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Also known as where's the sodding IT angle!

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open You monsters: Screen time murders your kid's imaginary friend – until they reach school age 40
open Dry patch? Have you considered peppering your flirts with emojis? 101
open Overstock's share price has plummeted. Is it Trump's trade war? Bad results? Nope, its CEO has gone bonkers... 86
open UK.gov opens £250k competition to tackle first-world problem of crap conference Wi-Fi 15
open Criminal mastermind signed name as 'Thief' on receipts after buying stuff with stolen card 73
By MJB7
open Quick question, what the Hull? City khazi is a top UK tourist destination 75
open Pokémon Red and Blue-era trading cards just made their owner a load of green: Complete set sells at auction for $107k 35
open Xbox daddy bakes bread with 4,000-year-old Egyptian yeast 88
open That's bang out of order: Threesome hookup app 3Fun leaked lovers' data, locations, pix – report 30
open Thunderbolts and lightning very, very frightening as loo shatters, embedding porcelain shards in wall 71
open Microsoft cofounder Paul Allen's personal MiG-29 fighter jet goes under the hammer 76
open Storied veteran Spitfire slapped with chrome paint job takes off on round-the-world jaunt 86
open The NSA's own bastard operator from Hell, aka Edward Snowden, puts out memoir next month 46
open It's Friday lunchtime on International Beer Day. Bitter hop to it, boss'll be none the weiser 80
By Psmo
open UK taxpayers funded Grand Theft Auto V maker to tune of £42m – while biz paid no corp tax and made billions 97
open Darkest Dungeon: Lovecraftian PTSD simulator will cause your own mask to slip 46
By Falmor
open Fantastic Mr Fox? Not when he sh*ts on your lawn, kids' trampoline and your soul 220
open It's so hot, UK needs to start naming heatwaves like we do when it's a bit windy – climate boffins 116
open Braking bad? Van with £112m worth of crystal meth in back hits cop car at police station 56
By Cederic
open 'Cockwomble' is off the menu: Uncle Bulgaria issues edict against using name in vain 109
open France seeks science-fiction writers to help futureproof its military against science-fact 40
open Incognito mode won't stop smut sites sharing your pervy preferences with Facebook, Google and, er, Oracle 111
By Maty
open Japan and Greece collide as Toshiba's storage biz spinoff reborn as Kioxia 5
open It just wasn't meant toupee: Bloke nicked at Barcelona Airport with €30k of blow under wig 31
open Bulb smart meters in England wake up from comas miraculously speaking fluent Welsh 190
open Scientist, war hero and gay icon Alan Turing is new face of the £50 note 117
open Now that's just offal: Heap of pig guts hog road after truck spills load in Kansas City 26
By jake
open 300,000 edgy folk pledge themselves on Facebook to storming supposedly UFO-tastic Area 51 86
open Queen Elizabeth has a soggy bottom: No, the £3.1bn aircraft carrier, what the hell did you think we meant? 172
open Yorkshire bloke's Jolly Roger flag given the heave-ho after council receives one complaint 122
open Florida man pretending to be police pulls over real police, ends badly, claim cops 70
open Blackburn ain't big enough for the both of us: Mr Creamy and Mr Whippy at the centre of new ice-cream war 69
By silks
open Poetic justice: Mum funnels £100 into claw machine to win single Dumbo teddy for her kid 152
open Will that old Vulcan's engines run? Bluebird jet boat team turn to Cold War bomber 143
open What would Jesus tweet? Church of England hands down commandments for Anglicans on social media 87
open Suspected dark-web meth dealers caught by, er, 'using real address' when buying stamps 64
By Criggie
open London Zoo offers a night tour with Ronnie and Reggie 9
By phuzz
open Oh snap! The road's closed. Never mind, Google Maps has a plan... 90
open Bonkers British MPs rant: 5G signals cause cancer 267
open The Eldritch Horror of Date Formatting is visited upon Tesco 171
open It's official. You can get FUCT, US Supremes tell scandalized bureaucrats in rude trademark spat 54
open Bloody vultures! Cheeky Spanish paraglider firm pinched El Reg's mascot 45
open Hot desk hell: Staff spend two weeks a year looking for seats in open-plan offices 121
open UK.gov whacks export ban on 'grotesque' crab made by famous Brit potter bros 55
open You gotta be kitten me: Pakistan politicos feline silly after filter farce hits purrrfect conference 40
open We asked readers what DXC should be known for... and of course you came up with the goods 41
open Oblivious 'influencers' work on 3.6-roentgen tans in Chernobyl after realising TV show based on real nuclear TITSUP 232
open Bear insistent on playing tonsil tennis with you? Just bite its tongue off 59
open Russian Jesus gives up food to meditate on how he can improve crypto messenger Telegram 58
By ds6
open Heathrow Airport drops £50m on CT scanners to help smooth passage through security checks 42

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