Why assume...
It's the hair on his head he's struggling with? I suspect with all the KFC and McDonalds he claims to eat, he has turds of such staggering density and adhesion, that he must need a zookeeper with a wirebrush to drag the sticky shit nuggets out of his arse hair.
What he needs is a visit to 3M of BASF to have them produce an appropriate 'bunghole safe' solvent to scrub and scrape his crack with.
Biting the hand that feeds IT
