My word, what a genius idea!
But why stop there? If it's portable then eventually everyone will have this personal communicator technology. We can build in all sorts of little extra tools. Why not glue a camera to the back? Looking around for a bottle opener? No problem! Before long, they will be fantastically useful for spies and keeping cheeky revolutionary types in check.
And I'm just spitballing here, but why don't we make the power source double as an incendiary device, so that when the time comes for the computers to take over, every human in the world has a nice little fire starter on their person. That'd save a lot of time and hassle exterminating them one by one.
Once the computers are calling the shots, the satellite collision problem will be well in-hand. Problem solved!
Biting the hand that feeds IT
