50 bad interview stories
Tip of the tongue
First job. "What's a memory array?"
"An array is a table of numbers."
"So what's a memory array?"
"An unforgettable table of numbers?"
Got the job, guy had a sense of humour and very few other candidates.
Silicon Glen starts closing down. Went for a job at the missile testing site at Kyle. First question:
"You drove through our security gates without stopping in a car with terrorist stickers, why?"
"I was late and the gates were up. Terrorist stickers?"
"Greenpeace stickers. They were involved in the bombing in Auckland."
"Aye, as victims. The French secret service are the terrorists, you want to watch out for them. Plus it's my girlfriends car and stickers, not mine."
Offered the job, refused it.
Roslin Institute, three man civil service board, height of summer and me in a wool suit. Quatermass weird, ties askew and mad scientist vibe. First question, "You're sweating, why?"
"Because nobody told me I could turn up in my underwear." All their junior staff were in their underwear in the corridors.
They explained the two parts of the job and I said I'd do the half that didn't involve killing chicks. They offered me the job. Refused it.
British Energy, and this is where my career ended. A couple of weeks after 911 I'd dropped a hitch-hiker off at Faslane Peace camp and was blacklisted for that, but I was already due an interview at British Energy as a packaging guy. First question, "We're a nuclear company, does that fit with your politics?"
Weirdly they still gave me a tour and showed off their vulnerable systems.
Last Scottish job, at a place the recruitment consultant said only the creme de la creme got in, three interviewers all flapping away. One said, "You are not right for here."
I agreed and walked out as I had a guaranteed job elsewhere. They ran after me and offered a 20% pay increase. I shouldn't have taken it, but money flatters.
Biting the hand that feeds IT
