admit it
"And so round and round we go, indefinitely, pointlessly, helplessly, until I take matters into my own hands and knock up a convincing "bill" in Adobe InDesign. If I didn't, I'd be trapped in the loop forever, without water, electricity, internet or a chequebook."
Please, Dabsy, confess your sins. You moved to France.
The above is the norm here (I'm in the same country) so you totally cheated the game !