Durgod
Based on a recommendation from a fellow commentard, I bought a Durgod TKL from the big river place's returns dept ("warehouse"). This one has regular reds which still make significant noise when they bottom out (I'm not a subtle typist).
On the whole I've been very happy with it, but would probably have gone for the silent reds if I knew then what I know now. The only weird thing is that the ~# keycap has the legend the wrong way round, but I've been working with Unix so long that this one's in muscle memory.
If not this keyboard, I probably would have gone for the Razer Blackwidow or maybe the Corsair K63