"It is bonkers to think it would have screwed up a story this huge"
The facts seem to say otherwise.
And I'm not talking about what companies say :
Fact #1 : Bloomberg says an FBI investigation is/was underway
Fact #2 : the FBI denies any investigation
This may be the Trump era of politics, but if the FBI unequivocally denies that there is an investigation, I believe the FBI.
So either Bloomberg reporters decided to try and cook up a story, which does indeed seem out of character to say the least, or somebody conned Bloomberg into publishing this story.
Conspiracy theorists, start your engines !