Re: Danny 14
If you call that messed up then perhaps never go out in the street as you'd be petrified if you knew what most people are like.
Trust me, I know what evil is.
I also don't feel the need to be fearful of my neighbours - I don't live in a country where we're so scared of those around we try to claim a 'right' of carrying firearms with us all the time. Used to sleep with a baseball bat or golf club by the bed, but they only ever got used for their intended purpose and I grew out of that childish night terror more than 20 years ago (not saying other's aren't justified and perhaps even wise to do the same, just that where and how I live makes doing so rather childish)
I don't have the appearance of someone who can defend themselves, yet I happily walk the streets at night if I want. I don't live in an area known for being a 'nice, quiet suburb'.
See how messed up you are? Despite what was done to me during my childhood, despite what was forced on me then and as an adult, I've overcome most of that and gone on with my life. Feeling anger and rage and plotting murder and whatnot towards them only makes me feel bad, it doesn't do anything to them. If I was to go and actually do something, I'd wind up with a longer prison sentence then they got, and may even have to pay them compensation.
I live in a somewhat civilised society and, well, this is how civilised people live. Deal with it and move on. I know some people have a hard time doing that, finding the strength to forgive and leave it behind; I know I've had times of anger, rage, self-harm, serious thoughts on trying to do harm to them - but all that negativity achieves what?
Besides, at my age - most of those who hurt me are starting to find out what 'getting old' is - aches and pains, minor accidents leading to pain that takes months instead of days to heal, loss of job and finding out how hard it is for someone too close to 50 to get another thus watching their savings dwindle and their way of life end.
God says to leave judgement and revenge to Him. Now, when I see some of these people coming into the places I volunteer at, I can see why. I'm glad I never lifted a finger against them (well I did a couple of times - those same fingers have permanent reminders).
You come across as still angry and bitter despite your revenge. You're still living with it.
Tonight, if the weather clears, I'll enjoy a late-night spring walk through Naenae and perhaps even wander the banks of the river near Taita. I don't need to fear my neighbour, nor do I need to worry that someone thinks my revenge was 'unjust' and is coming for me. The only 'weapon' I'll carry is wits and cunning, what I have of them, because to carry anything else is a colossal waste of effort.
Stay as you are, thinking how great you are because you took your fear and anger out on someone. I'll enjoy being someone who got over the anger and fear and enjoys life without them. (well, mostly).