This article should be titled: How Apple lost a stupid customer! But, didn’t...
1. Assuming the batteries are exploding like popcorn
2. Not contacting Apple to make sure that his machine has a faulty battery
3. At the same time, scheduling an appointment at the Apple Store (or other authorized repair center... Best Buy) and asking how long the repair would take
In my experience most repairs take 2 hours (with an appointment).
Assuming hundreds of thousands of replacements could be completed immediately is idiotic. Ignoring that, buying another MacBook when you’re not satisfied is even more so.
If the laptop is bulging due to the battery, yep turn that sucker off. Otherwise remain calm and rational...