Reply to post: I am please to announce that we have arranged legal sanction against ourselves.

Uber hid database hack from FTC while FTC probed Uber for an earlier database hack


I am please to announce that we have arranged legal sanction against ourselves.

"I am pleased that just a few months after announcing this incident, we have reached a speedy resolution with the FTC that holds Uber accountable for the mistakes of the past by imposing new requirements that reasonably fit the facts."

It was so our idea and the FTC were having none of it: "Dara, Tony," they said, because we're on first name terms, "Dara, Tony, we can't do that to you guys - we're on first name terms!" But we (Dara and I) insisted and, as a result, I am pleased to announce that we have been, albeit the FTC were reluctant to do so, I hasten to add, because we are on first name terms, we have been legislated against in no uncertain terms because, here at Uber, we (Dara and I) believe in facing the music and taking responsibility for our actions in no uncertain terms just as if it had been a matter we could not influence either way; not even with the offer of serious sums of money and a lot of free rides in our taxis and no data collected about those journeys (not even if they were to brothels or mistresses or to make deals with drug barons or people traffickers or anyone else with whom our close friends from the FTC, with whom, I hasten to add, we are on first name terms, might have perfectly legitimate meetings at odd hours of the night, not that either Dara or I are implying that they might).

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