Re: more seriously
About 15 years ago I had a go at this and made a couple of controllers based on a DTFM decoder and a PIC, and hacked some Ann Summers devices to make male and female versions. All they needed was a phone at each end (even a land-line phone would do) to control them without any data collection happening in the middle.
Quite fun, but back when feature phones were still the norm (the iPhone was still a couple of years in the future back then), trying to remember which numeric keypad button corresponded to a particular fun-toy function (and, yes, they could do way more than the standard Ann Summers toys they were based on) was hard when your brain wasn't entirely in your head.
Biting the hand that feeds IT
