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Also known as where's the sodding IT angle!

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open Oblivious 'influencers' work on 3.6-roentgen tans in Chernobyl after realising TV show based on real nuclear TITSUP 232
open Bear insistent on playing tonsil tennis with you? Just bite its tongue off 59
open Russian Jesus gives up food to meditate on how he can improve crypto messenger Telegram 58
By ds6
open Heathrow Airport drops £50m on CT scanners to help smooth passage through security checks 42
open Church roofs? Nyet, say Russian scrap thieves, we're taking this bridge 61
open One man went to mow a meadow, hoping Trump would spot giant grass snake under flightpath 130
By Kiwi
open Oh, the massive sky dong? Contrails from 'standard' F-35 training, US Air Force insists 58
open Kenshi: Sandblasted sword-punk D&D where the dungeon master wants everyone dead 36
By MGJ
open Introducing 'freedom gas' – a bit like the 2003 deep-fried potato variety, only even worse for you 283
open Egg on North Face: Wikipedia furious after glamp-wear giant swaps article pics for sneaky ad shots – and even brags about it in a video 79
open Ex-student, 52, suing university for AU$3m after PhD rejection destroyed 'sex drive' 53
By Moosh
open Ikea hopes to spare shoppers the one-way Helvete of its stores with ÅR app overhaul 44
By Mike N
open Let's make laptops from radium. How's that for planned obsolescence? 280
By Criggie
open This is a sett-up! Mum catches badger feasting on contents of freezer 81
open Honey, hive had it with this drone: Couple lived for years with thousands of bees in bedroom wall 64
By quxinot
open Long-distance dildo devotee deploys ding-dong over data deceit 56
open Russian bots are just for rigging US elections? They hit home, too: Kid stripped of crown in TV contest vote-fix scandal 51
open Wine? No, posh noshery in high spirits despite giving away £4,500 bottle of Bordeaux 135
By jake
open Silence of the vans: Uber adds 'Plz STFU, driver' button to app for posh passengers using Black 52
open If you're ever lost on the Moon, Ordnance Survey now has you covered for Apollo 11 anniversary 58
open Talk about a ticket to ride... London rail passengers hear pr0n grunts over PA system 114
By Brentmc
open Freaky photo flingers face fat fines for flagrant phallus flashing fun 33
open Crap band sues crap beer maker: Hair-metal rockers have an Axl to grind over Guns N' Rosé 65
By IceC0ld
open Essex named sexiest British accent followed closely by, um, Glaswegian 192
open Zavvi tells customers: You've won VIP tickets to Champions League final! And you've won tickets, and you've won tickets, and you, and... 34
open Veteran vulture Andrew Orlowski is offski after 19 years at The Register 132
By Chronos
open Fire up the FruityLoops! Sir David Attenborough wants someone to remix Balinese field recording 15
open Portal to 'HELL' cracks open in street – oh sorry, it's just another pothole 99
open Apple stock hits bottom ... as AirPod exits man's backside and still works after colonic travels 41
By Kiwi
open Now you can officially dox Scrabble players, thanks to the new dictionary definitions 53
open Personality quiz for all you IT bods: Are you a chameleon or an outlaw? A diplomat or a high flier? Vote right here 138
open Great disturbance in the Force as Star Wars' 'big walking carpet' is laid to rest 23
By Swarthy
open What a meth: Elderly Melbourne couple sign for 20kg shipment of drugs, say cops 95
open Cool story, brew: Utah karaoke crooners receive cold, refreshing shock as alcohol authority refuses beer licence 90
open Take a hike: Grab a flask of tea – South Korea is opening hiking trails in the DMZ 21
open Russian-trained spy whale spooks Norwegian fishermen 56
open Owner of Smuggler's Inn B&B ordered to put up a sign warning guests not to cross into Canada 115
open Jocasta? Jocasta! Don't ram that trolley into the man: New tech promises an end to this scenario 53
open Parents slapped with dress code after turning school grounds into a fashion crime scene 214
open President Trump sits down with Twitter boss for crunch talks: Why am I losing followers? 108
open Not another pro-Brexit demo... though easy to confuse: Each Union Jack marks a pile of poo 88
open Bloke faces up to 20 years in the clink after gun held to dot-com owner's head in robbery 77
By Kiwi
open Aussies, Yanks may think they're big drinkers – but Brits easily booze them under the table 143
open Idiot admits destroying scores of college PCs using USB Killer gizmo, filming himself doing it 147
open Canadian woman fined for not holding escalator handrail finally reaches the top after 10 years 146
open So how'd this go again... A sea goddess told you in a dream to run for president of Taiwan? OK, Mr Foxconn boss 21
open Ozzy app maker cancels hump day: We've tripled profits! scream slackers 34
By TeeCee
open I've had it with these mother-fscking slaps on this mother-fscking plane: Flight fight sparks legal brouhaha over mid-air co-ords 125
open Kent bloke incurs the anchor of local council after fly-tipping boat 80
open Make America Infringe Again: Trump campaign video pulled over Batman copyright 51

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