Re: Net Neutrality is not Net Regulation
Let's make this simple for you. Large ISP without net neutrality: I see you are trying to access Limbaugh. To get better access, instead of waiting 3 hours to download his latest podcast, why not sign up for our Talk-Show package? less than the price of a cup of coffee per day, $4.99 a month, plus taxes and fees, for a 24 month contract). It's the only way you can access the great content on Rush Limbaugh podcast site...
I also see your wife is accessing the local volunteer-for-whatever site. Why not make the experience better? Sign up for our "you are the backbone of our communities" package, for less than a cup of coffee per day? Only $4.99 per month, plus taxes and fees, for 12 months.
I see you want to watch Sean Hannity using your iPad. To ensure a safe, continuous and reliable experience why not sign up for our TV-on-the-Web package? Only $19.95 a month, plus taxes and fees, for 24 months. It's the only way you can watch your favorite Fox News stars...
We've noticed you are a loyal and active member of the Campaign to Re-Elect President Trump. Why not sign up for our Re-Elect President Trump web package? Only $39.99 a month, plus taxes and fees for 48 months? 5% of the proceeds go towards President Trump's reelection campaign. It's actually the only way you can access the Campaign to Re-Elect President Trump...
We have noticed you are surfing the web using your iPad. We offer an excellent package to ensure your experience is what you have to come to expect. Only $3.99 a month, plus taxes and fees, for a 24 month contract. Your wife is using a cell phone to access the web. That'll be $1.99 a month, plus taxes and fees, for 6 months. We reserve the right to increase or decrease fees and charges depending on the prevailing market conditions. These fees are required as part of your contract to maintain our great service we provide to you...
Oh, I see you are using a Linux-based computer. That'll be $4.99 a month, plus taxes and fees, for a 6 month contract.
Your monthly bill now stands at a reasonable: $80.89 plus your normal monthly internet service charges of $79.99. That'll be $160.88 plus taxes and fees. Payment due within 7 days.
Oh, you want to access The Register to tell everyone how great things are now? We have a special Technology package for that. It gives you access to all the latest greatest technology related news and websites! Excludes Microsoft, Apple, Google, Facebook. The package is only $19.99 a month, plus taxes and fees; access to The Register is a further $4.99 a month. They wrote something nasty about us last year. Yes we know it was true, but they were really horrible and made fun of us - for pointing out that we didn't look after our customers' data, do what we said we would do and for having leaky servers...
Large ISP with net neutrality: you want what? Why you asking? Decent-ish access comes as part of your internet package. Nope. no extra fees or taxes or charges. But if you want you can purchase our higher speed package for an extra $9.99 a month. Still the same sort of reliable, sort of consistent access you have always enjoyed.
You're very welcome and have a great day!
Biting the hand that feeds IT
