SQL is not a "proper database" but a collection of similar but different extensions to a basic set of clumsy scripts to access and manipulate utterly different underlying data-storage systems.
Believe me, I've been there, done that, and have the T-shirt. Writing code to query the provider for its name, version, and locale before knowing which dialect to use in driving it is decidedly non-trivial.
Biting the hand that feeds IT
