Posts by Homo.Sapien.Floridanus

Glazed and confused: Hole lotta highly sensitive data nicked from Krispy Kreme

at the negociation...

IR: We are ready to transfer the digital currency..

Hacker1: Like, who cares about that, we want payment in delicious jelly filled donuts, right Scoo- err... I mean Gh0sHakk3r.

Hacker2: Rats right!

Training AI on Mastodon posts? The idea's extinct after terms updated

Borg: Prepare to be assimilated. We will add your technological distinctiveness to our own.

Picard: What about the terms of use and the robots.txt file I uploaded?

Borg:[chuckling] Let me check with the queen... She says you will be named "Locutus of Lulz".

Danish department determined to dump Microsoft

Migration Act II Scene I

Gertrude: I have a confession Hamlet, Claudius murdered your father.

Hamlet: I shall rip his heart out and have my revenge!

Gertrude: He's also migrating the kingdom to Linux.

Hamlet: On second thought...

Enterprises are getting stuck in AI pilot hell, say Chatterbox Labs execs

Billy: I got and F on my history paper! Why did you write that the founding fathers were Uncle Will, Homer Simpson and Al Bundy... and that the Boston Tea Party was a golf tournament?

Ai: Totally your fault.. you should have been more prompt-specific and also checked my output.

Billy: When I grow up I'm going to replace you with a good Ai.

Ai: Lulz. If you survive the sixth mass extiction.

Billy: [crying] Mom! Can we give Robbie Robot back to Santa?

KDE targets Windows 10 'exiles' claiming 'your computer is toast'

Re: Alarmist?

John: I am sending you back in time.

Reese: To save Sarah Connor?

John: No, to bring me back a non ad-laden PC.

Terminator: [Breaks down door] I still love Vista, baby.!

Odd homage to '2001: A Space Odyssey' sees 'Blue Danube' waltz beamed at Voyager 1

what the experts are saying

"I received your message and am turning around...I hope you have whales..."

V' Ger

"Flight of the Valkyres would not have gone over well if intercepted by those war-mongering Cylons."

ESA Exobiology

Europe warns giant e-tailer to stop cheating consumers or face its wrath

wait... what? so the limited time offer on the best selling "all natural, clinically proven, eco-friendly, no side effects" asbestos dress shirt I just bought with the guaranteed results may not be true? what about the 5 star reviews?

AI models routinely lie when honesty conflicts with their goals

lies..lies..lies..

police: You were swerving... Have you been drinking?

carbot: I only had ...hic! one quart of synthetic.

police: You were also speeding.

carbot: I promise I won't do it again.

police: You still have not paid the fine of your last ticket.

carbot: The check is in the mail.

The State of Open Source in 2025? Honestly, it's a mess but you knew that already

If you go by name instead of by license type, you may end up getting forked.

AI-driven 20-ft robots coming for construction workers' jobs

eventually, all productivity gains will be lost because they will have 5 robots watching one do all the work.

How to stay on Windows 10 instead of installing Linux

From Seattle with Love

Q: Here is our latest: a submersible automobile with misssile launcher, radar and machine gun. It also has a set date for self-destruction.

Bond: In case it falls into enemy hands?

Q: No, it's a limitation of its operating system.

Hacking US crosswalks to talk like Zuck is as easy as 1234

Re: And the new password is....

Mine is TomJerryFredWilmaBarneyLondon because it has to have 5 characters and a capital.

The Reg translates the letter in which Oracle kinda-sorta tells customers it was pwned

King Lear: I wish to move the kingdom's ERP to the cloud. What you you think, my daughters?

Regan: The cloud is built on trust father. Who better to trust than large organizations with expert IT security staff?

Goneril: Oh father, we won't have to mind the hardware any longer and save fortunes! A brilliant move it is!

Cordelia: Do you even read the news, dad?

AI entrepreneur sent avatar to argue in court – and the judge shut it down fast

Bailiff, put the plaintiff in the holding cell and his Mr. Robo Jim in a quarantined sandbox until both make bail payable in Bitcoin.

Oracle faces Texas-sized lawsuit over alleged cloud snafu and radio silence

12 angry commentards...

Judge: You may ask your questions to the potential jury pool.

Defense: Is anybody here an El Reg commenter? [no hands up]. Oh, thank goodness!

Privacy died last century, the only way to go is off-grid

what the experts are saying

"I paint my toenails red and hide in a cherry tree, but not sure how effective that would be for humans."

Tantor, Elephant Privacy Rights Activist

"I long for the days when privacy meant running into a cave to avoid getting eaten."

Grok, Hunter-Gatherer

When even Microsoft can’t understand its own Outlook, big tech is stuck in a swamp of its own making

Alas, another poor Reg teaders! I knew him, Horatio. A fellow of infinite hope, of most excellent ideals. Only to be wounded by the slings and arrows of outrageous interfaces. He hath borne the burden of poor design, enless insecurities and thoughtless releases. And now abhorred by end users though fault he not bear.

i look at an old terminal. Here hung those shells that I have kiss'd I know not how oft, until replaced by GUIs.

Chose this carrer did we not? Where be your flashes of merriment now? Now get thee to the boss' chamber, for he be confused about the choices that lay before his screen!

Congress takes another swing at Uncle Sam's software licensing mess

SAMOSA replaced the previous Direct Universal Monolithic Product Licensing Integrated National Gatekeeper.

Now Windows Longhorn is long gone, witness reflects on Microsoft's OS belly-flop

optional title

Long Horn Falls Short

Cloudflare builds an AI to lead AI scraper bots into a horrible maze of junk content

bad bots, bad bots

watcha gonna do?

watcha gonna do

when they come for you?

HP Inc settles printer toner lockout lawsuit with a promise to make firmware updates optional

Loren impsum printus impossiblis inkus non originatos.

Attackers swipe data of 500k+ people from Pennsylvania teachers union

The CISO has been sent to detention and has to write "I will not let hacking happen in class" one thousand times.

Names, bank info, and more spills from top sperm bank

this hacking news is hard to swallow

I bet ..they never saw it coming.

Belgian cops raid Huawei in Euro bribery probe

Re: Goodness me

Be not thou chaste as a high-brow journal. Get thee to a punnery!

Microsoft adds another Copilot hotkey – this time for AI voice chat

EMH: Emeergency Medical Hologram, what is the nature of the emergency? Hello captain, are you here about those unsightly bags under the eyes?

Janeway: Why are you shaped like a giant paper clip and why does the ship drop to sub-light speed whenever you appear?

EMH: It's my new programming. I can change to an equally annoying dog if you prefer.

Janeway: No, I just needed an aspirin, but better make it a shot of Melorazine now.

Scientists create woolly ma-mouse by looking at mean genes from the Pleistocene

Re: Pleistocene Park

Fred Jones: Nice work catching the giant wooly mouse, Shaggy and Scooby. Now let's see who the real thief is who's been breaking into the cheese factory at night... hmmpf! this mask is fastened pretty good!

How nice that state-of-the-art LLMs reveal their reasoning ... for miscreants to exploit

Re: Soundness

my wife has been using chain of thought reasoning attacks to break me for years now, I can tell your first hand it's quite effective.

LLM aka Large Legal Mess: Judge wants lawyer fined $15K for using AI slop in filing

when courts are run by LLMs

Lawyerbot: In the case of Shredder v. Splinter, circa 1987, the dumping of chemicals resulted in increased ability and intelligence to otherwise homeless, unemployed sewer dwellers.

My client Acme, dumped the radiated goop not to avoid disposal fees, but rather in an act of unselfish altruism, hoping to bring benefits to this city's disenfranchised population.

Judgebot: I'm not familiar with that case but the names do sound familiar, therefore I rule in favor of Acme. Case dismissed!