I know that you're joking but what's more of a joke is the service they're providing. It's Experian DataPatrol (Garlik).
It's not credit monitoring, instead you have to give it all your details (email, phone, driving license #, passport #, credit cards etc) and it supposedly alerts you if those show up somewhere on the web. Basically it's just Googling your details and, as an attractive side-note for hackers, is also now a repository of all your essential details.
I decided it was about as much use as a chocolate teapot and declined to give it any of my financial or identity details to "monitor"