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I'm not sure I understand all of your complaints, but those I do understand are flawed.

"Early versions of Android were ropey and updates broke lots of APIs."

So? The rest of your comment implies you don't like Apple and prefer Android, so I'm not sure why you started with this. Yes, Android has problems, just like they said. Also, this isn't really one now.

"I've never used Google Maps on my phone – there have always been better alternatives": Glad you're happy with that. The original poster seems to think Android-based Google Maps is better than the early Google-based IOS maps app or the Apple Maps one which replaced it.

"and a friend of mine regularly complains about the expensive app updates he's forced to install when Apple force feeds new APIs on users.": I don't think that's a thing. They release new APIs, but the apps either run fine or get updated. They don't tend to make you pay for new app versions for compatibility. Also, compatibility is not a major problem. I've run apps which were abandoned by their developers around the time of IOS 9, but they still run correctly on IOS 14. Of course you can't guarantee that will happen, but you can't for Android either.

"This has happened to me twice in ten years on Android.": And to me zero times on IOS or Android and I use both. But if it happens on both platforms, maybe that's just what outdated software does when you try to run it on a new platform it wasn't designed for.

"I have a file system": That's a major selling point for Android in my mind. Of course for a lot of users, that's not really a thing they think about.

"and a useful Bluetooth stack (something that Apple seems to have struggled with on MacOS and I-Phones for years).": Not sure how they've struggled, but it generally works fine here and has for a while.

"I work on a Mac and appreciate that Apple does get a lot of things right, but it's software management isn't really one of them as a look at the time it takes for them to release security updates for their CVEs,"

This is where your argument is breaking down. Apple takes a while to release a patch, then people install that patch. Android takes some time (not really that different, but let's just say it's shorter), and then the manufacturers delay that patch for at least a month. Many delay for three or six months before releasing it. Some will never get it. This is worse than Apple how, exactly?

"along with: oh, that bug has been fixed in the next version (but not yours)."

Then update the version you're running. That's what versions are for. New version gets new code, fixes included. Unless you're stuck and can't install the update, like people on IOS 12, but that means your device is already seven years old. Android does the same thing but you just never have that option.