity PR?
No, Red Lobster didn't go bankrupt because of "endless shrimp", Red Lobster went bankrupt because of private equity running its typical predatory schenanigans: acquire a potentially healthy/solvent established company (typically in a leveraged buyout), sell off as many liquid assets as possible and load the company down as much as possible with debt (in the case of large restaurant and/or retail chains like Red Lobster that have significant real estate assets in their brick-and-mortar storefronts, this typically involves transferring real estate ownership to vampiric shell companies which can then leech the target company dry with rent payments), then use some combination of more shell companies and bankruptcy-law loopholes to make sure other people are left holding the bag when the company inevitably goes under.
Basically, an ever-increasing slice of the U.S. financial sector is organized around a thinly veiled version of the naked con game that Tony pulled off against the sporting goods store owner in season 2 of The Sopranos, especially when the target is vaguely well-known enough that a headline-worthy alibi can be provided for the benefit of gullible media dupes like The Register.